Is it strange that....

[Lena]

I've been thinking about my cycles of cd obsession to absence of cd'ing. I noticed a few things and then I thought I would ask..... "Is it strange that..." and then I realized that the only place I could ask these questions was here. Asking that question outside of here is just.... well strange. :)

So, is it strange that I go through cycles of dressing and not dressing (cycles last only 1-2 months, this isn't a years thing.)?

Is it strange that I usually hate pictures, but when I dress, i love taking selfies?

Is it strange that I get up in the morning and put on a slip, sit on the sink and shave my ugly mug?

Is it strange that I can look at myself while dressed, but not while in drab? (yeah, I have a minor self esteem issue.)

Is it strange that I don't try at all to present? I'm perfectly happy wearing a cami, short shorts while sporting a full beard and chest hair.

Is it strange that I like my breasts? (due to side effects of prescription drugs, I've grown from a 36aaa to a small 36B)

Is it strange that sometimes I go for weeks without taking my anti-estrogen meds because I like my nipples growing (I realize this will leave permanent changes)

Is it strange that I shave my chest during these periods, want to shave legs and want to do my toenails?

Is it strange that these feelings come and go like a switch? I go from thinking I should see a counselor about this, to dirty nails, shaggy hair and lack of desire?

Is it strange that I am even asking these questions? I don't expect an answer - the therapy for me was being able to say what I feel outloud in public without retribution. Administrator could delete this thread if so desired.


Next time I'll ask, Is it all in my mind that.....

[stacy956]

Im also going thru this its an emotional roller coster and have yet to discover if it normal and weather its gonna be like this for the rest of my life but what i am trying is giving it the attention when it is here and when its gone its gone its baby steps only time will tell and if you like me that like the answer right away ugh it suck but keep ur chin up when ever you need someone to talk to to help with it message me

[docrobbysherry]

Lena, that doesn't sound strange to me. But, that's not important. It's if u think it's strange that's important.

I think what I do is strange!:brolleyes:

[Lena]

Docrobbysherry, That is my issue. I don't think it's strange but I think I should think it's strange. It's been a part of my life forever, but a bigger part over that past 2 years.

Sometimes I'm just amazed that cloth made of nothing more than threads put into clothing can create such feelings in me (and I'm not talking sexual). It makes me feel comfortable but I know in the back of my mind, it's only material, thread and makeup.

Stacy, Thanks for the kind words and sentiments. It's nice to have someone else to relate but yet sorry you have to go through the questioning also..

[Jenniferathome]

Yep, cross dressing is strange, weird, unexplainable and is with me to stay. Embrace your weirdness!

[Rachelakld]

Looks perfectly normal to me, but I'm weird, and having to much fun

[bridget thronton]

Do what you enjoy - try night to let others tell you what is strange

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Lena,
I think it's perfectly "normal" to go through those periods of no desire.
At least I can say for myself, there are many times I have experienced it.
Not to say that it was off of my mind, but the actual act of dressing wasn't
nessesary to me. Like right now I have only dressed once since early Feb.
I've had plenty of chances, virtually every week night I am alone at home.
Things just get busy, and priorities change.
I do continue to shave, and my toes are painted.
We all are individuals and our likes and dislikes will vary, but having
our thoughts about this thing we enjoy change from OMG this is so much fun, to
WTF am I doing, is more common than you may think.
How about we stop thinking of this as strange, or weird, and put a more positive spin on it?
Let's try unique, and rare.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[taralynne]

I don't think any of these things are strange at all. I've found in my personal experience that at times it comes and goes for me, just like a switch has been turned just as you had asked Lena. Meeting my wife and not wanting to ruin the best thing that ever happened to me helped to suppress it. I was happy and didn't feel the need to dress or be Tara for almost 7 years. But then as time went on I hit a point where I was unhappy about a lot of things and then remembered how happy I was as Tara, and one day it all began again. My wife outed me by accident, I wasn't ready to tell her yet and still haven't told her all of it. She wasn't completely understanding about it and still isn't, but accepts it as long as she isn't involved in it.

[Jorja]

What you have explained about your cycle of dressing is quite common. There are many things that go into it. Everything from shame, guilt, and work overload to spending more time with the family, finances, and just not enough hours in the day. Don't worry about it. When the spirit moves you to dress, go for it and enjoy it! When you don't feel like dressing, enjoy it! Don't make life anymore complicated than it already is.

[Jackie7]

Materially it's only cloth and makeup but it has a deep cultural dimension that far outweighs mere physicality. It has meaning as metaphor, sign, talisman, totem, and personal memento, to mention a few of the layers. The physical cloth is the substructure, the vehicle, for personal, social and cultural meaning.

[Beverley Sims]

I don;t think it is strange that you can see your little niche in life.

As long as you accept it, recognise others will think it strange and you do not foist your views on them I think you have the game beaten. :)

[Jaymees22]

I find I do a lot of things on your list of strange. I'm strange and proud of it, just do what works for you and have fun. Hugs Jaymee

[GypsyGirl10]

Lena:

Nothing strange about the desire to crossdress coming and going. I think that's a fairly universal thing with all desires. My sense of gender shifts all the time, along with my moods. But I do know that on many days I love to come home and change into femme mode and relax. Something about it is like taking a tranquilizer. Yes, it's just cloth or makeup, but for me it's all in the sensations; how it feels on my body and from my eyes looking out. Judged by society's rigid standards I look silly but I feel wonderful and that's what matters (OK, sometimes I look awesome too!).

Try not to over-think it or pathologize yourself. Just enjoy the discoveries and go with the flow.

Gypsy :heehee:

[Janine cd]

I've been there, done it and repeated the same behavior many times over. After spending more than 60 years crossdressing, I don't find this kind of bizarre behavior anything but normal.

[Yoshisaur]

It's not too strange and even if it were that's no issue. I recently just went through a cycle to dressing, not dressing, then dressing again.

[Alvie]

I've been "strange" all my life.. If it weren't for my kids and the layer of ridicule they would endure in school and the problems my ex-wife would create I would do it a lot more.. And most of the people that know me wouldn't be surprised at all.. LOL

[Samantha74]

I'm new to site and I'll have to say nothing and everything any of us do is strange lol just a thought

[Tanya+]

Most people, if they open up for you, reveal a lot that is strange and weird and often unloved. Everyone is doing their best to look 'normal' and not stand out. Being average is incredibly rare, being normal rarer still. Things are often strange when we encounter them, then comes interest, then growing understand, and so love and acceptance. Strange is only a helpful label while we are strangers to ourselves. We only get to live our life, and be who we are. So i say You are not strange because then i would be too. (hmmm rambling..)

My question is, are you making decisions about irreversible body changes consciously or unconsciously? on a month to month basis or with the long-view in mind? Counsellor might help make sure both aspects of yourself are on the same page?

What is strange is that two hairs can grow out of one follicle.

[Alice_2014_B]

I know what I do is not socially normal.
:)

[Jules Spirit]

I do not think it is strange to question ones decisions, choices, likes, dislikes, ect. But it doesn't mean you are strange, perhaps different than some, but not strange (as the word strange has negative connotations in our society).

Be who you enjoy being. Take care of yourself and love others and you'll probabaly be good to go. ��

[Jessie James]

I'm perfectly normal, at least that's what the purple flying hippo keeps telling me ;)


Is it strange that I usually hate pictures, but when I dress, i love taking selfies?

I'm the same way.

Jessie ~☆

[Dana44]

Purple hippo. I never saw one. Yep it is strange, especially when you had to purge your stash. Only to start buying again. LOL, every time I get dressed i think it is strange. I can't stop it though. I have tried. It always pulls me back.

[Love Dove]

I think it is very strange, all of those points are strange. But without strange all we would see is same people, same clothing on everyone, same cars, same houses... The more strange the more veriety in life, keep up the strange haha!

[ringedjohn]

Yep, cross dressing is strange, weird, unexplainable and is with me to stay. Embrace your weirdness!

Well said Jennifer - my feelings too. I now under dress only and thoroughly enjoy it.

[Erika Lyne]

Hey Lena,

Let me try to answer each "strange" question that you have posted the best that I can. But first let's change the wording just a little. For the instances when "strange" seems less judgemental I'll use "atypical" and for those times when it seems more judgmental I'll use "socially unacceptable."



So, is it strange that I go through cycles of dressing and not dressing (cycles last only 1-2 months, this isn't a years thing.)?

No, your indulgent and avoidance tendencies are far from atypical. In fact, there are a few recent threads that touch upon this very question.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?225819-A-confusing-decision/page2
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?225931-why-do-some-folks-get-bored-of-CD-ing-after-a-few-days/page2



Is it strange that I usually hate pictures, but when I dress, i love taking selfies?

No. This is also far from atypical. There are two things going on here:
1) self image. As a male you are not content with how you look and don't find yourself attractive. Therefore, why take a picture of yourself? (Rhetorical question)
2) when presenting as female you are exercising a feminine trait (privilege?). Vanity and self reflection are more common and accepted of women.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?225961-Male-privilege-and-female-privilege-and-CDing(western-world)



Is it strange that I get up in the morning and put on a slip, sit on the sink and shave my ugly mug?

Hardly atypical. We all dress to our environment. I travel a whole lot. When packing just before leaving home I'll frequently throw on a denim skirt and top, a simple outfit. This usually lasts only 20-30 min before the rest of my hygiene regiment begins but it is usually enough to keep me going. (PS: "shave my ugly mug" is reinforcing the body image remarks I made earlier and will make later.)


Is it strange that I can look at myself while dressed, but not while in drab? (yeah, I have a minor self esteem issue.)
Same as before, not atypical. Your male self image isn't what you like to look at and our male upbringing isn't allowed to be vane. My guess is that you identify yourself as a heterosexual male (in male mode, of course).


Is it strange that I don't try at all to present? I'm perfectly happy wearing a cami, short shorts while sporting a full beard and chest hair.

No. Your only taking CDing as far as you need to in order to find your "happy place." Finding a level of dressing that makes you comfortable and feel like it is right for you is a tough thing to do. If you dress too much and go too far you may end up "over dosing" on the CD drug. This frequently leads to putting it all away for long periods of time or worse, guilt and depression ending in a purge. It almost always comes back and the "rebirth of Lena" will be with a vengeance, costing you more money and a possible high/low repeat. Just remeber, "If the urge comes to purge, don't throw it all away, she will be back some day."


Is it strange that I like my breasts? (due to side effects of prescription drugs, I've grown from a 36aaa to a small 36B)
Atypical and socially unacceptable for a male to have breasts? Yes but you'll find few will say much about it. As far as medically, you and your doctor are the only two that need to worry about it. Besides, a positive self image is always a good thing. Therapy for this? Maybe but it sure wouldn't take many sessions for someone to say that you being happy in the body you are in is a good thing. I do have to add that I am a bit envious. I would rather have boobs that I have to explain away as a medical condition than be as flat chested as I am.


Is it strange that sometimes I go for weeks without taking my anti-estrogen meds because I like my nipples growing (I realize this will leave permanent changes)
See above a positive self image is very important and if larger nipples and breasts help with that, where the harm?


Is it strange that I shave my chest during these periods, want to shave legs and want to do my toenails?

It may be more physiological than anything. Could it be that when you are off the estrogen supressor meds you are experiencing female vanity? (Still envious)


Is it strange that these feelings come and go like a switch? I go from thinking I should see a counselor about this, to dirty nails, shaggy hair and lack of desire?
I have to be bluntly truthful about this one. I am not much of a fan of therapists. I've talked to many people who have come from years of therapy worse off than when they started with just a burning question in their mind about themselves. However, the opposite has been true too. (Bill Murry and Richard Drefuss inWhat About Bob? is a comedy that makes this point.)


Is it strange that I am even asking these questions? I don't expect an answer - the therapy for me was being able to say what I feel outloud in public without retribution. Administrator could delete this thread if so desired.

Not strange, not atypical, not socially unacceptable for anyone looking for guidance towards self acceptance. I wouldn't expect the moderators to delete it. You've found the courage to pose a whole list of questions that many of us have asked ourselves over the years. The topic specifics are out of the normal conversation of the general public but I wouldn't consider the underlying issues as strange.


Next time I'll ask, Is it all in my mind that.....
I can't speak for everyone but I look forward to the sequel.

One of the few things I find as "strange" is the 5 species of egg laying mammals, like the platypus. Now TAHT is strange.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platypus

Just my thoughts...

-E

[Claire Cook]

Lena,

I guess my take on your post is that yes, we are all strange, but by "strange " I mean that we are all individuals and no two of us are alike. As a saleslady said to me when I told her a sundress was for me, "Whatever floats your boat!" I expect many if not all of us have gone through periods of non-CD (denial?) and we come back. For me, it was that final self-discovery and acceptance that THIS IS ME! that ended these cycles.

So I echo other who say "Embrace what works for you".

[CountessVF]

I think what's strange is how many people are in a perpetual state of waking sleep. Just sheep to the sheers that society demands. Look this way, wear these clothes, work, date, procreate, rinse and repeat.

Maybe that's an element of it for me. A chance to rebel from arbitrary social convention, and look great whilst doing it.

So strange vs normal, I'd rather be strange, unique and thinking for myself than a mindless homogenization of sports watching macho zombies.

[sometimes_miss]

You're probably just suppressing the desire to dress; and when some other thoughts get your mind busy, the mechanism that holds back the crossdressing desires is well, 'set free' to make you feel the desire. The longer you hold back the desire, the stronger it may become, although this does not happen for everyone; it may just feel that way because you hadn't felt t for such a long time. I base this on the idea of multitasking, and how a computer can only do so many things at once before one or more processes grinds to a halt, waiting for the cpu to be able to take care of waiting jobs. I may be right, I may be wrong, but it makes sense to me. Our minds are complex things.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I don't find any of your points strange as such, but some of them are a cause for wonder.

How is it that dressing up as a woman boosts your self esteem? How can self esteem be so easily fooled? If it's that easy, why can't shrinks and counsellors prescribe such simple remedies to patients with low self esteem?

Cycles are part of most if not all creatures' lives, so it seems natural that our desires and compulsions should swing from plus to minus. I see nothing odd in your wish to dress coming and going.

All your points really can be answered with one equation: you're composed of maleness and femaleness, and at this point in your life they seem about 50:50. I can see that you would find this confusing.

Have fun sorting yourself out, you sound like you're on the right track. Or possibly the left track.