does it make you less angry?

[pamela7]

I was out in the garden, full fem clothing under overalls, managed to drop a 2ft by 2ft paving slab onto my left big toe. Normally that would have been followed by expletives and loud shouting, instead, i calmy walked down the hill, took off the boots and overalls and put some "snake oil & bee venom" ointment on the toe. It hurts, but NO anger.
Interesting. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

[Kirsty Louise]

Hi Pamela, you did very well dropping a 2X2 paving stone on your toe and keeping calm like that, I would have screamed the place down full fem clothing or not.

[pamela7]

thanks Kirsty, normally me too, and it was the corner that landed on it, the worst impact possible, and soft boots not my hard-leather ones. It's about an hour later and I can move the toe tho its not bending.

My question tho is whether CD-ing takes away male anger.

[Teresa]

Pamela,
The paving slab may take away the pleasure of wearing heels ! Now that could make any CDer angry !

[pamela7]

yes, i'm not going near any footwear for a couple of days! tho it makes me laugh, really - means less time in mancloth!

[Kate Simmons]

Ha ha, I've been known to "swear like a sailor" when something like that happens to me even when fully en femme.:battingeyelashes::)

[XemmaX]

it definitely chills me out for sure.

[Kirsty Louise]

Hi Pamela, I know what you are saying about CD-ing making you less angry and it does have a calming effect on me, but not with the corner of a paving stone on the toe OUCH

[Katey888]

I suppose the moral of the paving-slab story is 'prevention is better than cure'... if I have to do any building work I have a pair of steel-toed Doc Martins that have served me well over decades but are somewhat less than feminine... they do keep the pain of dropped things at bay, however... :)

As for your feeling of less anger... I'd suggest most of it was just that any dysphoria you experienced as male (which would have contributed in male mode) is now abated through your presentation - you are intrinsically more relaxed and happier portraying your true self. A small part might just be that leaping around and cussing inanimate objects in a basso profundo voice would just be too much of a conflict with your outward presentation so you consciously suppress it... :thinking:

Hope your toe's OK... :)

Katey x

[kimdl93]

Perhaps, but in my personal experience the change in demeanor isn't just a manner of being more calm when dressed. When I really came to accept myself it's as though a long simmering anger was finally diffused. And that anger had been with myself for being what I was.

[pamela7]

but i mostly have sandals (always had more of them than shoes)! I did have some steel toe-caps that did well for a long time. It's like proper cricket boots; they don't make them any more with ankle protection or reinforced foot protection. I'll think about the DM's, tho the clothes budget got spent early this year on a few sexy numbers!

Kim; thank you, i'll also look into dysphoria symptoms Katey.

P.S. Some sites out there are outrageous in their languaging around "GID", nothing obvious, nor easily found on this forum, so i'll start another thread asking for a list of "symptoms" or indicators of gender dysphoria.

[Katey888]

Pamela - there are some good resources out there...

Our NHS page on this subject is less than stellar (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/pages/introduction.aspx) and typifies the confusion over whether dysphoria can be across degrees rather than completely binary (you either have it or you don't) - I personally believe from reading many stories on this forum and other places it cannot possibly be binary and that many of us exhibit shades of grey, so this may not be 'full' GID but some sort of partial presentation. Here's an article that does discuss the possibility of those grey shades: http://www.trans-health.com/2005/rethinking-gid-terminology-dsm/

Another UK source (http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/gender-identity.html) again happily mixes sexuality into the discussion - although it does make a distinction. Most of the resources out there are medical and therefore focus on treatment... Of course, it's only fixable if you're so far towards TS that transition or 24/7 living is the only solution. I don't think this site would have so many members if there wasn't a way of inhabiting a highly variant and individualised middle ground that allows each of us to find that harmonious place - it just takes a lot of trial and error for most of us... :)

When working with paving slabs dress code is clear to me... I can park any dysphoria in order to avoid dislocation... ;)

Katey x

[Persephone]

So sorry to hear about your accident! Ouch!

You might want to have that toe checked! If it remains messed up it could interfere with wearing high heels. So if it helps, remember that women are far more diligent at visiting doctors than men are.

And after you take care of the toe you might Google "Women's steel toe boots." You will find that there are some lovely ones out there in styles you might not expect. I got some at Walmart in the U.S. for a very reasonable price.

Hugs,
Persephone

[Nikkilovesdresses]

This is simple, I think.

When you think about it, hurting yourself should not intrinsically cause anger. Being ripped off by a bank, learning that your child has been harmed by a trusted friend, being fired for someone else's dishonesty- these would be causes for anger.

Hurting yourself is primarily about expressing the pain, by wincing, screaming, crying, saying "Ow!", that sort of thing. Once it turns into hurling things around, acting like a baby, saying things like, "How could I be so effing stupid, I'm such a jerk, I've always been cr*p at plumbing, I HATE myself and by the way I hate all of you people over there too-" then you're expressing other, deeper things.

Believe me, I speak with experience.

And what the hell are you looking at anyway, you daft cow?

[Sarah Louise]

Well, I've definately calmed down in the last few months since starting dressing again. Not that I was that grumpy, but I do seem to be more chilled and more considerate of others now.

If it is down to dressing it's a subconscious thing as I never really thought about dressing for many years. Or at least it was pushed to the back of my mind.

[pamela7]

And what the hell are you looking at anyway, you daft cow?

ur right Nikki, Welshgirl is much prettier than this screen!

[sometimes_miss]

I believe that our minds have to deal with multiple problems all the time. For us, there's probably a little desire to be crossdressed all the time, but we suppress the desire subconsciously. However, suppressing those thoughts takes work, sort of like going through the day wearing an itchy sweater; sure, you can do it, but there's always that little irritation that you have to try to ignore. However if you get too many other things bothering you, then it all adds up and your ability to control your frustration about those irritations decreases until the 'last straw' makes you explode in an emotional outburst, whether vocal, or physical.

[CynthiaD]

I'm usually less prone to angry outbursts when en femme. It definitely helps on those days when I'm "mad at the world."

[Tina_gm]

Regardless of how I am dressed, if I drop something heavy on my foot, expletives are going to come out and they won't be very ladylike lol. As for a general relaxation or being less angry overall, yes, dressing and being on a path to accepting myself has made me calmer and overall less angry, injuries not included.

[pamela7]

Regardless of how I am dressed, if I drop something heavy on my foot, expletives are going to come out and they won't be very ladylike lol. As for a general relaxation or being less angry overall, yes, dressing and being on a path to accepting myself has made me calmer and overall less angry, injuries not included.

Yes, I'd have normally said I was the same, yet today, surreally so, not. I've been happy for so many years, but now it's deeper, I don't even feel the possibility of being angry right now.

[Beverley Sims]

Not experienced it but had to do it as I was in earshot of a couple of ladies walking by.

They remarked, "That must of hurt", I replied in a sweet voice "Yes".


Under my breath.... Oh! F**** that hurt..!

[Sarasometimes]

Having more frequent opportunities to dress lowers my stress level therefor i have more patience and are more tolerant when things go off kilter. That being said I'm not sure that would have an impact (pun intended) on how I would react in your situation. I sometimes swear when I get injured other times I don't.
Pamela, this may be a good time to try and get 10% off on a pedicure LOL. Hope the toe heel/heals fast.

[Marcelle]

As for your feeling of less anger... I'd suggest most of it was just that any dysphoria you experienced as male (which would have contributed in male mode) is now abated through your presentation - you are intrinsically more relaxed and happier portraying your true self. A small part might just be that leaping around and cussing inanimate objects in a basso profundo voice would just be too much of a conflict with your outward presentation so you consciously suppress it...

Hi Pamela,

I think this sums it up perfectly (at least in my own experience). It is not the dressing that makes me more calm it is the fact that I am free to express that which was hidden for so long that makes me a happier person. So yes, some things that would have sent me on a "cursing spree" pre-outing myself, do not have the same effect today. Now a 2x2 paving stone on my toe . . . I'd still be curing even in full on girl mode :heehee:

Hugs

Isha

[pamela7]

Today it (the toe) is mostly black/blue, dunno if the nail will fall off or recover. My daughter stepped on it but hey its her 21st birthday and I had no reaction, just love!

Back to the calm and peace though. Here i am, months now into dressing almost all the time, it's me, it's how I'm supposed to be. It's like a deeply subconscious stress is gone, only to return (a little) if i put on man clothes to go out. I'm sure its safer/better for me to be out dressed than en-homme. I know it. Still, new client later this week, one who i'll have to man-up with, because the expectation is that i'm a man. As it is for now. If my entire persona and id were fem then i;d not need to man-up for any work at all. That might take some time pacing my local world but as they say in the matrix "it is inevitable Mr Anderson".

[adrienner99]

This may not directly address your question but...as a male I feel a constant need to turn aggressive
If challenged enough. Which is nightmarish because I am neither tough nor confrontational. Dressing relieves the pressure I feel to be any of those things.

[cassiekat]

I think some of the posters hit the nail on the head with accepting yourself. I used to flip out if I dropped something or had any slight obstacle in my daily life. Now that I am on the road to accepting myself I've been much calmer.