Image vs Identity

[mechamoose]

As some of you may remember, I recently traversed the barrier between worker and manager.

I knew it going in, but it is kind of jarring *living* it every day. I have to project an image which matches the role. I can't be *me* anymore. The people who work for me are geeks & gamers. I'm one of them. I can only let a bit of that leak out, as I have a position to play.

As much as I would like to, I can't do earrings. I can't do painted nails. I can't wear floufy things. I feel like I'm hiding (with reason, but I still feel that way)

I guess it is just another role we play. I'm in a position where I am an "Authority Figure". I can't just be the laid back, cool, genderqueer paganboi I identify as. I'm 'Da Man'.

With all the limitations we face, it just seems odd/strange that I have to hide who I am because of my position, but there it is.

If I were a GG, I would still be faced with the same challenge. I would be *expected* to be 'pretty' but hard.

Skill and competency has nothing to do with identity, but I find I am trapped by those expectations. I/You/We are forced to compensate for other people's limitations and expectations.

'Eff'n mundanes....

/swish

- MM

[Kate Simmons]

I always put the person I was into my work and that is how I was defined, by who I was not my position. I made sure when I got a supervisory position, I was not in charge of others which worked for me as I valued them as team mates. After I retired I still worked. I got one job where they expected me to write people up if they made mistakes. I re-defined the job so people did it right the first time and there was less waste. Productivity soared after that. A lot depends on how we approach things.:)

[Sweetalex]

First of all congratulations on the promotion!!! Great news!

I work in IT and we are recruiting heavily for new service desk members. Yesterday I asked my boss if he had interviewed any women for the roll, his response was "no but we would really like to". He said that it would be great to have a more diverse team! We had a bit of a chat and actually I think IT being a relatively new industry is one of the few industries where is isn't so hard for women to step up the ranks. A small part of me wanted to ask about trans girls /boys but I thought that might give to much away :p anyway I'm getting distracted...

I think as long as you can play hard and do it well it isn't such a problem if you have nice nails or dress feminine. People will know you mean business no matter what. This may be more of issue however if your Co workers are 'old school' but by the sounds of it (geeks etc) they shouldn't be.

It's a tough one and it's a shame these problems exist, I'm sure we all agree that they shouldn't!

[colleen ps]

Same here, I assert myself into my management position and have reaped the benefits. It is not always about being bossy, you can manage people and still be their workmates. It is your Job that has changed, not you. Stand up and be yourself. You may find your workmates and employers will like it. especially if production rates go up! Break that barrier and enjoy who you are not what you are expected to be, that is the problem that needs addressing.

[mechamoose]

I'm the Remote Support Operations Manager. I have 20+ years in field-level IT.

I'm having a hell of a time finding qualified techs. I have had to give the 'thumbs down' for 8 of the last 10 interviews. WTF?? Where are all the techies? I have had to tolerate a 'paper tech' who has had no real world experience.

The founder/owner of the company presents like a cross between Elvis and Penn Gillette. I still feel like I'm 'trapped' because most of our clients are VC companies. They don't understand folks who are not wearing a tie.

"Grumble/whine"

- MM

[kimdl93]

I understand the feeling. I have a professional facade that I maintain that is at times at odds with the reality of who I am. I do let a bit of that reality leak through...or maybe more properly complement the image. It's a bit like an actor putting a bit of themselves...maybe a large part into a portrayal. It's still an act, but comes across as something more authentic.

[Sweetalex]

I know we have taken on maybe 1 out of 50. Crazy, how hard is it haha!

We are in the financial sector so it is actually similar for our clients oclients, old school suit and tie only. I've always hated suits, so boring and no colour! Wah :(

[Bria]

Yes Kim it is a bit like playing a role, but then we do that a lot with out thinking about it. When we talk about age appropriate, and venue appropriate dress are we not playing the "proper" role?

I have a granddaughter getting married this weekend, I've got to get a regular boy haircut. My avatar is from several months ago and is my own hair, I'm not a happy camper, but that is the role I have to play this weekend.

As a business owner, I have found that a collaborative style of management work well, of course it starts with well qualified people. A problem solving attitude has been a winner for me, we all work together to solve the unexpected problems or the unintentional consequences.

Hugs, Bria

[pamela7]

Hi Mechamoose,

Remember when I transitioned from engineer/programmer/analyst to manager, the biggest mistake I'd have made were if I'd complied with "management position" to separate me from my team. Don't buy that, you can stay "one of the lads" and lead them. The only secret is to stop doing the tech work yourself so the team members can excel. If they compare themselves to you otherwise they will feel less and perform less. So, be one of them, protect them from the other management, and ... BE YOURSELF ... cos that is the biggest single empowering thing a boss can do for his team, then they can be themselves, then they perform.

I know this from producing world-class teams and outperforming the competition many times over.

xxx Pamela

[cheryl reeves]

when i worked for a pizza chain,i started as driver and worked my way into management,i was still hands on with my crew which lead to respect,needless to say my shifts made profits where the other managers lead to profit loss because no one liked working for them,so some weeks i had to run more shifts and hrs so the chain could make profit. ive always been a hands in boss and fired many a person who could not keep up,had one job where my hired hand told me he should be the boss so he could sit around telling me what to do,well he never worked for me again. i may be a femminate male but im a hard ass when it come to me being the boss and my crews always respected that. now that im retired i still find things to keep me busy.

[Jaylyn]

I guess I've never been the manager of a business that depended upon me for a production of a product to meet a standard or meet goals. I was a teacher though and we did have the leadership role of getting students to a point where they could be successful in life. I lead the class and didn't boss it. I feel too many try and be the "BOSS", there is a difference between a boss and a leader. To me a leader will out perform a Boss every time. I say you can be the boss, but you must have the leadership skills to have production. Leadership skills are better ng able to show someone how the job needs to be accomplished. Good leaders roll up their sleeves and help dig the ditch so to speak and not sit on the side line and watch. If a student was struggling lend a hand to help them, even if it requires extra hours. After all you are there to make money for your owner, stock holders, etc. Most good bosses are those that demand the respect by working as hard, being kind to the employees, and still leading them to their own personal best productions. Don't be trapped by expectations do the best you can and you'll make things happen.

[Tina_gm]

MM- most people do not let their real selves out at work. Especially in a managerial position. Consider it part of why you are getting paid more.

It sounds as if in your prior work you had above average freedom of expression that most people never get. I m not saying that it isn't or shouldn't be frustrating. Also, you are in a way experiencing what many cders who are completely in the closet do on a daily basis of almost their entire life.

[Jodi]

That's the difference between labor and management. You are now management. Time to suck it up and get used to it.

Jodi

[Tracii G]

Going into management from the general worker population can be tough.
The general population will tend to resent you and the management staff still think of you as the new kid in the office so you will get blamed for everything LOLOLOL.

[reb.femme]

I'm the Remote Support Operations Manager. I have 20+ years in field-level IT.

I'm having a hell of a time finding qualified techs. I have had to give the 'thumbs down' for 8 of the last 10 interviews. WTF?? Where are all the techies? I have had to tolerate a 'paper tech' who has had no real world experience...- MM

Dear Madame Moose,

I would like to apply for a position with your company, probably too old (and dusty) for a work visa, but happy for a one year placement :heehee:.

I'm an Infrastructure Tech with a large Brit utility and I can't for a minute envisage it being an easy ride coming out to my IT department. I'm the oldest, not interested in all that management malarky, but would love to work completely en femme, just don't have the bottle for it, I'm afraid.

I can only imagine your feelings of repression for the sake of your position (if that's the right phrase?) but you seem to be handling it well, even if only thinly veiled. Do you envisage a period in time where you might expand your dressing / appearance repetoire at work? I would love to do that, but I would have the "urine extracted" (cleaned up UK phrase there) if I did. They are all much younger than me, a good bunch of guys but very generally, standard men in their attitudes toward gender expression. So under dressing every day it is for me. If I got busted in any way, I'd spill the beans and live with it, but not directly. Coward I know, but that's me :o.

Rebecca

[Lexi_83]

I work with software developers (not gamers or game developers). I make sure they take their "adult pills" every day!

[Lorileah]

you say you cant be who you were now. I have to ask why not? Leading people as yourself will get a lot more respect from your people than pretending to be someone else and driving them. Are there rules" about being management? Seems to create an "Us vs them" scenario. I'm not saying you can't look good but do they deny women earrings or nail polish who are management? Doubtful, in fact it is probably implied.

Staying away from the TG view for a minute. As a man and you may be meeting clients or customers, how could subtle nail polish (c'mon...men in banking do it ALL the time) or small studs be an issue? I am assuming you are in an IT type environment. One where a lot of people are just two clicks off center yet still get things accomplished. But that aside, like I said if you watch many financial males have clear or slightly tinted nail polish. Some wear very expensive studs.

But here is the main point as it sounds like you have decided you are "above" the people you are in charge of and you need to set an example. This cartoon has made the rounds of social media

243861

Seems to me being more like them would make them feel you are part of them. And would lead to better productivity

[CONSUELO]

The transition that will be going through as you change from being one of a team to being a leader and manager is a tough one. I have seen many fail at this. I could write reams of advice but I think the best is for you to read as much as you can about the role of management and leadership and adapt it to your situation. You now have to keep in mind the welfare of the company you work for and not just the welfare of the team. It is a hard test but not impossible.