Loss of enthusiasm from SO, any tips/advice on getting her more interested?

[polkadotfarrah]

Hey all :) Hope everyone is doing well.

I've been lurking this forum for awhile..but never really took the opportunity to post yet!

But long story short, I've been dating my current GF for a little over 2 years. Aside from the normal perils and difficulties of maintaining a relationship (learning to communicate, give and take, etc.), things have been going really well.

One issue that I think has always been somewhat shaky has been my CDing.

2-3 months into our relationship, I revealed to my GF about my "other" side. Initially, she was a bit taken back...:eek:..shocked, perhaps? But she came around and started asking questions, and really putting in the effort to learn more and accept me. I must admit, it was/has/and still is, difficult for her to accept this side. By no means did she expect me to be the way I am.

I went out with her in girl mode once, early-on in our relationship. I was so hopeful and excited, that I made the grave mistake of pushing?, her early-on.

Afterwards, I began to lay off on her, and her enthusiasm steadily declined over time.

I had hoped that over time, she would gradually accept and hopefully, :hugs:, find some interest in my CDing.

As of now, she's OK with it. She's okay with me wearing female clothes around the house. And she's fine with me wanting to CD on my own time. :itsok: .

I hope that she will eventually see just how much CDing means to me. Even though she can't understand how I feel, or why I do it. I hope that she'll support me? And maybe getting her interested will help? Not sure what to do or where to go ATM.

SORRY for the long-winded post! :notworthy: Any advice would be so helpful! :worship:

[ReineD]

As of now, she's OK with it. She's okay with me wearing female clothes around the house. And she's fine with me wanting to CD on my own time.



I hope that she'll support me? And maybe getting her interested will help?

Just to clarify before I offer my opinion, in what way is she NOT supporting you. You do dress at home? Is it always when she is gone or is she OK with you dressing around the house when she is there.

Is she OK with you going out dressed, and if so does she want you to go out alone?

What would you like her to do, exactly.

[AngelaYVR]

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal with what you already have. There are girls on here who would sell their favourite handbag to be in your position.

[polkadotfarrah]

No worries. My initial post was half rant/half explaining. lol

She's okay with me dressing at home or going out dressed, as long as she isn't with me.

I would ultimately like for her to participate with me, dress up, go out, or even just relax at home, while I'm dressed up. But I understand that she doesn't want to/desire that.

I hope that if she gets interested, she'll want to participate in more activities with me while dressed up, that's all.

[kimdl93]

Im afraid that hope isn't going to alter her opinions nor willingness to participate. Maybe this is as good as it gets, but if it's going to change it will only happen because the two of you talk about it, work through any issues together, and reach some sort of understanding.

While it's true that many CDrs would be thrilled with your current situation, that knowledge or 'gratitude' doesn't invalidate your interest in being able to share something central to you with the person closest to you.

[ReineD]

It's OK to rant, I just wasn't sure if you were in a DADT arrangement or not. So it sounds as if she doesn't want to see you dressed at all?

[Stacy L]

.


Offer her a $1,000,000 and see if that get's her attention. ; )

[Jorja]

A red hot poker on her @#$ will provoke some enthusiasm. Maybe not the type you are looking for but hey, its enthusiasm. ;)

[reb.femme]

...She's okay with me dressing at home or going out dressed, as long as she isn't with me.

I would ultimately like for her to participate with me, dress up, go out, or even just relax at home, while I'm dressed up. But I understand that she doesn't want to/desire that...

Pretty much my situation Farrah, I'm assuming this is your name. Apologies if not.

Like Reine, I'm unsure about the home situation. Is she OK with you being dressed at home whilst she is there, but will not go out with you dressed?

I can dress at home and I am thankful that I can do these activities "without let or hindrance", as it says in the British passport :heehee:. I would love my wife to become involved with my group and come to meetings, but she isn't and will not be partaking at any point, so I happily accept my lot. I understand the feeling of wanting her to be involved, but I think that that would already have happened, if she was so minded. She may come round at some point in time, but I wouldn't push it.

Rebecca

[Tina_gm]

Your situation is still quite good compared to many. I think this is where many cders make mistakes in pushing their partner to participate. Or if they don't view it as a lack of acceptance. I believe that it is when participation is pushed is often a point in which the partners will oftentimes get a more soured take on cding.

[Dana44]

Farrah, Give her some time. Communicate with her while you do that. Don't push too hard. Try to get her interested in going out and make sure she wants to be with you. Let her take the time to accept this. I would say it is the time for communication.

[LilSissyStevie]

I would ultimately like for her to participate with me, dress up, go out, or even just relax at home, while I'm dressed up. But I understand that she doesn't want to/desire that.

I hope that if she gets interested, she'll want to participate in more activities with me while dressed up, that's all.

The thing is, what's in it for her? Why should she be enthusiastic?

[Patrica Gil]

Honesty work great for me. When this woman I was going out with got really interested in me I let her know up front all about me. Better to be alone than in a relationship keeping a secret. Should she not be able to handle it then we could be friends I told her. She could, has, and it feels great not to have to hide or pretend.

[Jenniferathome]

...hope that she will eventually see just how much CDing means to me. Even though she can't understand how I feel, or why I do it. I hope that she'll support me? ...

what makes you think she does NOT know how much it means to you? In my view, she is supporting you. She's still with you. She knows you dress. What you want is for her to be "into it." Drop that notion. Be objective. There is no reason for her to want this. In fact, every reason to not want it yes she remains. That IS support

[Beverley Sims]

As others have said, it is going to be a slow process of acceptance and will involve a lot of bucking and weaving.

Just proceed slowly as you already have quite a bit of leeway.

[ReineD]

Farrah, I'm assuming the answer to the last question I asked is "Yes", so I'll just say that if she doesn't want to see you dressed, then sadly there is not much you can do to change her attitudes. She will not become enthusiastic about the CDing, in fact I'd say that most GGs are not enthusiastic about it. Some GGs are supportive because they realize it is important for their husbands/boyfriends to dress and they can put aside their fears of having people find out and think negatively of them and their husbands. Like me. My SO and I go out together dressed and I totally accept this side of my SO as being part of a wonderful whole, but we still go out to the next town over and I still do not want my children (adult males) to know.

As to doing "girly" things together, my SO and I do not spend time together gleefully trying on clothes, painting each other's nails, doing each other's makeup, etc, simply because as an adult woman this is not something that I do with my own female friends. I actually do pretty much the same things with my female friends as I do with my SO, which is have dinner together, watch movies, talk about work, family, coworkers, relationships with all these people, talk about other life issues, current events, politics, finances, art, music, other interests, or anything else that people talk about to their spouses or friends.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Farrah, Enjoy what you have and just don't overwhelm her with the program.:hugs:

[Allsteamedup]

You obviously have some ideas about spending time together.

Have you considered that she prefers your male side and the things you do in your male role? With her.

She already has girlfriends. What do you have to offer that they don't? Or what kind of relationship should she have with your female self?

Remember dressing actually takes time away from what you could expect to do as a couple.

[Stephanie47]

Your girlfriend was attracted to you as a guy, although some of that attraction may be because of your mindset from cross dressing. I've found over the years in the beginning of a relationship, many overlook some "faults, differences, habits, idiosyncrasies" of their partner. Over time some of these may become an issue. It may be your girlfriend is tiring of your cross dressing, and, does not want to participate at the level you want. Of course, she may decide she has had enough and call it quits all together. Don't try to push her into something she does not want. On the other hand, if it is so important to you, then you may want to disengage yourself. Frankly, DADT only works when the partners have a long history together and see the positive attributes of the other outweigh any issues that arise.

[Talisker]

Seems like its your hobby not hers so don't push it.