The End and a new beginning?

[Eringirl]

So it would appear to be finalized. At least in action. The paper work is to follow. My wife told me she is moving out this weekend and doesn't want me around on Saturday at all, nor does she want my help, which I offered. Just another sign to me that she can't wait to get out of Dodge. This is two weeks earlier than she initially told me.

She begrudgingly told me where she is moving to. She really didn't want to. That I don't understand at all. What am I going to do, stalk her?? Give me a break. That would be the last thing I would want to do. Good grief. I really don't understand her at all sometimes. But it would be nice to know where to send any mail and/or legal papers etc. She finally bought that argument and told me. She is moving into an apartment building directly across the street from her parents. That does not surprise me in the least. She is very close to her mom, almost creepingly so sometimes. But whatever, not my issue. But it would appear that her mom has totally cut me off after 30 years. Her parents were more like parents to me than my own. In fact, I have called them Mom and Dad from day one. But nothing at all from them when my mom passed away last week. Not a phone call, email, card, nothing. So I suspect I was totally "villain-ized" (to create a new word) and thrown under the bus. I am not expecting to hear from them from now on. So there is another loss.

So, with finances discussed and a plan of action for the separation, it is all over but the paperwork. I am going to my lawyer next week with our agreed upon plan to have a document drawn up and we go from there.

We are both going to Toronto the following weekend to tell our daughters. My wife is going to be there anyway on business and in her list of "demands" she want me to write each of them a letter explaining "my situation". I said no way. I am doing this in person. So I am going to join them in Toronto and we are going to tell them together. There is no way I am going to have my girls just get one side of this in person. I may be dumb, but I am not stupid. We agreed last night that we were going to tell them that it is basically irreconcilable differences, that we have grown apart, with different wants and needs. This is in fact true. My GD was the last straw. So I am not sure if I will tell my girls about my GD and transition right now. I think they will have enough to digest with the separation/divorce. I would rather do that at a later time. But if push comes to shove and they really want to understand all the details, I may have to go there. My wife and I agreed on that strategy, so we will see how it all unfolds.

"may you live in interesting times" (Chinese Proverb)....but be careful what you wish for !!

[Judith96a]

Interesting times indeed. I hope that it all works out for you. I think that you're wise ensuring that your daughters hear your side from you.
Good luck.

[Bria]

You are right, an end is always a new beginning, I hope the visit with the daughters goes as well as possible and thus the new beginning, you have my prayers for all.

Hugs, Bria

[Nigella]

I hope that the meetings with your daughters go well, it is a good idea for it to be a "joint" session.

The end of a relationship is always a sad time, however, it is better for the relationship to end if there is no common ground, as has often been said, at least you both have the opportunity to start a new life.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Thanks for telling us Erin, I'm glad you are so clear and purposeful about this rather than pointlessly beating yourself up as many would do.

Good luck with your new life, and I hope it goes smoothly with your kids.

Hugs, Nikki

[Julie Denier]

I wish you the best of luck as events play out, and I hope you find what is truly best for you ;)

[charlenesomeone]

Wish you all the best with your daughters. Like others said a new beginning, and hoping it goes
great for you, even in the ups and not so ups.
Hugs

[STACY B]

That crap Sucks, I feel for you though, No way I would let her do all the talking ether. Like you I would go an let them know my side too. That just sucks her leaving you like that. But ya know most people have a lot of problems already and adding this Crazy crap to the mix is usualy the last straw on an already fractured deal.

If that makes any since? People have all kinds of problems and we keep this hidden for the better part of our lives. So when we drop a bomb like this we already know whats coming most of the time.
But it's kinda like it came out of the blue in your case? Sorry, Maybe it's for the best? I really don't know what else to say. One thing about being trans ,This ain't no CDing where you can go back an forth. This is for real an once it's done it's done.

[Adelaide]

You're doing the right thing....Nothing beats a good old face to face conversation with your daughters versus a letter/email which may end up being confusing and creating further misunderstanding.
All the best on your new beginning.

[chelyann]

Good luck

[Karen62]

Erin, I am really sad to hear you tell this story. If it is any consolation, in time, your pain will lessen, and then you will gain some perspective. I hope that perspective will allow you to see that the marriage was not all that emotionally well in the first place (as you allude to), and then she tossed you aside when you finally revealed your inner-most truth. In time you may realize you are better off being free of this broken relationship. You can finally have some peace in your life, allowing you time to dig deep into your psyche to see who you are and where you want to go with your life, and because you are such a good soul, you'll find happiness again. I know it.

One thought about your conversation with your daughters - if you choose not to tell them everything (not come out), if your ex is vindictive, she may lord that possible revelation over you to gain leverage against you in the divorce by threatening to make a case over it to the courts, to your daughters, or to both. This weekend may not be the right time to tell them, if they are not already aware of the impending divorce, but please own your own truth and do not be afraid of the time when YOU reveal it to them. You may need to do it pre-emptively at some point to take away any threat of your ex doing it for you (I'd MUCH rather tell a loved one than to have a hostile person do it for me -- the presentation of the story will be so much different). You are not evil or bad for being trans. When my mother recently apologized for anything she might have done to cause me to be trans, I told her it was like her apologizing for me having hazel-green eyes. It's just part of who I am, who I have always been (even when I didn't know it). No apologies needed. Same goes for you. You are a lovely and caring person. You are who you are, all of you, and that is just fine. Accepting yourself makes it so much easier to deal with others, even when they do not, for if you are rejected because of your eye color or something else you cannot change (only cover up), that makes no sense, and it's easier to cope. But rejection is not a guarantee. My 78-year-old father, who is having a very hard time with my news, finally called me last night just to talk. He's working on his feelings about it, and it was a great call. Own your truth and no one can make you feel bad over it.

I wish you strength and perseverance, sweetie. Allow yourself time to grieve, but trust me, you'll get past this, and perhaps be all the better for it.

Karen