Late Bloomer Question

[Samantha74]

I haven't dressed fully since early high school and only a few times then before repressing..
I'm 40 now and overwhelmed with the needs, wants, desires, and urges to dress. Just wondering how long others repressed before finally accepting ..hey this is part of me... Would love to hear

Thanks so much
Samantha

[Jessie James]

I didn't fully accept myself until last year, seemed like a long time coming to be honest. Even since accepting myself, there have been ups and downs with all this. The only advice I can give is to take it slow, savor the moment and most importantly; have fun.

Jessie ~☆

[pamela7]

Perhaps we obsess on how, why, where it came from, but I've looked and looked, and can find an instance about 12 years old saying i liked a couple of my mother's tops - she gave them to me, maybe cos they were androgynous enough, and I wore them. Forgot all about it. 30 years later underdressing emerged, another 10 years on, CD-ing. I can see how it was all so repressed I even made myself unaware.

I don't think it matters how long it takes but in the end life is easier if we accept ourselves AND come out, cos only when we show the world are we really accepting ourselves imho.

[sometimes_miss]

For some of us, suppressing the desire is a subconscious mechanism. I've had several multi year periods where I didn't crossdress at all; my mind was not under a lot of stress otherwise, and so the crossdressing urge was held in the background. This all came to light back in the 90's when my marriage began to fall apart, difficulty sleeping led to physical exhaustion, my needs for physical affection (touch, not sex) were unfulfilled, bringing out stress, and letting the crossdressing monster out of the cage to run rampant in my psyche (brings on images of cookie monster in a cheerleader uniform jumping up and down, yelling, 'COME ON, DRESS UP WITH ME!).

[Sarah Louise]

Samantha, you have some similarities with me in that I went years from early 20s to mid 40s without dressing. The difference with me is it wasn't a conscious suppression, just more of a lack of desire. Also, I never felt the need to finally accept this is me. I was comfortable doing it as a teen and still am now. I just keep it a secret for fear of the conseqeunces.

[iGenny]

My late-blooming is even stranger than most. I had no thoughts or desires until I was over 50. If I did, then they were buried deep and forgotten. I've tried to look for triggers or events, and found none. I guess I'm not surprised nonetheless, but there were never any I'm-in-the-wrong-clothes or I-need-to-wear-panties moments.

After I started, I felt like most of you; this feels nice, this is relaxing.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Ooh! Ooh! She said *Bloomers*!

I never repressed it, I just didn't choose to do it much till last July.:tongueout

[SandraB]

I repressed and didn't accept it until this February, age 56. Over the years I occassionally could not resist the urge but each time followed with guilt and self revulsion. When I finally accepted I think a cloud of depression I've felt all my life just lifted and I finally found a lot of inner peace. It was an amazing experience. I wish I did it much earlier in life, but that's water under the bridge.

[kimdl93]

That not all that late. I really didn't start coming out of my period of denial till my mid 40s

[Robbin_Sinclair]

My late-blooming is even stranger than most. I had no thoughts or desires until I was over 50. If I did, then they were buried deep and forgotten. I've tried to look for triggers or events, and found none. I guess I'm not surprised nonetheless, but there were never any I'm-in-the-wrong-clothes or I-need-to-wear-panties moments.

After I started, I felt like most of you; this feels nice, this is relaxing.

I'm in that camp. I don't have any early need to dress moments because I pushed anything feminine out of me. I overcompensated being an aggressive male very well all my life. Then, later in life than most of you, I learned a feminine mindset and how the two me's can be compatable.


I'm very comfortable on this site. For me, thinking about this too much is overthinking. I smile when I think of what stuff I can wear today and go about my day was happy as I can be acting from the perspective of the woman in me inside.

Coffee's ready. :hugs:

[Tina_gm]

I 1st had conscious recognition of wanting to dress in high school. 1st time I dressed I was 22. From then till I was 48, I dressed a total of maybe a dozen times. I would go many years without dressing at all. So while the desires were always there I suppressed them for the most part for 30 years.

[Jackie7]

I had underdressed much of my adult life but was 54 when the girl got entirely out of her box.

[MsVal]

Me? Well, I was over 60 when I began to connect the dots in my life. A pattern began to emerge. It was vague and confusing. As I looked closer and began to read about it, it became fascinating but scary.

That's when I opened the box, so to speak, and all sorts of thoughts and feelings spilled out. Powerful ones. The sort that cannot be denied or ignored.

I can't put them back in the box. I tried, but they kept getting out.

In the couple of years since then I have learned to accept them, and even enjoy them. I am TG; at least CD with maybe some emerging TS. I'm not sure (yet) but I am enjoying the journey of personal discovery.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Marcelle]

HI Samantha,

I dressed fully once when I was 17 and then put it away, suppressed and ignored this part of me for 32 years until it became so unbearable that things in my life (personal and professional) went bad. At that point I told my wife and began the slow process of outing myself to my family, friends and work. Over a year later I have never looked back and am happy once again with who I am.

Hugs

Isha

[Kandi Robbins]

I had been dressing all of my life, but mostly it was a compulsion filled with purging, guilt and self-loathing. Never fully presenting, always from the neck down. Then it just dawned on me recently, I am a crossdresser and it's okay! 48 years of guilt all gone when I realized who I really am. It then took about a month for me to open up and tell my wife. Her acceptance of me really opened the door for me to be who I am, with the limitations brought about by having many masculine features. There are many threads here about the very question you are posing, many of us come to this realization later in life. Many have repressed, fought it, struggled, suffered for years and years. It's a real shame because as you are or will find out, having this component to life really gives you a different and wonderful view of the world. For me, I have become much more open and accepting of everyone and it's more interesting looking at life through two different prisms. It's funny to me watching new girls join here posing many of the very same questions I did just a few months back. You really realize, we are not alone!

[Vikky]

Hi Samantha

You are an early bloomer compared with me. I have had thoughts of CDing in my teens and made some amateur attempts to cress. Then suppressed it for many years – career, family, business got in the way.

Then a couple of years ago when 66 I thought it’s now or never. CDing had been on a secret bucket list, so I started and the cat is out of the bag. My advice is do it, enjoy it, but take it slowly. Try not to think about why, because there doesn’t seem to be an answer.

This is a brilliant site and the advice and guidance second to done. There are all shapes and sizes, and many shades of the CDing spectrum.

Vikky

[Linda Leigh]

I dressed in nylons, panties,slips and bras off and on from about 12 to 57. When I turned 60 I got more and more stuff, wigs, makeup,clothes. now I dress 3-4 days a week completely. I will never pass,however I do it for me not anyone else. I came out to my wife in December of last year and she does not like it, she has helped me get some clothes and shopped with me !

Hugs

Linda Leigh

[Lynn Marie]

I wanted boobs since I was 11, suppressed for 40 years, purging/on and off for 10 more years, finally dedicated my hobby room closet to my enfemme wardrobe 10 years ago and finally got facepaint and hair 5 years ago. Luckily, I've aged fairly well and I'm having the time of my life right now!

[Brenda Freeman]

I tried on my moms nylons girdle and slip and just loved it and new it was wrong when I was around 11. Had always looked in the Montgomery Catalog and sears at slips and shape wear every Christmas when they arrived but found a place where no one could see me. So sad to hide in fear so many years. When i turned 50 that is when the need to dress exploded on me, I could not hide it anymore. I am now 60 have no fears( though I am discreet about when and where. I cannot imagine life with out the ability to dress up and enjoy my girl side hair, make up, lingerie and a nice outfit. The internet and all the girls stories help so much! We are a force we buy a lot, would love to know what the tgirl/crossdressing community contributes to the economy! I think many retail stores are getting that, enjoying more everyday Being the girl when I want to be.

[Alice Torn]

I have "sworn it off" like alcohol or other addictions , and got in harmony with the religious laws of the church. But, not having a SO, or wife, and no loving touch in life, other than animals, I returned in 2005 more than ever. If i mention it to anyone in my church org, they are repulsed by it, and say "you are a man, meant to be a man, not a woman, or effeminate, or repent, and get lots of counseling to over come it", or similar reactions. i struggle with guilt and shame, and part of my maleness rebels against it, too. Have been suicidal at times, and super depressed about it for sure. Accepting that i have the proclivity and desire, and acting on it, are two different things, i have been told by people who say i must stop. I am torn all the time, and that is why i call myself Alice Torn. Torn between a number of issues, and part of me I must hide, or discard.

[kkaye]

I am a late bloomer when it comes to acting on my desire to dress up. But, I have been under cover most of my life. Over twenty years ago, I put on some of my wife clothes and, I enjoyed it but the guilt thing made me suppress it. After many years of step by step getting self together, I found that, I should do what makes me happy. I was depressed and unhappy in suppression. I find happiness in cross dressing and letting out this part of me that has changed my life for the good. What, I would say to anybody that has issues with what people say about this, including the wife. It is not you with the problem. It is them with the problem with what you do.

[reb.femme]

... I just keep it a secret for fear of the conseqeunces.

Ain't that the truth!

I came out shortly after I joined here and I'm in my fifties...seems strange saying that, as I still see life through the eyes of a much younger me. I got caught by my wife in her nightie and dressing gown. She was OK with that, but I decided to confess all shortly after, as she was only aware of my dressing in the form of a half truth, insofar that I liked wearing lingerie. Worked out sort of OK (never a perfect world) but I'm free to dress if I want to and go out to my local meet.

Rebecca

[Beverley Sims]

Samantha,
It does not apply to me but others I know have burst out almost full time after supresssing it for ten years or more.

It is not uncommon.

[Isabella Ross]

Samantha, about years ago, in my early 40s, I came to the same conclusion. Decided that decades of shame and repression had to end...life is short. Made some bold moves in terms of revealing -- to myself (yes, you do go through a process of revealing to yourself the FULL extent of who you are), to my wife, to my family. The joy and the shedding of shame and frustration has been amazing. God, do I wish I had done it earlier. PM if you want to ask anything.

[Sallee]

It seems like a lot of us have repressed it for a number of years. I have dressed on and off all of my life but there have been times where I would go for years with out dressing. Life was going on with kids and jobs and all the other things that put pressure on life. But the dressing desire has been there but life got in the way.

[flatlander_48]

As a child, I did mess around with my mother's clothes in secret, but as I grew up I distanced myself from those thoughts. Through it all, I don't remember any thoughts about having been in the wrong body or wanting my body to change. But, by the mid to late 90's, I did come to grips with my sexuality; first as gay and ultimately bisexual. Anyway, Life: college, marriage, kids, house, etc. Nothing happened for a long time until Halloween, 2003 at the age of 55. My friend (who I would eventually be my second wife 2 years later) and I went out for the evening both crossdressed. While I underdressed, it was January 2014 before I went out again fully dressed. Since then, 4 times in the last 4 months.

DeeAnn

[Rebekah_uk]

Samantha

I am almost a carbon copy of yourself, I had repressed the feelings since my dad almost caught me. Asleep on the couch in his ex-girlfriends clothes that she had stopped wearing. Yes I know borrowing without asking is wrong but I was also 16 and still at school. So after narrowly averting a scary disaster I forced the feelings to the back of my mind hoping they would go away.

I finally came out to my wife last February and couldn't be happier. I feel calmer and more in control than I have been my whole life

[Jaymees22]

Dear Samantha, I'm certainly part of this sub group as I first dressed at 17 than waited 50 years until I was 67 to start dressing and really finding my true self. May be we should be called late bloomers wearing pretty bloomers (LBWPB)???Hugs Jaymee

[samantha rogers]

One is never too old to try to find happiness. Just my take....I know a 70 who just started full transition.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

My story fits right in with the rest. After only two years of dressing I purged and didn't look back. More than a dozen years passed before the urge hit me again. I brought it up with my wife back then, but she completely rejected the notion and told me flat out if I gave in to my temptation she would leave me. I went ahead and repressed until now, four years later. I'm having a hard time of it because I'm caught between living up to my marriage vows to honor my wife and the deepest desire of my heart to express the female within me. I'm experimenting with living a life without dressing but expressing my female self as an online persona and though the art of photography. We'll see what happpens.

Good luck to you Samantha. Ending a relationship is never easy, but if your differences are irreconcilable then perhaps you will both be able to find complete, fulfilling lives.

Hugs,
Bridget

[Barbara Black]

Granted we all would like to have come out many years earlier (us late bloomers), myself included. But I wonder if anyone thinks it was a little easier to do it late in life, when many of the complications have been passed by? I'm so glad most of your express so much happiness in finally expressing your true selves.

[Samantha74]

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words..this site and everyone here have been a HUGE boost to helping let this all out.. So I'm hoping soon I can accumulate a few things and maybe even a pic to release the inner me.
Thanks so much again to everyone.
Samantha

[Kevyn53]

Sandra, I've had dressing issues for YEARS, and tried a couple of times on my own back when I was in my 40s. Then I repressed everything for many moons and just came out to my wife last year. We'f had some talks once in a while over theirs about me being a feminine male and she being a masculine woman, but last year I told her I had to do this and she said why not? I'd had shame attached to it for so long it's been hardest to get over that. I feel so free now around her and out in public when we travel that I'm a new me. I just make sure that I don't overdo it with her, she still wants a husband. I like being both to and with her.

[cheryl reeves]

i been fighting this my whole life,sometimes the female beast is happy either underdressing or nities to bed. i came out the 3rd time to my wife when i was 35 after i almost destroyed our marriage. since then its been on and off these last 12yrs. now that its me and my so we are working on me getting cheryl time again.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm in that camp. I don't have any early need to dress moments because I pushed anything feminine out of me. I overcompensated being an aggressive male very well all my life. Then, later in life than most of you, I learned a feminine mindset and how the two me's can be compatable.


I'm very comfortable on this site. For me, thinking about this too much is overthinking. I smile when I think of what stuff I can wear today and go about my day was happy as I can be acting from the perspective of the woman in me inside.

Coffee's ready. :hugs:

I'm a late bloomer. Some one who never even thot about wearing women's things until I was over 50. Much less tried them on before then.:eek:

Repressing your early desires until later in your life is quite a different matter than those that never had those desires until that advanced age! The main difference is that u have long ago worked out how to handle the thots and feelings that come with dressing.

I was over 50 and suddenly came to the conclusion I was gay! Took me nearly 10 years to work out I wasn't.

I came here and for 2+ years waited for my "woman inside" to show herself. Before I found I don't have one!

Most of u reconciled those confusing and other thots and feelings long ago. Try dealing with them in your 60's or later! Like a few of us have had to do.:doh:

[Alice Torn]

Yes, Doc, going on 61 here, in lots of turmoil yet.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Hi Samantha,

Sorry about the reference to ending a relationship. Got you mixed up with another thread.

Bridget

[Samantha Clark]

I had no inkling about this part of me until I was 56-57. I don't have any distinct memories of dressing or a desire to dress earlier. I've always been insanely attracted to women and women's clothes however.

So I'm in the late bloomer club. It's regrettable that I didn't know about this earlier, as I would have taken better care of my skin! Because I'm still new to this, in my mind's eye I'm a young woman. Who that old lady in the mirror is, I have no idea!