Not sure where this is going

[Melody A]

I accidently posted this in the pictures and videos gallery :facepalm: so this will be take 2...
I have always been perfectly content with being an oppertunistic crossdresser. Whether it was for a couple of hours or for a planned day. If I happened to have some time alone i would take full advantage. Friday was one of those days. I had a new wig, new makeup, and a new idea of how I wanted to put it all together. Other than these, nothing was any different than before. I'm not entirely certain what happened but something clicked. For the first time, I felt right, like I was internally balanced and completely "Home" where I belonged. I've never had the desire to take this much further than the occasional oppertunity but at that moment, I didn't want it to end. I wanted it full time. I spent the next day in kind of a euphoric daze which has since become feelings of resentment towards my wife. She knows about my crossdressing but doesn't really seem to want to talk about it, much less witness it. Her biggest fear is progression and I'm afraid to talk to her about this as it may send her into panic mode. I'm at a crossroad and I'm not quite sure what to do or say. From an incredible high to an anxiety ridden low. I guess this is where finding balance comes in.

Melody

I Should add that the thoughts of "full time" have passed, but I still wish I was able to dress more openly and frequently at home.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Melody,
Your wife knows, and is still with you. to me that means she is somewhat accepting of it.
Her fear of the progression is normal, have you given her any reason to fear how far it may go?
Your euphoric feeling is that "Pink Fog" taking over, nothing you could have done would have stopped it!
Resentment towards your wife though is hopefully just a side effect of the fog. Misplaced aggression towards her
won't make things any better for you, or her, so keep that under control.
Our CDing is a hard thing to talk about with our SO's, it does get a little easier over time, and I find it best done
in short conversations. The hardest part is getting that conversation going, and from the sound of your situation, YOU will
have to be the one to start it.
Your wife may be standoffish, or even seem angry when you bring it up, but you need to keep a level head
and just talk. You still love her, this doesn't change that. It is a part of you, and is just a part of what makes the person she fell in love with.
Reassurance that your still that guy she loves is huge! Reassurance that your still attracted to her, and love her is even HUGER !!!
Follow up that conversation (if it goes well)(maybe if it goes badly too) with some flowers the following day.
Remember, she's even more confused about CDing than you are.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Beverley Sims]

Kristyn has already said it, I might add though, dont resent your wife for a perfectly normal reaction and use the opportunities you get to your advantage.

Life will be much happier like that.

[Tracii G]

It feels good and right at that present time tomorrow may be different.
Why does it have to go anywhere? Enjoy the times you get to dress up and don't let the pink fog get you.

[Gardener]

Hi Melody when you used the words "resentment towards wife" it saddened me, as something that was being managed comfortably suddenly began to be unsettling and in ways that could be painful for you as a person. I have no advice to offer, we will all steer our paths in individual ways. All I thought is that as we grow from being youngsters we have to learn to moderate the unreasonable demand to have everything we want, instantly. We have to learn patience, tolerance, disappointment and so on. No one would want to live their lives constantly in this state but it would be sad to let unreasonable desires destroy other things that are also important. Just a thought.

[Melody A]

Thanks for the advice. I have never experienced the fog at that intensity before and I do believe that the resentment I was feeling was a direct result. When my wife and I have talked, I tried my best to reassure her that nothing would change, that I would still be the same man she married. I will try to open communications again and continue to reassure her. I am also considering interducing her to the forum.

Hugs

Melody

[Alice_2014_B]

She is still with is a lot; its amazing, yet normal, how different SO's have a wife range of acceptance levels: some leave, some stay but don't want to participate, and some love participating. Sorry this doesn't help much. I guess give it time, but it seems like you're on a good page at the moment.
:)

[Teresa]

Melody,
Something clicked when you put together a new look, possibly that's the look you've been searching for, now you want more because you suddenly feel comfortable with your look ! The resentment you feel towards your wife maybe out of wanting to share these feelings with her and like most of us it's just not going to happen !
I have a second problem with an obsession with shopping, so you might also feel you want to add to the new look now and buy more things, again causing some resentment with your wife because she may restrict your shopping !

A CDers brain really does go round in circles !

[Marcelle]

Hi Melody,

I can't add much more to what Kristyn already wrote . . . sage advice. I can tell you from my own experience that what you are feeling is normal. Remember, for some of us we spent a lifetime hiding this to some degree, eventually finding time to steal a moment or two dressed. I remember when I first started experimenting with dressing and make-up . . . what a eye opener the first time I looked in the mirror and saw an ugly old dude in bad make-up looking back :eek:. Eventually with practice I honed my look and one day looked in the mirror and saw a not so ugly old dude in not so bad make-up and realized at that point . . . that is me and it feels good :). It was at that point that I wanted to experience it more which eventually lead me to going out. I talked to my wife about it and she was a bit concerned that I was running down the pathway to transition and to be honest I was also a bit concerned. However as I continued to explore and "yes" progress, I reach a point where the clothes became clothes and equilibrium was achieved between boy and girl me.

As your wife knows about your dressing, communication is important especially when you feel you are inching forward. There is nothing wrong with setting a nice meal for two, enjoying each others company and then easing into a discussion about you wanting to dress more. It is obviously important to you and as such, you should let her know. If she is against it or freaks out, then ease back and bring it up again when cooler heads prevail. You will eventually reach an accord and can more forward from there.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

When you have that conversation, remember that while not all CDrs 'progress', everyone changes with learning, experience and the passage of time. We have a tendency, as people, to want quick resolutions to problems. But adjustments to changes, such as the ones you and she are experiencing, may not occur as the immediate result of one or even a dozen conversations. Id be cautious about making promises that may prove difficult to keep, and instead focus on explores sing your feelings as best you can, and listening carefully to hers. Then give each other time to metabolize what you've heard.

[Erika Lyne]

Hey Mel,

Oh the lovelies of the Pink Fog come with some unexpected nasties. Just like you, I've had negative feelings about my wife's choices after I've been dressed for a day. I don't consider them as "resentment" and I try to keep them not directed towards her but most women in general. Instead, I consider them as "jealously" and this turns a really ugly relationship straining emotion into a manageable sentiment. Euphamism? Maybe but, by doing this I've learned to keep a communication line open with Purple Puppy. When I get like this she knows I'm down on myself and I usually emotionally withdraw but she knows that I'm not mad at her, or at least that is what I've said to her. I can only hope that my message has made it through.

I think Isha's idea of conversation over dinner is a great idea but I would be sure to tell her that you want to talk about your dressing well before you sit down to dinner first. Throwing a surprise topic like this when she may be in the mood for a "date night" with her husband and no kids might start the conversation off on a bad note. If she has timento gather her thoughs and feelings before the conversation happens you both would be much better off.


This site has had a benefit of opening up both my wife's mind and my own. It has shown her that she is not alone and for me it has given me community. Overall, it has definitely been a positive experience. We sure did have a few doozy fights because of the opposite points of view we've both taken up on some threads but we learned about eachother and we now try to communicate instead of fight.

[c2candice]

Hi Melody,

The only thing I would add-on is to stress the importance of keeping her informed about exactly how you are feeling about it. I know, it's likely a topic that you both avoid. For good reason, I'm sure every conversation about it has ended in stress/ tears/ resentment/ uncomfortable feelings. But if you are serious about keeping her, you have to fight the urge to ignore!

Bring it up. What I would suggest is that you rehearse all of the things that you might say as if it were the first time you have told her. Make sure she knows you love her, and she is the most important woman in your life. Tell her exactly what you want, and ask her what boundaries would make her most comfortable. At the end of the day, there is likely going to be a compromise on both sides of the conversation. You may have set some boundaries that you might not be 100% happy with. And while she may not even want anything to do with it, and discussion with you in the first place would be a compromise in her eyes.

The point being is that she has some control of it. That is probably her biggest fear, is that she is going to lose control of the situation, and you are going to transition, leave her. She wants to know that is not the path you are on. She wants to know you are traveling down the same road together.

Hope that helps,

Hugs,
Candice

[Allisa]

I can't help with the wife thing because I'm not married but the Pink fog has you bad, you just have to ride out the storm. Please don't do anything to jeopardize your marriage. Take head to the others that are married and work from there.

[Melody A]

I deeply appreciate all of your suggestions and support.

Thanks and hugs to you all,

Melody