randi_789
02-02-2006, 09:08 AM
Two topics I have to get out of my head today.
Today is the second day this week I have a chance to be home and dress. My chances seem to come in groups. Today I am dressed at 8:30 in the morning and in more than just the robe I had on two days ago. I am fully dressed in my LBD with four inch heels. No makeup or wig, because sometimes I feel just to sit around on the computer it isn't worth the effort. Which brings me to my first topic. I have been giving much thought to the fact that the opportunities to dress are really opportunities only in the sense that they provide me a time to satisfy the urges and needs that come with the desire to be enfemme. But the opportunities are also opportunities to do other things with my free time, and those things never get done or are wasted because I choose to dress. Then after the day is over and I look back on it, I feel guilty having wasted the time dressing when I could have been doing other things, some constructive things in many cases. So I struggle with the dilemma. Obviously today I have chosen to dress. I guess I can see which urge is strongest.
The second topic is men. I have been seeing a guy named Jim from Staten Island. We see each other three or four times a year and I truly enjoy his company. But in the past few months we have been unable to hook up. In that time I have been "hit on" by a couple of guys online through Yahoo Messenger. They seemed very nice, had pics of themselves, and expressed a desire to possibly meet me. Now, I like Jim but I wondered what it would be like to be with a different man. Jim is great to me, but there are some things that are incomplete, which i won't go into here. So, I was curious about meeting someone else, despite how afraid I would be in starting over with trust issues. Anyway, two guys were chatting with me and I thought it was going along nicely. I was beginning to trust them and thought to myself I was going to have to chose one because my chances to meet are limited and I couldn't meet both of them. But then, they both disappeared. Gene was ready to take a blood test for me to prove he was safe and we were going to meet for lunch but then he was gone. No email. No messages. Nothing. Before Gene there was Earl. He also wanted to meet and was willing to go slowly, but was busy at work and I backed off a little. He said he wanted to host at his house at the end of February when his wife would be away. I was considering the risks with that and would wait til it got closer to decide. Then nothing. He disappeared. Neither of them really emailed alot, depending on chatting on messenger.
So, is it me? Is it that these guys want to, but have cold feet, despite that they both said they have been with cds before? I am confused and a little dejected by being rejected.
Today is the second day this week I have a chance to be home and dress. My chances seem to come in groups. Today I am dressed at 8:30 in the morning and in more than just the robe I had on two days ago. I am fully dressed in my LBD with four inch heels. No makeup or wig, because sometimes I feel just to sit around on the computer it isn't worth the effort. Which brings me to my first topic. I have been giving much thought to the fact that the opportunities to dress are really opportunities only in the sense that they provide me a time to satisfy the urges and needs that come with the desire to be enfemme. But the opportunities are also opportunities to do other things with my free time, and those things never get done or are wasted because I choose to dress. Then after the day is over and I look back on it, I feel guilty having wasted the time dressing when I could have been doing other things, some constructive things in many cases. So I struggle with the dilemma. Obviously today I have chosen to dress. I guess I can see which urge is strongest.
The second topic is men. I have been seeing a guy named Jim from Staten Island. We see each other three or four times a year and I truly enjoy his company. But in the past few months we have been unable to hook up. In that time I have been "hit on" by a couple of guys online through Yahoo Messenger. They seemed very nice, had pics of themselves, and expressed a desire to possibly meet me. Now, I like Jim but I wondered what it would be like to be with a different man. Jim is great to me, but there are some things that are incomplete, which i won't go into here. So, I was curious about meeting someone else, despite how afraid I would be in starting over with trust issues. Anyway, two guys were chatting with me and I thought it was going along nicely. I was beginning to trust them and thought to myself I was going to have to chose one because my chances to meet are limited and I couldn't meet both of them. But then, they both disappeared. Gene was ready to take a blood test for me to prove he was safe and we were going to meet for lunch but then he was gone. No email. No messages. Nothing. Before Gene there was Earl. He also wanted to meet and was willing to go slowly, but was busy at work and I backed off a little. He said he wanted to host at his house at the end of February when his wife would be away. I was considering the risks with that and would wait til it got closer to decide. Then nothing. He disappeared. Neither of them really emailed alot, depending on chatting on messenger.
So, is it me? Is it that these guys want to, but have cold feet, despite that they both said they have been with cds before? I am confused and a little dejected by being rejected.