wanting to wera underwear

[katieann1]

I am wanting to wear womens underwear but my wife of nine years is not happy with my choice to wear womens underwear what should I do about it and how do I get her to let me wear womens underwear katieann1

[JennaWood]

I'm in same situation, would be nice for some advice

[Andrea_cd]

Well all I can offer is my experience , it took 5yrs of talking patience and control , to get where I am now with my wife , allowed to wear panties almost whenever I want , but the road to getting here was a long one it will depend on your relationship with your SO and how she regards your CDing , there will be better girls along soon who can give you advice

Andrea

[janicecd]

You also need to respect your wife's wishes. If she has a problem with it, then perhaps you should keep your CDing limited to when you are only by your self.

[ChristinaK]

I wore them without asking and when she would not notice unless we cuddled. Then she would make me take them off. Sometimes I would be wearing them after my shower and getting ready for the day and she would wake up early and see me, but not say anything.

Finally she gave up and threw away any with lace, making the compromise that I could wear them if they didn't look too girly. She's completely used to it now and doesn't say anything.

I'm sure that's not how to do it right, but that's how it worked for me. There are other things she would not accept and it's been a work in progress, but I do respect her not wanting me to carry things too far. After all, I wouldn't want her to start wearing men's clothes.

[Jaylyn]

I'm thinking more like a few have stated take any type of dressing slowly. The women have been very methodical and slowly easing into the male attire field such as pants on Fridays and such. If we would go slowly and a few companies start making male panties and we start wearing men's hoseiery we might all be merged into one type of clothing that both men and women wear and is accepted. On the panty thing you might want to do what wife is asking you to do and not wear them. If you have a dress up time I do know there are some male undies out there that are nylon and not much different than the ladies maybe you can start with a few pairs of those. Then maybe gradually mix them with the ladies type. Just don't get into a push and shove type of marriage over panties. Gradually introduce them into the daily dress.

[Nadine Spirit]

You don't want permission, you want her to not be upset by you doing it. As a grown adult you are free to wear whatever you want to wear. But the bigger concern is that it is upsetting to her that you want to do it.

So, how to resolve the concern?? Talk to her about it. Through discussions you could probably come to some sort of understanding.

And oh, btw, do you dictate to her what she can and cannot wear? Does she even consult you with what she wants to wear? Probably not. So you are free to wear whatever you want to wear, but if you want it to go over smoothly in the relationship, then talk first, and act second.

[katieann1]

I would eventually like to wear some dresses or slacks and a blouse but I am not sure my wife will like it so I try to do it when I am home alone and the kids are in daycare

[UNDERDRESSER]

If you hunt around you will find some men's briefs, that are essentially plain bikinis. Get a couple in different colours. once she has seen you in those, pick up a couple of pairs of Jockey Modern Micro bikinis, pick some colours that aren't too bright, dark blue, black, white. Good chance she won't be able to tell the difference.

Best way is to talk to her about it.

[Jackie7]

Be naked lover boy with her versus pantied lover, because that is asking a lot of her, and maybe start doing your own laundry.

[Kate Simmons]

I would venture to say that would have to be between you and her. :)

[katieann1]

I guess I am really wanting to wear a bra so bad I use Ber bra's

[Nadine Spirit]

In the very beginning I asked my wife if I could wear one of her bras. She was fine with that, for once or twice. But when it went beyond that she asked me to get my own. Bra's can quite easily get stretched out or worn funny and the vast majority of women are kind of particular about their bras considering they choose to wear them daily. So... it sounds as if you need to go buy your own!

[willie]

After i told my wife that i am a crossdresser and seeing a therapist i started wearing panties daily, then started wearing nighties, after some time i started wearing nylons, it took several years and now i am wearing a bra almost daily. I have womens jeans, tops and a skirt to wear. All this took time for my SO to accept but i can do more as time goes on.

[Kandi Robbins]

Unfortunately there is no script for all of this (I sure wish there was!).

Obviously your relationship with your wife is the key. I can only speak for myself, but once I told my wife and she was accepting, I made sure I gave back. I became more loving, more attentive, more open. Every morning when I get to work I send her a text telling her how much I love her. I never say it the same way twice. Just today she OK'd my using one of our dresser drawers for my lingerie and I wear panties daily. She knows it makes me happy and she has gained a much better husband. Keep looking for a way to let her know what she means to you and how crossdressing is not something we chose, it's who we are.

Hope that helps.

[Kelley]

Make your wife wear men's underwear for a while, she will understand after that.

Kelley

[Patrica Gil]

It is not unusual for me to put on panty's, pantyhose, camisole under my male clothes. They aren't women's underwear, they're my underwear. As a salesgirl told me, you raised you children, took care of your responsibilities and, now it is time to do yourself. She gave me a great discount for the heels I was buying.

[Maria 60]

When I first told my wife about the dressing, she was pretty good about it, she would buy me anything but for some reason she wouldn't buy me anything pink. This lasted a few years and then one day she came home with a pink panty and bra set. I don't know how they think but I believe a lot of it has to do with control. Give it time now after almost thirty years of marriage she doesn't care anymore what I do. We went on vacation south, I wore panties and pantyhose on the plane ride. When we got to the resort and I took off my pants off she didn't react surprised at all and only asked me if I was uncomfortable wearing control top pantyhose on the plane. Give it time but make sure the topic doesn't go under the table.

[Joni T]

You have a choice--panties or a wife.
Jon

[Robin777]

How I did it was I started wearing men's bikini underwear that looked like women's underwear. Then I eventually worked into womens briefs. It took a little convincing on my part to get my wife to accept it. I just kept telling her it was just underwear.

[Stacy L]

You also need to respect your wife's wishes. If she has a problem with it, then perhaps you should keep your CDing limited to when you are only by your self.


Or get a new wife! :D

[Lorileah]

and you might read the sticky above about getting acceptance

[Marcelle]

Hi Katieann,

I believe Nadine hit the nail on the head . . . communication is key. This is not just you asking to wear women's undies but getting your wife to understand why it is important to you and coming to a compromise. I am a big believer that relationships are not a "one way . . . my way" affair in either direction (CDer or SO). You have the right to wear what you want just as your wife has the right to wear what she wants, the salient point is what can each of you live with and live without. If I read your post, it is important for your to wear undies so unless you are totally fine not doing so, you need to take some control of your dressing. Perhaps you could agree (together) that you will do so around the house while dressed "en boy" but she does not have to see them.

Good luck.

Hugs

Isha

[suzzi]

Yes I wear panties to work around the house and nobody knows!

[SheriM]

We can talk about "rights" and we can say that "she wears what she wants so I can too". However, this isn't about "Rights". You, We, are crossing gender lines and THAT can be disturbing to our spouses. Proving that we are "right" probably won't change her mind. It probably won't make your marriage better. What we would like is for our spouses to not only be accepting but to actually embrace our desire to wear women's clothes. That can take time and understanding. In my case, she allows me to wear panties and even pantyhose when it is cold. She hasn't said anything about the women's outdoor/hiking style pants that I have been wearing. I would like her to accept me wearing a bra (some sports bras don't project) but it is about accepting or tolerating. Right now our "DADT" seems to be working. I hope that you can at least wear your underwear without wearing out your relationship.
Good luck.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Katieann,

I side with Andrea and Nadine here. We have to step back and look at our whole relationships with our wives / SO's GF's . I suggest taking it slow -- don't go all out with really femme stuff at the start. Years ago I started with plain cotton briefs, told my wife that they were more comfortable. It's now been 20 years since I've owned any male underwear ---- other than undershirts.

And oh yes -- do buy your own bras! I do have some of my wife's, but only because they are old and she didn't want them.

[Candee]

I agree that you need to talk about it and keep the lines of communication open. My SO and I had a talk last night as she noticed I was not cd as much as when I first told her about my cd. Anyway we talked about things she had said and how she felt about my cd. She was having issues with my wearing a nightgown to bed every night as she wanted her "man" in bed with her. She also said she couldn't be intimate with me when I was wearing pretty much the same things she was. I totally get it! The most important thing was and still is "that we talked about it".

Candee

[LARIE]

Try googling "13137". Men are reviewing these panties as great to wear. I agree. It is a great way to ease into more feminine things. One step at a time.

[katieann1]

Make your wife wear men's underwear for a while, she will understand after that.

Kelley

why should my wife wear mens underwear in order for me to wear womens underwear

[Mink]

because then she'll be all like "these are terrible! no wonder you want to wear better / cuter undies!"

and then she'll understand!

[Married CD]

I have a wonderful wife and we are best friends too. I was a crossdresser long before we met, and I finally told her after about 4 years of marriage. She does not understand it, but knows about it. She wants her husband, and understands that I have my lingerie and wear it when I am alone, but she does not want me to dress around her. Occasionally I will get caught wearing something and we talk about it in the "I thought you weren't doing that anymore ". The end result is I am not living a lie, just not discussing it much. I am a faithful, attentive, active father and husband. I don't do drugs, drink moderately with her, there are worse things to be, but honesty is important and in the 20 years since I told her, I don't have that guilt.

[AbigailJordan]

I'm thinking more like a few have stated take any type of dressing slowly. The women have been very methodical and slowly easing into the male attire field such as pants on Fridays and such. If we would go slowly and a few companies start making male panties and we start wearing men's hoseiery we might all be merged into one type of clothing that both men and women wear and is accepted. On the panty thing you might want to do what wife is asking you to do and not wear them. If you have a dress up time I do know there are some male undies out there that are nylon and not much different than the ladies maybe you can start with a few pairs of those. Then maybe gradually mix them with the ladies type. Just don't get into a push and shove type of marriage over panties. Gradually introduce them into the daily dress.

Believe it or not Jaylyn, that has begun already. I have seen several sites offering skimpy tight boxers in pink lace with plenty of room for a guys bits.. and even a couple of proper guy thongs (as opposed to the posing pouches previously around), but yes, the sexy materials are making their way into guys underwear too. Do a search for sexy lace undies for guys, you'll be amazed how many are out there. maybe buy a few pairs of those.. she can't really complain then, after all... they're "male" underwear.. designed as.. sold as..

check out malepower and blokes undies.. hell.. even amazon has a sexy black lace short for guys.. sensual male underwear is already on it's way to the mainstream.

[Ceera]

Underdressing with panties was the only CD activity I did while my wife was still alive. I got away with it by only buying non-lacy bikini-style panties in plain solid colors like black, grey or blue, or simple patterns that didn't look particularly 'girly', even though the sexy double-string bikini style was still quite feminine. (Or at least, those were the only ones I ever let my wife see.) When my wife noticed, I pointed out that I used to get male bikini style briefs when I was younger, and they marketed them to guys. Today they are hard to find in the men's department, but easy to get in the ladies section, in fairly unisex designs.

Doing a compromise and wearing the non-lacy undies worked for me. I never let her catch me wearing a bra, though I did have a couple of them back then.

It would seem to me that the best thing though, since you already admitted to her that you want to wear feminine undergarments, would be for you to talk to her further and explain why you want to do it, and how you feel it does or does not impact your relationship with her. If she doesn't feel threatened by it, and can be reassured that this doesn't mean you're changing into someone she can't continue having a comfortable relationship with, she will be more likely to accept you doing it.

[Lorileah]

The women have been very methodical and slowly easing into the male attire field such as pants on Fridays and such. I missed that, so did women do the same in 1776 when men quit wearing wigs and hosiery and makeup?
If we would go slowly and a few companies start making male panties and we start wearing men's hoseiery we might all be merged into one type of clothing that both men and women wear and is accepted. been done over and over and over. Still have mens nylon panties available. Once they even labeled them "Athletic" for men who ran or played volleyball. Crossdressers state they wouldn't wear men's anything that looks like a woman's anything...they only wear women's.

[curvious]

Start slowly - plan on taking a year or two to build on. I would go here and get some soft silky briefs first www.bodyaware.com After you have started wearing them for 6 months or so (you will love them and so will she when she feels your nice hard package under soft material) move to thongs or g-strings. Once you are at this level, you can get some lacy styles. In teh course of 3 years you will be set!!! :)

[Beverley Sims]

Start with plain undies and then graduate to something more sophisticated.

It will be a while before you get to wear them to bed however.

[Nyla F]

Step 1: Make sure you are a loving attentive husband. Compliment her on a regular basis. Make sure her needs are being met. Do your share of the household chores. Make sure you can communicate about your feelings unrelated to crossdressing. Show you are listening to her when she tells you her feelings. Seek couples counseling if this part is difficult.
Step 2: Tell her, don't ask or act sheepish, that you decided to start wearing women's panties because you like them better than men's underwear. If she objects remind her that you don't tell her what to wear. At this point you might need to negotiate things like not wearing during sex, or you washing them separately. Just don't give up more than you will be happy with. Don't do this gradually, you will just have to repeat this difficult process. Be firm while still listening to her feelings (you practiced that, right?)
Step 3: Wear the panties within the boundaries you agreed to. Continue to be an attentive loving husband even while she is unhappy. This may take time for her to adjust to. There is a good chance that she will see that putting up with the panty wearing is a small price for having a loving husband.

There is no guarantee this will work, and she might ask for a divorce. But at this point should you really stay married to someone who is unconcerned with your happiness after you put so much effort into their's?

[Joni T]

Or get a new wife! :D

THAT is really COLD and heartless.
Jon

[Candice Mae]

I've never understood the reasoning behind under dressing or the need to wear "panties" when you identify as a CIS male outside of CDing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi KatieAnn, You do know that if you keep rocking the boat the captain may make you walk the plank.:daydreaming:

[icantwait24]

I am a house wife but I to wear panties 24 /7well stay at home daddy. We refer to me as house wife. I started with men's thongs she just brought them home one day. She bought them Dillard's. I liked them she thought it would be sexier if I were to wear panties so she gave me some and I wear them now all the time. She did tell me she has ordered some men's panties. A pair of g strings and a pair lacy boy shorts and a pair of just regular lacy panties. My point is I started it with a pair of mens thongs and from there she has taken over the panty thing for me and I love it and the them.

[ReineD]

How do the two of you handle other issues or differences of opinion?

For example, on big ticket purchases, how do you negotiate how much money, if any, should be spent; how do you decide where to spend a vacation, what restaurant or movie to choose, which in-laws to spend the Holidays with ... you get the idea.

Granted, the wearing of panties brings with it a taboo or certain implications that the other issues don't have especially if your wife was raised a certain way, but if you and your wife are well practiced at negotiating and compromising on all your other big and small decisions (if sometimes it goes her way and other times yours), you should approach this in the same manner. Except the compromise might be the amount of time you wear the panties, or when you should wear them (i.e. not to bed). If, on the other hand, you and your wife are accustomed to having her call all the shots, then you'll need to talk to her about changing this. This last bit might be a bigger challenge especially if your wife is not accustomed to having you speak up for yourself.

Good luck!

[seanp84]

love wearing panties.. just stole a pair from gf.. i wore it and went for a date with...

[shawnsheila]

My therapist helped my wife along with getting to accept me wearing women's undies. I almost never where male underwear anymore. Doctors orders!!!

[Ozark]

Try these Sears Covington Briefs.
http://www.sears.com/covington-nylon-briefs-4-pack/p-033A0025000P?sid=IDx01192011x000001&kpid=03353570003&pla=&kispla=033A0025000P&mktRedirect=y

Jockey Elance briefs, hip huggers and bikinis are discreet also

http://www.jockey.com/catalog?department=women&collection=elance

The elance briefs are also sold on ebay occasionally

[wilt575]

When you say underwear what do you mean the whole nine yards or just panties and hose? I started out with panties and knee highs. My wife was the one who brought fishnet stockings and garter belts into it.

[Tracii G]

You are a grown ass man wear whatever kind of underwear you want.
I don't get why some here are so afraid of their wives.
Women can be reasonable so just talk to her about it.