Workplace Accomodation

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

For any who have followed my journey on this forum for the past year and half, it has become increasingly obvious that I have meandered down the TG spectrum a little further right of CDing having moved from never dressing a year and a half ago to dressing in public on occasion, to informing friends, family and work, to now spending about 40 percent of my time as Isha. While I still hold that my male identity is just as strong as my female identity, I have reached a point where both require face time not just in my private life but my public/work life as well. As such, I have started the process of requesting workplace accommodation for one day a week at work.

Being military, dressing "en femme" while in uniform is problematic as there is a clear dress policy for men and women and as a genetic male I can only purchase "male" uniforms. The current TG policy for the Canadian military allows for those who are TS to change uniforms to the target gender but as I am not transitioning, this is not possible. However, each Friday appropriate civilian clothing (business casual) is authorized at the Headquarters and while there is still a dress regulation for men and women, the application is a bit more "grey" when it comes to the TG policy. As such, I have asked my new supervisor (I am moving jobs this summer) to start the process which would provide me accommodation to present as a woman on Fridays. There are still some hurdles to overcome administratively as there is nothing in the current TG policy that takes into account those in my situation who are "gender fluid" but, that is currently being addressed in policy rewrites. So it is likely to come to fruition.

I have been slowing discussing this with those whom I know and those who I will be working with to educate them so it will not be a big shock when I show up my first day dressed as a woman. Once accommodation is granted, then there will be an education session for all (specifically those I do not know) to educate them on what will occur each Friday and respond to any questions they might have. It is not a done deal but it does look promising :).

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Remarkable progress for any large institution, especially one so steeped in macho traditions. But when I think of it the military has actually preceded broader society in civil rights, here In the U.S. at least, fully integrating in the late 40s. It wasn't till the mid to late 60s that the rest of society began to catch up.

[Bria]

Isha, good luck with jumping all of the hurdles, I'm sure the military has a nearly endless supply!

Hugs, Bria

[Nadine Spirit]

You are truly a pioneer! It is inspiring!

[JenniferR771]

Hats off to Canada. That is why when we have a crisis--we ask for your help.

[Zylia]

I'm going to call it here and now for future reference: by the time you retire, you're seriously contemplating a full transition ;)

Anyway, good to hear that your supervisor seems to be willing to accommodate this emotional need. Either way, education sessions about this subject for people not in the know are never a bad thing.

[jennyph]

Good luck with your transition. Your description of being "gender fluid" sounds a lot like me, and I'm looking forward to watching your progress.

[Nadya]

I'm so happy to hear that progress is being made in your situation. I hope to be in a position where I can spend that much time as my female self. Good luck and keep us posted! <3

[flatlander_48]

It will be interesting to see how this works out. Usually the change in presentation is in one direction and would not be reversed. That is how most policies are written. However, this is a back and forth situation, so I guess we'll see how it goes...

DeeAnn

[Allisa]

As always forging ahead, fighting the good fight, thank you for enlightening others to our plight in life. Good luck.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hi Isha,
I've love your stories, well expect for that one incident, but you are truly inspiring. I am hoping the cogs of the military move swiftly for you and that we get some pictures of your first day en femme.
So just out of curiosity, do you have a female uniform or tried one on just as a kick? Okay, okay, I know, not really good for the cause and generally not much difference in the styles, but I just think it would be fun.
I eagerly await the up dates on this and as always thank you for share with us Isha.

[Donnagirl]

Isha,

Outstanding... Truly a trailblazer. Looking forward to hear how things work out...

Hugs,

Donna

[CynthiaD]

Congratulations! I only hope that the USA military will soon adopt a similar policy.

[MsVal]

Isha, you never cease to amaze me ... never.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Michelle 78]

Good luck Isha, I hope you can get it all sorted out.

Hugs

Michelle

[Vala]

I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted.

[Heidi Stevens]

Fantastic Isha! You may not be a Rosa Parks or Jackie Robinson, but your efforts will be appreciated by those who follow in your steps. I'm so happy for you.

[charlenesomeone]

All the best trail blazing for the future.
Hugs

[Brenda Locke]

Congrates Isha. As a retired Mber (21yrs RCEME) I know how hard getting things done or changed can be in the CF. Keep going the changes when they come will benefit A lot of other people as well.
You are definitely a ground breaker.

Hugs Brenda

[justmetoo]

Wow, Isha! You truly are a trailblazer. I hope accommodations for genderfluid people become more widespread. I'm sure they will over time. I know a number of younger people who fit under that umbrella.

[Angie G]

Well you go girl.:hugs:
Angie

[Katey888]

And who doesn't want to be a poster girl...? :lol2:

Seriously, you are making great progress for ANY institution - but particularly one that must be so macho - and addressing a very difficult middle-ground for TG part timers... I wouldn't want to have to try to write policy for Friday being 'dress Dawn' day... ;) May your progress with the institution continue positively! :)

And I don't suppose you'll ever need to grow a beard for spec ops again...?? :eek:

Katey x

[Teresa]

Isha,
I will add my own congratulations and thank you for being able to make a positive step with the military ! It can't be easy for you and equally for them, making changes to their basic thinking to accommodate minorities ! I hope your change of job isn't a detrimental one because of your gender bending crusade !

There is also another issue that arises , Isha, maybe you'll agree but the rapid turn round in your well being since joining the forum is almost all attributed to your accepting and understanding wife !
I may not be the crusading type like you but things could be so different if you hadn't been able to come to terms with your CDing, if you'd had an unaccepting, disapproving partner ! You believe what CDing means to you now , your brain isn't telling you that what you feel is wrong, it's something you have come to terms with and combined it within your life, making you happier and contented person and your wife is fully supportive which brings her happiness too !
It's wonderful to see this but sadly it doesn't happen for all of us ! I'm still working on wanting to be more open to achieve some contentment and happiness !

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks very much for all your kind comments and support. As I indicated . . . the battle is not over yet as there are still quite a few "WTF . . . why does he have to do this" naysayers in the decision making chain. However, non-discrimination policy is on my side so we will see. Keeping my fingers crossed though.



I'm going to call it here and now for future reference: by the time you retire, you're seriously contemplating a full transition ;)

LOL . . . what odds are your giving on this one Zylia :)


It will be interesting to see how this works out. Usually the change in presentation is in one direction and would not be reversed. That is how most policies are written. However, this is a back and forth situation, so I guess we'll see how it goes... DeeAnn

Hi DeeAnn,

I am currently a sitting member on the TG policy rewrite board and have been helping word policy for people who are in a "gender fluid" situation to ensure they have the same rights as an individual who is TS.


... I wouldn't want to have to try to write policy for Friday being 'dress Dawn' day... ;) ... I don't suppose you'll ever need to grow a beard for spec ops again...?? :eek:

Hi Katey,

Dress Dawn Days (LOL . . . love it). Beard . . . hmm . . . while about a year ago it would have been easy peasy as I could grow a beard in about two weeks. Now with laser beard removal the best I could ever proffer up would be a patchy goatee :battingeyelashes:


... Isha, maybe you'll agree but the rapid turn round in your well being since joining the forum is almost all attributed to your accepting and understanding wife !
I may not be the crusading type like you but things could be so different if you hadn't been able to come to terms with your CDing, if you'd had an unaccepting, disapproving partner

Hi Teresa,

Nope, not moving jobs because of my TG issues (current load station is very supportive). Am moving because my parent occupation has requested I return to the fold in order to head up a section where my expertise/education is required. Besides I am getting a bit old for all that "daring do" stuff. Kid doesn't heal like she used too :heehee:

Hugs all and I'll keep you informed as things progress (or don't).

Isha

[Dorit]

I think we should exchange names! You are the brave Devorah and I am the timid Isha!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I don't know if publicity is your thing, but I would imagine your contribution and your progress on these issues would make a compelling TV documentary. You are at the cutting edge- more people should know about what you're achieving.

Best wishes for continued progress Isha.

Nikki

[Lily Catherine]

All the best Isha. Thank you for your contributions.

From the other side of the world, I present arms to you (a hand salute will not suffice).

[rosetyler]

I'm going to call it here and now for future reference: by the time you retire, you're seriously contemplating a full transition ;)I was just thinking the same thing. :p

Your supervisor seems pretty cool. Too bad I can't steal them and put them in my company over me. I'm not trans* but they're prolly cool in most other areas too. Mine is a bitch.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Hey Isha,

I've been occupied with other matters and have come late to this thread. Congrats on this (potential) step forward in your journey.

Bridget

[NicoleScott]

Isha, two things come to mind:
1) I commend you for doing this the right way. Too often we hear of someone breaking a law/regulation/policy and THEN challenging the sense of it. Maybe it's really true that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
2) Something I don't quite understand, probably because I don't see myself as gender fluid, just always a guy who occasionally dresses for pleasure (for context). I try to understand that people dress to conform to whatever "mood" (wrong word I'm sure, but I mean wherever they find themselves along that gender fluidity line at the time). As casual Friday becomes crossover Friday for you, what if you don't feel feminine on Friday? What if you feel feminine on Tuesday but can't wear female clothes? I can only guess that it's just a partial accommodation. Or a reasonable accommodation. Will you be satisfied with a reasonable accommodation, or is this just one brick in the wall to fall, with the others to be addressed later (like wear what I want any time I want)?

[AbigailJordan]

Something I don't quite understand, probably because I don't see myself as gender fluid, just always a guy who occasionally dresses for pleasure (for context). I try to understand that people dress to conform to whatever "mood" (wrong word I'm sure, but I mean wherever they find themselves along that gender fluidity line at the time). As casual Friday becomes crossover Friday for you, what if you don't feel feminine on Friday? What if you feel feminine on Tuesday but can't wear female clothes? I can only guess that it's just a partial accommodation. Or a reasonable accommodation. Will you be satisfied with a reasonable accommodation, or is this just one brick in the wall to fall, with the others to be addressed later (like wear what I want any time I want)?

Speaking as a gender-fluid or gender-blended person, I think for a lot of us who find that our female personas balance or even exceed our male ones, necessity dictates that initially, such expression of our female side has to take place privately. For a large percentage of us, any "outing" takes a long time and is restricted to family and close personal friends. The majority of any "non-out" CD's dressing is done behind closed doors for many reasons.

Having even one day a week to express that is a big step forward and a huge acceptance for any TV/CD/TG person. Obviously as time goes by she may want more, and that's a personal hurdle to jump at the time.

But to go back to your point, for those of us with a stronger female side, there is no "mood" trigger for dressing, we want to be dressed as much as possible (more so as a result of the enforced privacy in our early years), there is no risk of not feeling feminine come friday, because generally speaking, we feel pretty feminine every day. And the promise of dress down friday when we can raid the wardrobe and wear what we feel comfortable in would be more than enough to have most of us up nice and early on friday morning so we have time to make ourselves look beautiful.

For many on the hybrid spectrum, acceptance of both sides of who we are is just as important as acceptance of our dressing.

[Marcelle]

. . . Something I don't quite understand . . . As casual Friday becomes crossover Friday for you, what if you don't feel feminine on Friday? What if you feel feminine on Tuesday but can't wear female clothes? I can only guess that it's just a partial accommodation. Or a reasonable accommodation. Will you be satisfied with a reasonable accommodation, or is this just one brick in the wall to fall, with the others to be addressed later (like wear what I want any time I want)?

Hi Nicole,

Yes, I wanted to ensure this was done correctly as I am challenging an existing policy and to have just shown up on Friday as Isha would not have gone well. I really want this to be an education piece for my new coworkers and take the opportunity to put them at ease as much as I can. Albeit, I already know some people are not happy with the potential this may come to fruition.

I love the term "crossover Friday BTW. I guess you are right in that it constitutes more of a reasonable accommodation and I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it. The key thing for me is the ability to have the latitude to express this side of me at some juncture during the week. So if I feel I need to dress on a Tuesday, it is probable I could hold out until Friday and if the moment has passed then I would defer to the next week. However, if I find that I cannot sync Friday and accommodation, then I may need to go back to the drawing board and redefine what accommodation means and that may include getting permission to purchase a woman's service dress uniform. However, I don't think it will come to that. But I will not say "never" as I am not sure what will occur when/should the accommodation be granted. :)

Hugs

Isha

[dawn459]

Hello isha maxbee when you work with the military on this touchy subject and they see that for the good of the systemthat people work more relaxed when they can dress neatly in the clothes of the gender they feel when they wakeup eachday. Then when they see the good production accomplirhed each day and there are no fussing+fighting ouer the issue they will change the rules. When this happens you+others can sing the chorous from the old hymn when the battle is over we shall wear a crown of dresses.

[NicoleScott]

Abigail and Isha, I knew "mood" was the wrong word to use, but I figured you knew what I meant. It seems that Isha embraces both her masculine and feminine sides while Abigail's feminine identity is stronger.
Casual Friday, or dress-down Friday, at least in my experience (which never included dressing en femme at work) still has standards I could never meet if I raided my closet. haha Asking to wear a woman's uniform doesn't seem like much to ask. But I suspect the hoops to jump through to make it happen will seem like a lot to ask. "You want to WHAT?"