I don't belong

[CountessVF]

I'd like my account deleted as I've realized I don't belong here. According to the DSMV manual I've got a mental disorder and I'm not one of you. A thread yesterday got me thinking about it and only a few minutes research confirmed it.

I tried deleting myself, but apparently it takes an act of higher powers.

[Nadine Spirit]

Interesting, are you willing to elaborate?

[cheryl reeves]

the manuel is lying to you and your decieving yourself. cd'n is not a mental disorder...sheesh lets get fer real here.

[Jamie M]

just a quick thought, self diagnosing mental conditions can be very dangerous . If you're at all concerned please do yourself a kindness and seek some professional help. There's all kinds of people here though, anyone on the T* spectrum is welcome here. wishing you all the best whatever you decide

[Sweetalex]

Are you sure? You are free to do what you wish but don't forget we are all here to support :)

[CountessVF]

Sure, I'll elaborate. In the thread named "discuss" it was mentioned that Crossdressers are being taken less serious because of those of us that experience this as a sexual fetish. It got me thinking and I started to read up on it and found "Transvestic fetishism". I fit that description.

[Nadine Spirit]

Okay, good point. But I venture to say that many, possible most, members here experience this as a sexual fetish. Many of us don't. While it bothers me personally that the general public sees it as ONLY a sexual fetish, I don't think that is any reason as to why you should label yourself as having a mental disorder and it is definitely NOT a reason to stop participating here.

[meganmartin]

I agree and discussed this with many who feel the way you do.
Although I don't have an issue with it personally I just don't like the general public to lump us all as one.

[CountessVF]

I've read countless threads on the subject, so many say that it started as an autoerotic fetish, and then they transitioned into being full time or gender fluid. I don't have anything against that, I just don't fit into those categories either.

[Sweetalex]

I find it quite upsetting that this is classed as a mental disorder? Seems kind of crazy! Surely you can do what you like? There are way crazier fetishes out there that do not class as a disorder? I'm not going to lie, sometimes it is a little sexual, wearing a corset and dressed up in a tight dress and heels... :)

[Sallee]

This CD thing transcends many descriptions. I do think it can be a fetish, an auto-erotic fetish, for some yes. For others it can be they were born into the wrong gender. We are certainly seeing more of that now. It can certainly be classified as a mental disorder for some. But generally I think it is a harmless past time that does need to be tempered and kept in perspective with the rest of life. Counseling can be good for that where you learn to accept yourself and control your fun.
For me cding is fun and I have to pay attention to it to keep it in perspective, but I think that relates to society's mores than more than my own fetishes.
One thing for sure this site can help to some degree and folks here will try to help out but counseling can help. good luck

[Nadine Spirit]

I just don't fit into those categories either.

I don't think you need to focus so much on which category of dresser you fall into. There are MANY folks here that are just like you. So what if your path does not match up with everyone else's. Does that mean you don't belong here? Many, many, many dressers, which includes many of the members here, are only fetish dressers, and will only ever be a fetish dresser. And that is fine. That is your choice. Big deal! I still don't think it means you have a mental disorder and that you don't belong here. We are a very diverse group. That you and I are different does not mean that either of us does not belong here, we are just two people who add to the vast diversity that comprises our group.


It kind of seems as though you want to separate yourself from some of us for fear that maybe you might be more than a fetish dresser. Does that possibility concern you?

[CountessVF]

Really it seems that the issue is that the people who are transgendered, in that they feel they were born in the wrong body are seeking social and legal acceptance. And those of us that are getting a cheap thrill from it are hindering their efforts.

[CountessVF]

I don't think you need to focus so much on which category of dresser you fall into. There are MANY folks here that are just like you. So what if your path does not match up with everyone else's. Does that mean you don't belong here? Many, many, many dressers, which includes many of the members here, are only fetish dressers, and will only ever be a fetish dresser. And that is fine. That is your choice. Big deal! I still don't think it means you have a mental disorder and that you don't belong here. We are a very diverse group. That you and I are different does not mean that either of us does not belong here, we are just two people who add to the vast diversity that comprises our group.


It kind of seems as though you want to separate yourself from some of us for fear that maybe you might be more than a fetish dresser. Does that possibility concern you?

I appreciate how friendly and welcoming you all are. I worry more that the frequency of which this subject occupies my thoughts is bordering on the obsessive and becoming disruptive.

To the second point, I have given myself ample time and thought to would I enjoy dressing as a woman outside my home. Assuming the unlikely event that my employer and everyone didn't "lose their minds", I don't think I'd like it. I enjoy being a man, even when I'm all done up, I'm enjoying being a man in women's clothes. I don't switch in my self perception and "feel like a woman". Dressed as one, yes. But never have seen myself as one.

[Rachael Leigh]

Well without a doubt there is always some sexual aspect to crossdressing and as many have said we all at sometime or another experience that. I know I have, now it is just fun for me I love being dressed and trying the makeup and even on occasion going out. Yes there are those such as yourself that have a strong sexual attraction to the clothes and as some here have said it may require some professional counseling to figure that out.
Wish you luck and hope you hang around
Blessing Leigh

[pamela7]

that last statement sounds altruistic, but we're stronger in company together, and many of us don't really know if we are one or the other!

"man in a dress" is a minority here, me included most of the time.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Transvestic-fetishism.html

according to the above reference most of us would fit the description. its a worrying trend if true to diagnose us as mentally ill.

[Tracii G]

Nadine makes some good points so maybe you should ask yourself "is there more to it than just a fetish?"
I see so many here drive themselves crazy trying to find which box/category they fit in along the spectrum.
Countess you don't have to fit in a category you know that right?
Like others have said fetish dressers are welcome here as much as anyone else.
Mental disorder? No I don't think so.

PS: I don't think you are hindering acceptance or anything like that.
I'm a guy and always will be not much I can do about that but I love to swap genders and let my girl side out too. Am I hindering any cause ? Nope.

[docrobbysherry]

I've read countless threads on the subject, so many say that it started as an autoerotic fetish, and then they transitioned into being full time or gender fluid. I don't have anything against that, I just don't fit into those categories either.
U r mistaken, Countess. U r probably just another closet dresser like me. I believe statistically, there r far more closet dressers that get turned on by dressing than those that go out often or r TS.

It's just that most of the posts here r by the same couple hundred active and involved cd.comers. While I've been told there r many 1000's of members who just visit the site from time to time and don't post.

I myself was sure my "fem side" would show itself soon after reading all the threads here discussing that subject. But, after 2+ years I stopped waiting for that other shoe to drop! I'm a fetishistic closet CD, period. Or, so I'm known as here.

Be patient. Hang around here for awhile. You'll read lots of threads about the sexual side(s) of dressing. But, if u seriously worry about your sanity? I believe a quick visit to an experienced therapist will help u find out if your issue(s) may become problematic!:thumbsup:

[Nadine Spirit]

Assuming the unlikely event that my employer and everyone didn't "lose their minds", I don't think I'd like it. I enjoy being a man, even when I'm all done up, I'm enjoying being a man in women's clothes. I don't switch in my self perception and "feel like a woman". Dressed as one, yes. But never have seen myself as one.

I dress frequently outside of the home, in fact I don't even know the last time I dressed fully and stayed at home. But I have never, and will never, go to work fully dressed and presenting as a woman. As well, I never switch my self perception and "feel like a woman." How could I ever possibly even begin to know what it "feels" like to be a woman. All I know is what it feels like to be me.

This is not an all or nothing proposition. If you were to choose to dress outside of the home, it does not mean you then must dress at all times, everywhere, everyday.

I think what you are distinguishing between are those of us who are not interested in transitioning and those who are.

[Tracii G]

Just because you like to dress doesn't mean that it will lead to wanting to transition.
If you just want to dress at home thats fine too.I would say there are more people here just like you than are wanting to transition or live full time.

[Stephanie47]

I went back to your introduction. You're 34, married and have a wife who participates. You also indicated you come from a conservative religious background. You state you do not belong here because you perceive yourself as a sexually fetish dresser, who detracts from the seriousness of those medically challenged, i.e., born into the wrong body and wish to transition to the correct body.

There's a lot of stuff on the Internet. Some is not recent, as in nothing goes away on the Internet. Some are more current thinking. If you really feel you have a mental disorder I think anyone would recommend you check in with a gender therapist. Self analysis is not good. You may be a sexual fetish dresser. So what! I can envision there may be issues with that, especially if you're married. If you are suffering from a compulsive disorder as a cross dresser, then there may be an issue. If you want to have sex with your wife all the time dressed as a woman, that may be a turnoff for the wife. Some wives who are supportive do not want "her" in the bedroom at all. Some will engage some times. If you're spending all the family dollars on femme stuff, it can be an issue similar to gambling.

From your introduction I wonder if your upbringing is in the way of accepting yourself. I would thin a conservative religious upbringing and church would not be supportive of cross dressing. Are you sure this self analysis is not just a masking of the true reason for self acceptance? Self doubt? Self loathing?

As to dropping off this site, just don't sign on anymore. Posting here is a free will exercise. If your worrying the thought police are coming after you, then ditch your computer and buy a new won, and, don't sign on to anything that may get in your way of purging yourself thoughts of wearing women's clothing.

[Lexi_83]

I appreciate how friendly and welcoming you all are. I worry more that the frequency of which this subject occupies my thoughts is bordering on the obsessive and becoming disruptive. Many of us feel the same way: I for one am not sure this forum changes that at all.


To the second point, I have given myself ample time and thought to would I enjoy dressing as a woman outside my home. Assuming the unlikely event that my employer and everyone didn't "lose their minds", I don't think I'd like it. I enjoy being a man, even when I'm all done up, I'm enjoying being a man in women's clothes. I don't switch in my self perception and "feel like a woman". Dressed as one, yes. But never have seen myself as one.There is a thread on here on exactly that topic and many also feel the same way.

There are all kinds of numbers thrown about but I believe that only about 10% of crossdressers ever venture beyond their bedroom. And if you take out Halloween the number might be even smaller.

Most crossdressers started at a young age and have no plans to transition even after many years of closeted or not-so-closeted dressing. So take it easy on yourself: if this forum makes your life happier, great, if not, you can move on. I've never found anyone to have al lthe answers and believe me, I've tried!

[Chrissi]

Countess

Take the following test to see if you belong here:


1) Person? Yes / No

2) Good Person or willing to be a good Person? Yes / No

3) Accepting of any Person who answered yes to Q1 and Q2 above? Yes / No

If you answered "Yes," to 3 of the above, then you belong to the human race and here too!

Chrissi (IMHO)

[CountessVF]

...individuals who present in a feminine manner either because they have GD, or because they get a thrill out of it. I mention the latter group because when people google "crossdressers", they are served millions of websites that cater to the sexual or fetish aspect and as long as this element is out there, people will continue to see the CDing more as a kink. I believe this makes it difficult to take crossdressers seriously.

This is what got me thinking. I do find it fascinating how if it's a kink, you've got a mental disorder but if you are transitioning it's more acceptable.

[Danitgirl1]

Just a note worth considering. In general society we bandy about the word 'fetish'. Anybody with unusual sexual preferences (bondage, urine, pain or, yes, even crossdressing) can be said to 'have a fetish'. In psychological (ie professional medical) terms a fetish has a very specific meaning.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism
Is a good starting point, specifically, we shouldnt think of a fetish as being a disorder:
'It is only considered a disorder when fetishistic activities are the foremost source of sexual satisfaction, and become so compelling or unacceptable as to cause distress or interfere with normal sexual intercourse'

Hope this helps...

[Taylor186]

"man in a dress" is a minority here...

I don't believe that is true based on my reading of this board.

[AllisonCS1]

.02 cents, I'm new here but I really don't think you are focusing on the right thing... does what you do make you happy? regardless of what you've read that is causing you to believe that you don't belong. does this forum offer you something... an outlet... a discussion... anything positive in regards to your happiness?

Because as long as this forum offers you something positive into your life.. Well then you probably, most likely belong.

[pamela7]

I don't believe that is true based on my reading of this board.

:-))))))

[CountessVF]

Just a note worth considering. In general society we bandy about the word 'fetish'. Anybody with unusual sexual preferences (bondage, urine, pain or, yes, even crossdressing) can be said to 'have a fetish'. In psychological (ie professional medical) terms a fetish has a very specific meaning.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism
Is a good starting point, specifically, we shouldnt think of a fetish as being a disorder:
'It is only considered a disorder when fetishistic activities are the foremost source of sexual satisfaction, and become so compelling or unacceptable as to cause distress or interfere with normal sexual intercourse'

Hope this helps...

Now that's an interesting point. It's not interrupting with my intimacy. So apparently I don't qualify. Then I wonder how valid it is that those of us that aren't transitioning and experience this as a kink are genuinely and unintentionally hindering the rights of those that are transitioning and are seeking civil and legal recognitions.

[Teresa]

Countess,
What you say on the forum may affect others but don't think you will hinder anyone, they will choose to to continue their own path no matter what you say !
Cding isn't a mental illness but living with it may cause mental problems, it's knowing when to ask for help that is important !
I would suggest you stick around, you may get invaluable help especially through pms !

[pamela7]

I wonder how valid it is that those of us that aren't transitioning and experience this as a kink are genuinely and unintentionally hindering the rights of those that are transitioning and are seeking civil and legal recognitions.

We're not hindering at all IMHO, we provide critical mass and support, and being another demographic aspect of the spectrum, the lines of which are blurred.

[Sherlyn]

Your account cannot be deleted as it states in the faq ..thread closed