To all you brave girls that transitioned

[cassiekat]

I respect you immensely. I am 36 and I feel it's too late for me(please don't say how young I am ) and I don't think I can handle anymore. So if my journey comes to transition or die, I feel I'll pick the latter. I am not saying this for a pity party or anything, it just opened my eyes to what wonderful, strong, courageous human beings all of you are. Saddly for every one of you how many didn't make it? Don't want to depress anyone just needed to get that off my chest.

[Jenessa]

I started at 45 and cant pass in front of Stevie Wonder...at midnight...on a moonless night...even if I kept my mouth shut. Best decision I ever made, I'm happier and all thoughts of suicide that I have been dealing with for the last two and a half decades are gone. You're not to old.

[Karolyn]

You said "please don't say", but I will say it. You are young enough to transition! I am 33, so pretty close to your age, and I am constantly getting comments on how young and lucky I am. Do not let age discourage you.

Also, I am in contact with other TGs from this site and I know 3 TGs in person, and the result is always the same: life changing experience. People are much happier, at any age. People of all ages will always have regrets to not be younger: people in their 50s wish they were in their 30s, I'm in my 30s, I wish I was in my 20s, and probably people in their 20s wish they were transition before puberty, when it is the best time. On this forum, there are apparently people transitioning in their 60s too.

I would honestly go to a gender therapist if I were you. Mine did so much good, and it is incredible how well she could read my mind. My therapist has about 8 GD clients a day, so she knows what to say to people.

Are you currently a once-in-a-while CDer, or do you CD almost everyday? Are you closeted or are you having a life en femme outside? If you are closeted and that is blocking you, know that it took me 2 months from completely closeted to doing my shopping en femme and interact with people. So it is never too late!

Hope you feel better soon about your situation, and keep us informed of the progress please.

[Dianne S]

I am still transitioning. I started at age 47 and have just turned 48. Don't give up.

[LeaP]

OMG - 36? You aren't too old. We have kids your age.

[Anne2345]

I am 45 years old. I am well into my transition, and pushing full steam ahead. I am anything but courageous. I am not brave. And I am far from being wonderful.

I am, however, strong. But I didn't start off strong. I started off much like you - weak, depressed, little confidence, confused, overwhelmed, and full of self-pity, just to name a few things.

You will learn that you do what you have to do when you have to do it. Whatever "it" may be . . . .

Whether you are young, middle-age, or old, it doesn't really matter. Age is relative, and in many ways, in so far as any of *this* is concerned, it's irrelevant regardless. It's gonna be what it's gonna be, so there is no need to prematurely shut any doors when you really have no idea what doors you will need to ultimately walk through in the end, anyways.

Find a good therapist. Join a local TG support group. Seek out and introduce yourself to members of your local trans-community. And most importantly, give yourself a fighting chance at figuring whatever it is you need to do to move forward with your life in the most productive and healthy manner possible . . . .

It's doable, Cassie. ALL of this is doable . . . .

[cassiekat]

It's family issues, I told my mom at 13 years old and it was the worst experience of my life. My mother told me who I was going to be and I tried to live up to her ideal anyway I could. 15 started drinking heavy and smoking pot to keep a lid on things tried the military once during each of my 2 failed marriages. I have a 15 year old daughter that I haven't seen in 12 years but she's doing good and having a happy life because I did walk away. I've been manipulated by my second ex with my crossdressing.I am having a bit of a meltdown. I think I'll go to sleep, goodnight thanks for the support.

[Brooklyn]

You are never too old to be true to yourself. You're probably on the youngish side for this forum, actually. For goodness sakes, do whatever you need to do to make life worth living.

[Nicole Erin]

The thing is this -
the "ideal" is for someone to transition before 18. But, most of us don;t have that luxury. At that age, people do not own their lives just yet anyways.

We have a lady on here TWICE your age who transitioned.

When transitioning older (let's say over 30) you just have to keep your expectations realistic. We are not going to look like
Ashley Smith's avatar (assuming it is the lady with head up and brushing back her hair). We are not going to have men trying to "woo" us. No, you just get up, try to look your best, and go about your day.

The majority of transition is the social part. Not like surgeries are gonna magically make someone a woman. I really don;t see the point of surgeries anyways, not at my age or beyond (that could be it's own thread).
I am 40 and while I do not call myself a "TS" (perhaps transgender at least). I had no surgeries etc. But, I live each day as a woman and have a normal life.

About "making it" - SRS, FFS, body hair removal etc come to mind but what about these goals -
Live a normal life, work a legit 9 to 5 grind (or something for "the man" to overwork and under-pay people), have friends, maybe date a little....

The good news is if you put forth an HONEST effort, you can still be pretty. Almost every day I get a compliment from someone about something. Yeah there are insults now and then but the nice VS rude comments are about 50 or 100 to 1.

It wasn't until 35 I went full time. Took a long time to develop confidence, but it came once I -
Got a legit job, had friends who do NOT judge me, Got laid by a couple women, and was able to dress how I like without fear.

Here is what a 40 year old TG with no surgeries looks like, I think I did alright....
You may do better.

[Eringirl]

Cassie... as with the others, I am going to "say it". While it is better physically to transition when young, the right time for some one to transition is when it is right for them. I was contemplating transitioning 17 years ago, but the timing was not right for me. I was not as committed to the idea, had young children and limited finances. Also, resources were much more limited than they are now. I am 55. Personally, I love they way I look as my real self (my avatar is an honest reflection of who I am). The first question I asked my gender therapist a month ago was "Am I too old". She couldn't say "NO" fast enough!! She has been doing this for 15 years and her patients range from 16 - 76 years of age for transition. She has no issues with it. Now, will HRT have as much impact on me now as it would someone in their teens? Nope. But, there will be an impact, physically and mentally, and I would rather live out the time I have left in true honesty than the alternative, which would not be good.

My thoughts for you would be to talk with someone about it. See what a plan might look like. The first step of that plan may be to get yourself organized to be able to move out of your parents house and be self sufficient. And that may take some time. But the good news is, you've got time. You may not think so. But you do. Look, all of us wish we could have started the process sooner, but we all have our own time. It is not a race. The important thing is to speak with someone to get grounded, find out some options, take baby steps to move forward. I can hear and feel your pain and desperation in your words. Please try to speak to a professional. Keep posting here. You are not alone. Ever.

Take a breath. Look up. There is a star somewhere up there with your name on it. You too can shine as brightly as it does.



Here is what a 40 year old TG with no surgeries looks like, I think I did alright....
You may do better.

Seriously!?? That photo should be your avatar. Wonderful!!

[Krisi]

After reading your second post, I do think you should see a therapist. You need to find a way to deal with your problems that's not self-destructive and I fear that's the way you are heading. Get help soon.

[Rachel Smith]

I too felt the same as you Cassie and I would venture that many here did at one time. It is not hopeless however. I didn't start transition until 57. Therapy worked wonders for me and most here so find one and find out who you really are. The calm that is in my head now is still somewhat foreign to me even after 2 years of having it. I found with the help from my therapist and the ladies here there is nothing I can't do only things I am too afraid to experience for fear of the repercussions. Before I made the transition all I did was wash myself with self-pity and was terribly depressed to the point of not wanting to get out of bed. Please don't get like that before you seek help.

Edit: Yes that's me over <<<<<

[PatMatoole]

Two words

Bruce Jenner

[Angela Campbell]

30 is too old? Wow i wish my therapist or doctor had told me, I began at 54....damn.

you have issues to deal with but your age isn't one of them.

[Eryn]

Who says that transition is imperative? Many of us live happily in the middle ground. Later, with experience, you may see a viable path to full transition if that is what you still desire.

Many things that seemed impossible to me a few years ago are now relatively trivial. That's what experience did for me.

[STACY B]

Hell I started AGAIN at 48 ,, The first time at 46 ,, It's never too late until they put you in a Box . Seems you haven't dealt with your acceptance yet ? Hey don't feel bad it takes some of us Dam near a Lifetime to accept it . But finally putting one foot in front of the other an just jump . Takes a lot of time an patience ,,

Never say Never ,, You will get it one day ,, Might be just the opposite your not old enough yet ?

[CONSUELO]

I have one friend who began to transition while in his early twenties. Another when in his late fifties. As far as I know both of them are very happy with their decision and have no regrets.

I suspect that your challenge goes beyond choosing to transition or not. I would urge you to find a counsellor with whom you can open up about your life and where you would like to go with it. I hope you can find someone as when I read your post I picture a person in torment. Don't stay in torment.

[Michelle.M]

I am 36 and I feel it's too late for me

36! Crikey, I've got stuff in my purse older than that! I started at 52, just turned 57 yesterday. I wouldn't go back to pre-transitionland for all the money ever printed.

You're throwing smoke. When the anxiety of living life the way it is now becomes greater than your uncertainty of transitioning then no excuse ever conceived will be sufficient to dissuade you.

[cassiekat]

Thanks all of you for the support, I am having a real hard time right now. I have been in therapy for about 20+ months and hospitalized 3 times in these last 2 years. One I don't remember well because it was a failed suicide attempt. Woke up in the hospital and was mad that I woke up. Just tried to get out and go back to work. Now I have been unemployed for about a year and just got meds for ADD and that seems to have me up and trying abit to get back out in the world, but no one in my family realises how big a problem this is for me. I have had a lot of mental health professionals diminish the effect this has on my life.

[Aprilrain]

If you can, get new mental health professionals!

I started transitioning at 35

[becky77]

36 was when I started, yes I wish I was younger, who doesn't? But, think of all the time ahead with this new lease of life. I couldn't bare to get to 46 knowing I had wasted yet another ten years and be even more bitter and full of regret, regret was a powerful motivator for me.

[Kimberly Kael]

I started at 40 and I don't regret having done so. I wouldn't mind being a decade or two younger, but then I suspect that applies not just to trans people but anyone who realizes that the years are starting to add up.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I transitioned at 47.

Cassie i hope you take seriously good care of yourself.

Just like everybody, its your own life, for you to live as best you can...

People that underestimate what this means often just don't understand and you can push them aside and move on...even in little tiny steps

If you are depressed or have other mental health issues, you need to take care of that specifically even if you think its only about gender, you can still try to deal with the depression directly and medically.

I had mental health issues and its very possible they were related to my gender problem, but i tried to deal with them separately and that was very helpful to me.

There are LOTS of people here and in the world that understand what you are going through, you are not alone!!! You cannot allow yourself to think this because its not true...

[Rebecca Watson]

So if my journey comes to transition or die, I feel I'll pick the latter.

Be careful: this turns into reality for a lot of us girls. Look after yourself.

- Becky

[Nicole Erin]

One thing to not forget about life in general -
the world is always telling people they are either too young or too old to do what they want.

If I forgot to mention, I went full time shortly after I turned 36. Walked out of court with name change papers and from there it was like, "swim or sink"

[Michelle789]

Cassie, it's never too late to transition. I am 34 and I'm less than a year into my transition. I dressed publicly as a woman for the first time a little over a year ago. I went close to full-time 10 months ago, I am 8 months on HRT, and 8 months full time. I too was at the transition or die point two years ago. I seriously wanted to die two years ago, I thought there was no hope. I joined this forum and once I started taking serious steps towards transition, I no longer wanted to die. I am living happily as a woman full-time and there's no turning back.

You're not alone, many of us have been through this path. Plenty of us have transitioned well past the age of 36 - some of us here transitioned at 50 or 60. Please feel free to send me a PM if you need to talk. Hugs :)

[Ann Louise]

Cassiecat, I started my journey almost three years ago, and have completed all the surgeries I need to. I have finally found happiness after many years of searching. I am 61.

[Astri]

I think it will always feel like we should've transitioned earlier, no matter the age. Makes sense though, as we should've been born female. That's at least how I see it.
I felt it was too late for me, when I 3 years ago thought about the option to transition, and I'm 23 now. I ended up wanting to be a girl so much that I didn't really care if I wouldn't become the cutest girl in town, so I went to a therapist. That therapist recommended to join some Transexual forums, and here I am, reading stories about how people have transitioned at any age, and they all seem happy about the decision.

Give it a chance, and I hope you'll feel better soon :3

[Alice_2014_B]

I met a transsexual for the first time last week at band practice, at least the first time I knew that the person was on hormones and transitioning. I can tell you that she is older than 36 and has been on hormones for three years. She is very passable, I personally would have never known had I obviously not known ahead of time. She is basically the drummer for our band.
She is very very funny! We instantly clicked and she would just have me rolling at impressions and stuff.
:)

[Jamie M]

Hi cassie,

A few years back I found myself in exactly the position you describe, transition or die. In my case my partner had forever warned me from the beginning of our relationship that to transition would mean the end of our relationship and so with her and our children being my life and losing them meant the end of my world , there literally seemed no way out. Transition meant death , staying as I was meant death. It was all I could see . Fortunately for me I still had the sanity to know that I needed help and needed it quick and my GP was extremely understanding and helpful. I pray that if you ever do find yourself in the same position and you feel that death is your only way out that you also have to sense to ask for that help too. I never thought I could make it through transition and the hard days that followed. I never though I was brave enough but it's amazing what strength you can find in yourself when you need to. I did what needed to be done to be around in some form for my children as even in this way I'm better for them than not being here at all. BTW i'll be 38 this year so as much as you don't want to be told how young you are, you really are not that old ;)