When have you Transitioned?

[becky77]

I was wondering today what people's idea of completing Transition was?

It's commonly held that Transition is that changing period, from man to woman. We all know where it starts but where does it end?

I'm fulltime now, living and working as a woman but I don't feel I am even halfway through transition. I don't see myself complete until the day I stand naked in front of the mirror and see a woman. It's all well and good going out there as a woman, but at the end of the day when stripped down, if I still see a guy then there is work to do. There is vocal work, more hair removal let alone surgery.

I guess my question is when did you feel your Transition was complete?
Or what stage do you see your Transition reaching completion?

[I Am Paula]

It doesn't matter what parts you have, or don't have. Even tho' I'm still deciding the fate of some of mine, I feel that transition is over. To my friends, and family, to the tax man, and my doctors, to the DMV, I'm a woman. I never, for a second, stop being one.

[Rachel Smith]

I am with Paula on this one. I still have things I want done but I my transition complete the rest is just window dressing.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Becky;

Been there mentally for a very long time. However I've been pondering the same question so my criteria is as follows:

1) presenting and functioning on a personal day to day level as female - done
2) presenting and functioning on a day to day level as female at work - not done but required
3) balance with respect to hormone levels and such - getting close
4) facial hair under control as this is a key piece of sustainable presentation - wip... One follicle at a time
5) comfortable with voice - wip and a prerequisite for #2 target by sept
6) official name change - expect this will come in parallel with #2 - sept may become the target
7) surgey (Srs) - optional to beining considered done. I'm my case will be part of the program

Just my thoughts and how I'm approaching this question myself.

Stepping forward one foot at a time.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Janice Ashton]

Hi Becky

I think life itself is one long transition as we pass from childhood through puberty to teenager, onto young adulthood and middle age and eventually becoming a senior until the clock stops ticking and we finally say fare well.
So personally I think for myself and the issues I face and how I engage them, it's a matter of internal dictate in what gender I pass through these stages of life and how far I maybe lucky enough travel.
I can recall the start of my gender issues and most likely they will be there at the end but I think I will never stop transitioning throughout my life and who knows even after I pass over what roads and issues may lay ahead?
Going from male to female is a part of the journey and I am just rectifying to my mind and body status as I travel.
Gosh!! I hope this doesn't sound too heavy??

Best wishes

[Jorja]

In my opinion, once you have began living 24/7 in All facets of your life, transition is over. This means no going to work in male mode or going to see the kids in male mode. No going to see Mom and Dad in male mode. This means living every second of every day as a woman. The rest is just window dressing to bring your body in line with your mind.

[Ann Louise]

Physical transition versus emotional "transition?" Physically I've completed all the surgeries that I need to, my HRT is down to rest-of-my-life levels, and I live day-to-day as a simple, ordinary woman much like any other. But I find, as the initial joy of GRS recedes, that I must return to the unfinished business of living the remainder of my life. There's so much emotional learning that I have yet to do, particularly with respect to my relationships with all the others in my life. This seems to be a transition of sorts, too.

[Brooklyn]

Doesn't it depend on the individual? There are the medical things, the social things, the cosmetic things and the legal things - all of which have their own schedules. I suppose you have transitioned when you say "I'm done" with everything on your list. SRS will probably be the last thing I check off, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a woman in the meantime, thank goodness! Possibly the whole concept of "transition" should be re-examined, but I'm old-fashioned and that's the easiest way for me to think about what's happening to me.

I'm not so sure we'd all agree on when transition starts, either. Does it start with HRT? Or when you come out, maybe? Or when you begin permanent changes to your appearance?

[PaulaQ]

You are trying to combine multiple types of transition into a single "thing." The trouble with that is not everyone needs every possible step. I think of it like this:

Medical transition - taking one or steps medically to align your body and your mind
Social transition - living your life fulltime as the gender opposite of the one you were assigned at birth, home, everything
Job transition - although I could have lumped this in with "social", since it's a very problem in nature, I break it out because it is often so difficult, and may happen at a different time than other social transition steps. It is also sometimes a gating item for everything else.
Legal transition - changing your name, gender marker, birth certificate or other legal documentation of your gender. Although this might seem to be part of "social", it is frequently gated by items in Medical transition. And nothing says you have to do this. (In my case, it also included a divorce.)
Psychological / emotional transition - unless you are very lucky, you've probably been living as a man for some chunk of your life. It takes a bit to unlearn some of the skills we acquired for survival while we hid who we really were. It also takes some work to mentally survive the conditions that generally characterize life as trans.


I think someone is "done" when they are able to live a real and authentic life, in their judgment, and when their dysphoria has been treated to the extent that it is practical to treat it, given their resources.

I feel this leaves a wide range of possibilities for us, as we all have different needs.

My own gender transition includes elements of all of the above. I feel mostly done on everything but the medical stuff, and I'm on waiting lists for some of the medical stuff, have others things that are ongoing (electrolysis - god, will this ever end?, hair removal), and am waiting on financial resources for things like FFS. (I am also brow-beating my company, insurance carrier about some of this stuff.) On the psychological side, I've been working on my voice for over a year. It still sucks, but I've completed Kathe Perez' 30 day crash course, and am starting private work with her. It has improved though. I've done a bunch of therapy - to be honest I think I'm reaching diminishing returns. I go once a month, and my therapist pretty clearly feels this is a waste of both of our time.

Anyway, it's been a busy 19 months. I figure I've got another 18-24 months of mostly medical stuff, if things go well, before I'm "done." (Assuming I can ever reach a point where I look at myself in the mirror without wanting to shatter the stupid thing - still, it's getting better over time.)

TLDR: You are done when you feel you are done.

[DebbieL]

This is a great question! You could say you are in transition whenever you know where you want to be and know you have steps to get there. On the other hand, we have to be careful not to become so obsessed that we end up trying to make changes that don't need to be made. Some people finish SRS and then start going crazy with FFS, hair implants, and other cosmetic surgeries that aren't really necessary to be able to successfully present in your chosen gender.

This might be the most important measure of all. If you can walk down the street every day and how you occur is as your chosen gender, then you have transitioned. There may be additional work needed, for medical, personal, or cosmetic reasons, but these are more like "finish work".

Part of the problem is that it's always a moving target. I don't HAVE to have GRS, because I'm married to a woman and she is happy with what I do and don't have. On the other hand, my doctor is concerned that I am on high spiro levels and at some point the orchiectomy may become the best option - which is fine with me. I've wanted them gone since they arrived.

I'm a bit concerned about the law in Texas that puts a $2000 bounty on our heads, and fines a business $10,000 - because it's unclear what constitutes prove of gender. If I have a driver's license and passport that say F, does the bounty hunter have the right to sexually assault me to prove that I don't have a vagina? If so, then in Texas, GRS might be a legal necessity.

I tell people I have transitioned, because I'm living full time, I have nice size breasts, and am willing to make what ever other adjustments are necessary. I still want the Orchi and GRS, and probably in that order. As for people who ask me if I've had "the operation", I ask "Why, were you planning on having sex with me?", which is usually a "no". I can follow up with "Then it's not really your concern, is it?

[PaulaQ]

I'm a bit concerned about the law in Texas that puts a $2000 bounty on our heads, and fines a business $10,000 - because it's unclear what constitutes prove of gender. If I have a driver's license and passport that say F, does the bounty hunter have the right to sexually assault me to prove that I don't have a vagina? If so, then in Texas, GRS might be a legal necessity.

If that law passes, then your driver's license technically wouldn't matter. Practically speaking, it definitely would matter, because for a police officer to have reasonable grounds for search, he'd need probable cause to suspect you were trans - which a big ole "F" on your driver's license would remove. Likewise, if you pass, nobody is likely to harass you in the first place. The problem, of course, is for those of us who don't pass, and aren't ever likely too, and who haven't or can't change their gender marker. (This is about 90% of us starting out, and a good portion of many of us years into transition.)

We are trying to fight this law. I plan on going down to Austin to lobby against this later this month. A lot of people are fighting this legislation.

The way the bill is written, your genetics would determine which bathroom you get to use. This would, unfortunately, force some cisgender women into the men's room, as well, because they have a "Y" chromosome - at least if anyone bothered to check, which they would not. And no, no one has the right to assault you to demonstrate your gender, even in Texas. At least not yet, and certainly not if we can help it.

[Jamie M]

Just speaking for myself, I couldn't agree more with Jorja . Totally hit the nail on the head for me. I'm sorry I really don't mean to offend anyone and I know we're all different but I do get frustrated when I hear people say that they have transitioned or that they are full time and in the next breath say they've got to be man mode for XY or Z reason. For me transition happens when there is no man mode, ever ... period. just my 2 cents

[Michelle789]

This also begs the question, when does transition begin, which we have discussed before. A lot of us commonly consider starting HRT as the start of transition, but when you consider the other aspects of transition, you may start your transition before you go on hormones. I certainly did. It is really personal and up to you to decide what your start and end date for transition is.



Medical transition - I am still early in the process. I started laser hair removal on June 7, 2014 and hormones on August 1, 2014.


Social transition - If you consider living full-time in every aspect of your life as a woman, then I have completed this part. I started my social transition on February 7, 2014, so clearly, the social transition was the first part of my transition. I was living full-time, at least in my active life in L.A., since August 16, 2014. August 15, 2014, was the last time I ever dressed as a male. August 29, 2014, was my big coming out night at my AA home group. Although I consider the death of my male persona to be on June 10, 2014, when my boss decided to let me go from my job, and I had very little reason to dress as a male other than AA where I was still not out yet and that was only once every other Friday night. I came out to my family, who lives on the east coast, on November 1, 2014. However, I would say my social transition was complete on January 10, 2014, when I created my new Facebook page and deleted my old one.


Job transition - Complete. I was laid off from my job on June 10, 2014, and at that point I was still going as a male. I was re-hired on August 8, 2014, and I came out and have been working as a woman ever since.


Legal transition - Haven't yet started


Psychological / emotional transition - This part of transition may never be complete for a lot of us. We lived as men for varying chunks of our lives, and created varying degrees of male personas. I created a much weaker male persona than a lot of transwomen have, but a stronger one than a typical child, teen, or 20-year old transitioner did. I probably have a lot less male unlearning and female learning than a lot of us do, as being a woman came pretty naturally to me. But I still have some learning of how to be a woman, and unlearning of how to be a man. I didn't have the most major male behaviors nor was I in a high-powered successful male career position - I am in a male dominated field but pretty close to the bottom there. There are probably subtle behavioral cues or ways of thinking that I am not even aware of that are male behavior or thinking and that I need to let go of.

It can be really hard to know what behaviors are male behaviors. Most men and women just behave the way they do and it comes second nature. Most people don't start thinking "is this male or female behavior?" But who do we learn from? Who can help us to accurately understand which behaviors are learned male behaviors? How can we separate our learned male behaviors from those other privileged behaviors we may have. We may have white privilege or class privilege. But they are different from male privilege, yet it can be confusing to separate learned male behavior from learned middle class behavior, or innate personality differences.

What about being used to getting enough sleep and having a routine? Is this male privilege, class privilege, or just my personality?

What about the way I communicate? Is there something about the way I communicate that is distinctly male, and I don't mean my voice, I mean in my communication style? Who do I ask about this? And if I need to re-learn my communication style, who do I ask about how to re-learn it?

Of course, there is voice retraining, which I haven't even started yet. I would like to work on my voice eventually, but I haven't started yet.

[Eryn]

I see a lot of lists of milestones here with the implication that if you hit them all you have transitioned.

I think that it is a lot simpler.

1. If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be.

That's it. We all do different things to achieve our goal and for each of us the things we find important is unique.

[Kimberly Kael]

I line up with several others here: my transition started when I began coming out to people, and it was complete when I was out to everyone and living 24/7 as a woman. The social transition is the one that has a definitive beginning and ending. Everything else will be a work in progress as long as I live, and that would be true even if I wasn't transgender.

[Leah Lynn]

I was just thinking about this today. I don't think I'll feel complete until that certain appendage is gone. Considering age, health and present financial status, I may very well not make it that far.

Leah

[PretzelGirl]

I definitely think it is personal. No one else can write this chapter of our book for us.

I look at it as when I am no longer thinking about things that need to be done as part of the items I wanted to get done when I first started, then I am transitioned. In other words, would a women do this? And I logically can exclude things like continuous HRT or doctors checking internal organs as otherwise we are never done. So I still get electrolysis. Yes a women can do that, so its argumentative maybe. But it was a part of transition, so it is hard to say it isn't now. My birth certificate can't change until I am post-op. And the surgery itself.

Now I know name change things will continually pop up and that just happens. I just received a reimbursement check for water damage on my house from an insurance company that calls me Sue, has Sue on the policy, but the check came made out to him. There will be these things and they are not part of the transition to me or it becomes never ending. I will be calling them on that.

[Dianne S]

This also begs the question, when does transition begin

I consider my transition to have begun when I took the first physical step to changing my body, which was laser hair removal. That was March 6, 2014. Other milestones were coming out to myself (early December 2013), starting spironolactone (September 9, 2014), coming out to family friends (Dec 31, 2014) and starting HRT (March 11, 2015).

I also like and agree with Eryn's response: "f you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned."

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It's an important word for communicating but its still just a word. It's an important word for transsexuals even though it gets co opted for lots of things..its a good thought that if you are where you need to be you've transitioned but that applies broadly to all things..i could transition into a guitar player or a monk but we all know that's not what is being talked about...its an important word because otherwise we would have to use alot more words to describe what we do as transitioning transsexuals

and in a forum of words it takes on even more importance than in day to day life. In day to day life you just kind of know if you've transitioned...its not complicated, you live as a woman permanently, you've transitioned.
Here when we debate and go back and forth over what this means it has its own import but in day to day life we can't pretend even a little bit when it comes to GD

If that's still hanging around because you haven't done this or that, then i'd have to say you havent really transitioned...maybe above all things transition is what eliminates GD for transsexuals..here it can be about definitions and meaning but in life its really not.

I like the point of view expressed by Sue...when you "just are", you are there.. i do frequent this forum alot but outside of here, gender is a non issue in my life...there is a real difference between the excitement and empowering feeling of getting ready and putting on my mascara(the only make up i can't do without) say three years ago as i was going through the end of my transition vs today when it comes on thoughtlessly and sometimes in the car at a red light...its a mindless nongendered thing now..i just do it...the first 1000 times i put make up on i thought about it alot every time..im sure there are much better examples...

i consider my transition started the day i started living full time. I took hormones for quite some time before that but don't consider that transition or part of it. I felt hair removal and meds were preps that i did for transition.

It's reasonable for others to feel their hormone treatment or other preps was the actual start of transition as well
to me its totally personal but also unimportant...trust me if you are in the middle of it all , when you look back someday it will all be a blur

[PaulaQ]

I realized I never really said when my transition started - I consider it to have started the horrible, horrible night in March 2013 when I came out to myself, excavating the truth - that I am, and always had been, a woman - from beneath the massive layer of denial I'd buried it under.

One of the problems with the use of the word "transition", is that it really is a shorthand, in my opinion, for the more proper phrase " gender transition."

I need to be more careful, I feel, when I use that phrase, because I find it so annoying when some well intentioned and sympathetic cisgender person makes the unhelpful observation that all human beings go through transitions during their entire lives.

While that is certainly true, it doesn't begin to acknowledge the magnitude of the stuff many of us face during gender transition.

That was the reason I listed all the many different parts of our lives where we transition in some unique way. I in no way think such lists should be used to judge anyone's progress. This is the most intensely personal journey imaginable, so each of us will take a different path.

[becky77]

I don't really get the 5 different transitions thing?
Aren't they all just stages rather than end points?

For example legal transition: if you are still called by a male name, how can you be considered a woman? "Oh, yes I transitioned from male to female but my name is still Bruce".

Or medical: so you are on some HRT and get some growth, great maybe to help mild GD, but if the rest of the world doesn't know and you are known as a man, how can this be transition, or as it was said Gender transition?

To me transition is going from one thing to another, so MtF or FtM.
I agree that something like SRS is debatable and down to individual opinion, I'm a purist on that subject.
But it seems clear to me if you live, work and are legally named a woman, you have transitioned?

What I was asking, was as an individual when did you or will you feel you have reached that end point.
To answer for myself, I have done name change, over a year into HRT and living as a woman all the time everywhere, however I feel it will be SRS that completes me.

[donnalee]

Someone once asked Andres Segovia, The World's Greatest Guitarist, a man who had brought the guitar from a minor folk instrument to a concert instrument worthy of any stage or hall in Europe or America almost singlehandedly "How long does it take to learn to play the guitar?" Segovia, then in his mid 80s replied, "When I find out, I'll be sure to let you know."

[karenpayneoregon]

After GRS surgery many friends and co-workers congratulated me on my transition and after responding politely with a thank you I told them this is simple a small step in my journey. There are so many things that make up a transitioned male to female that it takes time to settle in to the new identity. There is no set timeline, at least for me and realized this at the onset of my journey which began with the decision to move forward with the physical transition. I was living full time for three years which a great deal with learned about myself and after physical alterations I am still learning things about me as a female. Something's seemingly appear to work themselves out while other things I need to work on, At this point in time I see a female in the mirror but if I stare long and hard there are subtle attributes behind my eyes that I say, not all the way there yet but very happy in where I am currently even if my progress halted today.