"You need my reassurances," she said.

[MissTee]

Yesterday, my very supportive wife and I were out on a shopping trip. Me in drab, of course. We hit the local Sephora where she got a mini makeover session focused on finding the right foundation. I watched and asked a lot of questions about choices, and the wife encouraged me throughout. I even critiques the choices and gave my opinion. The "beauty consultant" was impressed with my knowledge of makeup, as well as makeup companies and their product lines. My wife took credit by saying she has trained me well, and they both had a chuckle at that.

Next, we shopped the store for a good hour getting stuff for her and for me. At checkout my wife learned she had reached the coveted VIB Rouge status. That made her day, and she floated out of the store while excitedly sharing thoughts of coming back for the free make overs.

We returned home and I proceeded to get dressed in anticipation of trying on some of the new product. We had fun experimenting for a couple of hours. Towards the end as I was painting her nails I asked if what I do ever really bothered her.

That's when she remarked she noticed I checked in with her a lot concerning my dressing. Likewise, she noticed I seemed to need reassurance from her on a regular basis. Funny thing is I thought I was only doing infrequent pulse checks with her.

She said she did not mind and would be happy to reassure me anytime. In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?"

That's where I drew a blank. She is so accepting I'm sometimes at a loss to accept it. Anyone else have a hard time with that?

[DanaR]

Thanks for sharing your story, it was nice.

[bridget thronton]

A very good wife

[carolyn todd]

She a ( KEEPER).

[alwayshave]

MissTee, that is such a wonderful sentiment. Too many women add up the negatives without adding up the positives. Your wife can count. She sounds great and you are one lucky individual to have her.

[Dana3]

I believe we all do, primarily because we're all susceptible to year and years of endless social, cultural, and religious conditioning since literally birth as to what its like to be a man, walk like a man, talk like a man, sit like a man, be a man among men,.........................

The question I have is if being born male denotes masculinity as the default and nothing else as the standard for "being a man" then why the heavy handed social, cultural, and even religious conditioning and the stigma associated with being any thing LESS than the so-called standard?

There certainly other aspects of being masculine (or so-called) that a woman would find adverse. I know men that are serial cheaters, wife-beaters, neglect their wives and children, quit their jobs and refuse to work during deer season, that will spend every last second putting anything and everything before their wives and children. What is so wrong and so bad about a man being interested in the same things that your atypical woman is interested in ~ even with cross dressing aside?

I myself believe that simply being a good provider, not mentally, emotionally, physically abusing one's wife and children, not neglecting them, not doing drugs, nor being obsessed with sports, golf, football, deer hunting, fishing etc., is in itself enough to define for most women the absolute definition of a "good husband" within itself. Its about giving of oneself of being a part of something that is greater and larger than just oneself.

[Laura912]

My wife also is comfortable with as much dressing as I would like but there is a need, like you, to continually check for reassurance...and fishing for the occasional compliment!

[phylis anne]

wow s nice to see you have such an understanding wife I am sure many on this board are going to be busy scrubbing off all the green from envy paint:) Your wife has really put it into a perspective that most others do not , others are more concerned about what others will think , or if you are gay ,or are you still the man I married ? all I could say is make sure she knows how much you appreciate her
hugs phylis

[Dana3]

I have over the course of my years meet one woman whose attitude was it was ~ would the best of both worlds? My wife knows that I'm a crossdresser having told her prior to our getting together, again the day before we got married, but I can tell she's very uncomfortable with it, primarily because of social, cultural, and religious conditioning that we're all subjected to since birth. But on the other hand, she's told me to go ahead if that's what I need to make me happy, and it is something that I would like to ~ want to ~ and dare I say it ~ need to do. Just not sure how to go about doing it.

By my nature, I'm not a self-centered, selfish person. For my birthday? I went out and bought the DW a expensive tablet to substitute for her cell phone for which she was using to keep up with Loved one's on Facebook, messaging, texting, etc. Me? I got nothing, and I'm alright with that. For me giving and providing for her, being selfless and non-self-centered is its own reward in itself. Sacrificing for her wants and needs rather than my own is in my own personal opinion an aspect of my femininity ~ which cross dressing aside is proof positive of the feminine aspect and side of my very being. I found great joy in the aspect of giving to another that I love and cherish rather than going out and feeling entitled to this or that just because it was my birthday.

Indeed, its those stereotypical traits and aspects usually associated with "The Feminine" of caring, sharing, nurturing, giving, sacrificing, being selfless, etc that I wish to accentuate my experience as a human being ~ embracing BOTH the masculine and feminine that I wish and seek to accentuate rather than simple aspect of cross dressing.

[Krisi]

That's great. Be sure and show her how much you love her.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Miss Tee, That is such a wonderful story and you are so very lucky to have a very accepting:love:wife.

Although my:love:wife is DA/DT she knows all about my dressing she just don't want to see me while I'm dressed.:daydreaming:

[CarlaWestin]

She said she did not mind and would be happy to reassure me anytime. In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?" That's where I drew a blank. She is so accepting I'm sometimes at a loss to accept it. Anyone else have a hard time with that?

If I heard this from my wife, it would be like the sun came up in my life. Sadly, that support and understanding they promise at the altar becomes subject of terms soon afterwards.

[kimdl93]

She has a wonderful, constructive attitude.

[Meghan4now]

Miss Tee,

That is a great post. While I'm out to the wife, she doesn't know about this board. Part of the slowly opening DADT, this is a Don't Tell item. It's a shame though because I would love to show her this post. Your wife is the very definition of loving and accepting. You're very lucky.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely lucky too. My wife loves me deeply and is at least tolerant, and more so now than ever. It would be so freeing, however, to have the level of support and exchange that you and your wife enjoy.

I wonder if, for wives like mine, seeing post like yours would be beneficial? Maybe witnessing such love would warm their hearts. Maybe seeing that they are not alone in their situation would be reassuring. Maybe knowing that acceptance of a loving but sometimes feminine husband is not just ok, but can be fulfilling.

Anyway thank you for sharing your post. It like the last national news item on Friday night. Inspirational and heart warming. Ok ok so that's one of my sappy girly characteristics. No there's something in my eye.

[Jackie7]

Wonderful wife indeed! My own sweet wife feels the same way as yours, she likes to give me the once-over before we go out to make sure my hair and makeup and jewelry are as womanly as can be, it's reassurance for both of us and a level of care and partnership that is perfect.

[Jorja]

You have trained her well, she is a keeper! ;)

[Sarah Doepner]

That's nearly the same thing my late wife would say to me. It's a very special woman who feels that way and you are lucky to have found a match like her. My best wishes to the both of you.

[MsVal]

MissTea, I will echo what others have said, and take a moment to add a bit about my dear wife.

Since my disclosure less than two years ago she has come to understand, accept, and somewhat support my TG. She is not enthusiastic about it, as your wife seems to be, but she wants to become enthusiastic.

Given the amount of change in the past couple years, and the desire to change more as time goes on, I may be able to post a similar note one day. Perhaps some of our girlfriends will too.

Best wishes
MsVal

[AKKaren]

:battingeyelashes:I'm one of the lucky ones that has a wonderful supportive bride too. God bless them!!

[Isabella Ross]

Three + decades of denial and shame takes a long time to disappear. Even though it's been seven years since I came clean to my wife (and myself), I still find that I look to her for confirmation about many things -- from the way I look and what I wear, to just needing a periodic reaffirmation that she's okay with me doing my thing -- this despite the fact that she could not be more accepting, supportive and participating. I just think that it's the result of the imprint of years of shame and denial, thinking I was doing such a bad thing for so long.

[UNDERDRESSER]

In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?" This is how it SHOULD BE. If a wife can't actually stomach the idea of "Her man" turning himself into a woman, well, I can understand it, but if doesn't completely turn her off, why should she have an issue with it? Lots of wives put up with expensive, messy, loud, you-name-it hobbies, CDing is clean, quiet, she can join in, it brings out a gentler side of her husband, what's not to like? (Yes, I know not everyone thinks of it like a hobby, example only )


That's where I drew a blank. She is so accepting I'm sometimes at a loss to accept it. Anyone else have a hard time with that?Nope, I got no problem with how my GF lets me dress how I want

[HelenR2]

Tell your wife a whole bunch of people just pressed her personal 'like' button.

[Maria 60]

WOW! I think we are married to the same person, when ever I get opportunity to dress I usally ask her if it's OK with her if I dress. She once questioned me why I keep asking her if I could dress? I told her at times when I am dressed in front of her, I look down at myself or walk by a mirror dressed and can't believe that I am dressed and it's OK. Its hard at times to still believe how far I've come and how fortunate I am to have this privilege to dress. I look back at my passed and would never believe any women would be OK with it. GOD bless them.

[Joni T]

In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?"

I'm in the exact same boat. Feels good, doesn't it?
Jon

[Sometimes Steffi]

.
She said she did not mind and would be happy to reassure me anytime. In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?"


I'm soooo jealous. When I listed my good traits to my wife, the response I got was, "If I knew about this before we got married, I wouldn't have married you."

So sad.

[Robin777]

I have been married to my wife for 30+ years and she has known about my dressing before we got married. It took a while for her to get comfortable with it. Now she is very comfortable with it. It has evolved over the years to the point that she looks for clothes that I would like. Over the weekend she spotted a dress at a thrift store that she knew I would want, so she made sure I didn't miss it when I was going through the rack with her.She had it pulled out in the open.When I saw it I loved it. After we got home she mentioned that she spotted it first and made sure I saw it.I thanked her for spotting it. I feel blessed to have her as my wife. Years ago I used to ask her if it was O.K. with her if I dressed. She always said she was fine with it. Now its just a given.

[carolyn todd]

Hello miss tee
I think we ask in case we over step the mark between yes and no (weather its a good day or a bad day,sometimes we don't cause trouble)or sometimes we don't know how the wind is blowing?.

Carolyn xx

[Chris_Cross]

Thanks for the post and I completely relate. My wife is has not progressed as much as yours toward sharing our hobby, but she's come far enough to drop little hints acknowledging she's ok with it. But, the few times we've had a conversation about it, I have far too much need to hear that she is ok with dressing. She has been great, but my sense is she prefers not to think about it. I think that part of what I want is to know whether she's still thinking about it, becoming more accepting, etc. I would love to hang out with her and do makeup and whatever else I can't or won't do on my own. I think in seeking validation I'm partly testing to see where the boundaries lie today.

[Erika Lyne]

She said she did not mind and would be happy to reassure me anytime. In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?"


This is so beautiful. I can't remeber the artist's name but her wife had a similar remark in a NYC newspaper interview. Basically she said, "He is unbelievably faithful, adores me. What do I care what he wears?"

I have tried to show my wife this sentiment too but little luck.

Hugs,
-E

[Kristy 56]

You're in a great relationship,and it seems that you're both very aware of each other's feelings and boundaries. A lot of respect and love on both sides. :)

[ChristinaK]

Sigh. Hug your wife for me.

[MissTee]

Thanks everyone. I know I am truly blessed. Don't know that I'll ever stop the pinch testing I do to myself.

[Natalie cupcake]

When I ask my wife for reassurance I want to make sure she is complete comfortable with my cding. And that she knows I want her to be apart of it.:battingeyelashes:

[rosetyler]

She said she did not mind and would be happy to reassure me anytime. In her words, "You don't cheat, you don't do drugs, you don't steal, you are good to the kids and a good provider for us. So what you like to dress up. Why should that concern me?" I suggest you keep her forever! :)

[AprilMayy<3]

I try to find reassurance in those who know as well. I sometimes do it to the point I feel like I'm annoying them, not on purpose of course.
After having the person who has known about it for the longest of them all, whose gone shopping with me, AND seen me dressed in person just NOW tell me shes uncomfortable with it(after about 5 years mind you), has made me quite concerned about the others that know. Though that is just me being paranoid-me.

[Beverley Sims]

My wife appreciates some of the "manly" things I don't indulge in.

Makes for a great life.

We spend our money on travel and holidays.

That is when I am not working.