Comfort level when in public

[Kathrine]

After hearing about people's experiences here I have gone out in public fully dressed a couple of times now. I know I'm not convincing everyone, people casually looking may not notice but I know some make me. I feel like that is ok. I kind of feel like a rebel for going out and doing it if it makes me happy. There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing after all. And if I present myself well I even hope in some small way it will increase acceptance - obviously only a little little bit.

One thing though, in my limited trips I have avoided getting anywhere near men. I am really nervous about their reactions if the read me. Have any of you found that there is a difference between how men and women accept you in public? I'd love to hear different people's perspectives. Thanks.

[Girly Sara]

Hi ya Kathrine, hoipe you're ok hun.

Unlike yourself, i've not had the thrill of shopping enfemme yet but hope to soon.

I think i'd be like yourself around men Kathrine (a lil wary) At the moment when i go out shopping in male drab, i'm more than happy to show off my french manicured nails to a female sales assistant. However, with guys i suddenly come over all coy! I wonder why?! lol

All the best to you girl.

Sara xxxx

[Amelie]

Girl,, I know exactly what you mean about men, it's better to stay away from men,, cause "Zee Menz, Zay are Pigzz..


Do whatever you are most comfortable with, but if you want to go out and about, you will run into men on your outings, they are out there, you can't always avoid them.

Just act like a lady and hit them with your purse if they get fresh.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Katherine

When I go out and men look at me I ignore them completely, whether they read me or not. I always give women a great big smile, and for the most part they smile right back.

GypsyKaren

[Amanda420]

Well in my outside experiences, men seem to take notice, especially if youre tall like me, but I seem to get into this role well enough for guys to just double take and seem to accept after a better look. I just look em In the eye and smile. I dont like too, but think about when a girl smiles at you, its a little disarming aint it? I just keep telling myself that Im not out of place, and of course dress accoringly. Dont go to the grocery store in heels and a skirt and way too much make up, Instead, look at what real girls wear and just copy em, and youll blend well. Everytime ive ever spotted a crossdresser or transgenderd, its thier clothes/makeup that give em away.

[Joanna Maguire]

Ive found that men in groups often stare at me and probably make comments. But dont say anything to me. Women in groups either ignore me or a few might do the same. Mostly Im treated lke a woman by everyone, Sales ladies. waiters taxi drivers etc. Lone men have tried to pick me up. Many men have opened doors for me and treated me like a lady without being a pest. I keep clear of men. But often talk to women in public. They often talk to me as if I was a woman.
Joanna

[Stacy Reso]

i would love to be hit on by a guy if i went out

[nancy58]

... I understand the feeling. I remember going into Victoria's Secret in drab once, shortly after I came out to my wife, when my acceptance of this thing was still difficult and traumatic. I noticed that the place had a male security guard, and I was extremely self-conscious, whereas when I was around female clerks, etc., I didn't worry so much. This even extends to when I buy makeup or something with the groceries. (My prepared reply, "If she puts it on the list, I buy it and don't ask questions.") For me, I think it's a question of feeling less like a man around other men, and not wanting to be read and scorned the way I have silently scorned other effeminate or gay men. (I'm more honest with myself now, and more understanding of others who are "different" sexually.)

Besides that, one thing I think about being watched by men is that men are going to watch women when they present themselves, whether they are gorgeous or whether they are unattractive. As a man, I generally notice every woman who walks by, whether or not I am attracted to her sexually. And I routinely see other men watching women. So you can expect that men are going to watch you, whether or not they are able to read you.

My wife says that women watch other women, too, and that they dress for one another. So you can expect that women are going to note how you're dressed and form opinions about your taste in clothes, makeup, and so forth.

I have no idea who, if anyone, watches men. Yesterday, I did catch a few bits of conversation between two Latinas who wrongly assumed that I wouldn't understand them, and they were commenting on the guys who came into McDonald's. But I think it is easier for women to ignore men than the other way around.

As for returning looks, I recommend that you always smile at other women, because I see women doing that a lot. Smiling at a man, though, seems to be very situational. As a man, I have noticed that some women ignore eye contact from me or even avoid it, while others positively beam when they catch my eye. And, of course, some women are receptive to conversation while others are not. I think it sometimes has to do with whether the woman is interested in me, but I know it could just as easily depend on whether the woman is feeling good, is bothered by something, the subculture she is from, etc. I think the safer course for a woman (be she GG or TG) is not to display too much interest in a man; men tend to take smiles and conversation as a come-on, and they need little encouragement.

To successfully pass as a woman, you need to think like a woman and to watch how other women react. I think that's what GGs did to make themselves women.

Nancy

[Sierra Evon]

After hearing about people's experiences here I have gone out in public fully dressed a couple of times now. I know I'm not convincing everyone, people casually looking may not notice but I know some make me. I feel like that is ok. I kind of feel like a rebel for going out and doing it if it makes me happy. There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing after all. And if I present myself well I even hope in some small way it will increase acceptance - obviously only a little little bit.

One thing though, in my limited trips I have avoided getting anywhere near men. I am really nervous about their reactions if the read me. Have any of you found that there is a difference between how men and women accept you in public? I'd love to hear different people's perspectives. Thanks.
Hi. Katherine, Ive been in line at the stores and at starbucks many times, and it makes me very nervious when a guy/man is standing right next to me, most guys can never read me that well anyway , some have even held open the door for me , other look at me like gross, but I dont care I'm going girly , as I am , its all about your comfort level, stay confident , stay true....I do....bye.

[Laurie Ann]

I have been out in public in a variety of settings and for the most part have been left alone. The lone exception to this was one evening in a mall where a group of teenage girls got really loud and made several demeening comments mostly about their perception of my sexual orientation. Dressing and acting the part with appropriate actions and clothes will help avoid problems. I have smiled at others when they stare at me and as someone said it is disarming most people I have interacted with treat me fine and have no problem. Men in a public setting do not scare me but teenage girls can be downright mean and I go out of my way to avoid packs of them.

[Melinda G]

Even if someone "makes" you, they most likely won't do or say anything. They might make a remark to a buddy or friend, but not to you. Crossdressing is not a crime anymore. And TV and Hollywood have made it seem more common and acceptable. Even if someone makes you, they still don't know who you are, if you are wearing makup and a wig. And they don't know if you are just crossdressing for the night, or going the whole trans route. It's none of their business.
Not to be cruel or nasty, but there are some very unattractive and masculine looking women, who help to further confuse people. When I'm dressed, I look better than some of the real women I know. But my voice would give me away in a second, so I just don't talk to anyone. :cheeky:

[JenniferPaul]

Unless you are really dressed outrageously or out of place few people will ever take notice of you. I have shopped dressed and always treated with respect. You are more likely to be read by females, but males are more likely voice their discovery to those around them. The comfort level goes up as you have more experience, good and bad, and learn how to deal with different circumstances. The secret is to play the role and act as if going out enfemme is nothing special.

Jennifer

[HaleyPink2000]

Unless you are really dressed outrageously or out of place few people will ever take notice of you. I have shopped dressed and always treated with respect. You are more likely to be read by females, but males are more likely voice their discovery to those around them. The comfort level goes up as you have more experience, good and bad, and learn how to deal with different circumstances. The secret is to play the role and act as if going out enfemme is nothing special.

Jennifer


Ditto!

Haley:)

[Billijo49504]

Actually I think it's you feminane side coming out! I noticed I cry at sad stories on tv. my wife says it;s my fem side coming out. She might be right! OK, she is.

[Glenda]

There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing after all. And if I present myself well I even hope in some small way it will increase acceptance (Sorry, this was supposed to be a quote from Katherine. I obviously didn't copy it right. Sorry)

There's nothing wrong with what we're doing after all. We just want acceptance. Even in drab. As guys we hate ridicule. We take it personally. As girls we're even more intimidated. I endured a little ridicule to gain acceptance.........and respect. Once I realized that I wanted, or more likely needed, to be able to dress en femme, I just had to trust that my friends were friends. I had to trust them. Or hide.....which seems stupid for someone who is divorced and whose kids are grown and lives alone.

No one knows what (or who) they'll see when they come to my home. But one thing they know is that I'll be there. I may be Glen or Glenda or a sprinkling of each...well, always a sprinkling of each. But I'm still the same person I was before I started dressing. I have acceptance.

For the groups that I may encounter while out? I forget, why am I supposed to care what they think? I'm just supposed to be me and hope that what I portray will gain acceptance and respect. Be yourself. We can only do what we can do.

[SaraJane]

I have only done so a few times, don't thing I fooled anyone. But had no problems.

[mskilmer]

I know exactly how you feel. I find myself being much more comfortable around women when dressed, than I am around men. I'm not really sure why. I have a hard time making eye contact, especially with men. Even though for the most part I seem to pass very convincingly. The last timje I was out with my wife I just made a conscious decision to relax and have fun, whether I was "made" or not, and we had a grand time!

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Kathrine,

I've been out many times now but I'm always with my wife Marla. Here's the thing I've noticed.....people always look to some degree. Women look at other women all the time (especially to see how they're dressed) and men are always looking at women (but for other reasons!) :drool:

Personally, I stay as far away from men as I possibly can. I would much rather be clocked by a woman than a man. I feel that being with Marla protects me somewhat. Say I was on my own, and I knew a bunch of guys read me... I'd feel pretty scared that I'd maybe get victimized. But if I was read by a bunch of women I somehow think I'd have an easier time. Whether this is in fact true or not....I don't know, it' just my own feelings and perceptions. :undecided

[Julie York]

The thing is.....despite us all clustering in a huddle here.....crossdressers in public are actually a rare event.....so I'd be your worst nightmare but meant well if I bumped into you.

(SHOUTS ACROSS THE ROOM): "Wow a Tranny! Good for you! Nice one! Cracking shoes too!"


Waves.....gets no response.....feels rejected.


"Bloody transvestites ....so stand-offish. I was just saying hello.....Oh runaway why not...make me feel REALLY good!"


:D

[windycissy]

...and of course dress accoringly. Dont go to the grocery store in heels and a skirt and way too much make up, Instead, look at what real girls wear and just copy em, and youll blend well. Everytime ive ever spotted a crossdresser or transgenderd, its thier clothes/makeup that give em away.

That's the secret to successful passing. I recently started wearing pants, in the winter in Chicago nobody wears a skirt or a dress if they can avoid it. I figure I pass about 95% of the time, but that 5% can be a bitch. Once I was on a business trip to London, and I packed a lovely outfit: blazer, kilt and heels. I had a free afternoon and I went to the National Gallery and then for a walk down Regent Street, where everything was going great until I heard one guy yell out, "It's a fxxxing man!" I just kept on walking - what else could I do? It was a bitch, but I didn't let it spoil my day.

Ask Windy (http://snurl.com/askwindy)

[MsJanessa]

My experience is that men are less likely to read you than women. Most teenages are too preoccupied with themselves to give an adult a second glance----however you should try to avoid gangs of them---once you are outed by them they could be nasty---the first few times going out you might try going to a tranny bar---much more accepting there---if there are none in your area then most gay bars are t-freindly. If you have doubts call the bar before you go and ask if they are ok with t-girls. Have fun.

ps---guys will eventually hit on you----how you deal with it depends on your individual situation---free to play, not free to play, attactive guy, unattractive guy etc. If youre not interested just tell him so, in a nice way, like I'm involved with someone else etc.----Most guys can take no for an answer, for the rest there is always pepper spray

[Kathrine]

Thanks ladies for sharing your experiences and perspectives. Its great to be able to ask the experts. I'm hoping to go outlet shopping later in the week. Its nice to get a little fresh air but I hope I have a few good finds as well.

[Denise01]

I have never had any bad experiences when out shopping femme, and if any one did read me, i head no comments or sarcastic remarks.
I was shopping again to-day ( femme of course ) had a great time and good experiences.
In 2 different stores, both major chains, tried on and bought 2 skirts, and tops.
When asked to try on the skirts they only comment was certainly go right in. I now take the attitude, if they do not want me to try on a skirt, i can go some whre else and spend my money. So far I have never been refused when asking to try on a skirt or slacks. Depending on the make and cut of the material, i find that is the only way to really be sure, as right after christmas when shopping, I tried on 3 different skirts, in 2 stores, all were different sizes but all fit real well.

In a re-sale store where i bought a pair of slacks, the girl at the check out, commented that she really liked my ear rings, and that they were clip ons too, and she would love a ring the same.
The event that really made my day, was at the cosmetic counter in Sears. Was walking by, casually looking at the cosmetics. The sales girl recognized me from a couple of weeks ago, and asked how i liked the samples she gave me. I was also interested in some additional make up. She without hesitation, got out what she thought would go with my complexion, and asked if I would like her to do it for me. Automatically I said yes, she did a great job, but i came away a little broker, as i bought all that she had used.
If she did read me as TG either last week or this week, she sure did not show it, and chatted to me like she would any other lady. It was so nice to be treated like she would any other lady

Denise;)