Why has Facebook become so horrible

[VickiTheGamer]

First a little background. I am TG. I still have not come out to the public. Only a few people know about me. My SO, a very close ExGF, my doctors of course, and a very close friend from my past whom also is TG.
I am an advocate for TG rights and when I see stuff pop up, I do try to share to help others understand the difficulties TG people have. As such, I will go on with what I have to share.---------

Facebook.....facebook, I remember when I was first on it. It was so wonderful finding old friends and getting into chats about anything. Wonderful learning experiences, sharing ideas, heated discussion, banter, or something happy or silly.

Now, I don't want to be there. Not because I don't like the discussions, In many cases I do but, FB has turned into a tool for companies to investigate you such that, it may even hold you from getting a job (I have been out of work now since 01/2014). I have no idea if FB is part of why, but after my recent experience, I am even afraid to go on to it.

I have learned the hard way how much FB can influence peoples lives when job hunting. It's so horrible. It's like, wtf. Facebook WAS such a wonderful place to say things that were on your mind. A place where, you can share, learn, and converse. If you agreed with something that was anti government, so be it. Nothing says your going to do something about it. Especially if you never have in the first place. To the world, it should be a place to just be yourself without repercussions. Nope, not any more.

I have not canceled my account, but I am in turmoil in trying to decide if I will. Here is that which made me decide to at least avoid it - -
A heated discussion that took place regarding TG people and the use of the Restroom. I let folks know, I was for it. That I felt if a person needs to use the restroom, they should be able to without the fear of harassment or possibly being arrested for some kind of sex crime. Family Restrooms and single locking ones were chatted about but there is still the issue of Mens and Womens where you don't have those options.
I was battered back and forth by a women saying the TG community should not be permitted to use the restroom. Their end argument was the idea that a male (CD and TG whom chose not to get surgery) dressing up and using the women's restroom is just another way for men to get at a women to Rape and Attack them. Then I was accused of being a person ADVOCATING Rape and Violence Against Women! Even though I let people know I am NOT advocating ANYTHING of the sort, I was targeted and suddenly labeled as such. No matter how I tried to defend myself, just the fact that I still felt the TG community should be permitted to use the restroom was enough for them to keep at it. None of my "friends" stepped in to help defend me. In the end, I felt like I could not win. I now seemed to have a reputation for being an advocate for violent crimes against women.
Since that day, I have not gone back into FB.

Should I delete the account? Do you all think that would erase my newly gained Reputation that could now, quite easily be stored in who knows how many "Personality Profile" collectors are out there?

:(

[Beverley Sims]

Facebook is constantly improving it's intrusiveness. :)

[Kate Simmons]

The minute I stop having fun on FB, I'll delete it. Who needs more grief?

[Jennifer_Ph]

I have been BookFace free for over a month. No particular reason other than I was just getting tired of it... it became more like work and less like fun.

[Heather_Shirly]

I don't know as I have never had a facebook page ever!

[Lily Catherine]

I use Facebook and have actually commented on one fashion page (oddly liked by genetic males who do not cross-dress). There are photos of me cross-dressed for events that specifically called for me to do so, however. I'm not entirely sure how it'll affect me in the near future but I'm not worried. Otherwise, I usually tread with caution and refrain from posting insensitively on sensitive issues.

[Lauri K]

I threaten to delete my account every few days, but someday I will get enough and finally do it.

It has become a controversial place to post anything, people are just really inconsiderate of others, and those posting on there feel bullet proof at their keyboards spreading hate and discontent.

I am fairly quick to remove folks from my friends list if they post anything hateful or discriminatory.

[larry07]

I deleted my Facebook account several years ago after learning how intrusive it is, following your browsing history, selecting ads for you, etc. No regrets. Now I have one less way to eat up time on the computer and more time for real life.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

All these are reasons why I do not have a FB account.

[Krisi]

"Why has Facebook become so horrible"

Facebook hasn't changed but is has become a place where people can express opinions that they should really keep to themselves. I used to play music professionally and Facebook has reconnected me with friends from fifty years ago. That's the good part. The bad part is, some of these friends have some pretty strong political or social opinions and they repost some pretty strong stuff. I have to sit on my hands to avoid responding and fanning the flames.

Facebook is like your TV and even this forum. You can simply turn it off if you don't like what you see or hear.

[Maria Blackwood]

You encountered what some people call SJWs. You can Google it easily, especially what they are doing to universities. The short of it is they are people who claim to fight for social justice, but if you disagree with them on anything, even trivial matters, you hate women and support rape. They are destroying social media, and they are NOT friends of CDers. I've seen many come out and say crossdressing is transphobic. Don't even try to find sense in that. Logic is not their agenda.

[~Joanne~]

facelessbook gets worse and worse with each passing month. The level of spying is only matched by google. Did you know that if you start to type something in the comment box but decide it may be too much that it has already been sent to the FB servers and believe someone is reading it. Regardless as to whether you hit that post button or not.

I'll admit that connecting with past friends and such is a plus for the site but like you stated, there are too many minuses for it to be remotely great anymore. I don't know when employers thought they had a right to use one's facebook as a background check but it scary the lengths they go to.

Personally I have never had a femme one, too much cross posting for it not to out you, but my drab one is on it's last legs as i am thinking of deleting it myself, not that it is truly ever deleted. There is a price for "free" and i am tired of paying it.

[Krisi]

And you cannot win the arguments. Best is to ignore the posts and even drop the people as "friends" if they go too far. A couple of old musician friends and the wife of one are on the edge of being dropped by me.

[Stephanie47]

I steadfastly refuse to join any social media sites. My wife drags me to the computer sometimes to read some postings within our family. Total rubbish. I realize some may use Facebook to be able to state opinions and converse with others that are not a part of their immediate social circle. But, as you have found you become open to hostility and comments that few people would say those words to your face. Just look at the comments posted below any story on the news sites.

Then as you may have found people use Facebook or the Internet to intrude upon you when applying for a job. I figure they do it only because they can. Then again, if I was researching a potential employee and I saw the person has posted immature obscene dribble rather than presenting a clear and precise argument for or against any subject I may not hire them.

I've encountered outright bigotry for transgenders, gays and lesbians; African-Americans, Native Americans; Catholics & Jews; racially mixed marriages. Of course, they assume I must agree with them because I associate with them on some minor level. Then the shit hits the wall when they find out my white daughter is married to an African Americans. Or there are brother-in-laws, nieces and nephews who are black. Or the Native Americans. Or the Latinos. Or the Catholics. Well. they crawl in a hole and feel somewhat embarrassed about their ignorance. Of course, the relationship seems to just melt away. And, that's fine with me.

This is the only site I participate on. I recommend joining only sites with a moderator and which does not sell advertising.

[VickiTheGamer]

I have decided I am going to stay off FB at least and only hit it one month a year. There are a few extenuating circumstances, One for example is if a person that was a close friend whom I have not heard from for years passes on, then FB is typically what I hit first to learn more. The Second is to just post pictures of something that was special or important to me about a specific friend I had that passed. She truly was someone that helps literally hundreds of people who, without her might have killed them selves. Her FB page goes on in her memory. So when I come across stuff I have that is touching, I post it.
If any of you are wondering, the person is Meche Zavala

[docrobbysherry]

Anyone who cuts off or isn't using FB is missing out on a lot contacts and info. It can be fun, educational, and inspirational. However, it is run by Big Brother puritanical fascists and their automatic, judgemental computer censors. Be aware of that.

And, learn how to walk away from your computer and to block folks on FB that cause u irritation and frustration, Vicki!

[Dana44]

Right now Facebook is a public company. It is intrusive and anybody especially the CIA spy on us. All that you posted and all the pictures are public domain even companies look at your page when applying for a job. So for anybody transitioning and anybody wants to post their crossdress pictures, all of your lifelong friends and a plethora of others now know. Frankly it isn't anybody's business. I gave mine up a long time ago. I do have a page for my books and only do business postings there.

[Katey888]

My wife drags me to the computer sometimes to read some postings within our family. Total rubbish.

:lol2: Priceless...! And a great summary...

Call me a cynic, but FB is all about:

1) Making more money for people whose individual net worth is already more than a small Caribbean island or African country
2) Allowing the people who give their hard earned money to the indolent and obscenely wealthy site owners to believe that their lives, thoughts and writings are infinitely more meaningful than they actually are - and can you please keep sending the money?

If I were FB's outright owner, I'd shut it down immediately as the biggest act of charity and public service I could ever do.... from the sanctity and luxury of my privately-owned Caribbean island - and I'd still have enough to keep me in margaritas for life... :doh:

Katey x

[AndreaCalifCD]

I don't know what scares me more about FB - what they know about me, or what they get wrong about me...

[kimdl93]

It seems that Facebook and the comment sections of news sources being out the worst in many social media users. I guess the relative insularity of the Internet encourages rudeness and bigotry in some people. That's another reason I don't do Facebook

[Dianne S]

I do go on Facebook, mostly to see what my kids are up to. However, I have very few Facebook friends and I keep it that way to avoid all kinds of extraneous clutter. I'm also pretty ruthless about unfollowing annoying people, so my Facebook is relatively clean and not too upsetting. :)

[ChelseyD]

I deleted my fb profile several years ago when they started adding/changing security settings and not telling you.

[Tracii G]

My two kids got me on there and its good for keeping up with them. I don't comment too much on political posts.
I don't share all that much there of my personal life.
My femme FB page is more about fun and friends.

[Adriana Moretti]

there is a magic button called unfollow....i use it anytime i see people preaching, or complaining, or any other facebook bs related to this topic.

[Mink]

just join myspace!

[Lorileah]

yeah, not being on facebook keeps you from having web sites follow your every move and send you suggestions about your browsing history and keeps you totally anonymous. You don't think all the gleaning FB does isn't being done on any other site or server you ever use?

[Halestorm]

I deleted facebook myself, I thought everything would be easier when I was making conscious communication with each person I talked to, and wasn't a ''research project.''

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Vicki, FB has so many tentecials that can hook so mamy things together.:daydreaming:

My Profile has a notice, (((I'M NOT ON FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)))

[LucyNewport]

I dunno, I think FB would be way better if they went purely chronological with all the posts. I see way too much of the same thing. Either that or all my friends are barflys/bartenders...

[Alice Torn]

I am convinced, that anything that gets too big, gets corrupted, whether government, political parties, churches, banks, sports, or FB. Big, usually means corrupted.

[Maria Blackwood]

It can affect you even if you don't join. Witness stories about potential employers asking where your Facebook profile is, and then refusing to believe you if you say you don't have one. Some employers were asking prospective employees for the *passwords* to the candidate's social media accounts.

I really thought the internet would be a good thing, with places like this that have helped me understand myself a bit. Also, shopping. :D

But the crazies are taking over and the sociopaths are using it as a weapon. I would never say anything under my real name anywhere online. One false word, or just someone taking offense at something innocuous to a functional adult, and you're on the news, getting fired from your job, and a million people who never met you basically consider you worse than Hitler. It's madness.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I don't know whether or not the recent disputes on your Fb page have impacted your job search. It's possible I suppose. But these days most mainstream companies in California are legally obliged to uphold the rights of LGBT employees. It would seem to follow that they can't discriminate against them in job interviews either, but from now on if you are going to a job interview, would it be an idea to make a call to the HR dept to ask about LGBT company policy regarding interviewees? You could have a friend call from their own number if you're concerned about flagging yourself beforehand!

As for your involvement with Fb...let's just say that I never joined and I'm happy about that.

[Krisi]

If Facebook is causing you problems, you are not being careful of what you post. I mentioned before, it has helped me to reconnect with old lost friends and acquaintances. That wouldn't have happened without Facebook. It also lets me easily keep in contact with family members, close and not so close.

I don't put anything on Facebook that I wouldn't want anyone to know about, certainly nothing about crossdressing.

Some of my Facebook friends do put some pretty stupid stuff on Facebook. Some post photos of what they had for dinner, some post all the drama in their lives. I just ignore this crap and in some cases, ignore them altogether.

All in all for me, it's a plus.

[Rogina B]

Surround yourself with people that "get it"...Keep it under control and it can be a great way of communicating with true friends. I do a lot of "sharing" from T world media and all my open minded friends enjoy the education of our world and issues.

[Rosaliy Lynne]

I know what you mean, Vicki. For the job thing, in fairness it is not facebook per se but all social media. potential employers use your social media presence, or lack of one, to profile you before they even bother to read your resume. It appears that your social media 'footprint' is more important to them than your listed qualifications or anything you say on your resume.

As for the spate of 'hate bills' pending in state and federal venues, is using peoples fears of things and people who are 'outside the norm' to exercise discrimination. Fact is, MEN, and not dressed as women either, have already gone into the women's restroom and raped women there. Cross dressers and trans genders are used as a scapegoat for this but the truth is it is all real problems are not caused by any of us using the restroom. When I wrote to my local politicians, Governor on down, I told them flat out that, as a transgender, I never once, in over 8 years, have entered the appropriate restroom for any sexual purpose nor have I been approached or accosted by any such persons. BTW the state assembly defeated our 'bathroom bill' thankfully.

If you enjoy your fb account - keep it but be selective about what you show and/or allow on your page. As for deleting the account, IF that is keeping you unemployed, deleting the account is unlikely to change that. In fact, prospective employers seeing that you deleted your account MIGHT decide, however wrong that might be, that YOU have something to hide and reject your application anyway. Case of damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I wish you like in finding employment though because it is rough out there to find work anymore which is ONE of the reasons I retired at 64 instead of 65.

[Jaymees22]

I have an FB account because my son uses it a lot and it's easier for us to keep in touch with him. I also set up an account with the identity I use here but rarely use it though they keep suggesting friends that are from India. If I were you I would delete your account, I think we were able to live without it before it existed and could continue to do so. I feel they want way too much personal info and who knows what happens to it. Hugs Jaymee

[Anneliese]

Have never had a Facebook account and never will. No desire. I thought it was lunacy when I first heard about it.

[Robin777]

I ended up on Facebook as a way of staying in touch with my family. That is the only way I can find out what my nieces and nephews are doing. I very seldom post anything about myself. I have found it a place to stay in touch with my hometown and my adopted hometown that I had to move away from. It also helps to find out what is going on in the neighborhood as we have a closed group for the neighborhood. I also find it a place to keep up on info about various subjects and just plain entertainment. Depending on how you use it,it can be good or bad.

[abby054]

The same lesson that I learned my first day in the Army applies to my presence on Facebook: If I keep my mouth shut, I will stay out of trouble. They may call me a fool, but I am not going to open my mouth and remove all doubt.

And for dealing with Facebook junkies, the words of Wise King Solomon, "Answer not a fool according to his folly lest thou be like unto him."

[karenpayneoregon]

I use FB to communicate and know what is going on with other teachers which is invaluable and use it for family and friends several times a week. When I changed my name and gender (GRS) I wrote a note for all to see and had no issues other than losing one friend out of 150. Now if not for useful communication I would be off FB in no time but it is a valuable resource over the years.

[Eryn]

To those who think that they can delete an account and that it will go away, think again! There are data aggregators who archive all FB accounts against that eventuality. Considering FB's swiss-cheese security they likely even have data you've marked "private." Anyone, such as prospective employers, who wants that deleted information only has to get it from a background search firm.

[natcrys]

I enjoy using Facebook, but that's probably because I use it on my own terms.. which applies for both my boy and girl account. I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg can use his algorithms to figure out that I'm a CD, but I noticed that as long as you don't have overlapping contacts and use different browsers.. I'm not in too much trouble.

I post what I want. If my contacts/friends/family post stuff that annoy me, I unfollow or unfriend them.

And I use Facebook to stay in touch with friends, not to get sucked into political/social discussions that usually have no end/conclusions.

Been using Facebook since 2007 like this.. and still enjoying it. :)

[Maryesther M.]

Yes! Farcebook is to be avoided, Period.

M.

[Krisi]

Some of you sound like my late mother in law who swore that she would never allow the Internet into her home. And it never was until she died. She paid her bills by mail, got the news from TV and the newspaper, kept in touch with family with letters and the telephone. In other words, she did it the hard way. She knew little about the Internet but had decided it was a bad thing. If she had been born earlier she might have thought the same about television, radio or the telephone.

The Internet and "social media" (Facebook, etc.) are what you make them. Don't put things on the Internet that you don't want strangers to know. If you don't want people to know that you are at McDonalds, don't post it. If you don't want people to know that you dress up as a woman as a hobby, don't post it.

Anything you don't post won't cause you problems.

[carahawkwind]

Facebook like a lot of things is what you make of it. If you keep your circle tight and are careful about what you post it can be a useful tool. It's very useful for communicating with my mom, cousins and aunts, who I wouldn't talk to much otherwise and especially for sharing pictures of my family with them. It also allows use it follow a few musicians and game developers, beyond those things not much else. If someone posts something offensive or posts too much junk I simply block out their messages, it's easy to do.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Vicki,

Read the agreement you agreed to with Facebook . Anything and everything you post on their website is their property. Just because you delete your account doesn't mean it is deleted. Also next to Google, Facebook has one of the strongest facial recognition software on the market. Once your picture leaves your computer it doesn't belong to you any longer .

Sorry
Michelle

[jennyph]

FB has turned into a tool for companies to investigate you such that.

This is the main reason why I don't have a Facebook account. The other is that too many people seem to lead "fake" lives there which is a topic I won't get started on here.

[Annaliese]

I have a Face Book Account for Annaliese and one for my male self, I use different search engine for the two never crossing the two.

[Aylineira]

Facebook was supposed to be just friends but now it's a business media tool to sell products. I deleted my account years ago.

[joanna4]

So sorry to hear that, I have been in the same spot with fitting rooms and such. You delete and start new or continue the battle with our support and new friends list while erasing your label.

[Eryn]

...I use it on my own terms.. which applies for both my boy and girl account. I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg can use his algorithms to figure out that I'm a CD, but I noticed that as long as you don't have overlapping contacts and use different browsers.. I'm not in too much trouble....

Do you post from two different IP addresses? If not, your accounts are easily connected with each other.

[Helen_Highwater]

Vicki,
It's not just FB that potential employers surf. Twitter, YouTube, any of the online places where unsuspecting and often naive teenagers go and leave their digital imprint.

I helped out in a seminar about 18 months ago where we took a group of 16-18 year olds and talked about this very issue. Companies will and do look to see what sort of behavioral traits their potential employees display. Someone who continuously posts about scoring some great gear or relating just how smashed they were each night will set alarm bells ringing. Inappropriate selfies can easily come back to haunt the unsuspecting 17 year old in later life.

Being on FB in it's self isn't necessarily a bad thing. I use it to keep in touch with old colleagues and for that it's ideal. Unless you want to disconnect from the digital age then there is always a compromise. If you have a smartphone and use any Google related app then you only have to look at what you agree to when allowing those permissions. Why does Google maps need to be able to remotely turn on your camera and read your contacts list, turn on your microphone? Millions of us have allowed Big Brother into our lives and you can bet our governments would do anything to limit it.

[sometimes_miss]

I came to the realization that the whole facebook thing was a farce, when, one young woman had a bit too much to drink; had lost her purse. She had come to our country, and my city, for a concert, and had gotten separated from her friends. With no cell phone, she didn't know anyone's phone number or address. What she did have, was she remembered her facebook ID and password. So, lending her my phone, she logged on. And though she had over 2000 friends on facebook, she didn't have a single one who would help her get home. She stayed at our company overnight; getting more desperate as the night went on. We tried using various tricks to get her friend's phone numbers, but as none of them had a landline, nothing was listed in online directories. By morning, she was running out of hope; concert over, no one knew where she was. As my shift was coming to an end, my heart went out to her; stuck in a foreign country, no ID, no money, no way home, couldn't even be able to call her place of business until the following monday when her company was open. The only thing she knew was where her friends were staying in the city over the bridge, but didn't even know the address, just a landmark. I used that to narrow down the area, and searched with google street view. We figured out the approximate address. And I paid for her cab ride (I would hope that someone would help me should I find myself in such a situation). And the one thing that was burned into my mind about all this was, how useless all those facebook 'friend me' requests really are.

[Helen_Highwater]

"how useless all those facebook 'friend me' requests really are. "

Recently there was a documentary on UK TV filmed in a secondary school. One teenaged girl who if I remember correctly was suffering from bullying issues was asked by a teacher just how many FB friends she had. "2000" came the reply. The teachers look spoke more to the girl than a 1 hour lecture.

And if you've not yet seen it, the next biggie is Periscope. This allows someone to stream live video directly to the web from a smartphone where it can be viewed for the next 24 hours. So you're out dressed going about your own business and some little s*%t thinks they're Cecil B. DeMille and have the right to "film the tranny LOL" and post it world wide, well get ready for your closeup!

[Krisi]

When you leave your home, you cannot expect privacy. That's long gone. Every store that can afford it has video surveillance. Gas station, ATM, etc. Parks, city streets, and yes, individual people. So someone could be recording you out dressed on video and posting it already. It just takes a little more work.

You can buy eyeglass cams or other hidden cameras so it's not obvious what you're doing.

[Sarah-RT]

I use Facebook regularly but I'm guessing that's because of my generation. I usually don't post much unless I've done something exciting or want to post pictures.

That's the only flaw I find with using forums such as this, it's a bit dated and has a lack of social connection. It would be nice to be able to have photo albums on our profiles or like each other's posts and things but alas.

Does anyone use Instagram or anything and recommend joining? I had a second Facebook account once for my other side but it was before I had pictures or anything.