There Goes My Hero! Or, Heroine!

[TinaZ]

PaulaQ started a great discussion about some of the differences between crossdressers and transsexuals, and part of my response was a compliment to her for living her life authentically.

To which she responded:




Thanks, but I'm really no big deal ....

I didn't wanna derail that conversation, so I started this thread.

Yes, Paula, you ARE a big deal. In fact, this website is brimming with heroes and heroines who awe me with their lives of courage and valor and strength. And I think those things should be lauded.

I think of people like Paula who made the journey and posts here with poise and grace. And I think of Isha who took transgender issues to the Canadian military. Or Donna who revealed herself to her motorcycle club. Or to April (formerly Daisy), who is balancing being out at work, staying supportive to her kid and keeping life in check. Or Jenny Elwood who is discovering when to push a little and when to pull back a little, because her SO is struggling with this. Or, my goodness, Julie Guam, who teaches us to embrace ourselves no matter where we are in life. Or Rogina B, who serves as part of Julie's support system. Or anyone stepping out of the house for the first time. Or anyone posting a picture for the first time.

Anyone on this twisting transgender road is a big deal to me. I won't lay out too much of my personal struggle, but I'm battling 40-ish years of shame, and this shame takes me to frighteningly dark places some days. But at least I'm now engaged in the battle, and because of that, I'm kinda a big deal, too.

Love, honor, strength, courage and happiness to all of you - my heroic friends!

[Donnagirl]

I'm still president and number one ticket holding member of the TinaZ fan club... You rock girl!!!!

Wish I had your talents both musically and for looking soooooo good!

Hugs,

Donna

[charlenesomeone]

Hear,Hear Tina. To all those and those that are in the background.
Hugs

[alwayshave]

One of the reasons I have come to this forum and stayed, is the number of individuals who are brave and committed themselves and like minded individuals. I love reading their opinions, insights and stories. So Tina, I fully agree with you.

[SherriePall]

Tina -- My hat (femme-style) is off to all those girls you mentioned and many others who have affected our lives over the years. Thank you for starting this thread and put yourself on the list, too.

[Rachael Leigh]

Tina your so awesome too and you always seem to have such a positive message to us all especially with your cute little singing videos, look we who are here just want to feel as if we are not alone in the many struggles this brings in our lives be that being full TS or TG or just a closeted CD its not easy being us or as Kermit put it its not easy being green. Maybe for us its not easy wearing a dress lol. So this is a hard road but you make it fun for us and we all at times just have to step back and do just that have fun with it and laugh.

[MissusMeagan]

Couldn't agree more. Pretty much the main reason that I joined this forum as a GG and spouse was observing the honest, authentic support that my husband has found here as she navigates her own journey.

And now I'll have the Foo Fighters stuck in my head for the rest of the day, which is the opposite of a bad thing.

Standing ovation to YOU, Ms. Tina Zee!

[Debi]

What a lovely positive post and I couldn't agree more.

xxx

[Isabella Ross]

Tina, the only way you could have made this post better would have been to sing/play it to the tune of "We Are the Champions".

Couldn't agree more. But also can't help but hope for a day when we can all just exist and thrive in public without heroic measures.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

To those about to cry, we salute you.

Well said Tina.

[Lorileah]

I hear "you are so brave" all the time. I Am in a very similar position as Paula (we have discussed many things that we both have gone through). But like Paula, I have to say I am not all that brave, I am not fearless. I am scared often about where I am going but I (like Paula I think) want those who follow to see the speed bumps and maybe avoid them. In my case (and I won't speak for all the TSs) it isn't bravery so much as survival. Knowing things if kept hidden will make you less happy, less healthy.

I have "known" Paula since she joined. I watched her grow and right now I think she is in a good place. But she didn't just jump there. She worked for it, she suffered for it and I think if you ask her she had help and support along the way. At least I did...and still do. We are a community, the transgender community, which in my definition is everyone who presents in a gender opposite fashion. We help each other, we support each other.

You are all brave and you are all amazing in your own way. This is an adventure. It isn't scripted. But you can do it :) So when we are modest, we are being truthful.

[Jeri Ann]

Tina I think I speak for many here when I say you need to be on that list.

Jeri

[Nicolesmyth]

I'll just ditto what all the ladies have already said.
I too (as I'm sure most of us did or are or will) experience the shame. One day all is good and the next the guilt hits me right in the face. Here's to travelling the "twisting transgender road" together. Stay positive my heroine!

[Marcelle]

Hi Tina,

I agree with Isabelle in that you signature musical presentation would have been awesome. What a wonderful sentiment but I think this thread should be about us honoring each other as we all share this journey together and I know from my own perspective I take away far more than I give here . . . thanks to all you wonderful folks, each brave in their own way. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Kandi Robbins]

Thanks Tina for the salute to all of our brave sisters here! You mention 40ish years of shame, I know what you mean, 48 years of shame, guilt and self-loathing. I finally said no more, let's embrace this! From that point forward, everything changed. My outlook on life, I stopped abusing alcohol, dropped a ton of weight and shed more hair that your typical polar bear. I am now engaged in life, not sitting by watching it pass me by. I understand life is not easy (believe me, I understand!), but my life has become so much better with Kandi in it. Not only have I become a very happy and joyful person, I have opened my heart to many of the girls I have been blessed to meet.

Well said young lady!

[Victoria Demeanor]

As one of the new gals on this site, I wanted to chime in and say thank you Tina and thank you all. I gravitated to this site and found so many wonderfully, courageous, helpful and friendly people here. You all amaze me every day in so many ways. I salute all of you.
Since we are talking about hero and heroines, and please pardon me, but I would like to give a call out to a girl that is not on this site and that would be my father. She transitioned in the early 70’s and I could not fathom it then and still can not imagine what she went through back then. Kind of makes my fears of cross dressing seem minor.
So to all of you, and all the pioneers that came before, thank you and keep up the good fight. I think we are winning.

[Beverley Sims]

Not bravery so much as a solution that has to be resolved.

Have you ever painted yourself into a corner?

There are a lot of tough decisions to be made..

You do have to have courage to carry them out.

I still applaud those that get on with it and if you don't, there is still time.

[Dianne S]

Tina,

You are awesome! Shame? Are you kidding? Your videos are amazing. You should be really proud of who you are and what you do, not ashamed.

[Jenny Elwood]

Hi Tina. Thanks for the mention. You certainly are my favourite TG musician (and a good looking one at that).

What concerns the pushing and pulling, I think I need to quit pushing for a while and do a lot more of the pulling back for the forseeable future. I need to be good to my wife again. I've got to a point where I've become very selfish and self obsessed. I almost forgot my wedding anniversary last week being so busy with Jenny stuff. My wife deserves better. It's Jenny night tonight but when I get back home tomorrow, I will try and just be her man for a while. She may be a tough cookie, but I love that woman.

For what it's worth, I think all of you are smart as well... :)

[justmetoo]

Tina, you are one of the heroes/heroines as well! Well-written post.

[Ally 2112]

I will keep it simple Tina you Rock ! :)

[PaulaQ]

Tina, thank you so much, you are way too kind, and really, I am no big deal.

But like Paula, I have to say I am not all that brave, I am not fearless. I am scared often about where I am going but I (like Paula I think) want those who follow to see the speed bumps and maybe avoid them

Oddly enough, even though I'm still pretty dysphoric sometimes, I'm really not afraid. My therapist likes to point out that my death wish comes in handy?!

[paulaprimo]

well said tina, i couldn't agree with you more!!
paulaQ and lorileah have been a big inspiration to me and i'm sure
many others here also. being humble is another wonderful quality
you beautiful ladies have. you have blazed a path for those whom
choose to follow. i have learned so much and gained a ton of
confidence and is the major reason why i love this forum! :)

[kimdl93]

There are a lot of really good role models here, appropriate for whatever path one chooses.

[TinaZ]

Y

Since we are talking about hero and heroines, and please pardon me, but I would like to give a call out to a girl that is not on this site and that would be my father. She transitioned in the early 70’s and I could not fathom it then and still can not imagine what she went through back then. Kind of makes my fears of cross dressing seem minor.
So to all of you, and all the pioneers that came before, thank you and keep up the good fight. I think we are winning.

Wow! Victoria, I did not know this. How amazing! Yes, trail blazers like your father are, without a doubt, truly heroic.

[MissTee]

You go, Tina Zee!

[flatlander_48]

As some here know, I spent 6 years in Taiwan as an ex-patriate. My wife would come over for 3 or 4 months at a time. Several years ago on our wedding anniversary she had a very bad bicycle accident that resulted in a spinal cord injury. The result was that this fiercely independent, motorcycle-riding, rock-climbing, roof-walking woman now lives her life from a wheelchair.

What she learned very early on is how much of society views disabled people. The words Brave and Inspiration come up frequently, presumably because people believe they are being complimentary. The truth is that the vast majority of disabled people bristle at the sound of those words. It can feel like people are trying to separate them from the rest of us. All they are trying to do is live their lives as best they can, be as useful as possible and feel that they are still a viable member of society. It is what they MUST do in order to make sense of their lives and to feel whole. In this context, Brave and Inspiration are words that disabled people would just as soon not hear.

A much better way to look at it is to consider this. When we see someone truly struggle and doggedly move forward or even fight like hell just to hold station, we must appreciate, encourage and respect their efforts. While it may seem like Don Quixote tilting at windmills, there are real victories to be won. And best of all, it is a competition within ourselves. That makes it relative and not absolute. The comparison is to what you could do yesterday or last month or last year. It is a reminder of what is possible.

So, within the confines of this thread, there is the reminder that it is possible to deal with long-standing issues by continuing to punch at them and not give up. It is possible to align the disparate parts of ourselves and be the person that we are supposed to be. It is possible to avoid being hung up on perfection by reminding ourselves that when all is said and done, Winning Ugly is the same as Winning. And we must always be reminded of our humanity and our flaws. In a way I guess, it may be why we tend to cheer for the underdog. It is a matter of how far you can get by doing the best with what you have to work with.

By my observation, folks here are pretty much like you would find in the outside world. We care for our families, we put effort into our jobs, we try to be good citizens, but there is something different about us. We have an extra layer where different thoughts about gender reside. It's not good or bad; it just IS. But for many, it is a source of decades of internal struggle. And sadly, not everyone gets to a point of reconciliation.

DeeAnn

[TinaZ]

Hi DeeAnn:

Your post is powerful. And it's a good reminder that we all are in some sort of battle. We all are doing what we can to survive and thrive. Victories are victories, and whether it's wiggling a toe, or stepping out in heels, or putting on lipstick, or smiling at ourselves in the mirror, these victories are real and relevant, not matter on what scale. Your words: "It is a matter of how far you can get by doing the best with what you have to work with" are beautiful and apply to all of us! Thank you so much!

I'm emboldened because you all are here for me. And please know, I'm here, too, for you!

Tina

[Michelle789]

I've been off the forum lately, so I haven't been reading or posting much lately, and I haven't got to Paula's CD vs TS thread yet.

But I want to personally you Paula for all of your support you've given me in helping me to accept my true gender identity, and to take steps to start living authentically, and for helping me with my relationship problems too. You've been a real inspiration on this forum :)

I'm also really proud of you about choosing to wear clothes that look and feel right on you, and are not so concerned about trying to dress like everyone else for the sake of fitting in. I used to struggle with this intensely before I accepted that I would dress in nice clothes and not fear what others would think of me. I'll also be going to the "Not feminine enough" thread next.


I hear "you are so brave" all the time.

I hear this all the time from all the cis-gender people in my life. Like Paula, Lorileah, and others, I'm not brave. I may appear to be brave to a cis-gender person, but I am simply living my life. In reality, I was so scared of what others were going to think. I was really scared about what my family, AA, work, neighbors, and everyone else in my life was going to think - that they were going to think I am crazy, a freak, missing a few screws. Everyone of us works hard to accept ourselves, and to overcome the fears in living as our authentic self, whereever on the spectrum that may be.

Now, onto the "Not feminine enough" and CD vs TS threads.