Dont think I can be any more out!

[Donnagirl]

Hey Guys,

Posted this message on my motorcycle clubs facebook page...

Guys,

Some of you may have been wondering why I've not been around for a while, there certainly is a reason and I'd prefer you heard it from me...

Cutting to the chase, I've developed a troubling propensity, nay compulsion to frock up! Not something I was expecting, not something I wanted and definitely not the midlife crisis I would have chosen. (I prefer the one where I get a convertible and a young blonde mistress). However that is what fate has dealt and I'm stuck with it.

It's not been easy, dark days, darker thoughts and for those of you with COPS access please read the story of my 'arrest for my own safety' courtesy of our colleagues in Tumut!!! And if anyone needs, I'm getting pretty good at plastering punch holes in walls!!!

Suffice to say I'm over the worst!!! I've got a good doctor, a good psychiatrist and a level of acceptance... Don't panic, I'm not showing up to the next ride in pink leathers, not trading the ST for a scooter nor am I riding pillion from here on, although I do accept I may never be able to parallel park ever again...

I'm not after sympathy, it's just I'm not the closeted type (pun intended) and I expect nothing from the club other than relentless piss takes, bad jokes and humour. Everyone knows!!! I was never really 'in' so the term 'out' is not relevant. Work is fine with it, security clearance remains intact. Friends are all cool, family all supportive.

It's been hard for my wife but she's come to realise there's no reason to worry... I'm not turning gay nor booking the next flight to Thailand. There are positives.... I'm not a pain shopping now, four hours in Myers is a treat!!! Now there's some acceptance I'm calmer, less moody and the walls are feeling safer!!!

For those that may ask.... Yes I go out (seahorse ball last year was the first time) yes I have found a number of 'fellow sufferers', yes there's a 'girl' name and yes 'she' has a Facebook page... Go find!!!

So, that's my story...

(For those with access to the other chapter pages, please repost....)

XXXXXXXX (although I guess a new nickname will be forthcoming!!!)

Now that's practically the english speaking world that now knows.... And not a bad word received!!! And to think I was still 'in the closet' and in a DADT with the wife as late as August last year... What will the next year bring???

Hugs,

Donna

[Nikkilovesdresses]

God I love Australians. I hope a screenwriter for Sons Of Anarchy reads your post.

Blaze on, sister!

[TinaZ]

Hero Status - ACHIEVED

Damn, Donna. You've got balls! That was the best "coming out" story I've had the pleasure to read. Keep us updated on responses and feedback.

[Krististeph]

Way to go Donna! Just remember synthetic fabrics and exhaust pipes do not mix well.

Wish I could justify these awesome lavender/grey leathers and boots i saw some years ago.

(Suzuki 850G, SV650)

[Marcelle]

Hey Donna,

Well done and glad to see you are moving forward with integrating Donna into your male life. But I do think "pink leathers" would be quite fetching :daydreaming:

Hugs and keep on being.

Isha

[Michelle 78]

Really good for you Donna, you certainly don't do things by half's:) soo brave great coming out story, let us all know what happens next!

Michelle

[charlenesomeone]

Way to go Donna, very well written.
Hugs

[alwayshave]

Donna, needless to say, you have the largest pair in the club.

[pamela7]

fabulous, did they "get it"? "frocking up" is not the most obvious naming that a non-CD'er would understand

[Claire Cook]

Wow indeed! And you've had no negative comments? That is remarkable!

[CarlaWestin]

Great attitude, Donna. Especially the ".....and I expect nothing from the club other than relentless piss takes, bad jokes and humour....." line.

[HollySmtms]

Way to go, Donna, and thank you for sharing this!

[DianeDeBris]

Good on you!

[SherriePall]

Wow. Great way of outing yourself to your club. I would reuse your post, with permission of course, but I don't believe people here would understand since I don't ride and nobody would know what "frocking up" is. In fact, I am still searching the dictionary to see what propensity means. How has the response been? I'm assuming it's been rather good. Anyway, thanks for sharing with us.

[siantv2003]

You go girl - way to front up!! Thanks for sharing

[Leslie Langford]

Crikey! Well done, Donna!

Let's just hope that this biker club of yours is nothing like the tribe featured in the Mad Max movies. That's some tough act to follow, unless you hop a ride over to Courtney Act's house on Priscilla's tour bus for some selfies...;) :eek: :heehee:

[karenannwilder]

Hey Donna,

Great post, loved it. Can you tell us the story of 'arrest for my own safety', I think many here would love to hear it.

Karen

[Beverley Sims]

Only Australians would do what you did.

I can not see a European casting his fate to the wind like that.

[MsVal]

Donna, your earlier posts leave no question in my mind that you are not one to do things half-hearted. It's all the way or nothing. Considering your history, the note to your motorcycle club is no big surprise. What it IS though is amazingly well written. Not that you ever had trouble writing a clear post, that's not the case at all. I am so impressed with the way you wrote about such a sensitive, personal matter to a group that is not likely to be the most understanding. If you don't mind, I want to save that in my file of things useful in my CD life.

The coincidence is strange.

I attended a ham radio club meeting last night wearing light makeup, my hair brushed out, underdressed, with a snug shirt. I heard one person compare me to a celebrity that is thought to be transitioning, one reference to my styled hair, and one question about surgery. I expected as much and it didn't bother me. I left the meeting thinking if/when/how I would make my public disclosure.

Then I saw your fine letter.

Best wishes
MsVal

[CynthiaD]

Way to go Donna! Have you tried riding your motorcycle in fishnet stockings yet? (You know you want to!) :)

[Julie Denier]

Wow! You've really come a long way here, Donna. That is truly "owning it" ... ;)

[Donnagirl]

Guys,

Many have asked for an indication of responses I've received from the group, there are quite a few but all along a similar vein to this from my chapter president.. (I've taken the liberty to remove some names etc, please forgive me)

...Firstly, let me commend you on your bravery and courage for not only speaking out on this, but for being true to yourself and your situation. This, as I know from experience, is not something that is easy to do, nor a discovery that can be taken lightly. While you're not coming 'out' in the 'traditional' sense, admitting publicly your own battle is the second hardest step after admitting it to yourself, so congratulations on this step towards complete health. As a fellow xxxxx, you have my utmost support during this time and I thank you for trusting us all with this. I am sure I speak for the majority of Xxxxxx when I say that you have our support, now and always. To xxxxxx, I also say well done on your bravery and courage for standing by your husband. Should you need anything also, please don't hesitate to reach out. Stand tall, speak true, RWP....

Or this from a close friend,

Mate, as always... we are here for support. Personally, I applaud your courage to face this head on and post what you said.

There is a reason I needed to let these guys know. Most are current Law Enforcement, all are good friends and many work closely with my agency. I would have hated it if any of them heard about 'me' from other sources remembering that my work had to be told or my ability to hold a national security clearance, an essential part of my employment would have been revoked.

And yes, I am really am an all in, 100mph, foot hard on the gas pedal character...

Thanks to all...

Hugs Donna

[kimdl93]

Yup. Your pretty much full out! Enjoy!

[phylis anne]

I say Lass good form good form and so on ,
your people in the club are right stay your course and damn all the naysayers but now look don't be riding your bike side saddle now ,congrats on your announcement ,it does indeed take a lot of courage to tell others due to some of the ramifications others on the board have experienced and you are so lucky to have an s/o who is supportive .
hugs and good luck phylis anne

[Katey888]

Short of a personal message flashed up on the big screen at the MCG between overs (every over) at the World Cup final in a weeks time... :eek:

Or a 400 metre long banner with letters 5m high suspended beneath the Sydney Harbour Bridge saying the same....

I'd say you've done a good job Donna! :cheer:

What an accepting bunch you Aussies appear to be - perhaps more of us should make a pilgrimage there to reinforce it with you.. :thinking:

Well done! :D

Katey x

[Jaylyn]

You go Donna and I think you'll be fine although you might get few of those hard nosed bikers talking about ya. I admire you though so ride tough and hang in there.

[justmetoo]

Wow! I can only echo what others said. Talk about "owning it"! Congratulations! Good to hear it sounds like you've gotten pretty good responses.

[MissTee]

Impressive courage. Way to go!

[Jane P]

F#<k Ya if you don't like it ,this is me! That's pretty damned cool . Pretty sure the entire universe would cease to exist if I were to try that. Enjoy life Donna! I have this image now of you out on a run when you are dared to mud- wrestle an alligator in your pink leathers and you are in there like a dirty shirt.

I hope you don't mind me joking. I can only imagine the relief to get that off your back. Cheers!

[TeresaCD]

Donna, way to go, girl
I've often thought if faced with being outed in my small country community, the best bet would be a very public statement like that. Save people with too much time on their hands gossiping about it.
And I'm very glad those who know you have stood with you at this time
You go girl 😜
From another 100mph girl from the big southern island ❤️
Brakes, who needs em? 😜

[SandraB]

I'm in awe with admiration. Can't help but smile thinking about your bravery!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Donna, You are totally owning it:hugs:, Now you will find out who your (REAL) friends are.:daydreaming:

[Diane Smith]

I think we should band together and take up a collection to buy Donna a set of those pink leathers. You know you want them ...

Well done, even if I don't speak and read either Australian or Biker very well.

- Diane

[Donnagirl]

I've not long returned from a ride with my motorcycle club having let them all know all about Donna just yesterday... Everyone to a man (and woman) reinforced thier friendship and offered any support they could, hugs all round, for both the wife and I...

It is the same response I've had from friends, colleagues, subordinates, supervisors, senior executive, work mates, even the neighbours on my street... Always the same message... "We don't care, you're still you and we love you"...

I've reconnected with family I've not spoken with in years. Again it's all questions of what can they do to help and statements of support and love...

And my wife... Reaffirming to anyone who will listen that she's here for me regardless of what the future holds. Our relationship now is stronger than ever, it suffered during my stupid internal conflict, my denial and attempts to fight but now is so much stronger and deeper... Deeper than I've ever known.

I don't know what I've done to deserve this... I read, with a tear in my eye, the stories I hear of broken lives, fractured relationships, lost careers and family estrangement. A fate I believed I was destined to follow. And yet...

Please, I am in no way gloating, or intending to demean anyone... I type this through teary eyes... I just wonder how, why fate has smiled on me... Smiled on me to this total degree... I feel I am so unworthy... I'm not advocating leaping out of the closet because it all sunshine and lollipops, rainbows and unicorns, a magical world of pretty dresses and acceptance... And yet... Why did I fight, why did I resist, why did I spent so long in denial??? Why did I allow such descents into depression? Why did I come so close to ending it all at my own hand???

Surely a fall is imminent... Or is it...

I used to say it sucks to be me.... I need a slapping down should I ever utter those words again..

Teary rant over....

Donna xxxxx

[pamela7]

congratulations, you bravely faced your fears and demons and you found love. So pleased for you, and us!

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I just opened this site after many months away.

I'm thinking the same thing. Why am I so lucky? In my case I have none of the things you describe but I have me, this site and this post, right now.

My quick answer to your rhetorical question, You have been you. You have incredible friends and a wonderful wife. It's not a matter of deserving. It's a matter of being you.

Lucky you. :hugs:

[Rhonda Darling]

Donna:

Run right out and purchase a lottery ticket. You are indeed one lucky girl!

having kept up with your trials and tribulations, I could not be happier for you. All possibilities are open to you. You inspire us.

All the best, Rhonda

[alwayshave]

Donna,

It would be OK if you were gloating and I would not assume a fall is imminent. Maybe you'll have to take a step back to take two steps forward, but it all sound positive.

[Marcelle]

Hi Donna,

No need to apologize or feel you are gloating for expressing an internal joy in your life . . . goodness we have so many lows that a "win" is always nice to read about. :D

I am so glad to read that your MC and those around you have accepted "you" as "you" . . . not just Donna but you "the person". You asked in your title "What have I done to deserve this" and I would say you have done nothing except wanting to be accepted as the person you always were who just happened to be hidden below an exterior of repression, anger and guilt. Now that you are out to those around you, that person is free to express themselves and live with the unwavering support of a strong and loving woman . . . your wonderful wife. I would posit that all the support you have found is a testament to the person you truly are as so many of your friends can see past the presentation to the person down below . . . kind, caring, strong and for the first time . . . finally happy with themselves.

You should never feel unworthy for finding happiness as that is something all of us irrespective of our inclinations deserve. You have found your happiness in the way you deemed necessary (being fully out) . . . I say continue forward, don't look back and keep smiling. Will there be dark days? Probably, but then again we all have bad days . . . they let us know we are still alive. :)

Hugs

Isha

[msniki48]

Donna,

you are one of the lucky ones and I feel you are truly blessed. as far as waiting to make your announcement and going through your struggle, it is part of what many of us go through. times are changing, maybe not fast enough, but people are a bit more accepting. I see the younger generation of TG's coming out much quicker than we did [ Thank God ] I am still on the fence about letting my extended family know because of age and the way we were brought up as kids [ i'm 63] but my wife and daughter... also many friends know about me and support me. I am just so happy for you and the path your journey is going. ride your wave. and enjoy it.

hugs niki

[I Am Paula]

Donna, you and I have been among the lucky ones. My friends, family, and colleagues all rallied in support behind me. It is not gloating. I really feel for the ones whose life became more difficult in order to simply become who they should be. We should offer our support to them.

[Teresa]

Donna ,
Thanks for your honest thread !
When you went through your explosion I thought you were out the door with just the clothes you stood up in ! No going back !
Your wife saw enough or the man to realise what she was losing and now she's gained hopefully far more happiness through seeing you a more rounded person !
Don't worry about what you've done to deserve it make the most of while you can, things can change but I hope so much you carry on enjoying the life you've found now !
Please tell me where I'm going wrong ? If I exploded all I would get is a good hosing down and pushed back in the closet !!

[kimdl93]

There is no imminent fall in your future, just life's cycles. But I suspect you have reaped support, encouragement and love because that is what you have sown over the years.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

What seemed impossible now seems so simple...I can well believe you're in a state of semi-shock.

Great to read your news Donna, and long may your motor run.

Hugs, Nikki

[Michelle (Oz)]

Donna, you hit enormous lows over the last 12 months and have every right (and duty) to share the joyous outcome of your journey.

So much of the way others react to us is shaped by our own level of acceptance of ourselves and how comfortable and committed we are to our female personas. Your acceptance of yourself and joy being you have been the most significant changes that I've seen through your posts.

Teresa, Donna has achieved more than I'd ever expect or even want for me. There are some lessons to be learned though about self acceptance and not needing to apologise for who you are. Maybe sometimes an explosion is necessary in order to demonstrate how serious you are about Teresa. Without wanting to side track Donna's thread, I'd hoped that you might have seen light at the end of the tunnel but it seems not to be the case.

[Nadine Spirit]

Hi Donna-

I wonder the same thing at times. I have yet to encounter something bad from coming out. Though I will say more folks in your world know about you. I have not told nearly as many. But I have told more than I ever thought I would. BTW, I love the letter to your motorcycle group! Brilliant!

Anyway... I don't know what you have done to deserve this. And I hate upsetting others with saying this, but I do not think you have simply been "lucky." Saying you have been lucky implies that your acions, who you are, the choices you have made, are all irrelevant because you just happen to have been fortunate enough that through blind fate everything is going well. I have to think that you have played a very important role in coming out turning out so well for you. So I say congratulations on your hard work!

[Wifeofdonna]

Hi Donna, thank you for taking me ride and I had wonderful times... See, I told you they don't really cares, they love you and you are still you with beautiful similes. I'm So proud of you:) you are still in my warming hearts. I loved to go out with Donna to see her crossdressers friends they are awesome....;)

Love wife

[Alice Torn]

Donna, It sounds like the words of a Kris kristofferson song, "Why Me Lord?" Thanks for your honest sharing in the recent highs, as you were honest and open, during the lowest lows. Some of us are all alone, poor, and hurting, in years of low. It is nice to hear one of us is out of the ashes.

[HollySmtms]

In my experience, the type of people that care enough to ask themselves "what have I done to deserve this" are usually the type of people that have done more than enough to deserve it...congratulations, and all the best!

[Pat]

My instincts say that the person within you, neither male nor female - just the person, laid the foundation for this to happen. You must have been a good person who people like, trust and believe in. On that foundation you built a solid house of being a friend, being a spouse, being worthy human being. And now you've taken that solid house on the strong foundation and put a new coat of paint on it. Your friends and your spouse are happy that you're happy with the new paint. But they know what lies beneath. And that is what you did to deserve this.

Metaphors aside, it's a strong testament to the person you are and the people around you. I'm sure all of us -- not just the people who wish they were in your 5" classic pumps -- have a little envy and hope we can do as well.

[STACY B]

Did you ever think that you picked the right friends to begin with ? An maybe you are blessed because you are just an Great person ? I know there are lots of smart people out there who can actually get this whole thing . If you stop an think about the whole thing an educate yourself a little bit it's not that hard for a semi intelligent person to understand .

It's the DUMB ones I fear ! Congratulation

[Stephanie47]

You're not gloating at all! I suspect you've been able to develop strong relationships over the years based on who you are as a person and not based on your gender. So, you reveal Donna to someone. "Whew! I thought you were going to tell us you're dying of cancer! OK. let's ride!" Point is those people know you for who you are. Frankly, if they did not accept Donna, then you or them probably parted ways a long time ago.

[MsVal]

I'm guessing that what you did, Donna, is go full-out, 100% into marriage and friendship. You were 100% there for your wife, your family, your friends, and your colleagues. People knew who you were and liked you for what you were. In all this honesty and support for others, you developed strong bonds. Strong enough to withstand even this.

What did you do to deserve it? You were simply the best (husband, friend, colleague...) that you could be.

You FINALLY accepted yourself as a friend. Everyone else already does. It's about time you accepted yourself.

Best wishes
MsVal

[victoria76]

That's great to read.
I'm happy for you! :)

[Katey888]

You're simply a good person Donna, and other good people recognise that aspect of you... :)

Pleased for you...

Katey x

[Persephone]

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

I am so glad to see that things are going well for you! So many have already commented so well that there is little left to say except "Hugs!"

Kimdl has said it very well, "There is no imminent fall in your future, just life's cycles." But clearly, you and your spouse seen well equipt to weather the ocassional squalls and choppy seas in your journey.

May you and yours contine to be blessed with all the best that life has to offer.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rhanda]

Not so strange. The best stories I have read concerning Crossdressing have come out of Australia. It's almost like the Aussies are leading the way to free thinking.

Congratulations and keep on leading the way. The rest of the world can learn a lot from 'Down Under'.

Rhanda

[Bria]

Donna, what I see here is a person of strength and integrity who has friends that are the same, there is mutual respect. Your friends know that the person inside is the same as yesterday and will be the same tomorrow.

Sooooo, I don't think luck is involved, it's a lifetime of being you. Keep it up!

Hugs, Bria

[charlenesomeone]

So happy for you, enjoy life.
G'donya
Hugs

[Angie G]

Well Donna I hope next year brings you all the very best hun.:hugs:
Angie

[justmetoo]

Maybe a little luck in the kind of people you associate with? But most of it reflects on the beautiful person you are, I'm certain of that.

Anyway, I think Isha, Nadine, and others said it much better than me (as usual). :)

(that's not to say that people who don't get that level of support are bad people or deserving of what they get - everyone should be treated with civility at the very least)

[Jenny Elwood]

Brilliant story Donna.

[PaulaQ]

I'm very happy for you Donna, you've really come a long way, and I think it's great that you can tell people in your life about this, and live authentically iin a way very few crossdressers ever manage.

However, I respectfully have to disagree with you. It is possible to be "more out". Try living as a woman, never reverting back to "boy mode" when the going gets tough.

I'm not trying to diminish what you've done, and I realize that under the circumstances, a little exaggeration is to be expected in a marvelous tale like yours. Just sayin' there's out and then there's out.

[Samantha_Smile]

Was very pleased to read this.
Has anyone come forward with actively kind words?

[HelenR2]

Another cracking read Donna. I always open your posts with anticipation of self-effacing honesty and humour. You never disappoint.

[Lexi_83]

Donna, that is so brave and inspiring and wonderful!

SV650)
Yay, me too! I'm afraid my riding gear is quite shapeless, though. Maybe I should invest in some Icon Bombshell boots or something!

[GiaDivine]

Brave indeed Hun! Very surprised at the amount of bikers here. I have a real soft spot for bikers! And being new on the forum, I prefer men to women, although it seems women prefer me more than men. Sigh!!!

[rosetyler]

What will the next year bring???Realizing that you do, in fact, need to take a flight to Thailand? :p

/me ducks so Donnas incoming pillow can't hit her

In all seriousness, coming out, and having no bad responses is liberating isn't it. (I came out as Exmormon on FB last year). Congrats!

[Chrissi]

WOW Donna, how did I miss this thread. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cheer: :yippee: :balloons:

You must truly be a wonderful person and terrific at what you do, to have and receive that level of acceptance and welcoming from your colleagues.

Again congratulations, and you have a gorgeous smile!!!! warmest hugs
Chrissi

[CD_DIANE]

So when may we expect the Diane Sawyer (or the Australian equivalent) interview ?

Diane