Summer dilemma

[Aubrey lee]

I started a low dose hrt routine December 26th. Being just over 3 months in I am starting to have some positive physical changes already. I am also mentally in a much better place. But here's my dilemma: this summer my girlfriends family booked a vacation for all of us and I'm concerned about being force-ably outed due to noticeable changes and not progressing on my own terms. I am all about not drawing attention and concerned questions may be raised. I would prefer to continue un noticed and address certain issues when I'm ready. Any reccomedations or insight are welcome.

Thanks

[Kris Avery]

Basically have he same problem, multiple summer vacations mixing parents and step kids .... Ouch.
Less worried about the dive trip out of the country where I can just peel put of the wetsuit and put on a t shirt.
Well, quickly.

Let me know how it works out.

[Jorja]

You could always claim gynecomastia and if you were not on vacation with them, you would be in having them removed.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You do not want to be outed outside of your control. You can stop the hrt until after the vacation or you can roll the dice.

This is something that can focus your priorities and it's totally you call

There may be practical things you can related to binding the breasts but that only reduces the chance you get caught out.
Especially in the heat of summer. Also big tshirts can help.

[Karen62]

What if work obligations meant you had to miss the trip? Even imaginary work obligations? Can you just say you can't or don't want to go? That something has come up? Get sick? Will your GF support you if you opt to not go?

I can empathize with your concerns. I canceled a trip back east myself to visit family this summer for the very same reason (we do live on opposite sides of the continent for a reason). I'd rather face the humilation of backing out of a pre-planned trip than the unplanned outing while trapped with these people on vacation with no place for you to escape to when that moment comes. Makes me shiver!

Karen

[Persephone]

As you progress it becomes increasingly difficult to lead a "double life" unless people know and accept you. As scary and difficult as "coming out" to them may be, if you are at the point of HRT then you are probably at the point where you need to do it.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Dianne S]

I agree with Persephone. I'm only three weeks on HRT, but 6 months on spiro and already have noticeable breasts. Leading the double life is simply becoming too stressful, so I'm sending in my name change application this week and I'll go full-time when it has been processed.

You might just need to pull the trigger.

[Melissa Cross]

I would suggest wearing baggy clothes and if anyone asks any probing questions, just respond with "mainstream" answers like "i don't feel too well so I don't want to go swimming", "I don't want to take off my t-shirt because I had a skin cancer scare a few years ago" etc, etc.

BTW, you can never predict what comments people will make: I got a lot more negative comments when I started to grow my hair long than I did when I got my ears pierced and started wearing earrings full time. go figure....

[Krisi]

You are probably more aware of physical changes than casual observers. Are your breasts really big enough to notice? Big enough for them to notice? Does your girlfriend know about your treatments?

It looks like you have three options:
1) Don't go.
2) Go but cover up.
3) Go and be prepared to deal with it.

[Paulette]

Jorga said it best claim that you have gynecomastia which is very common in men. You will only have 9 months on HRT when you take vacation so you should be able to play this off. Jokes like if my boobs get any bigger I will need a bra, or that's what I get for eating so much fast food, should defuse the situation. I have been wearing rash guards when swimming where I did not want to advertise my development. Just be sure you get the male versions and leave the cute girly ones for your SO.

[lingerieLiz]

Have you discussed this with your SO? What is her feelings? If you are still presenting as a guy then you may wish to continue or you may want to dress fem for the trip. You may have more fun, assuming the family is accepting, being fem and going shopping with the gals. At sometime her family will have to know so why not now.

[Kate T]

I would talk to your GF. Assuming she knows you are on HRT.
Assuming your GF is accepting then coming out to her family is probably about as good a "soft launch" as you are likely to have. If you cancel the holiday then you are going to need to start making up a mountain of lies to explain that away. Maybe even prep the family BEFORE you go away so it is less of a "oh and by the way" and then if they do have concerns you can agree to present as male for the holiday. At least then they would see that you are trying to be accommodating for them as well. Just some ideas.

[Frances]

Start coming out to people, starting about the closest people in your life, and don't pay attention to what strangers think or say.

[Sammy777]

I am going to go off the assumption that your GF knows about your HRT and is fully accepting of you.

Firstly, regardless of the family, how would/do you feel about being topless at the beach?
If you can not personally see yourself going/being topless [even if you are "seen" as a guy] they you have a problem.

Is her family as open/accepting as she is? Have you discussed how/when you would be coming out to them?
This could be the time to do it. But, as someone else said, do it before the trip, do not spring it on them!
If they are less then accepting then its "guy mode" for the trip, but at least you can spend the time getting them on your side.

Unless you have very definable "female" breasts in shape and size [we are talking like B up or better] then you should be able to "play them off" as a "guy" for the trip.

[becky77]

First, I don't understand anyone starting hormones that hasn't thought ahead to stuff like this?
If you want to sit on a beach shirtless like a guy, don't take hormones.

Assuming you didn't expect this and it's come at an awkward time I say tell them or come up with a reason that you can't go. If they are going to find out at a later stage then they will understand why you didn't go on that holiday.
If you don't intend to tell them/go fulltime, then it's a necessary sacrifice to be on hormones.

I would be surprised after three months if you have anything anyone would notice, unless you are super skinny?

Before I started hormones I knew it would be a long time until I had any kind of beach holiday again.

[Dianne S]

I would be surprised after three months if you have anything anyone would notice, unless you are super skinny

This is what I have after three weeks on hormones and six months on spironolactone. Certainly nothing to write home about, but also somewhat obvious in a T-shirt and even more so topless.

243651

[becky77]

In male clothes it wouldn't be obvious, most would shrug it off as Moobs, if they notice at all.
It's only noticeable because you are wearing a tight female top.

[docrobbysherry]

It would seem to me if u aren't ready to deal with the consequences of hormones maybe u should stop taking them until u r?

[Dianne S]

It probably wouldn't be noticed in loose-ish clothes, true. I don't think most people would think moobs because I'm pretty thin and thin guys don't usually get moobs.

[Aubrey lee]

Thank you all for responding. For your information this trip was random and a surprise to me. The thought of being on the beach in Mexico with my girlfriends family is terrifying.

My girlfriend has attended my dr. Appointments and is supportive. I don't doubt her family would be as well I just did not see myself encountering going public this early.

A rash guard would be an excellent idea as I can not see myself as a shirtless dude at the beach. I don't see myself as a dude at all and I'm sick of being perceived that way. Lately I have felt stuck in the middle. It's a very tough place to be. I hate it. I perceive myself as a woman but still am viewed as a man. F my life...

[cheryl reeves]

be yourself,if her parents dont like it oh well,your not with them and they dont live with you.my wifes parents didnt like me and it didnt hurt my feelings one bit.

[Sammy777]

A rash guard sounds like a plan, but again, unless you are actually spending time in the water it is not something that is usually worn all day long by a guy.

Here is an unconventional idea = First day out, get a nice sunburn, no one will question wearing t-shirts or staying in the shade for the rest of the trip. Granted, its not perfect, but it is a good last ditch plan.

As far as the folks go, they were going to find out sooner or later, right? So you might consider "biting the bullet" and moving that time up. If they are not local to you then you also need not fear not being out/full time yet.

Your choices are:
A] Go as a guy and be miserable.
B] Go as yourself best you can and worry all trip about the obvious questions that might/will come up and deal with them as you go.
C] Tell them. If they approve, great, go as you. If not, suck it up, go as a guy and have the best time you can.
But at least you can bend the wardrobe a bit more and have less worries about surprise questions.

Again - it they are not local to you - this could be the best time, get it done and out of the way, not like you have to see them everyday.
If they are local, well then adjust your plan a bit.

One thing is for sure with all this - Plans Change! A Lot!
You have to learn to roll with them and improvise as you go if you want to survive this.

PS: "In peace, prepare for war, in war, prepare for peace." -Sun Tzu

[Anne2345]

At the pool or at the beach, I wore a light weight running shirt. After swimming, it would dry super quick. Nobody ever asked me why I wore a shirt into the water. It just wasn't that big of a deal. But had anyone asked, I would have said because I wanted to, and just left it at that. Most people did not notice. Fewer people cared. And not one person ever demanded that I remove my shirt or be branded a tranny for refusing . . . .

[Ann Louise]

Getting started with your transition in earnest is difficult, and situations such as these seem quite important at the time that they arise, principally, perhaps, because one has some notion that this can be done with controlled interruptions of your life only. Good luck with that. You might come to find that your life is to be disrupted so thoroughly that it will bear little resemblance to where and what you are today.

[Rogina B]

Start coming out to people, starting about the closest people in your life, and don't pay attention to what strangers think or say.

Yes! You have to be bold to gain the affirmation you desire! Go for it!

[Brooklyn]

You are transitioning and seriously worried about this particular scenario? Anyway, why not buy yourself a snug surfing shirt a few weeks before your trip to mash things down. I'd suggest coming out to them before, however, so you can order it in women's and enjoy your vacation being yourself.

[Marleena]

Aubrey I understand your predicament, some of the FTM members use compression tops from Underworks. Using button up short sleeve shirts with them might help too. Going topless of course will be a no-no.:)

My endo told me he had many older MTF TS patients that were not fulltime for various reasons. Severe GD requires some type of intervention and HRT did the trick for me. I have a perfect storm here and I'm not fulltime.

[VickiTheGamer]

Don't say anything, don't try to hide it in a big way. Sure wear loose clothing or something if it's what your comfortable with but in the end, just enjoy the experience.

If what you look like is that important to them, they will ask you about it. If they do, you can then either lie, say it's not something you want to chat about, or tell them the truth. My sister one day gave me the, "Is there something you want to tell me". I said, "no, why". She let it go at that point knowing I will talk to her when I am ready.

Most likely no one will say anything. Sure, you might get odd looks, but in most cases, they will just brush it off when they realize you are still you. The hard part is the first step when it starts to show but, if you can just keep on living as you have, being yourself, then they won't care.