am i tg or ts or should I care

[Cindy J Angel]

Hi grils some things came up about me on the fourm. Witch has made rethink what or who i am. Some wnat about me i only have around 163 post it not that i dont went to hqve more it i dont spell good and my grammar is shit. If not for that i would have quite a lot more.

Ok i have said this before i dress aver day do my hair and make up depending on what i am doing. My wifes know i dress but not to the extent i do. I do this aver day during the week. On the weekends i dress down most of the time i have womans clothes on but gender neutral. Depending on her mood i mite get away with more girly dress and if not she will tell me to change man up. When we are out if i am miss gender shit hits the fan. I have been dropping hints to the fact i am tg ( unbrella word and this is from the psychologist website). She calls me girl and i wont kiss a girl. As soon as i say YES I AM she will no you are not. I have not had the out out talk about being transgender yet can not take care of my self financially yet. Working on it.

ok here is the definition of tg now this is from the web no mine and i dont remamber from witch one.

Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics. “Trans” is sometimes used as shorthand for “transgender.” While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender-nonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture, academia and science are constantly changing, particularly as individuals’ awareness, knowledge and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow.

When i was a kid i dont remamber wenting to be a girl this is up to 6,7. I dont remember whin i found this site the first time. I only posted the minimum just so I could read certain things. Now i have been on here 3 time. Would get off and deleat aver thing. But when I read testimonials from outher girls it would make me think back did i went to be a girl. So as i look back there were signs. Shaved my legs not to good the first time cut my shin from the knee to the ankle. Lol would try my moms stuff on. Now that dos not constitute me being a girl. Moveing forward some years. Thats when i got interested in girls and sex. But not this is late 60. And gay was not ok and sure did not know aanything about cd,tg,ts but all so interested in boys I always wanted to be the girl when i was with them but I was also the aggressor.

And this follow me from then on I say around 16 17 when I started experimenting with clothes first time getting dressed fully was 20 I remember as it was yesterday I even looks for Crossdressers to meet. But naver found a place or someone to talk to. Fast forward i would all was have some woman clothes around. purge buy more purge again you know the story. But not any more thay hang in the closet and in my Chester drawers. I have come to realize but I do have gender identity disorder and this is a definition for that

Gender identity disorder*(GID) or*gender dysphoria*is the formaldiagnosis*used by*psychologists*and*physicians*to describe people who experience significant*dysphoria*(discontent) with thesex*and*gender*they were*assigned at birth.*

Now moveing on with that being said (gd) the pink fog hit me hard and i dressed aver night cdr in then. And agen i purged because of my wife. I could not take her constant belittling of me. Guess what did not take long for me to start allover. But this time i got nice clothes to blend. I think this is when i started to figure out how i was. But still scared shitlist to go out. That took a nuther 4,5 years. Once i got my look down it was a lot easier thinks YouTube.

The now after i got hurt at work was when i started really go full time this was 2009. As my confidence grew i would go out more. Now theres no place i won't go as Cindy me i have been to aver story in my town i don't hide it. And it a small town. Now i see me liveing as a woman 75% right now i run in womans workout clothes. I Lounge in womans clothes. It all i think of how can i be come a woman. I have ask my DR to go on hormones and i had a appointment with the endo but canceled it the day of. I had a friend die the day before from a blood clot in the legs witch is common on the medicine with that and being scared s******* to start is why I cancelled. But i let my dr know it no uncertain terms that I did want to go on the hormones but would wate some.
I am on a soybean based diet what should a high estrogen diet and my boobs have gotten bigger as of now my estrogen level is that of a woman's. This is from the blood test done by my dr. The only thing wrong is my tosterone is also normal for my age. Crap i was hopeing it would be down. So we all got the story now. Am i TG or TS. Or am i just to dam scared to say i am transexual or ready to move to the next step here the definition for ts

Many identities fall under the transgender umbrella. The term transsexual refers to people whose gender identity is different from their assigned sex. Often, transsexual people alter or wish to alter their bodies through hormones, surgery, and other means to make their bodies as congruent as possible with their gender identities. This process of transition through medical intervention is often referred to as sex or gender reassignment, but more recently is also referred to as gender affirmation.

I have been think long and hard on this for the last 2 days before i post this so what do u think love cindy

[kimdl93]

I would first, not ask us to tell you, but rather, ask you to figure out for yourself. As for the definition, TS is under the TG umbrella...but as another thread addresses, TS is a very distinct case. It's not about the clothes, but about how you perceive yourself. Do you feel that you are a woman, in all senses but anatomy? And do you feel that you must live as a woman to be in synch with that identity? Is so, you may be TS...Only you can say.

On the other hand, if you aren't sure, you may or may not be, but it's your task to gain clarity. The fact that your asking is just a step in the process of self awareness.

[Melissa_Rose]

As far as what I think you are asking, I would imagine a gender therapist could be needed to help you. As pointed out, there is a broad spectrum under the trans term. Let a professional help you figure out where you fit in.

Melissa

[ReineD]

The terms are not easily defined. This is because everyone has their own personal definition. Some clinicians use the term "transsexual" for people who experience Gender Dysphoria. Some therapists use "trangender" for the same condition. The media uses "transgender" to describe people who are transitioning. Yesterday, I saw an article about a summer camp for young trans children to provide them with the freedom to dress how they please. The author referred to these children as "gender-nonconforming". The mother of a child who was on hormone blockers (this child will transition) referred to her child as "transgender".

And in this forum, just about anything goes. lol. Some use "transgender" when describing the entire community, others use it in the same breath they say they are women, while still others take it to mean a condition between crossdresser and transsexual. And there are crossdressers who refer to themselves as transgender too.

So the importance is to describe to your doctor how you want to live and how you would like to change your body, if this is what you want.

I use the term "transsexual" for a person who needs to alter their sexual characteristics in order to align their bodies with their gender identity, and after transition I refer to them as women (for MtFs). Some people cannot have SRS for financial and/or medical reasons, and if they live full time as women and they have transitioned legally, I also refer to them as women. I use the term "transgender" rarely but when I do it is to describe the community as a whole. In this forum, since it behooves people to know who they are, I prefer to use CD (for non-transitioners who identify as male), TS (for transitioners until they have actually transitioned), and gender-nonconforming (for people who identify as having characteristics of both genders).

Edit
And what about people who identify as TS or women but who choose to live as male? I think it is simplest to say that these people "identify as TS or women but they live as male". Ten words. This is nine words longer than other terms, but it is the most accurate.

[GabbiSophia]

If you are ts it will not matter if you care or not it will take over.

[Rebecca Watson]

I have to agree with the others: only you can answer that question.

I guess the moment I knew was after 3 months living full-time, I "erased" (as I call it) at my wife's request. During this time, I realized that I didn't remember how to be a "guy" -- my mannerisms were very girly. In 3 months, I had forgotten how to be a guy: if I was really a guy, how could I just forget how to act like one? And yet, somehow I act like a girl without even thinking.

- Becky

[MsVal]

Naw, don't worry about it.

I have no label, I am "me". It would be swell to have a clinical label, but my therapist has valid reasons not to do that. She feels that a label would probably get in the way and limit my exploration. It would tend to define what I ought to do and what I ought to avoid.

I am on a journey to a place I've never been before. No one has a map for me. While many can tell me the path they chose and their experiences, I must explore my own path. Perhaps you do too.

After 65 years of putting everyone else's happiness well above my own, my family is now mostly prepared to take care of their own needs. It's time to consider my own happiness, and that is now a big factor in my decisions. I find greater happiness presenting as a woman than as a man, and that happiness grows as I become more feminine. I have no idea where this will take me, and for the last couple of month, I haven't cared.

So, Cindy, my advice is to do those things that make you happy, and don't worry about labels. If, one day, you feel like you should have HRT, FFS, SRS, or any other alphabet soup procedure, then learn all you can about it, talk with a therapist about it, and pursue your own happiness.

Best wishes
MsVal

[EvaMarie]

Well only you can decide this and what it is your going to do about it ;) Also only you get to define yourself... TS/TG/TV, a woman, or just another "delusional tranny", its all about being happy as far as Im concerned... I have no idea what to call myself but I prefer Eva or Miss or Mam .)

I had a very comfortable life as a "man" and I certainly could have continued on keeping all of this in the closet for how much longer who knows but for me anyway after much thought I just decided to get started because I wanted to and I was in a good position to do whatever the hell I wanted to... I was 44 and single with no kids and a lot of $$$ from totally overcompensating, working way too hard trying to prove to the world I was a "real man" and trying to just be "normal"... I had a lot of skills one could only consider masculine, Im a mechanical genius Ive been told... Figuring out and intuitively understanding complex machinery always came naturally to me... I was the guy people came to to fix all things mechanical...

I cant say I really hated myself to the point I wanted to die but I was always unhappy with my less than masculine features... Like being only 5' 7" with an embarrassingly slight amount of fine body hair, underdeveloped down there, small hands and feet for a guy ect... Yet male I was born and I made a hell of an effort and by a lot of societies measures I was very successful at it... I was always BI I knew that from very young but I cant say I was telling my mom I was a girl when I was 5 or anything like that... In fact I never seriously CD'ed until my early 30's, I had a lot of GF's and some very pretty but I never felt right with them... I also knew I wasn't gay because Id only get aroused thinking about men from the female perspective... I never wanted to be a man with a man.... I was never very good at being the man in the bedroom with anyone and that used to really mess with me, my relationships with women never really went anywhere... I really tried to be "normal" but never could find a wife or have kids.... So all those things that used to really bug the hell out of me I now consider a blessing ;)

I struggled for a LONG time wondering if I was "really trans" or if it was all just some weird sexual kink... Whatever you want to call it letting out my fem side even if only in secret or only in my mind and sexual fantasies was always there since puberty started... After nearly having a breakdown and coming out to myself and resolving to for once love and accept myself come what may.... I started out by taking a very effective for me anyway feminizing herbal regime and just seriously going out CD'ing... I found that with each step I took to become more feminine the better I felt and the more I wanted... Then I started laser and then electrolysis on my beard... Shortly after that I found a doc to prescribe legit HRT and went off the herbal stuff... Picked out a new name, filed the paper work with the court... And then the big one for me was I came out to friends and family and Ive never looked back :)

Ive secretly wanted a "sex change" since the first time I ever heard it was possible way back in the early 80's... But I never thought Id seriously ever do that even only a year and half ago....

Well after more than a year full time, 11 1/2 months on legit HRT, VFS and FFS... Ive had one psych write a letter for for Brassard and I just started seeing another one to get my second letter and set up a date for SRS ;)

Things have gone easier and better than I ever imagined they could and aside from fears and doubts about complications or a bad result from surgery... I know this is right for me, there are ZERO regrets and Id never want to go back :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the advice of "just be happy" and "dont worry about it" is ridiculous advice for a transsexual..no transsexual would ever say that..

the better thought is that you have to decide for yourself...its YOUR life...if you don't decide, if you can't know for yourself than you are simply stuck.

It's good to get more information, and talking to people here is a good way to get info but also you must understand not everybody is always truthful and many talk their own book as we say in finance..its about them not you

If you are starting to truly beleive and understand yourself as a transsexual woman, the best thing you can do is challenge that and work with your therapist
...memories are faulty and filled with coping thoughts.....your physical stature and your lifetime likes and dislikes are almost totally irrelevant to who you are ...if you are transsexual it was all in your head and you were born with testosterone and it does what it does.....its not as much the past, its what you know now is what's important.

This doesn't have to be about transition or not transition. It can be about living your best quality of life. If it becomes an obsession in your mind that can mean alot of things but above all else you deal with it seriously. You evaluate what all the dressing is doing for you, you evaluate how you want to live the rest of your life ...

these are all general observations that can apply to lots of things in life... for us middle agers that spent many years living as men there is a seeming risk and reward and pro and con to it all but frankly the usual answer is that we wait until all the pros and cons and internal headspace bargaining washes away and we are laid bare by the knowledge that we are women and faced with a "what do i do about it?" that can last a really time...

you have to think hard about whether this is a what do i about it phase or a what am i phase... that's the first thing ..

after reading the posts of others here, what do you think??

[EvaMarie]

the advice of "just be happy" and "dont worry about it" is ridiculous advice for a transsexual..no transsexual would ever say that..

Oh really???

Heres what the dictionary says the word means...

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/transsexual

transsexual
noun trans·sex·u·al \(ˌ)tran(t)s-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wəl, -shəl\

: a person who tries to look, dress, and act like a member of the opposite sex; especially : someone who medically changes himself or herself into a member of the opposite sex

Full Definition of TRANSSEXUAL
: a person who strongly identifies with the opposite sex and may seek to live as a member of this sex especially by undergoing surgery and hormone therapy to obtain the necessary physical appearance (as by changing the external sex organs)

NOT that I personally care but Id say that defines me very well and that's what I just said ;) So your wrong and there's no right way to do this ;) One persons life isn't the same as another persons life, one persons reason for being isn't the same as anothers....

In relation to the OP wanting to put a label on herself and does it really matter???

If it will make you feel better about yourself to live up to someone else's idea of what or who you are go for it... I'll stick with NO it really doesn't matter and who cares what "they" call you as long as your happy:)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Fascinating, you can twist stuff around any way you want to....:straightface:
i was actually agreeing with your sentiment that only the person can decide what to do...and what to do implies an action that must be taken..:)

if you want to be happy, and if you are transsexual, a label isnt going to cut it..it didn't cut it for you...:battingeyelashes:

a label is just a label, it is not a life.:o

its pretty funny to me that you took offense because i actually agreed with what you said because you took action..you decided, and you acted.:daydreaming:

..its quite simple but you are only here to brag and fight so have at it
..everybody can see what you are doing...keep doing it, its good for entertainment purposes.:cool::clap::dance::itsok::ohgoon:

[Jorja]

It really only matters to one person in this world. YOU! Not a gender therapist nor a doctor can tell you that you are or are not TG or TS. They can help you make that decision but they cannot come right out and say one way or the other.

If you truly believe, without a doubt, that you are a girl/woman, then you are one and would be classified a TS meaning TransSexual. It would be very important to you to transition and depending on how severe the GD is, you would be wanting to completely transform your body until you felt congruence between your mind and body. That would include hormones, FFS, and GRS.

If there is any doubt about it, then you are TG meaning you are TransGendered but not having that need to completely change your body to match your mind.

That is about as plain and simple as I can explain it.

[EvaMarie]

Fascinating, you can twist stuff around any way you want to....:straightface:
i was actually agreeing with your sentiment that only the person can decide what to do...and what to do implies an action that must be taken..:)

if you want to be happy, and if you are transsexual, a label isnt going to cut it..it didn't cut it for you...:battingeyelashes:

a label is just a label, it is not a life.:o

its pretty funny to me that you took offense because i actually agreed with what you said because you took action..you decided, and you acted.:daydreaming:

..its quite simple but you are only here to brag and fight so have at it
..everybody can see what you are doing...keep doing it, its good for entertainment purposes.:cool::clap::dance::itsok::ohgoon:

Whatever maybe I read it wrong.... No Im here to interact with, support, gain insight from those farther along and share my experience with those who have committed to MtF transition or who are considering it... This aint a contest, nobody wins a prize... I feel like you have been hostile to me from the get go here....

[MsVal]

the advice of "just be happy" and "dont worry about it" is ridiculous advice for a transsexual..no transsexual would ever say that..

Kaitlyn, Cindy did not identify as a transsexual, and neither did those that made the suggestions. Please don't invalidate them. Your advice is different as you do identify as transsexual and should be understood in that context.



This doesn't have to be about transition or not transition. It can be about living your best quality of life.

Yep, I agree.

Unless and until Cindy comes to terms with it all, and yes, that involves learning and therapy, I think decisions should be made on the basis of happiness.

(Spoken like a naive, ignorant, confused, but VERY sincere TG.)

Best wishes
MsVal

[Ann Louise]

I seem to recall this being one of the hottest "hot button" topics on this forum back when I started in late 2012, and it caused me a great deal of distress from time to time because I, as many others here, sought out this forum for guidance, companionship, and camaraderie, and found, too, that I had I unwittingly stepped into the middle of a controversy. I thereafter I resolved to do my thinking for myself, and proceeded through HRT, FFS, and GRS in my own way and at my own pace.

Clinical definitions notwithstanding, by some common means of inference, "TG" is seemingly at one end of a trans binary, and "TS" is at the other (scaling from not-so-serious, to totally committed to a MTF transition). Yet, to me, this is an artificial distinction that runs counter to the real life experience with genderfluid, genderqueer, gender non-conforming, intersex, pangender, and two spirit people I've met in the course of coming out and undertaking my transition. What I've found is that many of us might be categorized into one or more of these "intermediate states" on a binary scale at one time or another, and have fits and starts towards a transition from one state to another, or back again.

So what? Skip the labels. Take the advice of others with a grain of salt. Think for yourself. Live for yourself. Glimmers of peace, hope and joy will let you know if you're heading in the right direction.

[ReineD]

This doesn't have to be about transition or not transition. It can be about living your best quality of life.

Just to clarify (I haven't contributed here in awhile), by transition do you mean physical transition (altering primary and/or secondary sexual characteristics), or living as a woman (socially and legally), or both?

I mean, if it's not about some form of transition, then what is the difference between a person who is happy living the life they live now, and someone who wants to change?

I agree that everyone should strive to live their best quality of life, regardless of the labels. But this is a thread that primarily asks about labels, I assume for the purpose of communicating a condition to doctors and/or therapists. So it is useful to determine whether a person wants to transition from the way they live now, to a desired way of living?

To me, transition basically means two things: "a process" and "to change" ... although a lot of people will debate what the end result should be, if someone wants the world to consider them a woman. And I cannot see debates about this ending any time soon, not with the full spectrum of changes that are required to go from point A-full-male to point Z-full-female (for MtFs) with different resting points along the way for people who are taking it one step at a time, or even for people who decide to end their process midway.

Honestly, I think that when some people argue whether they are women or not, they are describing the way they identify and they have every right to do this. But, we are more than our ethereal gender identities. We are also our palpable bodies, legal statuses, social gender roles, to name a few, in short we are all the things that people use to determine whether we are men or women.

[Anne2345]

Whatever maybe I read it wrong.... No Im here to interact with, support, gain insight from those farther along and share my experience with those who have committed to MtF transition or who are considering it... This aint a contest, nobody wins a prize... I feel like you have been hostile to me from the get go here....

No one here is being hostile with you, EvaMarie. Have you paid any attention at all to the substance of the responses directed at you? Or, like so many others in this world, do you hear and see only what you *want* to hear and see?

But you are most certainly correct about one thing - this is *not* a contest. So quit treating it as if it is. Also, if your credibility here matters to you even in the least, imho, you should drop all of the shameless self-promotion and over-the-top bragging unless and until you are prepared to actually begin discussing the details.

As for winning a prize - there IS a prize here, EvaMarie. And that prize is authenticity . . . .

[EvaMarie]

I feel like they are petty unwarranted attacks towards me and you will never know me in person I can guarantee that, get over it please... Your so wrong about finding "authenticity" here or elsewhere on the net... Really??? "There IS a prize here, authenticity" Thats a HOOT!!!! LOL I disagree reality trumps the internet any day.... "Shameless over the top bragging"??? I cant come here and be positive about my transition and talk about my successes??? Who says, you??? What gives you the right to feel justified in attacking me, my character, or credibility the way you have when you don't even really know me???

[LeaP]

Cindy, I don't think you're asking about the label. You're asking about the substance - the difference between TG (gender variant) and TS. You should care about that, because the solutions are almost always different. You cited it yourself. You also cited the most important point, which is your inner sense of your sex. People get to that in various ways. In some, it's always there, strongly or not. In others, it's suppressed and discovered, often in crisis. Still others arrive at it experientially as you appear to have, coming out of pain into some relief ... but not always knowing what the end point is.

Keep doing what you're doing.

[Kate T]

Lea is right of course in that what you need to be concerned about is the substance not the label. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet".

The importance and relevance of labels is to deliver a large amount of information in a relatively short period of time. The more specific the label the more information is delivered. Unfortunately as labels are based on assumed characteristics the more specific they become the less likely an individual is to exhibit all of the characteristics. Being specific can be very helpful in some situations, such as when treating medical concerns where it can be very important to know for example say the origin of high oestrogen levels in a patient, in a GG this would be highly suspicious of a functional ovarian growth whereas in a TS woman it is more likely to be exogenous in origin. Unfortunately however assumptions can be the basis of prejudice. A GG and a TS woman have the same requirements for bathroom facilities yet this is often an area of discrimination due to prejudiced assumptions about the need for a TS woman to have access to the same bathroom facilities as a GG. For this purpose they should be treated the same, i.e. as women.

Labels are useful but we need to be mindful of how we use them.

[cheryl reeves]

why worry about labels,be all you that you can be and have fun

[LeaP]

What's that phrase?

Oh yes - "tone deaf."

[Anne2345]

why worry about labels,be all you that you can be and have fun

:straightface:

[PaulaQ]

Hi Cindy. I know you have been thinking about this a lot. I wish, honey, that one of us could look into your mind, and into your future, and tell you what you are supposed to do.But as the others have said, no one can do this for you.

Can I suggest some questions you should seriously ask yourself?
1. Am I a woman - in my mind?
2. Do I want and especially do I need to live as a woman?
3. What is my life likely to be like - how will I feel if I transition?
4. What is my life likely to be like - how will I feel if I don't?

You can look at symptoms of of gender dysphoria - I believe you have some of those symptoms. But at the end of the day, other than being evidence you can use to convince yourself of what you already probably know on some level, these symptoms don't matter, except perchance to guide which medical procedures might benefit you, should you transition.

Do know that should you choose this path, you risk losses. Also know that if this is your path, you are apt to be miserable until you do something about it.

[becky77]

Just as an impartial observer, the attitute towards Eva has been hostile from the start. Anne your first post to her was dripping in sarcasm and aggression.

Eva this forum is full of people that have had a real hard time of transition and lost a lot, also most felt they had no choice but to transition as the GD was so destructive. I think the issue with you is you have breezed in here pretty much saying " Yeah, I was pretty cool as a guy but I transitioned anyway cause it's all so easy and I make a great woman too". It's very disrespectful to those that are having a real tough time, some empathy would go a long way. I'm really glad your transition is such a success, but this is a TS section and most TS didn't just decide to become a woman one day, you haven't taken anytime to explain why you had to transition.
It is suspicious if someone transitions just 'because', why do this drastic thing if you don't have to? There must be a need and you haven't expressed that need.

Cindy, only you can know the answer as it comes from inside. You either identify as a woman or you don't, only issue with that is that you have to spend time living and doing everyday stuff as a woman before you really know you are a woman. Until then we can only think we are a woman. Living in a womans world is vastly different to living in a mans world, this realisation is only apparant when people percieve you as a woman and treat you as such and often it's not in a good way. Male privelage only makes sense when you see it from a womans angle.

[charlenesomeone]

PaulaQ those are great questions, thanks for them even though I didn't start this thread.
Hugs

[Kaitlyn Michele]

labels...happiness
YES!!! Why worry about labels??? This is probably true.. just be happy!!!! This is generally true too!!!

its just sad and easy message board fodder for some...peace and love y'all :heehee: its so easy to say...and its relatively easy to live this way to as long as you are not transsexual.
its careless advice that carries no meaning and gives no comfort or aid to anyone.

transgender people and crossdressers live their labels... they can be ok with this all day...they can dress when they can, they can "partially" transition...they can wish they dressed more or realize they don't want to dress this weekend because its a hassle...they have all kinds of options...they can insist they are the gender they present and that's fine, or they can just be the way they are which is fine too...

Alot of us tried this...just be happy...live your life....well it turns out for transsexuals the only way they can live their lives is as women(mtf)... not transgender not crossdressers that went all the way...just plain women..

we found out that it actually has nothing to do with labels....it actually has nothing to do with being happy either..

i was happy alot of the time until a time came where it was impossible...but it was much worse than that...there was not a moments peace...there was just nothing to live for at all...labels and happiness were nothings...it was just a suffocating trap..
this is how a big majority of us lived it to different degrees..and it spurred many of us to drastic action..if you didn't suffer these feelings, truly that is good for you, but it does not mean anything else....

and if you going along your merry way in fantasy happy no labels land and you are transsexual, you will find out. perhaps Cindy in the OP is finding out and i advised her to take it very seriously, its very serious.

so when you say just be happy or you say who cares about labels,
you are not only missing the point, you are actually not even in the conversation.

[EvaMarie]

I get you and I can relate but I guess I prefer to live in the present, yes I was in a bad place in the time before I knew I wasn't gonna be able to keep my GD bottled up much longer... But just finally coming out to my self and forgiving myself and letting go of all the guilt and shame and just accepting myself was huge for me... I for once at least saw things clearly once I was willing to be honest with myself... For me anyway I was never sure just what the hell was "wrong" with me... It was like a light came on one day and my feelings just couldn't be ignored any longer... I knew it was time and it was scary as hell to think about but it was also VERY empowering to finally have some clarity instead of confusion... Once it all finally mostly made sense I was very happy ;)

But that wasn't the end, it was only the beginning, sure I knew I wanted badly to transition but there were a lot of doubts and fears... I was still under the influence of T after all and there were questions in my mind I didnt have answers for... Like is this for real or is it just some weird kink??? I wasted a lot of energy wondering if I had "autogynephillia".... I was scared Id never be accepted as a woman and that this could all be a HUGE mistake Id regret... I tried to convince myself I could just CD and keep up the man act but I knew that was a lie...

That was all very exhausting so one day I just decided not to worry about and just go for it and try to be happy and I vowed to try to love and accept myself no matter what.... I found the less I worried about all that crap the better I felt and the happier I was... Small steps kept building on each other and my confidence increased... I had and I retain a "I really dont give a **** what you think of me" attitude... I slowly stopped worrying about every little thing from my appearance to how I walked, talked, sat ect... The herbal stuff and then the HRT, getting rid of the T and going on E helped a lot.... Then for a short while I worried if it was real or just the effects of the E... But I soon realized it really didn't matter... I felt so much better and I was so much happier so I just quit worrying about that....

The steps started getting bigger,harder and irreversible like laser and electro on the beard, coming out to family ect... With each one the doubt faded away and my confidence increased... There are times I feel like Im going nowhere but all I have to do is look back at where I came from to see that's not true at all....

I guess thats what I mean when I say dont worry if your not sure, be honest with yourself, give it your best effort and above all try to enjoy the ride and be happy ;)

Now thats just my experience, Im not trying to "brag" just sharing my perspective... Everyone's circumstances are different, I can offer no insight on what to do about a wife and kids or what to do about the job ect...

[MsVal]

I think that Kaitlyn and I are saying similar things in quite different ways.

Outside a clinical context, labels are worth a lot less than a person's feelings and beliefs, and in some cases may actually be harmful.

If gender dysphoria is causing significant misery and the sufferer believes that transition will bring happiness then pursue happiness.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I don't live in the past. Not even a little bit.
However the past informs the future. Ignore the past, and repeat the mistakes of it...simple.

There is nothing inherently pessimistic or dark about taking something seriously. Being realistic about what actually happens over and over again is just being realistic ..no more than that..
It's by NOT taking it seriously enough that transsexuals risk very bad outcomes. That just is what it is..


If i could sum up thousands of messages and why i am here, it is to try to help people beat gender dysphoria. I have posted so many times its all repeated...gender dysphoria is awful(duh)... Use any means neccessary to beat it because it will never stop coming at you...it will only get worse over time..be honest and direct with loved ones, do not make promises because you may not be able to keep them...go to therapy and work hard at it....don't live for therapy, use it to understand how you cope and why you behave the way you do...if the GD gets bad, don't get down on yourself, its just your true self trying to survive...you can't FIGHT gender dysphoria, you can only try to make peace with it, and if you are transsexual (This was your question) you "will find out" that you can't ever make peace with it and you'll be forced to simply survive it.....the "your bell has rung and it cant be unrung" is totally true even if a cliche..
You should try everything you can to avoid transition but if you do transition, do it well... be smart, plan well, be safe, use real doctors, don't lie to your therapist......if you transition lots of people are rooting against you, others are truly afraid for you... your best answer is to THRIVE. and if you do that, you will win almost all of them over and you will find GD completely gone from your life...

characterizing it as pessimistic or dark or in the past is just not meaningful to me... what is meaningful is action that leads to a result.. the result being beating gender dysphoria and learning to live your best quality of life...and everything i say or do here is my best try to help people live their most honest and best quality of life....

[stefan37]

Happiness is relative and not guaranteed by transition!!

[flatlander_48]

Thoughts To Consider:



If you feel driven to crossdress or if it feels like it may be a bit out of control, it may be time to consider finding a therapist to work with
The purpose of working with a therapist is to help you understand where you are currently, how you feel about yourself, understand how attitudes and activities have progressed or changed over your life and begin to help figure out what your path should be

Nothing should happen until YOU understand YOUR situation as you are the one who must live with whatever decisions are made


The categories most mentioned here (crossdresser, transgender and transsexual) are fairly gross descriptions. We run into trouble when we try to include too much detail or add too many qualifiers
When we wear clothes opposite to our gender assignment at birth, it is in support of wishing to present as the other gender. In other words, for most of us crossdressers, the desire to present drives wearing the clothes and not vice-versa


A General Thought For All:

While we within the community usually understand what is meant by the shorthand term "trans", I suspect it is a source of confusion and misunderstanding when communicating with those outside of the community. Using the full terms Transgender and Transsexual consistently and appropriately would probably help clear up much of the misapplication.


DeeAnn