Plausible excuses

[VirtuaGrl]

Here is a crossdresser favorite: How do I get someone to dare/bet/challenge me to crossdress at work for a day (or longer) without being obvious that I want to?

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? I see these questions a lot (not here recently) and usually it's in the form of "I lost a bet and need to dress like a girl" or as more of an erotic story where the factuality is questionable at best. This is not what I am after.

I work in a small office (only seven of us in the office). Including me, there are five guys in the office and two women. Three of the guys, including the owner, stand at about six and a half feet tall, so in heels I wouldn't standout being next to them (me and one other guy are under six feet tall), but I am taller than both of the women without heels.

It's a pretty relaxed atmosphere. Everyone is pretty friendly and we all get along pretty well. Our boss has a penchant for trying to do fun things with the office (rafting trips, skiing, LAN parties, etc). Our usual attire is casual business casual. There isn't an official dress code, just the don't be disruptive and offensive standard unless we're having clients visit the office in which case we do dress a little more professional (slacks and skirts instead of jeans and leggings).

What I'm trying to figure out is a way to be dared/bet/challenged to come to work crossdressed in a totally natural way. Like we're having a conversation about gender equality in the workplace and I say it isn't fair that guys can't wear shorts when it's hot out but women can wear skirts and that leads to the suggestion that I try wearing a skirt to work (and it snowballs from there and I need to do full "drag" instead).

Anybody have a true story of how they were able to crossdress at work under similar circumstances or ideas on getting the ball rolling?

[Nadine Spirit]

Crazy idea...

If you want to cross dress at work, then why not tell them you are transgender and would like to come to work cross dressed.

I get the whole dare thing, but it is a bit immature and dishonest. If you want to do it, then own it.

[Di]

GG here and have to agree with Nadine.
The dare thing to me is just silly just be real.

[Rachel_B]

The others are right, trying to get somebody to dare you isn't the best way to go. Talking with the HR or boss and telling them you are transgender would be better, even better if you live in a state that has laws that prohibit discrimination against transgender. Here is a link that shows a map of the US and the states that have laws that protect transgenders in the work place:

http://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/employment_non_discrimination_laws

By looking at the map and your location, providing that its correct; you live in a state that has such laws. I hope this helps you out. Dares like that only come from immature people that only want to hurt and humiliate others. If you want to show up at work dressed, wait until Halloween where you can say that its your costume.

[VirtuaGrl]

*sigh* Were it that easy. There are any number of reasons I am not ready and/or willing to full on out myself at work, the least of which being my wife is only recently become more accepting of my crossdressing habit and isn't ready for me to be outside the safe, private confines of our house. I expect I may be able to get past the wife at the door, but not without a plausible excuse/reason/cause.

And for the record, I know it's "silly" and we should be able to just come out and say, hey boss, I would like to come to work presenting as one of the women in the office tomorrow, and if I were just starting the job and/or wanted to ALWAYS go to work crossdressed, then I would be much more inclined to just do that (also assuming I wasn't married with kids and we haven't told the kids that daddy is sometimes mommy's girlfriend). But I've been at this company for about a year and a half and I don't want to always present en femme. It would be unreasonable of me to expect any business to allow me to just randomly come to work crossdressed because the whim struck me.

Oh and I can't do the Halloween schtick for two reasons:

1) For the past two Halloweens I have worked at this company we don't do Halloween dress up, parties, or contests.

2) I would be just too good (polished) to come to work in a crossdressed costume without raising suspicion that it was more than just a costume.

[Rhian]

Is there a charity your work raises funds for? If they do you could do a fundraiser were the person who raised the least has to dress in drag for a week if they're man or get gunged if they're a woman.

[VirtuaGrl]

I thought of that, Rhian, but the charity we're involved with is for helping abused and neglected children. There isn't really a good segue from helping abused and neglected children to crossdressing as a "punishment" for not raising more than my coworkers (not to mention the fact that doesn't necessarily insure it would be me). It just isn't a natural consequence or plausible excuse.

[Dana Nichole]

Throw your own costume party, be it Halloween or whenever...invite all from your office, and others, and dress en femme.

[VirtuaGrl]

Given Halloween is on a Saturday this year, I am thinking we may throw a costume party on Friday for adults and then still take the kids trick or treating on Saturday (wife vetoed me taking kids crossdressed last year out of concern it may embarrass them).

That doesn t cover this topic exactly, but certainly something I've thought of.

[Alice_2014_B]

This is a cool one I did, but it did not come to fruition. It was at my first duty-station when I was active-duty. Like most people in the barracks, I smoked cigarettes. There was one girl there that would wear fishnet stockings once in a while. So in efforts to wear her fishnets I proposed the bet that I would quit smoking while the now obvious bet was that I would have to wear a set of her fishnet stockings for a day.
This was obviously a “win-win” for me since all I had to do was give it a few days and then smoke again. I just cannot remember what happened there at the end. I believe she was just like, “eh, don’t worry about it”, or something like that. I will admit that I was bummed. Pushing the issue would have made it very obvious.

[charlenesomeone]

Seems like a bit of a risk. How about a CD meetup, or conference? Less job risk.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Never mind the fact that I have no desire whatsoever to mix my dressing hobby with my workmates (Halloween party at a friends house? Sure, work? No way).... But doing it on losing a bet usually means that you don't get to showcase your skills without raising some eyebrows... And intentionally doing a crappy job is not interesting to me. If you aren't ready/willing to be honest with your workmates about your lifestyle, then I don't think you should do it. Too many risks involved.

[Charlyne]

I don't have any good ideas for you, but I thinks yours' is a great idea to break the ice! Keep thinking and go for it!

[Teresa]

In the UK we have charity fund raising days, all you have to do is find something applicable in the US and say you're being sponsored to CD to raise money for a nominated charity ! If not why not start an event there must be more than one needy charity !!
I was a member of the round table and had many fund raising events some dressed up and some not !

[5150 Girl]

Crazy idea...

If you want to cross dress at work, then why not tell them you are transgender and would like to come to work cross dressed.

I get the whole dare thing, but it is a bit immature and dishonest. If you want to do it, then own it.

I agree 110% However, coming out as TG be prepared for all that it entails.... You may be expected to go full time

[VirtuaGrl]

Thank you all for your input. You have made some valid points regarding the risks involved with mixing work and play. Some of those concerns (like being expected to go full time at work) are part of why I am not interested in coming out at work. I am not interested in dodoing it full time. Just an occasional type thing (which isn't realistic or fair to anyone to really expect them to be okay with it at work).

I think your suggestion, Teresa, is fantastic, but finding the appropriate charity and bringing it to the workplace in a non-revealing manner would be the difficulty. Any suggestions on which charities might fit the bill?

I also have one other reason for wanting to do it under the auspices of something other than coming out as TG at work. If I am doing it as a response to a dare/bet/challenge/charity pledge, etc I am far less likely to chicken out and not go through with it. If there's another reason behind it than just my personal interest, it would "force" me to confront my fears and nerves about it and just do it.

[kimdl93]

Wishful thinking ...nothing more

[VirtuaGrl]

It probably is an exercise in futility, Kim. But it's fun to think about and maybe just a mental exercise in creativity.

Honestly? I don't necessarily expect to come up with a solution. For those gurls that have been fortunate enough to be able to go to work dressed, I know it put them over the moon with joy. Wouldn't it be neat to experience that? Even once?

So periodically I try to think of plausible excuses or natural paths of discussion that could lead to me being able to just do it without full on outing myself (I can live with my co-workers suspecting after the fact). My current "angle" involves International Women's Day (March 8th). I'm not sure how exactly, but I first came up with it when I was applying to work in a different office where I would have been one of the only men there.

[Melissa Rose]

You are also taking a risk of the others in the office being suspicious or detecting you are trying to force a bet as an excuse to cross dress. All it takes is one person to start that discussion with the others. People are more savvy or intuitive that we often assume. This is similar to the nervous men shoppers who pretend to be shopping for their wife, girlfriend, etc. when buying women's clothing and under garments for themselves. Most sale associates see through it or, at a minimum, are suspicious.

It is going to take a lot of work on your part to start a charity or fund raising event explicitly for this purpose. Depending on your location and situation, some paperwork has to be submitted or you may have to work with another organization with a known reputation to make it happen. Also you will have to convince others that forced cross dressing is going to be good reason or way to raise money. I work at a non-profit in the development (fund raising) department and it is not as easy as it seems on the surface. There are usually a lot of hoops you have to jump through and rules you have to follow for charity organization and events. I do not mean to be overly negative about this approach, but be aware of the pitfalls.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I don't anyone really believes the bet story. It's really lame

[JayeLefaye]

If anything come to mind, I'll let you know, VG, but I'm striking out so far.

I can see the points of those warning you off the idea , but hey, it's a fun thought. If you figure out a way to pull it off, make sure it's on a "light" work day, because not only will your co-workers be distracted, I don't think you'll be able to focus much on business:-)

Jaye

P.S....And whatever happens, DON'T let it involve sneaking out of the house! Your wife has enough to handle right now without adding more deception.

[Tracii G]

Disrupting the work place isn't a good idea by any means.
I would just come clean and admit you crossdress on occasion if someone asks.
Then they will say "If you are a cross dresser prove it come to work as a girl".
Trying to trick your way into it you may cause issues.

[VirtuaGrl]

Steffi, I agree 100%. The typical bet story is totally lame and usually pretty transparent. This is why I'm going through this mental exercise. If there's a way to force the bet in a way that doesn't attract suspicion, I would love to figure it out.

I know doing a charity on its own is remarkably difficult, Melissa. I don't think I would try to form my own non-profit or charity, but instead I was looking for charities or causes that me getting pledges for crossdressing would make sense. Heck, I'd even go for trying to organize a womanless beauty pageant and being my company's entrant. I'm not sure what would be best and am still noodling it.

OMG, Jaye! This whole exercise is trying to avoid me trying to sneak out of the house. You are dead on right about my wife not needing any further deception from me about my crossdressing. I have promised her no more secrets or surprises.

If I thought it would really be that easy and painless, Tracii, I think your method is the absolute best I've ever heard. Prove it. I like that a lot.

[Jenniferathome]

Here is a crossdresser favorite: How do I get someone to dare/bet/challenge me to crossdress at work for a day (or longer) without being obvious that I want to? ...

You don't. Dares, bets, challenges are all nonsense. It's not a work related thing, period. If you were to cross dress at work, what do you think your work mates will REALLY think? "Oh Bob lost a bet." or "Bob must be a cross dresser, no one would do this." Survey says....Bob is a cross dresser. You will never be able to "trick" your coworkers or friends into believing you are doing something you do not want to do, short of looking Monty Pythonesque which is truly hilarious but not what most cross dressers want to look like.

If you NEED to cross dress at work, follow Nadine' advice. Come clean.

[Nadine Spirit]

I agree 110% However, coming out as TG be prepared for all that it entails.... You may be expected to go full time

So, because I, having recently told my boss of my TG status, am supposedly risking being expected to go full time? What sort of logic is that? I still don't think everyone here understands that TG is not TS.

[Jenniferathome]

Yes Nadine! It's all or nothing round these parts. The Superintendent will probably schedule the surgery for you! Good luck with that.

[Tracii G]

So true Nadine.

[Paula_56]

How about the National Cross-dressing Day or as the civilians call it Halloween.

242447

[Beverley Sims]

If my favourite football team loses this un-losable match I will wear a dress and type letters all day tomorrow.

That is how I would frame it.

You make the bet and lose it.

Don't lose your job tho'. :)

[HelenR2]

Why not do it the other way round? Tell your colleagues you would like to dress for a day and that you could all pretend it was for charity and not just because you wanted to. Then you tell your non-work friends you were doing it for a good cause and ask them to sponsor you.

[UNDERDRESSER]

On the one hand, VG, I understand your dilemma, because I have been given permission, to wear skirts and or kilts at work, and still haven't done so. ( OK, I did once change before walking out the door, but no-one saw ) On the other hand, the bet idea has a pretty big potential for being revealed for being a ruse, and seems a bit silly as well. Does your wife know how much you want to dress at work? How is she on you dressing in public generally? If she is supportive to the point of being OK with that, then I would explore some more straightforward options. Best way, if they are supportive of non-discrimination laws, is to just ask. "Hey, boss, I should let you know I'm TG. At home I sometimes present as female, is that going to fly around here?" Only you have any idea if that would work. Of course, if it doesn't, then talk to a lawyer first and be ready to document everything.

If you have a new position open up at work, how about you put in a fake application, with a made up resume that looks ideal, and in it say you identify as TG and how does the workplace feel about the mythical applicant sometimes dressing as a woman? This is still being somewhat dishonest, but would at least could get some clarification of the company's attitude. How big is the company? Just this one place?

Another idea, could get complex this one, make up an organization researching TG support levels, and send some emails around to local businesses, including your one, asking for their attitude on supporting TG rights. Heck actually start, an organization for this purpose.

[Sarah Doepner]

*sigh* Were it that easy. There are any number of reasons I am not ready and/or willing to full on out myself at work, the least of which being my wife is only recently become more accepting of my crossdressing habit and isn't ready for me to be outside the safe, private confines of our house. I expect I may be able to get past the wife at the door, but not without a plausible excuse/reason/cause. . . . .

I'd give it a bit of time, not necessarily for the folks at work to come to terms with it, but for your wife.

You say she is just beginning to understand and support you. Do you think this may be a little too much for her at this stage? Keeping her in the loop, happy, understanding and supportive is probably a bit more important than dressing at work. Try a vacation where you go out as a couple once or twice to get her feelings and input first. That would give you the time out en femme and her a chance to guage her support. If she isn't with you on this and you punch the wrong buttons at work it could result in a major upheaval in your life.

[VirtuaGrl]

Haha! I had forgotten this thread was out there.

As always, I appreciate everyone's input. As I mentioned earlier, this is really an exercise in creativity more than a reality for a number of reasons.

First and foremost, coming out as tg just isn't a realistic possibility at work. I work in a small office (there are only seven of us here) and the company is less than ten people. While I don't think it would result in me being fired, I think it would likely make things uncomfortable with a few of my co-workers in a way I am just not willing to pursue. Honestly, I think I would be the most uncomfortable with it out there and I really like my job and the people I work with.

Secondly, me planning to go to work dressed when it was my own business on Halloween is how my wife learned about my crossdressing and it very nearly ended our marriage. So, without it being for a very good cause, I am pretty sure it won't fly with the wife no matter how accepting my work may be. Again, I fantasize and try to work out ways to be "forced" into it, but realistically, I don't really see it happening anytime soon. I'm always on shaky ground with the wife and always seem to manage to screw things up by pushing the boundaries my wife and I have established. Despite my own awareness of it, the damned Pink Fog always seems to sweep in. I lower my guard briefly because we're in a good place and I follow some impulsive instinct and get myself in trouble. This sort of thing is just begging for trouble.

So until someone comes up with a fog-free plan that doesn't involve totally outing myself at work and that will pass muster with the wife, I have no intention of actually trying anything.

[sometimes_miss]

But doing it on losing a bet usually means that you don't get to showcase your skills without raising some eyebrows... .
And if you DO, it pretty much shows that you're regularly skilled in doing so, so any possibility of hiding your desire to crossdress in the first place is gone. Perfectly fitting female garments, and female behavior aren't found overnight. You'd be 'made' pretty quick. Basically, you're just looking for a way to crossdress in public but still deny that you're a crossdresser; it falls under the old 'forced feminization' fantasy where you get to throw the responsibility for your crossdressing onto someone else. Good luck with that.

[Lexi_83]

Disrupting the work place isn't a good idea by any means.//This, I wouldn't risk a negative reaction from people you work with.

At best I'd perhaps bring "Halloween pictures" in and see how they react.

[Confucius]

Here is a true story for you. In my first job after college I worked in an office with a female boss and several female employees (the men were a minority). One of the females was about my age and our desks were next to each other so we shared a lot of small talk. This woman never wore a skirt or dress to work, and this made me curious. So I made comments that she should wear a dress to work, and she would look nice in a dress. However this woman just won't do it. I would make comments about how nice other females in the office looked, and encouraged her to dress up to their level. Finally one day she said, "When you agree to wear a dress to work, then I'll do the same." This was unexpected. A discussion followed where I pointed out that if I wore a dress to work with her, then no one would notice her. Also, it would be disruptive to the work environment, and our boss would have to fire me. About then our boss stepped in and wanted to know what we were talking about. When we explained it to our boss, our boss' response was even more surprising. She thought it was a good idea and encouraged both of us to do it.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Secondly, me planning to go to work dressed when it was my own business on Halloween is how my wife learned about my crossdressing and it very nearly ended our marriage. So, without it being for a very good cause, I am pretty sure it won't fly with the wife no matter how accepting my work may be. Again, I fantasize and try to work out ways to be "forced" into it, but realistically, I don't really see it happening anytime soon. I'm always on shaky ground with the wife and always seem to manage to screw things up by pushing the boundaries my wife and I have established. Despite my own awareness of it, the damned Pink Fog always seems to sweep in. I lower my guard briefly because we're in a good place and I follow some impulsive instinct and get myself in trouble. This sort of thing is just begging for trouble.


So it sounds like you have a realistic view of your situation. Good. What you seem to be experiencing with your OP is the normal desire to increase your dresssing with your wife's understanding or even approval. That's to be expected. However, the only reliable remedy is time. It sound like you are in a better place than a lot of the girls here who have no support from their SOs. So treasure those moments when you can dress, and eventually it may become the fixture in your life you desire.

Bridget

[Krisi]

My advice is to never mix crossdressing and your job. Your co-workers and bosses don't need to know about your hobby and when it comes time for layoffs or promotions, this may enter into their decisions, laws or no laws.

There are plenty of opportunities to crossdress somewhere else.

[Lexi_83]

What Krisi says. Never assume your co-workers share any enthusiasm for crossdressers. It can become an unwelcome distraction.

[Vikky]

Hi VG

I have written here about an experience I had a while back.

I first got into CDing properly about 18months ago. At Christmas/New Year we get together with a group of friends for a murder mystery evening and dress the part. I suggested that for a change we all swap genders for the night. My SO bought a nice skirt and blouse and a cheap wig for me (no underwear sadly) and she planned to wear male clothes.

About a week beforehand all the others chickened out, but needless to say I decided we would still go as intended. It was a hoot and I thoroughly enjoyed being en femme and had plenty of attention from the GGs who wanted to know how I had created my boobs (sports socks), how I managed in a mid- length skirt, how did I plan to go to the loo (standing or sitting) etc.

It was a great evening and it probably helped me get where I am now with CDing. Sadly at the time I had not ‘come out’ to my SO, so the skirt and blouse went back to the charity shop.

There may be the nub of an idea in the re that could help you. Good luck.

Vikky

[Amy Lynn3]

Good advise so far and I have no clue how you might pull off going to work dressed. I do have a light heart-ed suggestion. Tell the co-workers your house was broken in to and they stole all your male cloths. You did not want to be late for work, so you jumped into some cloths, belonging to your wife. Tell them you did not want to look like a man in a dress, so that is why you have make up and a wig on. I would by that if I worked with you, for a small fee, that is.:devil:

[Confucius]

Karen,

Sadly, no. Things got too crazy for me and I chickened out.
The word quickly spread around the office, and took a life if its own. It scared me, and I was losing sleep. I told them I had nothing to wear. One woman had a 50's style petticoated dress she wanted to donate to the cause. Others offered suggestions too. Suggestions generally directed to formal gowns, and other impractical suggestions. I backed off, telling them that I never had agreed to actually do it. The woman who started it (Diane), had already collected items for me to wear, and she was the most upset by my backing off. So I agreed to go to her house and see how her collected outfits would work on me. So I went to her house and played dress up with her but it wasn't very successful. I couldn't fit into the collected items. Just about everything was way too small. I would still need to buy my own shoes, wig, lingerie, and just about everything. We did some quick calculations on how much it would cost, and that was the end of the story. I was off the hook because it was cost prohibitive. Still the people in the office were disappointed. The most disappointed person was myself, and for many years afterwards I regretted that I didn't just go shopping with Diane and purchase everything I needed. I still dream about what could have been.

[Lorileah]

So I made comments that she should wear a dress to work, and she would look nice in a dress. However this woman just won't do it. I would make comments about how nice other females in the office looked, and encouraged her to dress up to their level.
so I'm going to guess this was pre-1980? Because you just set up sexual harassment charges big time

[VirtuaGrl]

... The most disappointed person was myself, and for many years afterwards I regretted that I didn't just go shopping with Diane and purchase everything I needed. I still dream about what could have been.

Before I met my wife, I worked in an office for a major telecom company. Whenever I think about going to work dressed now, I always kick myself for not having had the gumption to do it back then when I could have gotten away with it. Of course back then in the early days of the internet I didn't have the resources we have now nor the protections under the law, but in a company the size of the one I worked for then and being covered by a union, I could have done it (in fact, there was a woman in transition in the building I worked in).

As Bridget noted, I have a pretty realistic view of my current situation and know that this is nothing more than a fun fantasy. I certainly appreciate everyone's concern and warnings against actually trying to carry it out (including the private messages). As much fun as I think it would be, I don't see it actually happening for a number of reasons. My best best now is to focus on the time my wife does allow and accept it and keep my guard up against my own stupid instincts. ;)

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

You go girl!