Crossdressng FAQs

[jennyph]

Earlier today, I opened up to somebody that I care about and told them about my crossdressing.

I didn't think about it before the discussion, but I'm trying to find some type of FAQ for family/friends of crossdressers that I can give to this person. They essentially know the stereotypes about being a CD, but that is about it. I've spent the last 30 minutes trying various search terms, but nothing is really jumping out at me in the search results. Does anybody here have a recommendation?

Thank you.

[Jenny Gurl]

Perhaps a search with the parameters "crossdresser" "the talk". Many times when a cross dresser has "the talk" with a SO they cover all the steretypical assumptions that the world has about cross dressers. A quick google search brought up this page. http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/05/how-to-tell-your-wife-youre-a-crossdresser

I'm sure there are similar ones all over this site.

[Sarah Doepner]

I can't come up with a specific site off the top of my head, but I love to suggest you do your best to avoid defining yourself by what you are not. All those stereotypes have been out there for so very long and tend to muddy the waters in any conversation with someone newly aware of a REAL crossdresser. Good luck and if you come up with something that works well for you, please share.

[Halestorm]

I found this site here, that maybe hits some of what you need?
http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/understanding-cross-dressing

The way i've handled explaining things about me so far, was trying to think of all the questions that somebody would ask me, and coming out with my own ''FAQ'' at the same time i'm ''coming out,'' so the questions don't even have to be asked.

[Katey888]

Jenny - my recommendation? Create your own... for you.... about you... :)

There are plenty of 'stock' FAQs, blogs, definitions out there on the interwebs, but understanding what I've read here for the past 18 months is that we are all likely to have minor (or major!) variances from any norm or 'accepted' definition, and so the best way of not being in danger of misleading anyone is to write your own. Sure, it will take a bit of time - by all means use something you can find on the web to give you some structure and be sure you address the things you know folk will want to ask - but my guess is that some questions will also be individual to you and your circumstances...

I can't think it would take long to answer the key FAQs that most would ask... I think my conversation would go something like this...

So why do you do it?
Don't really know - neither does 'medical science'! - but it feels right and doesn't hurt any one, other than some folk thinking it's probably ridiculous...
Is it connected to sex?
There's something sexual about it, and used to be more when younger, but not so much now - and it hasn't changed my sexuality (still hetero) and I'm completely faithful to my wife...
Do you want to be a woman?
No! - I just do this once in a while - it's expressing a part of me that can't come out in 'normal' life, so it gives me an outlet - it's somewhat artistic for me, but I think there is a deeper part of me that is obviously a little more feminine than regular guys...
So how often...?

Well - you get the idea... Imagine a conversation and answer the Qs - and you'll have something that is just about you, that you won't need to correct or explain what is and isn't right. :)

Katey x

[Stephanie Julianna]

I agree with many of the comments. Create your owns facts based on yourself and your relationship with whoever you are telling. There is an infinite amount of variations and many will not apply nor should they come up because they could muddy the waters. Keep it specific to your situation and be truthful.

[jennyph]

Thanks for the advice everybody.

I did find this link which I thought summarized things well although there are some answers there I would have phrased the answer to slightly differently.
http://www.gendercentre.org.au/documents/fact-sheets/old/cross-dressing-information.pdf

I also like the advice of having something of your own. I'll keep that in mind the next time that I have this type of conversation with somebody.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with those who say to make it about yourself. Why, when, how often, how we like to present, go out/stay in, etc. issues are so widely varied that there are no boilerplate answers.

[Halestorm]

Maybe we as a forum should be coming up with an FAQ of our own. I guess we know it best.

[Teresa]

Jennyph,
Looking for facts suggests you're trying to fit yourself in a box to try and explain to your friend !

We are all different so the best way is to think it through from the start, if it's sexual, admit it and accept it as I do ! If it started in some other way perhaps with another person's involvement, sister, mother whatever at least try and understand it yourself so you can accept it !
At least then you can help another understand it and hopefully help you in some way !
The hardest thing I've found is realising it's not going away and it's for life ! It does focus the mind to working out how it's going to integrate into the rest of your life and how it may affect other people, knowing they will have to come to terms with those realisations as well !

[Tina_gm]

There are several common frequently asked questions regarding crossdressing that when we reveal to someone they are likely to ask. Our answers though are of our own. You can give them some statistics of CDers in general, but since they are not likely going to apply all to you, that sort of makes them useless. I would just answer for yourself and not attempt to compare you with other CDers, or to build a consensus of other CDers. It is just too varied.

[Zylia]

Although it's more personal, I like this one:
http://usvsth3m.com/post/a-transvestite-answers-all-your-questions-even-the-stupid-ones
Why don't you try to answer those questions for yourself? :D

[Kelley]

This is a pamphlet that you can print. I find the Q&A is very good in explaining the transgender spectrum. A lot of great facts and it dispels the myths

http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx

Kelley

[jennyph]

Thanks for all of the suggestions everybody. You have all been very helpful.

Also, the intent of my question was to be able to give this person whom I confided in something to read which could help him understand me better and promote further discussion. The problem is that we deal with this on a day-to-day basis. For somebody whose ideas about us came from watching Mrs. Doubtfire, I wanted to let him have a brief non-overwhelming "big picture" view of what I am going through. Essentially, I was looking for something to help bridge the gap between where I am with my journey and somebody who was stunned that I liked to crossdress. I definitely like the idea that has been suggested to have my own answers to these questions too.

[CONSUELO]

Jenny,
The links provided are full of ideas and prompts to help your conversation. I believe the main thing is to be yourself, describe what it is you feel and don't feel any sense of shame or embarrassment. As one of the links suggests, you are a complex person and being a cross dresser is not a description of you but just a part of what you are. Best wishes for a great conversation(s).

[MonctonGirl]

Just tell them what it means to YOU.

"Sometimes I dress in women's clothing because........ and then I take it off and put on my regular clothes."

[trisha kobichenko]

I totally agree with Katey.
Hugs,
Trish

[Nicolesmyth]

Here is one I found when I was looking for something similar. I hope it helps.

http://www.ladiesknightout.com/CrossDressingFAQs.htm