Balance and Faded Desire

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o All,
So recently I've been in one of those no dressing periods.
Life has been fairly busy, and as the weather gets warmer, it seems to get busier!
My interest is still there, and as strong as ever, hell, I'm here all the time.
Opportunity is also always available, my SO knows, and we actually are living in seperate houses at the moment.
I have heard of other friends that are going through a similar experience at this very same time.
(Yeah you Katie 8's, 57, 58 days! What?)
Anyway, my question is this...
If you have been through this, or not. Do you think it would be
a good idea to dress, even if the true desire to do it wasn't there?
Would it help keep that "balance" that we all know is so important?
What would you do?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Jenny Elwood]

If the desire's not there don't do it. I've dressed in the past through sheer boredom, it's a sure fire way of re-kindling that desire and before soon you want to be dressed again all the time! Rather use the time for something useful, like building a better relationship with your girlfriend. Don't chase it, it'll probably chase you before long again.

[Lynn Marie]

I've been able to dress and go wherever I like for many years now and I've found that the obsession to dress has totally faded away and a more mature and practical dressing regimen has taken its place. I no longer dress for sexual gratification and the face painting and dressing takes a minimum of 90 minutes. So I only dress for club nights, lunch and dinner dates with girlfriends, and visiting CD girlfriends. It's just so much easier to dress in boy mode when I'm pursuing other hobbies, doing chores, and just kicking back for the afternoon.

[Hell on Heels]

Hello Jenny,
My concern is more that the desire, although faded, is still there. Getting caught up in the daily grind is the driving force behind this all.
But, also getting those "honey do" manly projects done, as well as building on our relationship is on my mind.
If I ignore the faint desire, and that desire keeps building, eventually it will build to a point where I get irritable, and consequently will
destroy any of the relationship building we have made.

So Lynn, how often are these club nights, and lunch dates with friends?
I don't dress for sexual gratification, and if needed I can get "street" ready in an hour.
If I had an afternoon off, sitting around dressed would probably be enjoyable.

I guess I'm more concerned about the "imbalance" than the actual lack of dressing.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Suzanne F]

Kristyn
Hi sweetie ! I think you owe yourself some you time. Yes balancing the needs of your partner should be a priority. However, carving out time just for you is necessary. Plus it would be a shame not to be your pretty self at least a little!
Suzanne

[Adriana Moretti]

If you have been through this, or not. Do you think it would be
a good idea to dress, even if the true desire to do it wasn't there?
Would it help keep that "balance" that we all know is so important?


Hey girl even though we both know we are not in the same boat life wise, I can relate a bit to dressing with no real desire...I have done that before, and when I did I realized maybe it was time to hang up my saddle ( pun intended for you) ...not that I'm telling you you need to hang it up ( we all know it aint going anywhere ) but if you aint feeling it, you aint feeling it...yet you say the desire is still there...so which is it homegirl?? is it there or not LOL?? Your gut will never lie to you though...go with that....who knows where you will wind up in 6 months from now..if it were me...i would TRY to dress...see how I felt...and if I wasnt feeling it, i would pack it in ( dont purge) just put it away for a while...i did that about 2 or 3 years ago when i was getting BACK into dressing again the feeling popped up, then it dissapeared. We all go through phases.

on another note...life got in the way of my dressing about 8 years ago....which lead to an 7 year hiatus...personally I get life getting in the way... that happens I am worried one day it will happen with me again, it is one of my biggest fears. Hopefully we both can find that balance.

[Jenny Elwood]

Yes Kristyn you are indeed right. I can certainly attest to the damage it can do to let tension build to breaking point, resulting in that dreaded irritability and the damage it can do. Just ask my wife (Lidea) she will certainly testify to that! I suppose what I'm trying to say is: don't pursue crossdressing when the "need" is low, but when you start getting an inkling of getting irritable maybe express it sooner rather than later.

[cheryl reeves]

im out of the closet but when life gets in the way my dressing goes on the back burner,this last time was 12 yrs. with only wearing panties and nities,no going out..now that life has slowed down cheryl is wanting dress up time..discussed this with angie(my so)and she came up with a plan,we are going to start saving alittle money now that we can and get a hotel rm for a couple of days so i can dress those 2 days and go out shopping and to eat like we used to....i have a very supportive wife who is still after 27 yrs of marriage trying to figure out why her macho husband likes to dress up as a woman,she was the one who helped me go out in public and alot of other steps to help me be me..

[Marcelle]

Hi Kristyn,

I think you should listen to your own heart on this one. If you do not feel compelled to dress then don't do so until the urge returns. IMHO finding one's balance point is about listening to when you get saturated "boy" or "girl" then attending to which side wants to express him/herself. I am sure the urge to dress will return at some juncture but in the interim just go with the "guy side" and enjoy.

Hugs

Isha

[charlenesomeone]

Kristyn lots of great advice already. I have dressed with "lesser" desire to do so and
still enjoyed it, but that's me. Follow you heart and all the signs you have, but if you do
dress, put a smile on too.
Hugs

[TinaZ]

Hell-oh-now-I-get-your-greeting!

Anyway, this is the very reason I cringe when I see the "What is a CD?" type of threads. I mean, I share Isha's disdain for labels, but more than that, gender isn't about dressing. Obviously we emphasize that aspect tons around here, but the truth of the matter is, fabric is fabric. Our mind is solely responsible for creating a reaction to clothes, thus we are totally capable of enjoying that reaction (or similar ones) in an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

Slipping into a dress gives me instant access to the wonderful emotions "Tina" makes available. The dress makes it easy. But I can get there if I close my eyes, relax and "become" the full Tina+me in my mind. It's not as easy, but I've done it and it's a fantastic thing. Maybe this decline in desire is your unconscious mind asking you to try incorporating Kristyn into your life without a big costume change. After all, she is you, right?

[pamela7]

you nailed it - again - Tina!!!

[Kate Simmons]

Since I accepted all of my feelings and amalgamated them, I'm equally good as a man or a woman. It's totally my choice how I want to look and present and I thoroughly enjoy both modes. :battingeyelashes::)

[kimdl93]

In some sense, it seems you're creating a problem where none exists. But if it's worrying you, ask why? Because, after all, this is your choice. If you don't feel like it, don't do it. And if you begin to feel irritable, frustrated and otherwise out of sorts because life is getting in the way, then it's probably time to find your way back into a cute outfit.

So, until that faint desire is more compelling, go about your business. And if you get cranky, let your SO know you are in need of some time for self expression, or whatever euphemism you choose.

[Krisi]

There's no rule that you have to dress every so many days to maintain your membership. If you feel like dressing, dress. If not, don't. A while back, my wife and I went on a trip for over two months and I didn't dress. I had fun and didn't miss dressing. I thought about it but it didn't bother me. When we came back home, I resumed dressing.

Perhaps when you think of dressing, you are going "all out". My normal, every day dressing doesn't include shaving arms and legs, spending an hour on makeup, getting all dolled up in a party dress, hose and heels, it's just a good shave, perhaps some lipstick, and an outfit that a genetic woman might wear for casual shopping. Prep time - 15 minutes.

[CynthiaD]

It takes me about 5 minutes to switch from male to female mode. I often "force myself" to do so even when I don't feel like it. I've always been glad I did. But acting male is very unnatural and stressful for me. I only feel like "myself" when I'm presenting as female. I need the femme time to stay on an even keel, so forcing myself makes perfect sense.

However, if you consider CDing to be a hobby, then don't do it unless you really want to.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Krystyn,
Sure the desire is less, maybe because it's been a few years that I've been out with my wife and the excitement is a little less. I underdress daily and fully dress maybe once a week. I don't find it necessary to dress all the time. When the urge strikes I do , if not , I have a full plate of other stuff to envelop my time. I'm not sure if this helps, I hope so. I think you should dress when you want not just because you think you should.

[Nadine Spirit]

Hi Kristyn-

Personally, I take the balance approach. Many others have written to not dress if you don't feel the desire. For me, that never worked because I hated the feelings I would have near the end of a stretch of not dressing. The feelings would become so totally overwhelming that I suppose it is what some here reference as the the pink fog. I viewed it almost as manic behavior. I did not like the swings within that lifestyle.

I strive for the middle of the road feeling. And to assist me with that, I attempt to integrate two seemingly different aspects of myself, the masculine and the feminine. For me that has meant accepting, showing, sharing, and standing up for all of my gender non-conforming behavior, like nails painted while dressed as a guy. And I do those things 24/7. As well as I try and be mindful of fully dressing on a regular basis. Sometimes life gets in the way, but generally I don't go for more than two weeks without fully dressing.

Doing that has kept me on more of an even keel and over time (years) of doing this I barely remember the highs and lows that I used to experience. I know it is not for everyone, but it has really helped me to focus on everything else in my life besides my gender.

:)

[Rachael Leigh]

Kristyn I agree with others here I think at times many of us go thru a period where we dont have as much desire to dress. I for one think I have found a good balance and I dont seem to get to a point where if I havent in some time dressed I go crazy and just have to go all the way. It is a challenge indeed for us all to mix in our dress up time with our regular daily life for those of us who dont dress 24/7. We have our responsibilities to our jobs, our spouses, our children and to me those should always take a precedent to this.
I know for me thats hard at times but it is a part of life.

[Stephanie47]

After I retired I went through a daily routine of dressing, although there were many days it seemed like a chore. Maybe it was due to pent up demand. Some days I feel the pull to be en femme. Some days it is the furthest thing from my mind. Even today I have the opportunity to be en femme while banging away on this keyboard. Yet, I have no desire to be en femme. If dressing is going to get in the way of doing some needed chores, then the dress stays in the closet. However, there are some days when I have a lot of leisure time on my hands and all I want to do is read a book, sip some coffee, and generally relax. Then, even if the pull is not there, I will doll myself up. Of course, there are also days when I am doing the same in a pair of cut off jeans, worn out soft male tee shirt, no shoes or socks and totally unshaven for three days.

[Natasha V]

I have been feeling the same way. No pink fog or desire I pass my dresses and accessories and just glide my hand on the fabric to see if I feel an urge every so often but Nada. Everything is calm feeling great ready to jump on my next task fixing my home. But I will be willing and ready when I feel the need no purging ever again. This is my life and I love it.

[NicoleScott]

My logic is: I am driven to dress, so I dress, therefore I am a crossdresser. It seems to me that the question poses this logic: I am a crossdresser, so I should dress, driven or not.

[GretchenJ]

Hell-o All,
Anyway, my question is this...
If you have been through this, or not. Do you think it would be
a good idea to dress, even if the true desire to do it wasn't there?
Would it help keep that "balance" that we all know is so important?
What would you do?
Much Love,
Kristyn

Yes, It happens to me a lot , The two statements are not mutually exclusive. Even though there are moments in which I have no desire (or time) to dress, I am still active on the site. I don't think you should force yourself to dress to make sure you keep your balance. Trust us, it may wane for a time, but it always seemed to come back, be it a new outfit you may come across, or your mood will change again

[Teresa]

Kristyn,
First of all happy birthday for Thursday, I'll get the drinks lined up !!

I may not dress every day but as I said in my never ending feeling thread the ache, yearning whatever you call it is with me every single day ! I've never had a drought and dress whenever the opportunity arises !

I can see where katie's comments are coming from but living without it for days is hard but weeks is just not possible !
If you can live with it fine, no one is forcing you to do it

[c2candice]

I can totally relate.
My desire comes and goes all the time! I don't know what triggers the rise or fall of it. I think my overall self balance, mixed with how things are going relationship wise with my SO. Hard to explain.

What troubles me the most about it is when I don't have the desire. It's there lurking in the background. I know it's there, I can't see it, but I can sense it. It is not enough to actually do anything about it. At times I find myself wanting to want it when it's not there. How crazy is that! I crave the fun and escape, but find myself not convinced that it's not going to be worth the effort.

Other times, like now, my heart skips a beat when I think about the possibility. Like a fun, flirtatious child-hood fling. I plan on having fun, involving my wife this time. Making the most of it while it's there.

Good luck to you. Only you will know what the balance will be. Every single person on this forum will have a different key that fits, or formula for their own happiness. Be at peace knowing that soon you will have the time, energy, money, motivation, whatever to make it happen! Life is the only thing holding us back from our own lives. Make the best of what you can change.

And once again, I need to shut up and listen to my own advice. Good thing I am writing this down so I can read it later...

Hugs,
Candice

[Beverley Sims]

Let the faded desire roll in if necessary.
Always good to have a change.

[meganmartin]

Not exactly the same thing but years ago my wife had some medical issues and I placed my girl time and my friends to the side and dealt with her situation. There will always be things dividing our time and at somepoint we need to take time to do what we need to.

Guess your the only one that truly answer the question.

[Katey888]

Hell-o back Kristyn... :)

My simple take on this: we're all individuals, and though we may share an underlying drive and condition, the manifestation of that is as different as our personalities, our environments, opportunity, motivation, needs and circumstances. I'm not sure when either the opportunity or the aching desire will be in phase for me again (probably soon...) but I know it will - I'm just fortunate enough (my opinion...) that I don't suffer bad feelings when I go through a lean period.

I think any advice to put pressure on oneself to undertake dressing is misguided and possibly as damaging as trying to stop - if you don't feel like it; then it isn't right to do it. If you really, really feel you must, then making an opportunity to satisfy that need is a little different and probably a Good Thing.

Once again, I think it's all about balance... I have to confess that I do think we see more than our fair share of obsessive behaviour here and that - for me - would be concerning because over-obsessing about ANYTHING is just not healthy...

Enjoy your downtime - and if you happen to be a bit of a masochist (perhaps like me... ;)) you can tease yourself with thoughts of the feel of your highest strappy sandals, or the taste of your favourite, coral pink lipstick, or your nicest dangly earrings, or that unworn black ball gown slit to the hip.... :outtahere:

Katey x

[Pat]

Enjoy your downtime - and if you happen to be a bit of a masochist (perhaps like me... ;)) you can tease yourself with thoughts of the feel of your highest strappy sandals, or the taste of your favourite, coral pink lipstick, or your nicest dangly earrings, or that unworn black ball gown slit to the hip....

You are evil.

I like that. :)

[Alice_2014_B]

I would agree with not forcing by dressing up just because; just let it come back, you know.
:)