Oh the nerve!

[Cheyenne Skye]

So today I'm at the doctors office for my check up (HRT levels and such). I walk in, go to the reception and check in. Then I head to the restroom. Then I come back to the waiting room and sit down. An older guy comes over and says "They called someone that didn't answer and I thought it might be you." I replied, "I doubt it. I just got here and I'm early". He walks away. A few minutes later, he comes back over. This time he crouches down a little and says quietly, "I just started my journey. One day I hope to look as good as you." Uh, "Thank you."? End of conversation. He walks away again. What nerve? That's like trans 101. Don't call out anybody you suspect is trans too. If I looked so good, what gave me away? Nice back handed compliment, dude.:eek:
The clinic I go to is well known for treating the LGBT community. They also have a lot of low income, uninsured patients too. But that doesn't give anyone the right to call me out like that. I've been fuming about this since. Just needed to vent.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Seeing that we all seem to be getting bloodwork done at the same time... I can say it wasn't me... I know to smile and keep to myself at the Dr's office. Its my time to catch up on the overly outdated magazines. You know.. the lastest Spring 2014 styles.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Leah Lynn]

I, too, may just smile, and go back to the magazine or paper. I'm the sort, that if I'm reading, I'm busy; leave me alone!

Leah

[kimdl93]

Lighten up. Perhaps this person was a bit presumptuous, but if you're still fuming about it you need to chill.

[Sammy777]

It comes down to context
Were you the only two in the waiting room?
Were there other people close by that could have overheard?
Granted, how they went about it wasn't the best, but there is still no need to get that pissy about it.
It happens, get over it. There are far worse things that can be said or worse yet done to you.

[Cheyenne Skye]

It comes down to context
Were you the only two in the waiting room?
Were there other people close by that could have overheard?
Granted, how they went about it wasn't the best, but there is still no need to get that pissy about it.
It happens, get over it. There are far worse things that can be said or worse yet done to you.

For reference there were several other people in the waiting room including right behind me.

[Persephone]

So sorry it happened. I definitely know what that feels like.

I would suggest that there are three things that may have been at work in your situation.

1) You were in a clinic office which you say "is well known for treating the LGBT community." Any time you are in such a place, be it a clinic or an LGBT club you are far more likely to be "read" than you would be in a place that is not particularly identified as LGBT.

2) The nature of the clinic, "well known for treating the LGBT community," suggests that it is likely to be in an LGBT neighborhood, again an area where someone is more likely to be "read" and in which such an overt contact might be considered "we're all in this together" friendly.

3) We're the "in crowd" of the year, celebrities thanks to the many television shows, magazine articles, awards programs, etc. That somehow seems to make people feel we are approachable in our daily lives.

None of these relieve the sting when it happens, but they may help to explain why it happens.

While it most certainly makes us feel uncomfortable, even a bit violated, I'm afraid for now we are going to have to learn to live with it. Responding warmly, without the anger we may feel, could be of enormous help to someone "just starting" and in other cases could help educate the outside world. As a part of that education we can also mention that there is a certain etiquette to such encounters.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Jorja]

Sorry you had to put up with that. It could have been worse though. When I was at that point, I walked in to my doctors office and a man across the room spoke out loud. Hey Fag, why don't come over and sit by me? The waiting room was packed. I was mortified!

[STACY B]

Sounds like something I would do ,,, SORRY ,, SORRY ,, I am a TALKER ,, SORRY ,,, An what makes it Double Bad is I was Just in the Doctors office yesterday doing the same exact thing ! I mean the SAME THING ,, TRUE STORY !! Different state though ,, I think ?

[Kate T]

So this GUY came over to you, gave you a compliment, and HE walked away. Gee that DUDE didn't go to trans school.

C'mon Chey, I think you may need to check the plank in your own eye before commenting on the splinter in someone else's. This older individual is just beginning their journey, they have probably had to summon up an insane amount of courage to actually get to a doctors office to talk about the possibility of HRT, they are likely as nervous and anxious as all hell and by the sounds of things have a poor self image. And your upset because they reached out to communicate and said you looked good.

In life you can be a glass half empty or a glass half full person. Which would you like to be Cheyenne?

[Cheyenne Skye]

I used those pronouns because the person presented as male. I just didn't appreciate that he was possibly drawing attention to me when I wanted to blend in. In a more private setting I would gladly talk to the person and help them if I could.

[LeaP]

It could have been worse. I mean, what if he's FtM? :devil:

Best not to stew over these things ...

[Rachelakld]

Newbees, who wants them?
I had a sparky newbee who electrocuted himself so many times I lost count.

Maybe best way to take it, is in the spirit the SENDER intended - as a compliment, he probably didn't think any further than that, but without a mentor, who will teach him Trans 101?

[Nicole Erin]

People often know we are trans and for that - yes we tend to get a ton of compliments for our looks.
Take it in stride, appreciate it.
There will be a lot of weird (though with good intentions) questions or commenta and sometimes it is annoying but just let it roll off.

AND - the people who detect us the easiest are those who are familiar with the LGBT life.

[Eringirl]

I too do not approach unless it is just banal conversation to pass the time, but never acknowledge they are trans. But I wouldn't ignore them just because I see them as trans. I would just treat them as any other gal. I also think that it was insensitive, but from the context I don't think with malicious intent. As was stated, a "newbie" that hasn't figured it out yet.

But I do get your point. It is a bit of a shot to the self esteem.

[Krisi]

In your mind he shouldn't have done it but he had no way of knowing that. He was probably looking for a friend or at least someone to talk to.

We all have unpleasant (in our own minds) incidents from time to time. We have to learn to put them behind us and move on.

[STACY B]

Maybe he wouldn't have clocked you in the world ,, Just may have been placement of where you were at the time ? He was in there for the same reason you were an he saw a kendrid soul ? I feel your pain ,, With all the time an work you put in an it was all for nothing you feel ,, Bull ,, There may have been the slightest hint that he picked up on ,, Just think how he felt being the only guy there ,, I was in the Gyno's office just the other day an I could just imagine a whole bunch of woman in there an then ME ,, An all them looking Crazy at me ,, It is a single office with no other doctors in her office .

I am not down playing it at all for you ,, I just think that as thick as our skin has to be we could give a helping hand an maybe he was out of line an maybe you should have pulled him aside an Schooled him on the ways of Trans folk so he would know in the future ?

I am just saying you can peg a Drunk easy at the BAR ,, A Gambler at the Casino ,,, A Crazy person at the Crazy house ,, But out in public there just the same as everyone else . JUST SAYING ,,, There are chics all over that look like Dudes ,,, An dudes that look like chics ,, What I think gave it away was Location ,, Not presentation !!

[Karen62]

That's like trans 101.

Cheyenne, I have never had to deal with this situation, so I cannot truly know how you feel. But as a relative newbie to this forum (and to self-acceptance, for that matter, which has finally allowed to heal and start on my own journey toward transition), I empathize with the self-identified newbie who spoke to you. Not because I would do the same thing (I think common sense does play a part in discouraging this), but I also was lurking on this forum reading about everyone else's experiences long before I finally joined and starting participating, much less before I went to the doctor to begin HRT.

If this person is true to their word and are new to their journey, then perhaps your call out for Trans 101 is apt. At least in that they have not yet experienced Trans 101. Remember in college a 101-level class is entry-level collegiate, but some classes offered are remedial (high school-level - I remember taking what was commonly called Football Player Math in college -- yeah, math was never my best subject!). Perhaps this person was unfortunately at a remedial Trans level, didn't know any other trans people to learn from, and was not a big Internet user so was not reading forums. Yeah, it was a dunderhead move, but it was innocent enough, and sweet, to be honest.

I hope that if I am ever in a similar situation, I will remember my origins, my beginnings, and just smile, perhaps wink, and let it pass on by. At least the person walked away and didn't start up a full-blown interview with you! And holy crap, Jorja's story -- that was over-the-top horrible, simply nauseating to hear. :puke:

I wish you patience in your future encounters with the less knowledgeable, less thoughtful trans folks you meet. I do love this forum, but sometimes I crave the idea of just talking face-to-face with a local trans sister, just to know there's a real person who is experiencing (or has already experienced) the same things as me. Perhaps that is all that person who spoke to you was hoping to do.

I hope your weekend gets better, Cheyenne!

Karen

[charlenesomeone]

Cheyenne, sorry for how that went. I met a someone at a LGBT event and even there I just
encouraged her as she was having a bad day. At the laser clinic, saw 2 girls, just smiled. I agree
that what that guy did, since I presume he was presenting as a guy was wrong.
Hugs