Aimee20
04-06-2015, 07:50 PM
It's been a long time since I really posted here, just getting by is hard work. With everything going on right now I thought it would be cathartic to write a poor me post, so here we go.
The past six months or so have really been an exercise in trudgery, there has been very little progress with moving forward in my transition and even less progress with day to day life. Just a few weeks ago I finally had the moment of clarity my therapist was looking for me to have in order to break my patterns of self sabotage. This new found purpose and drive was quickly and efficiently put to an end just days after it began.
Two weeks ago today I was hurt at work, and being stubborn and prone to bad decisions I quietly reported it to medical and continued on as normal. Throughout the week I started feeling worse and worse until I finally got my employer to send me to a doctor, as it turns out I hurt myself badly. There is trauma to two discs in my lumbar spine lagging in to the sacrum with nerve involvement at both locations.
Because this is now a major incident I got over my fear and came out to the first doctor they had me see as he was prescribing medication and I wanted to make sure there was no risk of interaction. Then the next day I ended up in the er, half from pain and half from a panic attack. While driving and taking care of some errands I began to experience pain shooting down my leg along with near total loss of use. Thankfully my SO was with me and I was able to get the car parked so she could drive us to the er. Here I had to come out to another doctor, a PA, and two nurses. I then got to notice a remarkable difference in care after this information was provided.
As I sit here now waiting for the neurosurgeon to coffee up with a course of treatment all I can really do is take stock of the one good thing that has happened in the last week and that is that I came out to my younger brother and have now had the talk with everyone in my family that will receive the news face to face.
The past six months or so have really been an exercise in trudgery, there has been very little progress with moving forward in my transition and even less progress with day to day life. Just a few weeks ago I finally had the moment of clarity my therapist was looking for me to have in order to break my patterns of self sabotage. This new found purpose and drive was quickly and efficiently put to an end just days after it began.
Two weeks ago today I was hurt at work, and being stubborn and prone to bad decisions I quietly reported it to medical and continued on as normal. Throughout the week I started feeling worse and worse until I finally got my employer to send me to a doctor, as it turns out I hurt myself badly. There is trauma to two discs in my lumbar spine lagging in to the sacrum with nerve involvement at both locations.
Because this is now a major incident I got over my fear and came out to the first doctor they had me see as he was prescribing medication and I wanted to make sure there was no risk of interaction. Then the next day I ended up in the er, half from pain and half from a panic attack. While driving and taking care of some errands I began to experience pain shooting down my leg along with near total loss of use. Thankfully my SO was with me and I was able to get the car parked so she could drive us to the er. Here I had to come out to another doctor, a PA, and two nurses. I then got to notice a remarkable difference in care after this information was provided.
As I sit here now waiting for the neurosurgeon to coffee up with a course of treatment all I can really do is take stock of the one good thing that has happened in the last week and that is that I came out to my younger brother and have now had the talk with everyone in my family that will receive the news face to face.