Steph_CD_62
04-23-2015, 06:12 PM
Lately I have been thinking way too much about my life. I am not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing.
The desire to get dressed up has left me at the moment. I realize everyone goes through this phase, and I have gone through it several times, but this time is different.
Usually when the desire to dress is gone, all my girly clothes (except panties) stays in the closet or my dresser and I really don't think about it. This time I think about getting dressed all day long, but after my evening shower I just grab my sleep pants and a t-shirt and have no desire to get dressed up. Sundays are usually my normal day to spend all day dressed, I get up in the morning take a hot bubble bath. While in the bath I think about what I want to wear. The last few Sundays I take my bath, but when I get out of the tub, I dress in drab.
As a kid I thought I was a normal boy. I played with cars and trucks, enjoyed riding my bike, getting dirty, playing catch with friends and everything a normal boy would do. I also remember I would go over to my grandparents house on a regular basis and near Christmas time they always had catalogs to look at. When they were around I would look at all the toys, but if they were out of the room I would look through the lingerie section. I just took it as being curious about the female body.
As a teenager when my friends were getting into playing sports and watching them, I didn't really like to do any of this, but did it anyway just to fit in. I acted like I enjoyed everything about cars like my friends, but again I had no desire on how they ran or how to fix them. When I was home (after my curfew) I would be looking at lingerie sections of catalogs and using some type of lingerie to have "fun" with myself. I even wore every article of lingerie I could get my hands on, and really enjoyed doing it.
When I moved out of my parent's house and lived with friends, I had to hide my feelings about what I enjoyed doing. I tried to fit in with all my friends, but most of the time I felt like an outsider since they all enjoyed doing guy things and that wasn't me. When we looked at magazines like Playboy, they my friends wanted to see the girls naked, but I would rather see the pictures with them wearing some type of lingerie. About the only thing we really had in common was drinking alcohol and chasing women.
I met a woman fell in love (more lust than love). She moved in with me shortly after we met and we married in just over a year. I no longer had the desire to look at lingerie except when my now ex-wife wore it. It all came back to me when she was pregnant and I was doing most of the house work. One night I was washing clothes and I was putting her nylon nightgown in the washer and noticed how nice it felt. I put it against my face and sighed. I quickly put in the washer and tried not to think about it again. About a week later, I found the same nightgown in the dirty clothes so I grabbed it and went into the back bathroom and tried it on....... I was in heaven. Needless to say, I got caught one night when she wondered where I was and I forgot to lock the bathroom door. After a long talk and a few nights sleeping on the couch we worked things out. She would help me buy clothes and never said anything when I was dressed as a woman. She even helped me make my first pair of breast forms. Well after several years she said she was no longer in love with me and wanted a divorce.
I moved back into my parents house. My ex-wife was not so nice about letting my parents about what I enjoyed doing. She got mad at me before I had moved out and took all my clothes, both men's and women's and threw them in my parents front yard. I am not sure if my parents had a clue before that, but there was no hiding it at that point. I wore some of my women's clothing while I was in my old bedroom. The next thing that happened threw everything into a whirlwind. One day my ex-wife told me she had met someone on the internet and was moving 1/2 way across the country and I was going to have custody of the kids, this was before we could even go to court for our divorce. So there I was living is a large bedroom sharing it with my kids. I moved out shortly afterwards into my own place.
At this point my main focus was my kids. I did everything for them and they were my life. True I had my time to dress as a woman after they went to bed, but I was always afraid they would wake up and look for me when I was dressed. I would also take a week's vacation once per year while they were in school, so I could go shopping for new things.
I knew who I was and knew I would not change. Since I was home alone with the kids all the time, my interactions with other adults was normally limited to the internet. At this point I found out that most of the women were totally against men dressing as women. I would tell these women I really liked lingerie, and they liked that as long as I didn't want to wear it.
One night I was in a chat room for the state I live in, and discovered a woman that actually lived only a few blocks from me. We talked on the phone several times before we met. From the beginning I told her about my lingerie fetish, and she didn't seem to have a problem with it. After meeting her, I knew she was the one for me and I had to be honest with her about my crossdressing. So with in a week of meeting her face to face I sat her down in my living room with no distractions and told her about my crossdressing. It was difficult but I knew I had to do it. She had a few questions and I answered them the best I could. We did not talk for a couple days after that, but we finally talked again. She was okay with it, but wasn't 100% sure how she would handle seeing me dressed. I never pressured her and waited for her to tell me when when she wanted to see me. First it was just panties and gradually more things. After a year of being together I proposed and she said yes.
She is supportive and on rare occasions even participates while I am dressed. I feel truly blessed for having her in my life after reading some of the stories on here. I know deep down she wishes I would stop crossdressing, but if it makes me happy that is what is important to her.
Now back to my original thought. I have never felt like a "manly" man. I still don't like all the typical things most men like. I have desire to transition into a woman, but I do truly enjoy going shopping for women's clothing and wearing them. I don't want to wear a wig or even try to pass as a female. My current wife did put make up on me one night and I really enjoyed it, but can't say I want to do that all the time.
So I guess I am a crossdresser and I am fine with that on most days. There are times I wish I could be more "manly" for my wife, but I also know she has accepted me for who I am.
The desire to get dressed up has left me at the moment. I realize everyone goes through this phase, and I have gone through it several times, but this time is different.
Usually when the desire to dress is gone, all my girly clothes (except panties) stays in the closet or my dresser and I really don't think about it. This time I think about getting dressed all day long, but after my evening shower I just grab my sleep pants and a t-shirt and have no desire to get dressed up. Sundays are usually my normal day to spend all day dressed, I get up in the morning take a hot bubble bath. While in the bath I think about what I want to wear. The last few Sundays I take my bath, but when I get out of the tub, I dress in drab.
As a kid I thought I was a normal boy. I played with cars and trucks, enjoyed riding my bike, getting dirty, playing catch with friends and everything a normal boy would do. I also remember I would go over to my grandparents house on a regular basis and near Christmas time they always had catalogs to look at. When they were around I would look at all the toys, but if they were out of the room I would look through the lingerie section. I just took it as being curious about the female body.
As a teenager when my friends were getting into playing sports and watching them, I didn't really like to do any of this, but did it anyway just to fit in. I acted like I enjoyed everything about cars like my friends, but again I had no desire on how they ran or how to fix them. When I was home (after my curfew) I would be looking at lingerie sections of catalogs and using some type of lingerie to have "fun" with myself. I even wore every article of lingerie I could get my hands on, and really enjoyed doing it.
When I moved out of my parent's house and lived with friends, I had to hide my feelings about what I enjoyed doing. I tried to fit in with all my friends, but most of the time I felt like an outsider since they all enjoyed doing guy things and that wasn't me. When we looked at magazines like Playboy, they my friends wanted to see the girls naked, but I would rather see the pictures with them wearing some type of lingerie. About the only thing we really had in common was drinking alcohol and chasing women.
I met a woman fell in love (more lust than love). She moved in with me shortly after we met and we married in just over a year. I no longer had the desire to look at lingerie except when my now ex-wife wore it. It all came back to me when she was pregnant and I was doing most of the house work. One night I was washing clothes and I was putting her nylon nightgown in the washer and noticed how nice it felt. I put it against my face and sighed. I quickly put in the washer and tried not to think about it again. About a week later, I found the same nightgown in the dirty clothes so I grabbed it and went into the back bathroom and tried it on....... I was in heaven. Needless to say, I got caught one night when she wondered where I was and I forgot to lock the bathroom door. After a long talk and a few nights sleeping on the couch we worked things out. She would help me buy clothes and never said anything when I was dressed as a woman. She even helped me make my first pair of breast forms. Well after several years she said she was no longer in love with me and wanted a divorce.
I moved back into my parents house. My ex-wife was not so nice about letting my parents about what I enjoyed doing. She got mad at me before I had moved out and took all my clothes, both men's and women's and threw them in my parents front yard. I am not sure if my parents had a clue before that, but there was no hiding it at that point. I wore some of my women's clothing while I was in my old bedroom. The next thing that happened threw everything into a whirlwind. One day my ex-wife told me she had met someone on the internet and was moving 1/2 way across the country and I was going to have custody of the kids, this was before we could even go to court for our divorce. So there I was living is a large bedroom sharing it with my kids. I moved out shortly afterwards into my own place.
At this point my main focus was my kids. I did everything for them and they were my life. True I had my time to dress as a woman after they went to bed, but I was always afraid they would wake up and look for me when I was dressed. I would also take a week's vacation once per year while they were in school, so I could go shopping for new things.
I knew who I was and knew I would not change. Since I was home alone with the kids all the time, my interactions with other adults was normally limited to the internet. At this point I found out that most of the women were totally against men dressing as women. I would tell these women I really liked lingerie, and they liked that as long as I didn't want to wear it.
One night I was in a chat room for the state I live in, and discovered a woman that actually lived only a few blocks from me. We talked on the phone several times before we met. From the beginning I told her about my lingerie fetish, and she didn't seem to have a problem with it. After meeting her, I knew she was the one for me and I had to be honest with her about my crossdressing. So with in a week of meeting her face to face I sat her down in my living room with no distractions and told her about my crossdressing. It was difficult but I knew I had to do it. She had a few questions and I answered them the best I could. We did not talk for a couple days after that, but we finally talked again. She was okay with it, but wasn't 100% sure how she would handle seeing me dressed. I never pressured her and waited for her to tell me when when she wanted to see me. First it was just panties and gradually more things. After a year of being together I proposed and she said yes.
She is supportive and on rare occasions even participates while I am dressed. I feel truly blessed for having her in my life after reading some of the stories on here. I know deep down she wishes I would stop crossdressing, but if it makes me happy that is what is important to her.
Now back to my original thought. I have never felt like a "manly" man. I still don't like all the typical things most men like. I have desire to transition into a woman, but I do truly enjoy going shopping for women's clothing and wearing them. I don't want to wear a wig or even try to pass as a female. My current wife did put make up on me one night and I really enjoyed it, but can't say I want to do that all the time.
So I guess I am a crossdresser and I am fine with that on most days. There are times I wish I could be more "manly" for my wife, but I also know she has accepted me for who I am.