Bit of a left turn

[Eringirl]

I was informed yesterday afternoon by my sister that my mother passed away. Though not a surprise as she was 92 and in hospital, we were expecting her to be released back to the care facility. But alas, that was not to be. So, I am heading "home" today to make arrangements etc.

It will be the first time in a long time that my sister, brother, father and I will be in the same room together. None of them know about Erin. Theoretically, it would be a good time to do the "reveal" as they will all be in the same room. However, I do not believe this is the appropriate time. This is about my mother and my father right now, so I am going to leave it at that.

My original plan was to deal with it separately. Probably not tell my father as he is 90 and failing health, so not sure that would be beneficial for him. He is very conservative and religious, so he will not take it well. So to what end? My brother and I don't really get along and haven't for decades, so I really don't care what he thinks, so for him it will not be a discussion, but more of an FYI. I only see him about every 4 years, so no biggie there. My sister will be fine with it. We are very much cut from the same cloth. She will be mildly shocked, but will get it. I think she will look back and have the ah-ha moment that "it will all make sense".

So, not going to go there this weekend. Will have to be male me for the entire time, which sucks, 'cause it is going to be stressful enough but adding the fact that I can't be Erin will add another level of complexity. So, just going to try to go with the flow, and channel my "inner Erin" as much as possible.

[Krisi]

This would be a really bad time to bring up your "status". Your mother has passed and it should be about respect for her. If your family needs to know, wait a while, then tell them.

[cheryl reeves]

i agree they do not need to know right now,for its about your dad and siblings dealing with your moms passing

[meganmartin]

Agreed this would be a bad time.

[MsVal]

Erin, I am sorry to read about the loss of your mother and your dad's illness. These are difficult situations for anyone. ((hug))

You made the right decision for the right reason.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Nigella]

First of all, my sympathy for the loss of your mother :hugs:

Its nice to know that your head is ruling the heart, or really they both are saying the same message, Now is not the time

[Jennifer-GWN]

Erin;

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Be with your family as that is the focus. Draw strength from your memories of your mon and hopefully that will bring the family closer together for an Erin discussion at a later date.

With a heavy heart for you... Jennifer

[kimdl93]

You're right. Now is not the time. Let Thisbe about your mom, mourning her passing and celebrating her life and the family she helped create.

[Persephone]

Sorry to hear of your loss, Erin.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rianna Humble]

Erin, I'm really sorry to read about the loss of your mother, I know what you said about her age and this not being totally unexpected, but I also know from painful and recent experience that this does not make it any easier at all.

I agree with you that this is not the appropriate time, but I'm also deeply shocked by the judgemental posts from people who obviously didn't take the time to read what you wrote. You don't deserve that!

This is not going to be an easy weekend for you on any level, but please remember that there are members here who care and whose thoughts will be with you in this sad time.

[Leah Lynn]

Erin, my deepest sympathy goes out to you.

Hugs,

Leah

[Michelle789]

Erin,

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. My prayers go to you and your family.

[Karen62]

Erin, your spirit is so often a beautiful, bright light for us here on this forum. I am terribly saddened to hear the news of your loss. I wish you much strength and emotional endurance in getting past this upcoming family crisis. As uncomfortable as you might be temporarily crossdressing in male mode for a short time, just know that you'll soon be past the uncomfortable situation and safely back to normal. You can celebrate your revelatory good news with your sister when you both are ready to look forward again with life.

If I could do anything to help you, please PM me. Take care, sweetie.

Karen

[charlenesomeone]

Erin so sorry for your loss.

[PretzelGirl]

Erin, my heartfelt condolences. You are going through emotional and perhaps stressful times already. The loss of your mother is extremely painful by itself. Grieve and don't rush taking care of what you need to. The rest will still be here when you are ready. But realize that self-care may be very important at this time. We are here when you need us. :hugs:

[Rogina B]

I want to be the "contrarian"...Tell your sister.. After all,your mother's death wasn't sudden..Sad,But not sudden.. Spare the others,but get your sister clued in..

[Bria]

Erin you have my condolences on the loss of your mother. Loosing one's parents is always difficult. I believe that you have correctly analyzed the situation and chosen the path that will make the weekend easiest for you and your family. I can only imagine the ruckus that might occur if you use this time to come out to the whole family. Keep the weekend about your mother, comfort your father, brother and sister.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.

Hugs, Bria

[Cindy J Angel]

I am thinking of you my your heart be field with joy of your moms remembrance

[VickiTheGamer]

Bad time. I have no idea how close you are to your family, but if you are close, then think of this more as a family time. Instead pick a time when it's not a holiday or special event (no birthdays, government or religious holidays, deaths, etc.). That way, if they take it hard then that event won't be difficult for them or you when it comes around once a year.

I say this because for our family, Christmas and Mothers Day are the hardest days of the year.

I had two brothers. One died at the house with family on Christmas Day. The other died at the house with family celebrating Mothers Day with Mom. It too YEARS before we ever celebrated Christmas again and we still don't celebrate Mothers Day.

[Eringirl]

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts and sage advice. Made it through the funeral yesterday. Family has already started to disband and go their separate ways. I will be the last one leaving, as my flight out isn't until tomorrow afternoon. I did find a few minutes of quiet time to say goodbye to my mother and tell her I was her other daughter. I felt it was the right thing to do and gave me some peace.

The only time we are ever together as a family is special occasions, as well live so far apart. So will find other times to tell them about me. Right now, just trying to recuperate from the events of the past few days.

And once again.....


Thank you,


To all at you.

[becky77]

A very close family member died at the beginning of my transition, I put it all on hold for a few months to be strong for the family. It was just the right thing to do, the timing sucked but not nearly as much as losing him. I'm still devastated, I feel like crying just thinking of him now and that was 2.5 years ago.

I'm really sorry for your loss, you did the right thing wait a little then you can plan it so it is all about you.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Erin;

Be at with peace. Your mom knows and will be by your side along the way ahead.

All best wishes and a big hug.... Jennifer

[Nigella]

Erin, I bet it was a load of your mind, showing yourself to your mum. Some may say that you haven't come out to her, but believe me, I did the same. My mum had passed a long while before I realised who I was, but not long after I went to her resting place and spent a while talking to her and finding myself at peace.

As for the rest of the family, the time will come when you are able to let them know the real you, only you will know when that is, but it will come.

[cheryl reeves]

ive told my mom,maybe i need to visit my dads grave and tell them. i was lucky and had two wonderful dads. after my dads death my step dad stepped in and when we were needing a dad.

[Bria]

Erin, I'm glad that you could tell your mother, I know that all mothers are still looking out for us even after they are gone from our sight. Your story brought tears to my eyes, now I've got to go check my make up, My prayers are with you.

Hugs, Bria