"Cinderella syndrome". Can someone explain this to me?

[docrobbysherry]

I need some help here. Remember, I'm the guy that was just a man with NO gender issues until I was over 50. :straightface:

I just watched the new Cinderella movie. Of course, the star is gorgeous. One of those willowy girls with long arms, legs, neck, and must have had a 20", or less, waist while wearing that corset in the ballroom scene. :D

My issue is with my thots while watching her and that scene in particular. I wanted to look like that!:daydreaming: But, I don't understand why?

Back in the day I would have just admired how sexy and stunning she looked and imagined myself dancing, (and maybe doing other things), with her.:o

But, today I could only imagine myself being her. Dancing as effortlessly she did in those 10+ petticoats, wearing a corset to match her slim waisted look. And, I thot of how I could create a dress and look like that? The rest of her look, face, hair, etc., I already know how to copy.

I realize many girls may want to look like that. But, you'll walk out of the movie and forget about it. I won't, until I do my best to imitate her ballroom look.:doh:

Walking out of the theater, I couldn't help wondering why I wanted so badly to look like her? I'm not interested in attracting a prince. In fact, I don't even remember who the guy was in the movie. I have no interest in attending a formal ball or being the center of attention. Or, don't think I do, at least?:eek:

This happens to me often. These things gnaw at me. I may not be able to sleep properly until I figure out how I can copy that look at the ball. Does anyone understand, or have, this same Cinderella copycat compulsion?:brolleyes:

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[Jean 103]

Sherry, you are one of a kind. I’m sure you will pull it off somehow. Now what did I do with that glass slipper.

[AngelaYVR]

Fear not Cinderfella, you shall go to the ball!
I do have to admit that wearing that dress looked like fun, probably only for 5 minutes though, at which point I would be tired of knocking everything over.

[Yoshisaur]

Yeah I thought the same thing when I watched that movie, or whenever I see a beautiful woman really. I'd love nothing more then to look like them.

[Eryn]

Sherry, considering the number of little girls I have seen in their pretty Cinderella dresses I'd say that you were just having a delayed reaction after a few decades of testosterone poisoning.

And that's OK. We're all entitled to childhood fantasies, even if they are a bit tardy coming to us!

[Beverley Sims]

Sherry Baby, :)

Everyone want's to look like Sinderella at least once in their lives.....

I was 32, 20 26 when I was sixteen.

Turn sideways and you could not see me.

That is only in my dreams these days.

I have filled out and gained maturity...

Like an old block of Gorgonzola..... :)

[TinaZ]

This is a bit of a rabbit hole, but whenever a "why" question begins gnawing at me, I pretend I have the answer. At that point, I have the answer (allegedly) and then I ask myself whether that changed anything. If you suddenly knew why you were fixated on dancing Cindy, would that change the attraction?

That's a big ol' NOPE! So if the situation does not move or change based on whether you know "why," then why ask why? It's a ton of wasted energy. You love Cinderella's look and you want to replicate it to the best of your ability. That calls for a "YIPPEE!" and that's that. Go for it, enjoy the feeling, never sweat the why again.

(But P.S., the dime-store psychologist in me says we fixate on these beautiful creatures because we understand the blissful feeling of being ensconced in absolute prettiness and femininity, just as they do, and this feeling, which for men is supposed to be untouchable and foreign, gives us a unique and secret connection to those beauties. My gut says this is why most of us come out to women in our lives first - because we want to expose and share this connection to their universe.)

[pamela7]

Tina very wise

[Persephone]

I go wsith Eryn's answer. Nearly every little girl wants to be a Princess, especially a Cinderella Princess. We just never had the opportunity as little girls so we want it as big girls.

Just go with the feeling and enjoy it! (There might be adult Cinderella costumes in the Disneyland shops [[not sure] but I'm reasonably sure there will be adult Cinderella costumes for Halloween).

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ReineD]

Sherry, I think that most kids want to "be" whatever figure is served to them via popular media. Disney is big business and so little girls did want to be Cinderella (and witches and Tinkerbell) ... although now they want to be Elsa from Frozen, who I might add is a great deal more empowered than was Cinderella. :) My boys wanted to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Spiderman, and scary monsters. All this is for Halloween of course. When I was little and play-acted with my friends, it didn't occur to us to be Cinderella or other fantasy characters. We usually played House (when we weren't playing Barbies), and we all wanted to be the mommies, so we had to take turns. There are more things available for kids today than when I was a child, so it may well be that children put on costumes outside of Halloween for play-acting, but if they do I think they grow out of it by the time they are 8 or 9.

As to wanting to be a princess, I don't think I ever had that aspiration. If other little girls want to be princesses, sadly they grow up to find out they need to support themselves and there really is no such thing as Prince Charming. Not with today's divorce rates. So my definition of the Cinderella Syndrome is different than yours. To me, it means an unrealistic expectation that a man will appear who will take care of you. But, maybe I say that because I am a casualty of divorce.

Back to you, I think you should just go for it! You have the time and the means! But if you do create the Cinderella look, please don't go for the Disney blue dress (http://rockinmama.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/CinderellaDiamondEdition_Photo_01-1024x771.jpg). Try to find a dress that shimmers like the color of moonlight. :)

<edit> I need to clarify. It's not sad that girls need to support themselves or join their husbands in supporting the family, this is a good thing. It's just sad if some girls grow up believing in the Cinderella values to eventually find out it was all a myth.

[Kate Simmons]

You simply have your own "standards of excellence" when CDing RS. Obtaining a particular look is part of that. :battingeyelashes::)

[NicoleScott]

Doc, it's not only Cinderella. Or a princess. Some like the look of a pretty woman wearing a Victorian dress and want that look for themself. Or a bride. I see a sexy maid and want to create the look for myself. So I sat down at the computer with my debit card in hand. The same thinking drove me to buy a cheongsam and black China bob wig, and a Japanese schoolgirl sailor uniform. And some naughtier looks. OK a few regular outfits, too. Living the fantasy.

[DonnaT]

I need some help here. Remember, I'm the guy that was just a man with NO gender issues until I was over 50.

I don't have, and have never had gender issues, Sherry, however, I often see some women, not just Cinderella type women, and wish I could be her or look like her.

While watching Phantom of Opera, I felt a deep connection with Christine (Emmy Rossum) in one scene, that I never felt with another woman.

All a part of being trans in some degree, IMHO.

[Cheryl T]

I think that most every girl that sees Cinderella or Snow White has that desire to be them. What could be better than being Cinderella at the ball, dancing with a handsome prince.
Secretly we all want that Fairy Tale ending to our story...and there's nothing at all wrong with that.

When you wish upon a star.....

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I've never wanted a prince, and I really dislike Disney's obsessive adulation of monarchy.

[TinaZ]

What could be better than being Cinderella at the ball, dancing with a handsome prince?

I'm only answering for myself, but staying home and having pillow fights with the "naughty" step sisters sounds like more fun.

[Lily Catherine]

(...) staying home and having pillow fights with the "naughty" step sisters sounds like more fun.

Amen to that, Tina.

[sometimes_miss]

Oddly, I didn't want to be Cinderalla or anyone like that. Maybe I felt too vulnerable as a kid already to want to be a fictional character that gets saved from danger by a male character, because I distrusted other males to a great extent. What I wanted to be, was Supergirl.

[Jaymees22]

I played one of Cinderella's ugly sisters in a second grade production of "Cinderella", that's as close as I got. This was also my first experience at crossdressing, I was 7. Good luck making your dream a fantasy reality!!! Hugs Jaymee

[Dana44]

Sherry, ah to be one with Cinderella, fantasy has a way to inflict us on that. Yep if you get a ballroom dress. Where would you wear it? In the house you would knock a lot of things over. Perhaps prancing down the street. Yes we all had a revelation to imitate our hero's. I can understand that.

[Ally 2112]

For me it was the movie Grease and Back to the future.I just loved the petticoats and yes it did take me a while before i purchased them but do not reget it So i say just go for it Sherry you have worn so many other amazing outfits and look great .To me this just a progression in where you want to go .Have fun and enjoy

[Alice_2014_B]

I've had the same exact feelings.
I mean you're absolutely correct, she is beautiful.
:)

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u all for your comments. So many different takes on this that I didn't expect!


--------------------------------- So my definition of the Cinderella Syndrome is different than yours. To me, it means an unrealistic expectation that a man will appear who will take care of you. But, maybe I say that because I am a casualty of divorce.
-----------------------------------------------------------
<edit> I need to clarify. It's not sad that girls need to support themselves or join their husbands in supporting the family, this is a good thing. It's just sad if some girls grow up believing in the Cinderella values to eventually find out it was all a myth.
As a boy/man, I grew up on the other side of your "Cinderella Complex", Reine. Expecting to one day meet my sweet, loving Princess. Eventually I did meet, court, and marry her. Only to find that not long after the ceremony she outgrew her wedding gown. And, that 7 years later my sweet, loving princess had suddenly turned into the bi Wicked Witch of the West! Men expect women to remain the same after marriage. But, they often change. My ex revealed there were things about me she didn't like at first. She hoped to change them. I didn't change. She did. We were BOTH disappointed!

[ReineD]

I agree. We cannot marry someone expecting to change them. Or, expecting them to stay the same. lol

Also, with the major gender shifts in our culture since the 60s, I wonder if fewer parents are raising their daughters to believe in the Cinderella values (you will grow up, marry, be taken care of, and live happily ever after) in favor of telling them they need an education and they need to be in charge of themselves. This is reflected even in the Disney culture, certainly with Mulan (1998), Merida (2012), Elsa in Frozen (2013) and I'm sure others that I'm missing.


... now Disney only needs to start making their heroines more like average women and less like the gorgeous model media ideal. :p

[Hilde_Morales]

I'm with sometimes_miss, I was drawn to Michelle Pfieffer's Catwoman, Supergirl, Firestar, anyone confident with a real clingy costume.
Having said that, if the opportunity arose, I wouldn't turn my nose up at a multitude of petticoats.

[Lexi_83]

Lily James is the actress. According to the www she is 5'7, weighs 132 lbs, her measurements are 34-24-35 and she wears a 32B and size 6.

Her waist certainly does look tiny. (http://tomandlorenzo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Lily-James-Richard-Maden-Cinderella-Los-Angeles-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Elie-Saab-Couture-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO-3.jpg)

[reb.femme]

My life mirrors that of the ugly sisters. Whenever I see shoes I like, they never have them in my size :heehee:. boom! boom!
Glad to have been NO help, whatsoever.

Rebecca

[LilSissyStevie]

The problem for me (but maybe not for you) has always been that I have tended to confuse what I'm attracted to with how I'd like to be. It's the old "am I attracted to her, or do I want look like her?" thing. The women I'm attracted to are vastly different from the ones I'd like to look like. But for a long time I didn't see that clearly because I hadn't really given it any thought. What made me consider it was when GGs would complain about CDs dressing up like tramps or sissies or some idealized version of femininity thinking that it reflected how CDs view women. That may be true in some cases but it certainly wasn't true for me. I'm not that attracted to extremely butch women but I'd take butch over barbie doll any day. Besides, there can only be one barbie in this relationship. LOL!

[Janine cd]

Many years ago I, too had the dream of dressing as a princess in a beautiful long gown with many layers of underskirts that rustled with every step. The best I was able to do was to wear a bridesmaid's dress with a full underskirt. It was a wonderful experience.

[flatlander_48]

I need some help here. Remember, I'm the guy that was just a man with NO gender issues until I was over 50.

Actually, they were there all the time, but surpressed or ignored. Similarly, you can't make someone gay. You either are or you're not.

But, I digress. I realize that we are really talking about Rindercella and her 2 sad blisters...


Does anyone understand, or have, this same Cinderella copycat compulsion?

No... and No...

DeeAnn

[docrobbysherry]

Lily James is the actress. According to the www she is 5'7, weighs 132 lbs, her measurements are 34-24-35 and she wears a 32B and size 6.

Her waist certainly does look tiny. (http://tomandlorenzo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Lily-James-Richard-Maden-Cinderella-Los-Angeles-Movie-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Fashion-Elie-Saab-Couture-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO-3.jpg)
Thank u, Lexi! U inspired me to find some photos of the Disney girl/dress/scene that has captivated me.:daydreaming:
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The problem for me (but maybe not for you) has always been that I have tended to confuse what I'm attracted to with how I'd like to be. It's the old "am I attracted to her, or do I want look like her?" thing. The women I'm attracted to are vastly different from the ones I'd like to look like. But for a long time I didn't see that clearly because I hadn't really given it any thought. What made me consider it was when GGs would complain about CDs dressing up like tramps or sissies or some idealized version of femininity thinking that it reflected how CDs view women. That may be true in some cases but it certainly wasn't true for me. I'm not that attracted to extremely butch women but I'd take butch over barbie doll any day. Besides, there can only be one barbie in this relationship. LOL!
No, Stevie, we r not the same. I waited a long time before I picked someone to marry. Before then, I found out I could date women I found attractive as well as good company. My ex was a Las Vegas show girl. When I started dressing at over 50+, I wasn't satisfied until I saw a pretty young female in my mirror. Which hasn't changed yet for me. That should help explain my masks!?:eek:


Actually, they were there all the time, but surpressed or ignored. Similarly, you can't make someone gay. You either are or you're not.
------------------------------------------------
DeeAnn
Oh, so you're one of those skeptics, DeeAnn? That r sure ALL CD's r born, not made? That all men would like to try on women's things if they were only brave enuff? I'm sure I won't change your mind. But, I KNOW u r wrong. At least, in my case!:tongueout

And, "you're gay or not", assumption? What if you're a straight guy until you're 50 and suddenly start dressing? U begin having fantasies about being the woman with a man? I was sure I had turned gay! I'm far from being alone on that, either. No, I'm not gay. But, it took me years to work it out on my own.

And, what about those dressers that r "straight" until they dress and r attracted to other dressers? Straight? Gay? Bi? I have no clue what to call them. But, I'll bet u do!?:battingeyelashes:

[Sallee]

thats the whole thing about CDing for me I see a beautiful woman and I want to emulate her at least in her looks or style of dress or swagger or something. Doc you present a great question and the answer is probably the answer to why we or at least I cross dress.

[ReineD]

thats the whole thing about CDing for me I see a beautiful woman and I want to emulate her at least in her looks or style of dress or swagger or something

A lot of people in this thread agree with you, so if you don't mind I'll use your quote to ask a question to you, Sherry, or anyone else.

Is it beautiful, well-dressed women who have this effect on you particularly, or do you also become inspired by regular, average women you might see at the mall, say someone in mid-life who no longer has a girlish body, and who wears jeans and sneakers, a regular top, no makeup, and wash and wear hair.

Just curious.

[taossane]

I have the same issue with Rapunzel.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Google 'Mr Pearl' if you aren't already familiar with him. Then fly to Paris and have a fitting.

Problem solved. Ahem.

Further thots: why Cinders? Is she just Doc's flavor of the month? Do you develop these crushes regularly?

The Cinders story is about being rescued, protected and cherished. It's about being taken care of by a sugar daddy. It's about winning daddy's attention and living happily ever after. And being really, really thin.

Other than that she's just another babe in a ballgown, and frankly you could find better.

So Doc- is this about winning daddy's attention?

[flatlander_48]

DRS:

Slow your roll and read what I said; not what you thought I said.


Oh, so you're one of those skeptics, DeeAnn? That r sure ALL CD's r born, not made? That all men would like to try on women's things if they were only brave enuff? I'm sure I won't change your mind. But, I KNOW u r wrong. At least, in my case!

What I believe is that there is at least some degree of predisposition. This does NOT relate to everyone. Going from not crossdressing to crossdressing is a MAJOR leap and it would seem that it somehow touches a nerve. How many here have said that they begin to consider men differently while dressed? I think dressing can enable people to the point that they have thoughts or considerations that they would not have in their everyday lives. The thing is, who can say what is locked away in their subconscious?


And, "you're gay or not", assumption? What if you're a straight guy until you're 50 and suddenly start dressing? U begin having fantasies about being the woman with a man? I was sure I had turned gay! I'm far from being alone on that, either. No, I'm not gay. But, it took me years to work it out on my own.

My comment relates to to how the thought process works. Contrary to the BS that many try to foist off, you cannot make people gay and you cannot make them not gay. This is why reparative therapy doesn't work. Conversely, if it were possible to make people gay or not gay, then reparative therapy would work. Anyway, for however it happens, some people have this tendancy. Whether it gets recognized and acted upon is a different matter. Similarly, I don't believe that clothes make the crossdresser. I think dressing can allow suppressed thoughts to surface.

It is interesting thay we readily accept that people can be born into the wrong body in terms of gender roles, but why do we believe that dressing once turns you into a crossdresser?


And, what about those dressers that r "straight" until they dress and r attracted to other dressers?Straight? Gay? Bi? I have no clue what to call them. But, I'll bet u do!?

This is the heart of it. It don't think that would happen WITHOUT some measure of predisposition. Personally I don't really give a shit as to what they call themselves, but often I think there is a considerable degree of denial going on.

DeeAnn

[Dianne S]

do you also become inspired by regular, average women you might see at the mall

I certainly do. I see beauty in many people even if they aren't conventionally "beautiful" or wearing fancy clothes. Sometimes I admire a woman's clear skin, sometimes her skillful eye makeup, sometimes her smile, sometimes even her voice. I'm transitioning, so this is more than just crossdressing for me and maybe that explains why I might notice these other things more than some... not sure.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for straightening me out, DeeAnn. We r pretty much on the same page after all!:heehee:


I certainly do. I see beauty in many people even if they aren't conventionally "beautiful" or wearing fancy clothes. Sometimes I admire a woman's clear skin, sometimes her skillful eye makeup, sometimes her smile, sometimes even her voice. I'm transitioning, so this is more than just crossdressing for me and maybe that explains why I might notice these other things more than some... not sure.
I good point, Dianne. To reply to u and Reine; I would and have dated quite ordinary LOOKING women. But, until I read Reine's post? I hadn't realized I'm more interested in looking like the stunners than the ones I don't notice. :straightface:
I know that's a TERRIBLE answer!:doh: But true for ME!


Google 'Mr Pearl' if you aren't already familiar with him. Then fly to Paris and have a fitting.

Problem solved. Ahem.

Further thots: why Cinders? Is she just Doc's flavor of the month? Do you develop these crushes regularly?

The Cinders story is about being rescued, protected and cherished. It's about being taken care of by a sugar daddy. It's about winning daddy's attention and living happily ever after. And being really, really thin.

Other than that she's just another babe in a ballgown, and frankly you could find better.

So Doc- is this about winning daddy's attention?
I'll give a score of 50%, Nikki! "Flavor of the week", mite be a better description of how I pick the next theme for Sherry!:D

But, your psycho-babble gives me too much credit. I carry NOTHING about their character and EVERYTHING about their looks! Before the Cindy look, I was totally captivated by Meryl Streep's outfit in Into the Woods. Where she sang Last Midnite and vanished. She was the wicked witch if u haven't seen it!:devil:

[Janine cd]

I, would love to be young and beautiful as in the Cinderella movie,..but I know that will never happen. The best that I can do is try to imagine what I might have looked like at her ago if I were a girl.

[SharonDenise]

I would love to wear a dress like that with all of its accoutrements including make-up and hair. I think I would even go to the ball. I also liked her character in "Downton Abby".

[flatlander_48]

Thanks for straightening me out, DeeAnn. We r pretty much on the same page after all!:heehee:

Not a problem. Clearly there are many who do not agree with me, but I do try to explain the logic that I used to come to a particular conclusion. I think that is important; at least it is to me.

For the vast majority of us, when we talk about about our sexuality or our willingness to temporarily cross gender boundaries, these are likely things that have been suppressed for years; even decades. And, when the suppression is deep-seated like this, it will not go away without a fight. I think this is what drives people to purge. They let that Genie out of the bottle and then they get to a point where it feels like they MUST put it back in the bottle and pretend that is doesn't exist. This is just human nature. We walk out on the limb just so far and then it feels like if we go a half step further, we are done for sure. But maybe, just maybe, the next time we go out on that limb, we go a step further before we have to turn around and hide. Or maybe it has been 3 years since the last purge and maybe the time before that was only a year.

The thing is, we can see the effects of certain behaviors, but I would guess that unless we do a lot of intensive psychoanalysis we don't really have a clue as to what motivates us to dress. As I've said in other places, I devote very little energy towards understanding why I dress. Even if I did know, I don't think anything would change. I would derive the same pleasures and be subject to the same frustrations. I don't think I would dress any more or any less. I just don't see what would be different.

And to be honest, I don't understand why anyone would mask. But, that's OK. It is enough for me to see that folks derive something useful for themselves and that is fine. It is not necessary for me to understand, but it is necessary for me to respect it and appreciate the effort and level of preparation.

DeeAnn

[Ally 2112]

just do it Sherry after all the looks you have done if this is a fantasy of yours and you can do it then go for it simple enough :)

[Angie G]

That happens to me a lot when I see a beautiful and sexy gg.:hugs:
Angie

[Mink]

imagine being a belle at a ball (!) wearing a pretty pink princess gown!

oh god!

it'd be like a dream

come TRUE!

[Lexi_83]

Cinderella Complex turns out to be a Thing: a book, with a Wiki, that talked about women's fear on independence.

Also: “When a woman (often submissive and needy) spends all her time searching for her prince charming to come rescue her; brainwashed by rosy romantic images and ideals.”