Going Back to Being a Man - 100% [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

babe4life

10-09-2004, 12:40 PM

Hi Genevieve.

Sometimes yes. There were times in my past when I thought I was doing the "wrong" thing and threw out everything and told myself that I all needed was enough willpower and it would be over. (Un)fortunately, that never worked.

Being GD is who I am. I have come to accept that. If I could retain all the best parts of who I am, but wake up tomorrow as a completely heterosexual man, would I? I don't know that I would want to. If I could retain all the best parts of who I am, but wake up tomorrow as a completely heterosexual woman, would I? Almost definitely a resounding YES!

We don't lead an easy life under the best of conditions. Being on the GD scale just makes it all the more interesting ;)

Love,
Vicky

JoannaDees

10-09-2004, 02:13 PM

I know I've had those same exact thoughts. Gosh, how can I meet somebody who accepts? Would I be able to stop? I lived many, many years married and never dressed, never even really thought about it or had an urge. It's only the last years, and I think part of that is just shedding the male ego and shell, letting this inner person out. It just so happens to be feminine. Would I stop for a woman? Maybe, but then I'm older and have been married twice. Been there, done that. I'm seriously considering just not having further relationships, at least that type. Who knows though, life is an ever-changing journey.

And then there is Kewtncurvy ... she shows there is hope!

Rachel Ann

10-09-2004, 02:50 PM

Genevieve

I have stopped dressing for years at a time, but not because I felt guilty or that it was "wrong". It just seemed like a choice that was necessary given the circumstances of my life at the time.

While I could change my behaviour, I couldn't stifle my inner girl. She just kept banging on the trapdoor between my unconscious and conscious minds until I made a place for her upstairs.

Now that I am able to dress again, she is wonderfully up-front and sometimes takes over. I like that!

*hug*

Deborah757

10-09-2004, 04:38 PM

I have stopped dressing for years at a time, but not because I felt guilty or that it was "wrong". It just seemed like a choice that was necessary given the circumstances of my life at the time.

That sounds like me. Whenever I have quit for any reason and for however long, it always comes back. I have decided that it is an inherent part of me. "Resistance is futile." ;)

Deborah

GraceUSA

10-09-2004, 05:42 PM

I never was 100% man so how could I go back to it? I took me a while to realize I wasn't manly and my choice in clothes just pointed to that fact. I now have no problem in my choice of clothes since clothes don't make me. (though I gladly admit any day, women have the worlds best choice of clothes they can wear)

Grace

Missy

10-09-2004, 05:57 PM

I have been there and thought that I needed to stop dressing in woman underwear, and clothing. been though so many cycles, and a lots of money and items. could have had three wadrobes by now. I learning that it is not the cloths I wear but the ideas that are in my mind that could get me in to problems.

Missy :)

samanthajay

10-10-2004, 05:55 AM

:D

I've tried over and over to quit. I made it for about 2 years once, but DAMN... No Go... When a young man I almost killed myself over it, the confusion was to much... Its really odd for me, when in a mans mindset, I am a very manly guy, and just the opposite when in a womans mindset...

What a conflict, but as I get older, I am gaining a better understanding and am able to accept what happens in my closet...

Honestly... good luck, keep us popsted on your progress... :)

Lisa
yah im like that too

Amanda Y

10-10-2004, 06:23 AM

I have tried to give up and have purged when the demons of guilt have arisen( as Im sure most of us have) I lost a marriage of 5 years to a woman whom I loved with all my heart because of me being a cd and yes life would be easier if I was abnormal. I say abnormal as dressing is normal for me.(normality is only defined by ones own sense of whats normal) I still feel torn at times and recently more times than others weather to B a tough rugged man but I would be living a lie! I have a gg friend who always calls me "girlfriend" weather Im in boy mode or not and to her and I its as natural as can be! I can only say be true to your own self otherwise you will never be truly happy. good luck with whatever you decide.X Amanda

Marianne

10-10-2004, 08:52 AM

I've 'purged' a number of times. Each time it didn't last all that long, and I have come to regret doing it.

I have also come to regret hiding this side of me for so many years (years? decades!).

At the same time, I've come to accept and even welcome this side of me. It's a key part of who I am. It's an important part of who I am. It's neither a 'disease' nor a mental illness (despite what some therapists might say).

As for meeting a great 'woman' and falling in love all over again, I'm in no rush for that. I put the word 'woman' in quotes deliberately tho, since I know my own feelings and desires are not as simple as they might seem on the 'outside'.

Could I stop crossdressing? Probably. Just like I could stop reading, stop watching television, stop playing computer games, stop enjoying good food, stop enjoying good conversation with like-minded people, stop standing on my balcony on a summer evening and listening to the crickets chirping, stop looking at the night sky and wondering what's out there, stop drinking coffee in the mornings, stop cooking myself a nice plate of bacon, sauteed mushrooms and scrambled eggs for breakfast and so on.

I could stop. But I won't.

I have no reason, no desire and no pressure to stop. I have many reasons NOT to stop.

I enjoy it. It lets me express a side of me that mainstream society in it's rigid, conventional and out-moded ways, has forced me to keep hidden. I refuse to let the ignorant fears of 'Joe and Jane Six-pack' be my 'guiding principles' through life.

Fear and ignorance are powerful forces. Fear and ignorance have caused wars. Fear and ignorance have resulted in the untimely deaths of hundreds of millions of people over the last couple of thousand years. Fear and ignorance are the main reason that so many people are unhappy.

Mainstream media is a big cause of this. Transgenderism is still a tiny minority thing that television and movies can use to elicit a 'giggle' from the great unwashed masses. With the exception of a few recent movies and programs ('Tootsie' being a good example, "Mrs Doubtfire" being another), mainstream media treats people like me as something to be laughed at, someone to be ridiculed and someone to feel 'superior' to.

*I* am not a pariah, *I* am not a second-class citizen, *I* am not someone who is of an 'inferior race'.

There have been so many times in history that people have been persecuted for their beliefs, persecuted because they were 'different', persecuted because their skin was a different color, or because they ate their hard-boiled eggs from the big end instead of the little end.

*I* am an intelligent, thinking, caring human being with feelings, with needs, with desires. *I* have my own beliefs. I am *not* a threat to the children of "Joe and Jane Six-pack", just the opposite in fact. I'm one of those caring human beings who contributes to charity. I'm one of those caring human beings who spent a couple of decadesteaching teenagers a little of what it means to see their own potential and go for it (I taught motorcycle safety for a decade, and I taught martial arts for a decade).

My cross-dressing doesn't make me a criminal. It doesn't make me a 'pervert'. It doesn't mean I should be locked away in some mental institution.

And the pressures of an ignorant and intolerant media and the opinions of a few brainwashed 'sheep' is certainly NOT a reason to make me stop.

SatinSarah

10-11-2004, 04:44 AM

I have been up and down with this. Life would be much simpler if I was 100% man - but I am not. I have this thing inside me and it is part of my total make-up. When I am male I very male and look after my male body and play macho sport. But I physically and meotionally need my Sarah inside to be expressed in some way. We are what we are - and it could certainly be worse!

Wenda

10-11-2004, 09:11 AM

this is not as big a conflict for me as it is for some. I have been very comfortable with who I am all my life. Probably due to a crazy mother, who, with all her faults, loved me totally. Probably imprinted the fem personality in me as well. I can relate to JoannaDees, I have just rediscovered my enjoyment of crossdressing, and I am blessed with a gf who has been accepting as I have introduced this to her, and this weekend found that she likes having a friend named Wenda to go shopping with/for.
My children are grown, the youngest in finishing high school this semester, and I need to introduce this aspect of my life to them. I think I will start with "I bought some shoes..." and see how it goes.
I don't go out dressed, I am not that sophisticated yet, but, my gf says I look better in a thong and stockings than she does, so I am on my way. For the girls who have purged their wardrobes, etc, I understand those feelings, but you need to somehow go deeper into your true personality, and get past the guilt that has been placed on you by family and society.
I enjoy sitting here in my thigh-high stockings, my boots, my fav boobs, my shimery top and my black turteneck and being Wenda. Wenda has no big desire to be accepted by the outside world. I am comfortable with my masculine world, but I feel that Wenda has opened some files in my mind that have been closed for too long. I thank all of you for that. luv, wenda.

Alayna

10-11-2004, 10:24 AM

RIGHT ON MARIANNE!!!:cool:

As I've said before, androgyny rocks! Now, we all fall in different shades of the spectrum, just like our political views do, but whether you're a post op TS, or weekend pantier, is there anyone here who's not ecstatic to be here? yeah, some of us are confused, some ashamed, some unsure (I've had a few purges myself). We also have some tremendous societal pressures placed upon us, but that just reminds me of how special we are in that we get to experience some great things that most will never know!

You are quite an inspiration Marianne...

I am grateful for this gift
I am not gender dysphoric - I'm happy and comfortable being neither male nor female, but both
I am not "macho" nor am I "effeminate" - but I can still beat my chest and gush about nail polish, and still be me.

I AM a societal outcast, and proud of it! I think for myself and do not bend from the pressure of what society tells me what is right and what is wrong. Much of religion and pop culture look down upon me and feel sorry for me...Let them, I feel sorry for them - They don't know what they're missing. If they can be so close-minded about something as harmless as this, then they're most likely close-minded on a whole lot more

Krissi

10-11-2004, 03:09 PM

I'm in my second year of what I would call "not dressing." A couple years ago I tore my Achilles Tendon and spent a few months basically bedridden and put on a lot of weight. And now after more than a year of rehab and trying to get back in shape I've not gotten the sense of being my sexy self when dressed. I've dressed a couple times, but only have one outfit that I can squeeze into. I fully intend to dress again, I am married and my wife enjoys plenty of dress up fun with me, and has even encouraged me to dress up lately. I was never a petite passable girl, but I just don't feel very girly in this state. Hence I've gone to admirer status in my eyes. I have lost 30 lbs, and am working on it, maybe by Spring or Summer I'll be back. This site has helped me reconnect with a lot of my femme feelings. And over the last week has motivated me to eat less and walk more...lol

JJ :)

Sarah Cummings

11-03-2004, 04:52 AM

G, were you in my head for that silly moment I had today? Because that's what I was thinking, COULD I do it?

Since my last personal session with Deb a lot has been going through my head. I'd say she sees me as a TS and, with all that I have built up over a lifetime, transitioning to a woman would be a very painful experience. So I asked myself "Could I just walk away from dressing? Could I block out the feelings and emotions I have about my feminine side? For one crazy moment I saw a possibility. For the first time in over two weeks my toes aren't polished. I thought of letting the body hair grow back, I imagined myself just living as a 'guy'.

But I know from past experience I'd be totally miserable. Yesterday my wife stayed at a friend's campground and I had the place to myself. I had had Thursday's personal session and Friday's couple session that both went very well. Jacki and I would be going out and I had already taken care of the deforesting of the body. I was ready and in a fantastic mood. I mean I was flittering about the house singing and laughing (that's when I posted the Julie is a girly girl post, I was drunk on happiness). I can't think of a single guy thing that could do that to me.

Will I ever stop? Yeah, when I'm dead.
Julie, I had an interesting thought. When your time comes and you have your choice, would you be buried as a woman or man?

Wendy me

11-03-2004, 07:19 AM

genevieve i am going through that right now last weekend realy put me (us) through a huge tail spin . let him take over holding on for the ride. i did not chose to be cd. its who i am ,god it would be just to easy to stop . stop the bus i want to get off!!!!!! i am going back to therapary to sort this whole thing out .who am i ? sometimes a macho biker in your face type ,some times looking at those heels in the store thinking dame thay would go good with that skirt.
to soon to tell

LindaTS

11-03-2004, 07:40 AM

Never. I consider myself to be a non-op TS and it's my belief that this is the way I was born. I'm not a full time woman yet but I feel that I've already "crossed the line" so to speak. I just can't imagine life as a full time male. Linda

Danielle1960

11-03-2004, 08:51 AM

I'm in a low time right now. I looked in the mirror the other day and said to myself; "What am I doing?" I love my wife she isn't supportive at all, she is afraid of me being gay, and cries anytime we approach the subject. She is trying to move toward understanding by the visits for manicures, pedicures, eyebrow waxing and facials. But she isn't able to cross the line. So for me I set and wonder why I need to pursue this aspect of myself. My psychologist listens and is glad I'm able to stand up for me better than before but the ground rules I set going in with the psychologist was that Cding was 2nd to my relation ship.

If I was the perfect husband over the year then I could be more demanding. But after a nervous break down which included mid life romps that I'm ashamed of I'm lucky to have a family. I guess the loss of 3 parents, unemployement, bank ruptcy, and other natural disasters, was more than my macho self could handle. I'm comfortable being both but have to be 100% male for now.Sorry for going on and on but I find it useful to burden you all with my background. Would I go back to 100% male? Yes, I'm trying. Will I succeed? Don't know.

But I'm still loving life with all of the hang ups. One kid in college, one looking good for going thatway, the 3rd trying to figure out life like me and my wife? Well I'm putting her in for a try at the Swan 3 show. I felt it would be a small part of my apology to her for all the stresses.

Thanks to all of you for being here! :)
Danielle

Georgette

11-03-2004, 09:32 AM

I don't think I will ever be 100% man as this thing has me, I will however be who I am.
Iagree with Julie when I am Dead. Then it won't mater much as I plan on cremation. ;)
LOL Georgette

Be who you want to be not what others think you should be :rolleyes:

Fiona K

11-03-2004, 09:48 AM

That was a very compelling post. I'm surprised the thread still has legs, since it's so old...but I guess some topics are fun for a week and others continue to resonate.

My opinion?

Hold on to your family with all your might. Don't let go. Ever.

We all have to make sacrifices. And if indeed it comes down to a choice: them, or your femme personna, I'd choose them in a heartbeat.

After all, you can always put your dresses, makeup and wigs in a box and put them in the attic. Then someday, when the family leaves for a weekend...be her.

But, if you insist on them accepting 'her,' in a take-it-or-leave it way...you might lose them. And then what do you get?

Well, sure, you get to dress as her. By yourself. Anytime you want. 'Cause that's how it is when you're all alone.

Hold on to love. Never let it go. Make sacrifices.

Anyway, that's my deal.

Love

G

Hi Genevieve,
This thread will have legs as long as new girls keep coming on the site, I'd be surprised if most haven't gone through these emotions.

This post though is the one I relate to most, I am CD not TS, have family whom I love but there are occasions when Fiona's things have to stay in the attic- unfortunately.

One thing I do know is that after 30 years or so, how I feel when I'm dressed isn't going to go away so when the guilt hits and the self-questioning takes hold I will come back to this site, take strength from the fact that I am not alone and refuse to purge- if only as it costs a fortune to re-stock a couple of weeks later - Scots girl again!!

Thanks for a really usefull and important thread.
Love
Fiona

babe4life

11-03-2004, 10:36 AM

take strength from the fact that I am not alone and refuse to purge- if only as it costs a fortune to re-stock a couple of weeks later - Scots girl again!!
Fiona, have no fear, I have come to the same conclusion :D. It is just way too expensive to keep restocking and I have lost some very treasured items in the past :(

But yeah, how can you go back to something if you never were one in the first place ;)

Love,
Vicky

Danielle1960

11-03-2004, 11:16 AM

I've read with great interest all of the post of this thread and am glad to see we all have a great deal in common. I aggree that my femme persona will take second seat and I'll move on for my family. There are always time available that I can do some things here and there.
I think one of these days I will come out but I'll wait for the wife to give in a bit.
Danielle :)

babe4life

11-03-2004, 11:44 AM

Julie, that was really well put. This is a part of our very beings. Keeping it locked away from the world more often causes great harm and your family doesn't even know why. We so beat ourselves up and cloister this part of ourselves away that it destroys us little by little every day.

Someone (if you don't mind me revealing my sources, I will!) said it best for me - everyone is TG, they just don't know it :). Just that a huge percentage of people are right at the start of the scale where they are happy with who they are (maybe a teensy bit curious, but mostly happy) right through to the far reaches of insanity ... ooohhhh look at the pretty pink elephants ....

Best wishes to one and all on your race :)

Love,
Vicky

Fiona K

11-03-2004, 12:14 PM

Fiona, have no fear, I have come to the same conclusion :D. It is just way too expensive to keep restocking and I have lost some very treasured items in the past :(

But yeah, how can you go back to something if you never were one in the first place ;)

Love,
Vicky

Absolutely Vicky!
Fiona

windycissy

11-03-2004, 12:46 PM

Genevieve,

You are a very wise person. I have purged, and regretted it, more times than I can remember. Would I be able to give up this side of my life? For me it has gone way beyond just putting on the clothes and makeup. I'm no longer content just to dress up in the privacy of my place: as soon as I finish dressing I can't wait to go out into the world as a woman. It is a big part of me now, and life is so short! But if I had to give it all up for love, or to avoid hurting those who love me, I hope I could. Ask Windy (http://snurl.com/askwindy)

Bonnie-OR

11-03-2004, 01:11 PM

Hi girls
Well, like so many of you, I've quit for long periods of time, purged, etc. and it always comes flooding back. Sometimes with a vengence. I served over 21 years in the Military, was married for a few years, have been engaged a few times, and lived with a few wonderful women. Through all these trials and tribulations, Bonnie was shoved into boxes in the attic, or given to goodwill. Nobody ever knew she existed, because I was sure these things would be so important to me, that she would just go away quietly, and never come back. As so many of you have said, no matter what we try to tell ourselves, this is an important part of who we are, and it will never go away. At this point in my life, I've decided to wait till I can find someone that can accept me for who "WE are" and not ruin someone elses life by trying to force her into making choices she doesn't want to make.
I hope this makes sense, it did while I was typing it. Huggs to all, Bonnie

Sarah Cummings

11-03-2004, 02:21 PM

Jennifer_Ph

11-03-2004, 02:23 PM

I could never quit. I could do without the makeup I suppose, but not the clothes and the shoes! They're comfortable, fun, and sexy! Something that men cannot ever be.

carolynhcd

11-03-2004, 06:33 PM

This is not something that you can do without traumatizing your very essence. Not for love, not for family, not for anything. "For the love of a great woman?" How can you be loved if you are not known for who you are? This is not love, but rather brand loyalty.

We have all had a difficult time trying to come to terms with ourselves and we know how hard that has been. If we love someone, how can we ask them to take it all in during the space of a conversation? Not one of us, loving another, could bring ourselves to put a loved one through the torture we have endured our whole lives. And yet, if we do not, are we truly in love and loved?

I have come to love Carolyn. She is playful and kind, happy and considerate. She loves one good woman and likes to have sex with men. She defers her purely sexual interest in men because that one good woman loves her as Carolyn and encourages her to be Carolyn as much as possible. Such women exist. A sage once wrote, "In order to change one thing, it is necessary to change everything."

Julie. I agree with you. You have stated the tongue of the case most eloquently.

Girls, I have to be exhortative here, though I know it will do little good. Do not purge, do not hide, do not put away the things that make you who you are. If you want to be loved, let those who would love you know who you are, and do not feel rejected if they cannot cope. It was not easy for you. It will not be easy for them. You have had a lifetime to come to terms with yourself. They have been smacked in the face with a wet rag when you tell them.

For those already in relationships or marriages, your situation is more difficult. You have economic concerns and children to think about. Self-knowledge comes to us at different stages and ages in our lives. If later, many of us have already committed to other, conflicting responsibilities.

Many of you have mentioned that you see therapists. If this is the issue that has caused you to seek counseling, I have to say that you have been misdirected. There is nothing wrong with you. It is the world that is nuts. You have sought the wholeness of which bigenderism is the most patent exemplar. There are horizons far beyond what we discuss here today. This is but the crest of the nearest hill, obscuring our view of what lies beyond.

The great psychologist Carl Jung once wrote that, "To have a sane reaction to an insane world is insane." Pull the stopper out, let the genie free and dare to experience more of yourself than the uptight, media-pandering world tries to sell you.

Vicky, if I was your source, feel free to out me.

Genevieve, you know in your heart where the truth lies. We must be who we are. Wouldn't the world be better if we were not a minority? To quote Shakespeare, "We know who we are, but not what we may be."

Girls, I seek only to guide the younger girls and console the girls of my own age. Bless you all, and seek that which is hidden.

Love, Carolyn

Jeannie9

11-03-2004, 08:39 PM

I like the title to this thread. Really makes me wonder. Could I go back to being a man 100% would assume that I was a "man" prior to dressing. For reasons that are unknown I have never thought of myself as just that a Man. For me being TG, CD or even TS is more than just wearing clothes or makeup. Some of the choices that I have made in life, unconciously, have led me into career choices that were clearly female dominated. This is true of both my education and career choices.

One of the posts deals with the COGIATI. So far none has come back with a reply that says that they are truly male. My test score indicated that I was a "classic TS". Although I take this result with a grain of salt it gives me at least a chance to start becoming more accepting of who and what I am.

Could I give it up for the love of a good woman. At one time the answer would have been yes. But then I would have become one miserable and resentfull person.

Your acceptance of yourself is more important than the "love of a good woman". To paraphrase Gordon Lightfoot: "How can you find your fortune if you cannot find yourself". To present her with someone that does not exist i.e. someone who has no desire to dress and never will would be akin to perpatrating a fraud.

Only you can live your life. Others are there to share in it but you get to choose those.

racquel

11-03-2004, 08:42 PM

i must agree with bonnie,julie,and especially carolyn, who we are today is probably not who we would be if we had not had to keep 40/50% of ourselves secret from the people we loved.if we are such wonderful people now, imagine what we would be like if allowed to express our softer side to our loved ones these many years.

Sweet Susan

11-04-2004, 12:13 AM

I suppose I could quit dressing if I really, really wanted to quit. It's just that I have never really wanted to quit. Instead, I increasingly desire to dress. I am constantly drawn to the women's department at Nordstroms. Each day I feel more liberated, even if I do nothing that day, tell no one. I believe it is up to each individual to do with their life what he/she will. I love crossdressing, and I don't want to ever quit.

BiOpi

11-04-2004, 12:22 AM

As I've said before, androgyny rocks! Now, we all fall in different shades of the spectrum, just like our political views do, but whether you're a post op TS, or weekend pantier, is there anyone here who's not ecstatic to be here? yeah, some of us are confused, some ashamed, some unsure (I've had a few purges myself). We also have some tremendous societal pressures placed upon us, but that just reminds me of how special we are in that we get to experience some great things that most will never know!

....... snip ..........

I AM a societal outcast, and proud of it! I think for myself and do not bend from the pressure of what society tells me what is right and what is wrong. Much of religion and pop culture look down upon me and feel sorry for me...Let them, I feel sorry for them - They don't know what they're missing. If they can be so close-minded about something as harmless as this, then they're most likely close-minded on a whole lot more

I went through this spiritual/religious up and down, right and wrong with my sexuality since I was in first grade (the first time I can remember that I had a crush on a boy). People don't choose their sexuality. It's part of who we are (whether you or not you want to start that nature/nurture stuff). Etc. My purges were slightly different, though.

Marlene4a

11-04-2004, 12:39 AM

Good question Gen.

All I know is that, like Vicki I went through a "purging" every once in a while, throwing away everything female because I felt it was not the right thing to do, to just having to wind up buying it all over again. This went on for decades because I was lieing to myself ( first) as well as lieing to my wife.

I heard of crossdressing and did not want to consider my self as "one of those people", and did'nt want the wife to think I was.

Being a Christian, I thought I was "sinning" because of what my thoughts and desires were in this area. (Deuteronomy- OT)

Then one day, I prayed for the Lord to remove this "crossdressing desire" from me, and in my prayers would hear ( praying is a 2 way conversation) "there is nothing to remove".
When I came to my senses, I remembered the scripture, that the Lord looks on and in "our hearts" and focuses on our attitudes and motives. Not what we wear on the outside.
I also found out why Deuteronomy, says what its says, and within the context it explains itself. Men back in those days would dress as women, so as to escape their responsibility to go to war in defense of their nation. This is why the Lord forbid them to dress this way.

Much other research was done in these areas by me, not as justification or to "read in" words necessary to condone my actions, but to realistically get the knowledge I needed to be free, in this life.

So I sat down with my wife and told her what was in my head, and "yes, I am a crossdresser, and need to dress as a woman once in a while. Just something I gotta do.

She said " I thought so, it is about time you accepted it, so that I can accept it too."

We have had freedom ever since. I try to dress as often as I can.
Since my wife is an artist and an oil painter, I have began to be her "subject" in a way, and she helps me to better myself in this area. She looked at it as to take a lumberjack type male, try to make him passable when he gets the need and urge to dress. A real challenge.

The bottom line is since we both accepted this phenomena as part of our many household activities, there has been great freedom, and no condemnation in this area.
Now, even though I have this freedom, I must remember that it is not accepted by everyone, and therefore need to keep it to myself (ourselves) except the people we know that also accept this way of living.

I guess the key here, is that when my wife was assured I would never leave her as the result of the "CD ing", then Marlene was no threat to her or her marriage to me. Even when I am dressed, she does not look at me as someone else, just the me in either "mode"

Would I change the way I live, or change any of this way of dressing ?

Why ? what is there to change ?
The only thing I must remember is to understand others understanding or mis-understanding of it all.

I would just say, to sum it up, let's just be free in who we really are. Why should we change what God has made ?
Let's just assure our loved ones, that we still are the same person and not going anywhere, and "no, we have not lost our senses" !!, but came to them.

If other friends did know ?, well.....we probably be dropped like hot potatos, but it would be due to their not understanding, and we respect that.

I look at it this way too. If I was not a CD'er, I would not have had the chance of meeting anyone here, or anyone in the club I belong to. I would have short changed myself into passing up the opportunity in meeting some very fantastic people, I would have ordinarily NOT had the chance to do.

Thank you for bearing with me Gen. I hope I don't get kicked off the forum for being too "spiritual", but these are my thoughts.

Love

Sharon

11-04-2004, 02:07 AM

Life would certainly be simpler if we didn't have this need to do what we do, but you have to consider the fact that if we weren't CD's, TG's, etc., we wouldn't be the same person. Whatever personality trait or proclivity we have that makes this a part of us, also affects all of our other characteristics. Would I still have the same level of creativity or sensitivity if the CD gene in me wasn't there? I can't say for sure, but I doubt it.
I have thrown out my clothing a few times through the years, until I finally figured out that giving up lingerie and dresses isn't the same as giving up cigarettes or sweets(excepting good dark chocolate of course!).
I can go for a very long time without putting on feminine clothing, but I need to know that it is there waiting for me.
Everybody goes through a purge now or then I suppose, but I think that if they're successful at not returning to the finery, they weren't that beholding to it in the first place.
Just an opinion.

jessicadiane

11-04-2004, 11:01 AM

I have tried going back to being a man 100 % many,many times, but the feelings just come back stronger than ever and I feel as if I have made two steps backwards for the one step forward I have taken to do that. Since then I have given up on that agenda :) Now I know that my feminine traits make me the kind of man my wife loves about me and I wouldn't change that for the world. Changing that part of me would destroy me as a person. I am 60% woman and 40% man or somewhere close to that ;) So the answer is no I will always be the woman I was born to be

Chrissycd

11-04-2004, 11:44 PM

What if the perfect woman that came into your life happened to be me? In a separate thread I recall that you are bi, so what if we hit it off and it turned out that we were meant to be? Would you be willing to lose all of those so called friends if they didn't accept me (a cd who will not give it up for anyone)? I'm gonna make you squirm, sweetie. What would you do with me, then? Please, please, please, please don't say you'd dump me. (Besides, the thought of you leaving all of this behind because your friends wouldn't accept this part of you makes me cringe. You're a hottie! We wouldn't let you go! We'd camp out in your yard in protest and en femme!) :D
Chrissy

Bobbie13

11-04-2004, 11:55 PM

yes i too go for periods of time not cding and can be happy not doing it but when the (hormones) kick in it is almost imppossible to resist the urge/need to dressup.i have thrown out my " girly stuff" many times only to go back to it.buying new panties,bra's stockings ect...now i have my g/f's bra's & pantyhose to wear she knows & is "ok" with it for now anyway's.

Marlene4a

11-05-2004, 01:36 AM

Good answer Sharon

Sweet Susan

11-05-2004, 01:54 AM

Quitting dressing is almost like trying to quit eating chocolate. I can go for a while without any chocolate, but once I eat some after it's been awhile, I just whole hog for it and eat it until I get sick. Same with dressing up. If I don't do it, and I mean that in any fashion, such as not shaving my legs, etc. then I'm okay until I do do it. Once I do it, I drown myself in it. It's just too much of what I want to not do it.

Marlene4a

11-05-2004, 01:59 AM

Well put Susan. I like the comparisons.
What you said seems to sum it up quite quickly and accurately.

Me

siobhan

11-06-2004, 03:10 AM

I come into this thread late and at the tail end. As a GG, I have experienced the strictly heterosexual experience. Most men pursue a woman only to conquer, to possess. They don't really like women. They do not admire femininity. They seek sexual release while doing a high-five with their friends.

You are all so beautiful. You are blessed with the opportunity to embrace both sides. In this, you are balanced. What greater tribute than to nurture your own femininity?

Chrissy, I loved the Anais Nin quote. Susan, I hope you are never without chocolate.

Perspective changes, depending upon your position at any given moment. You cannot trust perspective, only your inner understanding of where you have been and where you are going.

You don't need to tell the world but you need to be honest with the one you love. Love is honesty. I'm not saying this isn't difficult and painful, it is. Don't hide the best part of yourself because you are afraid it will cause difficulty. Love is difficult. It is always hard to stand completely naked in front of someone you desperately want to accept you. But love is that total acceptance.

Genvieve--I hope you find someone to love you as Genvieve.

Siobhan

Cami

11-06-2004, 03:27 AM

If you CD because you feel its right then do not stop. If you do it due to peer pressure or sexual gratification, then its not for you. I considered stopping years ago because I thought it wrong in the eyes of god. I have since learned that it is not a sin or crime. I feel it is right and am not ashamed of it.
It gives me pleasure but not sexually. I cant explain it, it just feels right for me. I feel wrong wearing male clothes. You just know if you are a true CD. If you get neasuea or feel sick when you dress up, you are not a CD. Nothing is wrong with that either. Just be true to yourself, heck with what other people think. Good luck... ;)

SatinSarah

11-06-2004, 07:41 AM

this is the big question for many of us. We don't understand why we are CDrs in the firts place. I actually condier myself 100% male until I get this urge...! and then I feel 90% woman. (why only 90% - I recognise I have a male body).

This feeling will never go away so I can't become 100% male even if I am not physically dressing.

I am going through a bad patch at the moment. My wife, after 10 years of support- including girly shopping trips and full dressing - is now deeply uspet by it all. I haven't dressed for a month or two and it drives me mad at times. We agree to talk about it every week to see if I have had girly thoughts. I have made myself really busy and havn't had too much time, but those feelings pop up at the most uinlikely times. You spot a woman ni town wearing somehting you wuld love - or just soemthing in a magazine.

I don't beleive many of us could ever just stop and the feelings go away. I guess we can learn to supress the action but not the emotion. I am now making myself more desperate to dress again just writing this. aghhh

crispy

11-06-2004, 08:48 AM

Genevieve said:
Sometimes I think I'm just being self-absorbed and self indulgent. That if were to open up and live a big, loving life, I'd just say "stop it.'

Marianne said:
Could I stop crossdressing? Probably. Just like I could stop reading, stop watching television, stop playing computer games, stop enjoying good food, stop enjoying good conversation with like-minded people, stop standing on my balcony on a summer evening and listening to the crickets chirping, stop looking at the night sky and wondering what's out there, stop drinking coffee in the mornings, stop cooking myself a nice plate of bacon, sauteed mushrooms and scrambled eggs for breakfast and so on.
I could stop. But I won't.
I have no reason, no desire and no pressure to stop. I have many reasons NOT to stop.
I enjoy it. It lets me express a side of me that mainstream society in it's rigid, conventional and out-moded ways, has forced me to keep hidden.

Hey, girls, well said.

You've touched a nerve with me. Yes, I am self-absorbed; yes, it's selfish; yes, I enjoy it.

I have spent the best part of my life conforming, under the eye of my parents, at school, as a young man trying so hard to be one of the guys, as a young husband, as a father. Most of that time I have repressed a desire to dress in women's lingerie, to be soft and femme, to spoil myself. It wasn't a big issue, but it was an unsatisfied need like a grumbling feeling of hunger. Now the kids are grown, the wife is a distant companion, I have nothing more to prove in life.

Now I have regained control of my life and I JUST DO IT.

And I Love It !!