Getting ready for a difficult time

[Samantha523]

So my wife and I met about 4 years ago. She was fully aware of my dressing and everything from day one. She has been nothing but supportive and has helped my greatly along the way. We got our own place about 4-6 months later and it was the best thing ever. I was able to dress whenever I wanted to at home with no worries.

My brother in law (wife's brother) has lived with us the entire time we have been together due to having autism and being unable to care for himself. Up until now, we have had no issues. Well, recently it was decided for my brother in law to return to living with their father. Due to this, we can no longer afford to live where we are financially.

My wife and I have decided to an offer and move in with my mom for the time being to try and get back on our feet. The problem is I currently dress very regularly now at home. My mom and step dad do not know I dress and have no idea. So, I am only going to be able to dress if I go out and can go somewhere to get ready. Needless to say, I am headed towards an extremely rough time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Samantha

[pamela7]

1. i don't know your climate, but underdressing serves me well when i have to drab-up.
2. tell them
3. ??

[Brenda456]

That sucks. Change can be difficult particularly under your circumstances. The only the thing I can off is from the old expression, "this too, shall pass." Good luck!

[reb.femme]

Pamela covered all 3 bases as far as I can see it.

Firstly, I think under-dressing is a temporary salve for someone that dresses as regularly as you do. However, hitting the big reveal to your mum (I'm a Brit) and step dad whilst living under their roof is a risky strategy, but only you can know that truly. Third option? Haven't a clue, but good luck however you decide.

I had to move in with my mum and dad for a short while many years back. In hindsight, I think I would rather of had my little toes cut off with secateurs...and without the use of anaesthetic :eek:.

Rebecca

[cassiekat]

I know how hard that is. Try to hang in there.

[JayeLefaye]

Hi Samantha, and welcome to the Forum. i'm glad you found us!!

I sent you a long, rambling "PM"....But here's the important part:

She was fully aware of my dressing and everything from day one. She has been nothing but supportive and has helped my greatly along the way.

That puts you in the top percent of the "Lucky Girl Club"......Everything else you've detailed is just what happens in any given life...But the "I can't wear dresses while in my mom & step-dad's house" kinda pales when put into proper perspective when compared to the struggles of others here with non-supportive wives.

I know it's gonna be rough for you, and I don't mean to be harsh, but something tells me that you kids will survive and come out the other side in fine shape.

Jaye

[Suzie Petersen]

Hi Samantha,

It is always tough when things change and we feel we loose privileges. But, like Jaye said, you have probably been quite a bit better off than most people here could ever dream of and sometimes we just gotta' do what we gotta' do for things to keep working.
As Brenda said, This too shall pass and in a while, things will change again and you can restore your freedom.

Many here can help suggest ways to deal with similar situations where the dressing has to be restricted due to family. At least you dont have to hide from your wife and that is a huge blessing.

I also wanted to say that it is wonderful of both of you to have cared for your brother in law until now! That is a big responsibility and a big sacrifice from you both! Good for you.

Now hang in there and find a way to enjoy the stolen moments where the girl can come out and play!

Hugs
Suzie

[Alice Torn]

That will be a bit difficult, for sure. When i was forced the second time to have to quit my business twice, and move 2000 miles to my cruel, toxic, control frek family of origin, i seriously have nearly ended it all a number of times, and i have no SO, just me, and my cats. It has gone on five years now. I hope you and your wife can find somethin somewhat affordable in less than that. Change is the only constant, and adaptation is a requirement in this troubled changing world. Some bad situations seem to go on forever, though.

[DanaR]

You might check and see there are any crossdressing groups in you area. Usually they have facilities or know where you can dress and go out. You should be able to change enough to go back home in your car, if needed.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Samantha,

Be mature. Be patient. Be discreet. Treat it for what it is- a phase that will pass.

Wow, wish I was smart enough to take my own advice.

Hugs, Nikki

[Marcelle]

Hi Samantha,

Perhaps it might not be as bad as you think especially if you can steal away a bit of time to dress. Try it and see. However if it gets really bad then perhaps you may need to pick one day a week where you can go somewhere and dress in private to help quell the need. The only other option is to tell your parents but I am not sure where you are in your relationship with them or their acceptance level. As some have suggested hooking up with a Transgender Support group might be a good way to dress now and then as most have a place to dress prior to meetings.

I wish you luck and remember we are here for you should you find yourself down.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Make the most of the time, rather than letting the change control your emotions. Use the time to get your financial situation squared away. Then you and your wife can have a place and life that is truly your own.

[Tina_gm]

I guess I can only give my own thoughts here.... but when I have extended periods of not dressing. ... my last one was all last summer, almost 3 months, I just chose to stay focused on what was going on in my life. Sometimes I would just think to myself, it is just clothing, and does not take away who I am inside. I am not saying it will be easy, but life does go on, they really are just clothes after all. If your wife is ok with your dressing then talk of a time when you will dress again. Sometimes life does take precedence over our clothing choices.

[Beverley Sims]

Samantha,
For the time being exercise some self control and dress sparingly.
You should be able to handle occasional dressing for a while knowing that later you will be free to dress as you like.

[Sarah Doepner]

Hi Samantha, and welcome to the Forum. i'm glad you found us!!

I sent you a long, rambling "PM"....But here's the important part:

She was fully aware of my dressing and everything from day one. She has been nothing but supportive and has helped my greatly along the way.

That puts you in the top percent of the "Lucky Girl Club"......Everything else you've detailed is just what happens in any given life...But the "I can't wear dresses while in my mom & step-dad's house" kinda pales when put into proper perspective when compared to the struggles of others here with non-supportive wives.

I know it's gonna be rough for you, and I don't mean to be harsh, but something tells me that you kids will survive and come out the other side in fine shape.

Jaye


I have to agree with Jaye, you'll have some rough times in the immediate future as you learn how to meet your gender needs in that new environment, but you have something in the bank that has so much more value. In the meantime, look for options and appreciate the fact that you have someone who supports you, and others willing to help you get on your feet. Best of luck to you.

[Samantha523]

Figured I would add a little more to kind of give an idea why this is a rough time for me.

I appreciate everyones honesty and feedback.

The place we moved in to we were able to afford due to my brother in laws income. His monthly income pays our rent and my income pays the other bills. Along with that, my wife has a chronic pain condition that does not allow her to work. We have been battling for SS income for her, but to this point have not gotten it. If she was receiving SS income, we would be able to still afford where we are and remain here. It has been an uphill battle, but one we are not giving up.

As for me moving and not being able to dress. While you are right, underdressing is an option and if I can't dress at all, it's a small price to pay as others don't even have the luxury of their SO being supportive. Here is the difference in my case and why I say it's a rough time for me. I feel I am transgender. A male born in the wrong body. Dressing for me is not a fantasy or something I just enjoy doing, it's how I feel I should be dressing. I have been trying to save up money to go see a psychologist about gender disphoria and get the diagnosis so that I can see a doctor for HRT. Once I have a diagnosis and start HRT, my family will know. But until then, I must do everything hidden. I don't want to come out to them and then something in my brain not working correctly and I find out I am just a crossdresser. I truly believe I am transgender and I am in the wrong body.

I hope that explains why this is a rough time for me. Others may not view it as a rough time as they deal with similar daily, but for me, it is rough.