Wife found my stash today

[Shayna]

She called me at lunch and said she found something in the garage and do I know what she's referring to. I said I did.

After the kids went to sleep, we had the talk. Told her I was still a man, not sure why I had the urge to do so, but that it felt like a combination of release and feeling sensual.

While she said she's not sure she understands, she didn't think I was strange or deviant or anything, just sad that I wasn't open about it before. I explained how I felt afraid about exposing myself that way. In the end she seemed OK. Doesn't want me dressing around the kids, or when their in the house, which I'm good with. I'm sure more questions will pop up as she wraps her head around it, but the whole thing turned out a lot better than I ever expected.

[Rachelakld]

Wow, you got way lucky.
They always get really upset about the lack of openness, trust.

I hope you got her chocolates & flowers for being so understanding

[Sweetalex]

That sounds like it went quite well! I understand the fact she is sad you didn't tell her sooner as that is exactly what my GF said but it's not an easy subject to talk about. Hopefully from here you can be more open and not need to hide your girly things in the garage :) small steps!

[Zylia]

Good to hear it ended well for now, but tread carefully. Don't mistake the current indifference or focus on practical concerns for general acceptance of all things CD/TG. She may have some different thoughts as soon as it all sinks in.

[char GG]

Keeping secrets is never a good thing. Be prepared for lots more questions to come, and be honest when responding.

[trisha kobichenko]

I remember my first conversation about 'it' with my wife. She was afraid I was having and affair online, while I was actually accessing crossdressing/TG/Roleplay websites. Given the option of copping to an affair over coming out as the crossdresser I have been since age six, the truth won out.
We also had discussion about kids, family, friends etc. Net result is she and I are on the same page, while I need to express who I am, there are some areas where my sexual ID would not be accepted...so I don't go there.
It's understandable that you kept it from her, given cultural prescriptions.
It's a journey and it sounds like your wife will accompany you...
Hugs,
Trish

[Marcelle]

Hi Shayna,

I am glad to read it went relatively okay. What is important now is communication to ensure both of you are comfortable with your dressing. The cat is out of the bag sort to speak, so don't just let it lie there with the one conversation and hope all goes to fruition. Good luck.

Hugs

Isha

[Krisi]

I don't think it's possible to hide crossdressing from someone living in the same house. It's not if you will get caught, it's when you will get caught. It happened to me.

It's good that there wasn't a scene but let this sink in to her and don't be tempted to push the issue.

And of course if your wife could find your stuff, your children can find it so I suggest making it more secure.

[cheryl reeves]

you need to take her out,buy her her fav candy and flowers,and find a place you can talk openly. but one thing to REMEMBER go at her pace not yours.

[bridget thronton]

Always better to have the talk before a lived one discovers - it was wise that you decided truth was better than an elaborate lie to cover the discovery. You have a good wife.

[Dana Nichole]

My wife works in a school and they are off for spring break this week. I have my stash, small as it is, in the garage. I have wondered a few times this week what would happen if she were to stumble across it.

[Jenniferathome]

You are very lucky. Make sure to let he know you will answer every question she has and that there are no more secrets you have. Her mind will be racing..."What else hasn't he told me?"

[Jaylyn]

Truth is always the best policy I think. I told my wife and reassured her I was still the man she married. She now gets Jaylyn a Christmas present also.... My wife is worried though that if we are both killed in a freak accident of the kids finding all my feminine things but we agreed not to tell them. I have found that very subtle things such as when we are shopping and she needs lipstick or base actually anything feminine she is starting to ask me if Jaylyn needs any thing. She also asks me which lipstick do I enjoy the most on her. You have a good thing going by being honest. Keep it on the down low and don't push it much and she may come around to even helping you dress. Just do the things you agree to with her. Sounds like she is a good gal.

[Athena_]

My wife found my stash in a similar way years ago, so I can certainly empathize with what you are going through.

I would suggest that you keep the line of communication line open about your cross dressing. Even though my wife is DADT, she has allowed me to move my stash to the dresser and closet. This will also make it less likely that the children will discover anything. If they do, they can be told that the items are their mother's clothing.

Good luck with this going forward.

[cheryl reeves]

i guess i was lucky for i had no stash to find,i always dressed gender nuetral

[vicky_cd99_2]

I concur with Cheryl go at her pace. Also be prepared for questions at anytime. My wife has known for over 15 years and I still get different off the wall questions. Also her emotions will ebb and flow. All will seem good then one day it will all suck, then it will revert back to good. Don't push it if you want to keep peace or keep married.

[Stephanie47]

I'm sure there will be more questions as soon as she digests the blunt force trauma she just experienced. The "reveal" or "outing" is really an eye opening event for a woman, whether or not she stumbles upon her man's stash or he sits her down, pours a glass of wine for her, and, gives her "Honey, there's something I need to tell you!" I would not go totally syrupy and pile on the roses and chocolates. Somehow that keeps the "hiding" out in front.

You may want to show her that Internet article which is on another thread. Although it's from 1994 it is still appropriate for reassuring a wife the vast majority of us are just plain ordinary nice husbands and fathers.

[cheryl reeves]

i would also recommend my husband betty,me and my wife were part of a online group her and her so helen ran yrs ago.they are good people and have done alot for spouses of tg's.

[Isabella Ross]

Shayna, I'm happy that this (so far) has a happy ending for you both. But in truth, I'm not surprised. Your story echoes so many others who have been discovered, with the result being far more disappointment from the SO about dishonesty rather than the CDing itself.

[reb.femme]

Well, having read the title of this post, my first comment was going to be 'whoops apocalypse', but and I'm glad to say, I was totally wrong.

Hell of a way to come out, but I got busted too, so I can imagine your pain at the time of the big question. Seriously hoping that things continue in a positive way for you both. :)

Rebecca

[JamieG]

I was prepared to give sympathy, but this sounds like a positive development. I urge you to play close attention to your wife's temperament and moods for a while. It is possible that this will eat at her but she won't feel comfortable expressing her anxiety. If you notice her being withdrawn, irritable or sad, try to be empathetic. If she won't confide in you, ask her point blank if it is the crossdressing, and try to get her to talk about her concerns.

[flatlander_48]

...just sad that I wasn't open about it before.

I heard the same thing recently from a wife who had found out about her husband a week or 2 earlier. I asked if she understood why her husband did that. She said, yes, he was afraid of what she would think etc. etc.

To me, it is sort of a silly response because there are very particular reasons why people don't want to tell. Now, I would not tell her that, but it is how I feel.

DeeAnn

[Shayna]

Many good suggestions here, particularly the flowers. I consider myself very lucky to have her. She said today was a much better day for her. I'm letting it go at her speed, letting her know I'll answer any questions, but not pushing it right now.

[Allycttv]

Ur lucky that she reacted that way. Several years ago my wife found my stuff and we almost ended in diverse it was a long several months. But I'm dressing again without her knowledge. The things we do to satisfy our desires!!!

[~Joanne~]

I would be more curious as to why she was snooping around in the garage myself. Surly you didn't have your "stash" just laying all around or out in the open. Did you even bother asking?

[Krisi]

Certainly a wife has a right to go into the garage. If she was looking for something I would not call it "snooping". There are any number of things she could have been looking for when she stumbled upon the "stash". That's why I made the comment in post #8.

[Shayna]

I would be more curious as to why she was snooping around in the garage myself. Surly you didn't have your "stash" just laying all around or out in the open. Did you even bother asking?

I didn't have to ask. We had a fight earlier in the day about some information she was supposed to get for our taxes that she hadn't. SHe was looking for a donation receipt, and when she couldn't find it she went to where I keep all our old paperwork in the garage. I'm always the one who handles these things, so I figured that was a safe area to keep stuff… and it was for a couple of years, but now the secret is out.

In reality, I'm relieved she found it and now knows. Easy to say since she seems nonjudgmental right now and forgiving. She was pretty distraught when she called me at work. I think my honesty put her at ease, but that's probably also due to the fact that I don't want SRS, HRT or anything else, but just like to dress occasionally.

I can tell she's not really ready to talk or ask questions. In the spirit of her not having anymore surprises, I made sure she knew that dressing for me means trying to look like a woman, in case she runs across a makeup bag or something eventually. But I'm letting it go at her pace. Eventually I'll probably try to see if we can come up with some times when she and the kids can be out and I can dress, but for at the least the next month I'm letting her take the lead.

[Beverley Sims]

You are lucky, now play it cool and try and do as your wife suggests without having to sacrifice it all.

[Michelle_NY]

My wife found mine about 10 yrs ago. They all do soooner or later hon, remember they are smarter than us too. Its better now that she knows but still never wants to talk about it so i keep it from her. She would freak out totally if she know I liked going out too on occasion or meet with others.

[Shayna]

She's still sorting it out. Not ready to know about when I'm dressing, not knowing how this will effect us in the future, but she's also not wanting to shut down and deny a part of me. Pretty tough on her, since she has nobody other than me to talk to about it.

[Alice_2014_B]

You are very lucky it went over well, and I'm glad.
:)

[DanaR]

She's still sorting it out. Not ready to know about when I'm dressing, not knowing how this will effect us in the future, but she's also not wanting to shut down and deny a part of me. Pretty tough on her, since she has nobody other than me to talk to about it.
This is something that is tough for a wife to deal with, the fact that she has nobody to talk to other than you. My wife and I went through the same situation years ago. I was completely honest with her and she began to except me more as time went on. She would take the kids out for the day to give me time to dress and covered for me at other times.

[Brandi01]

The same thing happened to me as well. I was fortunate that she accepted this and has been able to have fun with the whole concept.
The important thing is not to push the issue.
Maybe surprise her with something special for her understanding!

Best of luck.

[CarlyJ]

I have tried to be honest with my wife about crossdressing, and we both talked to a therapist. Unfortunately, the therapist my wife was using had no real experience with CD people, and my behavior was given a number of labels, including " an addiction". For several years , I bought into this idea, went to meetings, andmy wife and I have improved our sexual relationship. Now, over the last four months, I have accumulated clothes, shoes, makeup, and hair pieces again. I hate the word, "stash" because it sounds like a term coined by a sophomore in college. I have been crossdressing off and on for over forty years,and each time my wife finds out, I finally purge due to the pressure to stop and conform. My wife is my best friend and soulmate, and we have been married almost 39 years, but when it comes to this issue, she only sees black and white. I hate feeling like I have to conceal this part of me, but I have to preserve my fem self. Looking for a win-win solution, CarlyJ

[Angie G]

Glad it went so well for you Shayna you have a good woman therehun. I've got one word for you "FLOWERS".:hugs:
Angie

[ReineD]

Pretty tough on her, since she has nobody other than me to talk to about it.

You can tell her there is a private support section here for wives and girlfriends.

Instructions on how to join the FAB (female-at-birth) forum:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum