Went shopping for the first time in years

[talonX]

I haven't posted anything for a while, but I actually went to Victoria's Secret and bought a pair of thigh highs yesterday, and, in spite of the potential complications to my life, I feel great about it. I hadn't shopped for anything in a long time, and I have not had any fem clothes since my girlfriend moved in with me.

Fast recap - I was in a latency period (didn't want to dress at all) when she moved in about 2 1/2 years ago. I've made some jokes from time to time, but she has made it clear that crossdressing is something she would never accept. Over the past 6 months or so, my desires to dress have come screaming back. We have also been having relationship issues for a while now, some rather serious, and serious enough to make me wonder if I want to continue.

Okay, end of relationship talk. I got my stockings. I haven't put them one yet, as I had about a grand total of 15 minutes yesterday to do so and I want to savor it. What struck me the most about the experience was how nervous I was not. While I still did the "getting these for my girlfriend" thing, it felt more like a natural thing than anything else. Oh, and I'd forgotten how flippin' great VS smells ;)

Now they are hidden, and I'm really not worried about getting caught. At least not as worried as I probably should be. Lately I have felt that before I never completely embraced my fem side, but now feel like I really want to dive in all the way. Finances and circumstances are in the way right now, but rather than feeling frantic or stressed about it, I have a zen-like calm about it. Buying a pair of stocking has made me feel better than I have in a while, and I'm still working on the implications of that.

I'm looking forward to wearing the stockings Monday when I know I'll have time. I really wanted to share this, and typing this out helps to organize my thoughts a bit. I have limited opportunity to reply to any posts over the weekend, but I'll definitely update as I can.

I really, really can't wait to put those on, though!

[DanielleLee]

Congrats on your purchase!

I'm hoping that you can sort out the issues with your SO. Based on your post, she will not be supportive of any CDing, which is a shame... but that's life for some of us. I would urge caution with your new feelings... "no worried about getting caught" or "wonder if I want to continue" That could be your subconscious wanting to get caught and getting it out in the open. That's totally fine too, but once its out... it's out. Make sure you're ready to take that next step.

Hope you have a great Monday

[AngelaYVR]

You don't want to get caught by the gf if your relationship is rocky. She could leave you and tell everyone.

[kimdl93]

I'd spend some time talking with her about the relationship problems, so that the two of you can make a decision About going forward together or separately. Most relationships have problems of one sort or op another. The ones that last differ in the way problems are recognized and addressed.

As for your dressing, try to think about what part you want it to play in your life. Don't use it as a wedge to drive between you and your GF or an excuse not to understand or resolve your differences.

[talonX]

Thanks for the responses! I've definately thought about if I unconsciously want to get caught, and I'm kinda policing myself on that. I really, really don't want to use dressing as a wedge, and I don't want it to be the reason we break up.

But I feel like I took an important step and I'm feeling a bit more like myself. In a weird way I feel less stressed.

I calm I feel about getting the stockings to me says that this is something I need to do for myself. I don't know how it can or should fit this into the rest of my life, but I feel better in general.

But I do appreciate being kept honest about not using the dressing as a relationship grenade.

[Beverley Sims]

How close are you to your GF?
Will dressing be a deal breaker?

You do seem to be between a rock and a hard place.
I wish you well.

[talonX]

Hi Beverly! My girlfriend and I are close, but many of the relationship issues we have have put some distance there - fighting, money issues, etc, and let me just interject that I have plenty of responsibility for those issues. Some of the fights have been bad enough that she started looking for a new place to live. We are somewhat working things out but there are still a lot of problems. It's been stressful, but the dressing or desire to has not been a relationship issue, but it had been a source of stress for me. Allowing myself this (the stockings) has actually given me a sense of relief.

It is a tough spot to be in, but I feel more and more at ease with my desire to be femme/feminized. Not sure where the rest is going right now.

I wish work took me out of town where I could do a makeover though!

[Teresa]

Talon,
I hope you take care when you finally get to wear them, and check your finger and toe nails so you don't snag them !! Enjoy the moment !!

First time events always make me smile, when I finally found a way to buy my first pair of heels from a retail shop the SA asked me to put some knee highs on before I could try the shoes, and that was in front of other customers, there was no chickening out at that point !!

[talonX]

Hi Teresa! I thought about that! While this isn't my first time in stockings, its the first time in a while, and I do remember ruining quite a few pairs just like that. This does feel like a first time all over again, though.