How much time are you alone?

[Sarah Doepner]

Since many crossdressers are in the closet, have limited time out in public or in DADT relationships with family or an S.O., I wonder if you feel they are alone more than the average person? If so, what are you giving up, if anything? What is the impact on your life? Is that time spent by yourself an overall positive because you get the time en femme you want/need and think about your life? Or is it a sinkhole where you lose yourself and forego other obligations and feel sorry for your plight?

Me?

I miss having someone around, social interaction is limited to occasionally outings with Tri-Ess sisters, an annual vacation or two and on-line activity, like this. I tend at times to overthink my situation and there are times I avoid doing things that I can't do en femme. On the other hand I have become comfortable with my own company and have found ways to be productive regardless of what my gender expression is at the time. It's almost a meditation sometimes and other times it drives me nuts. Things will change eventually, so I'm okay with the balance for now.

What about you? Are you alone, lonely, isolated or happy in the company of one?

[Cheryl T]

When I was still in the closet I would steal every minute I could to be alone and dress. I declined shopping trips with my wife, opportunities to be with friends and so much more. I didn't think of it as being alone.
When I came out to my wife and found I could dress whenever I wished those alone times disappeared. I spent more quality time with her, not away from her. I spent more time with friends. I realized that I wasn't only stealing time to be me but that I was stealing time From Us. Now I have both the time to dress and the time to be with her and sometimes they are the same time which is wonderful too.

[Chris_Cross]

I've thought about this a bit. I dress very infrequently. I've gone years without and in peak times I might do it multiple times a month, so it doesn't translate to overall loneliness, but when I do it, I wish my wife could/would hang out with me. That feeling I would describe as loneliness.

[Vikky]

Hi Sarah
An interesting question. I spend as much time as I can en femme but in a DADT situation. So I am glad to see my SO go out for an hour or two, or, as now, for her to go away for a few days so as to get some good Vikky time.
Vikky does take up a lot of time, and she is alone, but I can live with that and I find I can get some good work done when en femme. Somehow I can concentrate better when dressed up.
I still have plenty of activities en drab and spend quality time with the SO.
Vikky

[Rachael Leigh]

Sarah, this is a great question especially with those of us who are not the social butterflies and go out much while dressed. I feel alone at times but at the same time I do enjoy my Leigh time. And yes while I have had the occasion to go out and shop while dressed its not something I do much.
So I think when Im home and dressed I do tend to find things to do and make the most of my time, but I also know if Ive got something outside the home I need to do I just underdress and go do whatever en boy.

[Alice Torn]

Good topic Sarah. I started a similar thread about being loners. I have no friends where i live now, only acquaintances, a difficult lady neighbor, and my extremely sick, toxic, fusion family nearby. The one neighbor knows, and is semi ok. But none of my other neighbors, toxic family, and only one acquaintance know, and is semi ok also. I would really like to go a lot more than the once or twice a year i do, but, if family found out, and those who know my unique old car, read me, it would not be fun, and life would be more miserable than it has been for me, because of my awful family. When i do have a long dressing and photo session, i leave other tasks go undone, and i do tend to stay in my cocoon all alone. Sometimes, i am very paranoid, and irritable afterwards, but usually glad to be done, until another time.

[Tracii G]

Being a retired over the road truck driver for 40 years being alone just seems natural.
I have friends sure but I enjoy days all by myself too.
I express my girl side in someway every day its just who I am.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a closet dresser, more or less. Altho my live in teen daighter is DADT with Sherry, I'm able to arrange dressing in private when I wish.

Also, we have many weekly T girl outings/events here in SoCal. I have wonderful friends among the girls. Yet, I'm only able to attend a fraction of them because of other obligations or vanilla events.

[Mistyjo]

Hi Sarah
I would have to say none of them .
I did feel isolated and alone a few years ago and decided that's not what I wanted now if I am dressed as Misty I just go do what I need to indoors or outdoors. I stopped caring what others think I feel its the only way to be accepted for who we are and I am proud of who I am.

[JennyTV]

I'm in the middle of a divorce that will be final in a month or so I hope. I work from home. I don't really have any close friends. I interact with my sister (who lives half way across the country) on Facebook daily and by phone a couple times a week. I'm not out to anybody that I know. I am a shy extrovert that has lived an introverted life. So I dont really care for my alone time, but I'm used to it. But it is the result of being a socially awkward geek rather than because I am a CD. So what I'm saying is that the amount of time I spend dressing is more a result of being alone that the reason for it.

Jen

[Kate Simmons]

I'm good. Usually have time to dress and practice dancing during the day when everyone else is gone to work and school(I'm retired). On weekends I usually reserve the time for my GF unless there is a special event at the club. Then she usually goes with me ( I am en femme) and we dance and socialize.:)

[carhill2mn]

I live alone and I enjoy being the only woman in my house. I am not lonely as I enjoy being by myself. I interact with some people as my fem self and some as my male self.

[Secret Drawer]

Such an interesting question, and one I often think about. I am in a DADT, which automatically limits my time dressed. I also have children, and while I can dress somewhat around them, I don't go all out. Luckily I have a desk job (in a sense) and work from home most of the time, and thus, dress most of the time. I find it more and more difficult not to just walk out and do my errands dressed... I think it is only a matter of time. However, in the meantime, I do find I sacrifice time where I might otherwise "go out at lunch," or go to the library or a seminar on a day that I can "stay in." I usually stack all my outside obligations in the morning or the evening to maximize my time to dress. It sounds bad put this way I suppose... But I don't take time out of family or wife time to dress, and like Vikki said above, I seem to focus better and concentrate on the tasks at hand better after I am dressed...

[RADER]

My wife died about 2 years ago, She was OK with me dressing, in fact she would
find things for me too dress in.
About 4 weeks ago, my cat died, so now I am really alone.
You know, I do not mind it, I can dress in anything I want, when I want, and
there is nobody to say anything about it.
Yes, I do miss my wife a lot.
Rader

[Yoshisaur]

I am in the closet about my crossdressing, but I currently live with my family so I do get a good bit of interaction with people. I just don't get to go out much because I prefer spending time alone, guess that's just because i'm a huge introvert.

[Jean 103]

I go out a lot, tonight I’m heading to this bar for karaoke night, and I’ll be staying at a motel within walking distance so I don’t have to drive home. You can be in a crowd of people and still be alone, as you can be home in front of the computer and be with friends. The difference is communication and when you are out people can see you. As for where you live, I met some CDs from Salt Lake at DLV, they seemed very nice, I think if you look around you could find a friend close to you.
Love Jean

[Michelle (Oz)]

Yes, I do miss my wife a lot.
So sorry Radar. There'll always be a special place in your heart to fill.

Sarah, my response will hopefully help those in DADT relationships and feeling alone. My wife is my best friend in my male life but she doesn't exist in my female life yet I enjoy social interaction. I am fortunate to be out dressed 4 days a week so plenty of opportunity to meet people and form friendships giving purpose, confidence and validation. I never cease to be amazed at the acceptance of difference by many people.

The outcome is that Michelle is a person with her life and friends not just in name but reality. Complex, compartmentalised but definitely not lonely.

[SharonDenise]

I am in Rader's position. I have been widowed for almost one year now. My wife did accept and support my cross dressing activities for the 40 years that we were married. I came out to her while we were still dating. While she was living I only "dressed" at home. However, since her passing I've joined a cross dresser support group and go to their meetings and activities. I have three cats and a large monthly cat food bill. I, also, very much miss my wife.

[justmetoo]

I am alone at least 99% of my time outside of work. But I am an introvert and enjoy time to myself. It has nothing to do with dressing for me. I am actually out to some people and go out with them when I get the chance. They just aren't local to me so we don't get to see each other often. So, alone often; lonely, occasionally but not often.

[kimdl93]

Only on evenings away from home, but then I'm usually just exhausted from a day of managing people. A little down time is good then.

[Alice Torn]

Rader, Very sorry about the loss of your cat. Please seek out a shelter cat to befriend soon. I lost three cats , in 2007, 2008, got the two shelter cats i have now, in 2008. The white fluffy cat , that was 21 yrs old, died in my arms, and i cried a lot, could not work the next day.

[MissTee]

Because I travel a lot and maintain more than one home, my life and schedule present me with copious alone time. Candidly, after a 15 hour work day around highly energized people, I prefer to be alone so I can recharge. Dressing helps me do that.

Likewise, I don't feel my dressing makes me choose between being alone or not. I have plenty of dressing time, social time and alone time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, My DA/DT wife knows all about everything but I have four:Hrs. in the morning
and three to four :Hrs. in the Evening to dress.

We are alone together.

[Tina955]

Like Rader and SharonDenise, I too am widowed for over 5 1/2 years now. I had come out to my wife about 7 years into our marriage, at first my wife tried to be ok with my CDing, but I pushed it too fast and hard for her and she flipped, so I made a promise I wouldn't do it anymore, and I adhered to the promise with one exception, once my wife and kids went to Florida for a week, and I just couldn't help myself. Other than that, I abstained for the remaining 27 years until she passed.It took me about 2 1/2 years after that that I started up again, but it was always on my mind. The guilt of her passing from breast cancer made me hold off that long. But the catalogs that were being sent to her selling breast forms for mastectomy patients finally did me in. When she past, I was left with two cats, and one past about a year after my wife and the other about two years later. I was very unhappy all those years of abstaining from CDing, but I have to say, I miss my wife more than the CDing. Now I have actually progressed to full blown GID. The only thing holding me back is my adult children and grandson. I know some will say that it is my life and happiness that's important now that my wife is gone and the kids have their own lives going on now. But I know how much my kids miss their mother, and just can't get past the chance of them hurting anymore by me transitioning. So here I am still an unhappy person. But sometimes I feel I may just have to let them know about my situation and hope for the best. Otherwise I pray I will not have to wait too many years to be reunited with my wife. I do pray that is what happens after I pass. So at this point I live day to day with all the alone time I need to dress, which helps me get thru the loneliness.
Tina

[DorothyElizabeth]

I'm with justmetoo on this question. My wife and I separated (for other reasons - my cross dressing had nothing to do with it, because I discovered that, after we were separated) in February, 2005. I have been living by myself for the past ten years.. But I have a part-time day job as licensed professional engineer, and am a theater musician. I am playing (on average) three to five nights a week, either with pit orchestras, or big bands.

That said, my sleeping hours are from 3 to 10 AM, so I am alone, generally, every night from about midnight to three AM. I also mess about with clock and watch repair, (which I usually do "dressed"), so I am alone mostly by choice, and am pretty happy, by and large.

Oh, like anyone, I have occasions when I feel lonely and sorry for myself, but they are usually short-lived and far between.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I live alone and work from home, so I am always alone except when I am working on a client, or on the road for work. Most of my friends are hours away and gas is so expensive so I don't get to do much socially anymore. I don't like it per se but I don't hate it, it is what it is, like so much of life is.

[sometimes_miss]

As I get older, more and more of my time is spent alone. Mostly because I don't go out as much. I'm saving more for retirement, knowing that in a very short time I will probably be on a fixed income. Several relatives and friends have died off, leaving fewer folks to visit. Others are becoming more and more involved in taking care of elderly relatives, negating their own social lives. Removing work from the equation; I spend about 95% of my time alone.

[Alice Torn]

With more people on earth, than ever before, ironically, more of us are loners, and lonely, whether dressing or not. A paradoxical time.

[Ceera]

For me, dressing is a more social activity than what I normally have in my life.

I'm very much in the closet with everyone who knows the male me, except for my daughter (who lives with me) and two casual friends that I only see at conventions (and those two casual friends have only seen one photo of me while dressed, when I talked to them about it once). The only people that have ever met me as Ceera are my daughter and the people I interact with when I am at my favorite nightclub and dressed, or on one occasion where I went to a dance at an anime convention while fully en-femme. There have been a few occasions where I was at an anime convention and wearing a masked female costume, and got recognized by some of my daughter's friends who know me as male but didn't know I cross dress as a fully female presentation. But that we could pass off as 'cosplay'. And that one dance at a con where I went as Ceera, no one there really knew me. I did talk to a few people while en-femme that had seen me earlier in the day as a male with my costume mask off, but I don't think they connected the two sightings of me - my appearance had been quite different each time.

I do dress occasionally in the privacy of my home, just for my own enjoyment. But I'm doing that less often at the moment because I am packing my hone to do a cross-country move, and I don't want to damage any of my feminine finery while packing and hauling boxes and furniture out of the house and into a cargo container.

When I do dress right now, it's because i am taking a break from moving and want to go out as Ceera. And that means getting out of the house for social interaction as a girl. In a way I feel more free to socialize while en-femme - at least in part because I don't really expect most of the people I meet as Ceera to become romantically interested in me. I've had a few romantic encounters while out as a girl, but more often than not I'm just out to dance and have good conversations with both guys and girls.

Yet I'm not really doing any socializing as a male outside of my home right now. Partly that is because I lost my wife to a heart attack less than a year and a half ago, before I started cross dressing at all, and I'm not ready yet to seek a serious new relationship as my male self. Partly it's also because I don't want to hook up with someone as the male me, only to move to another state in a few months and have to break up with them.

[Sarah Doepner]

Thanks to each of you who have responded. It always helps when I get to read about the kinds of experiences others have within this corner of our world.

It seems there are many of us who have isolation imposed on us from the outside such as through work or the loss of a spouse and others who create their own isolation either because they are comfortably introverted or don't want to share their CD side. We all attempt to find that balance that makes us happy, but crossdressing can, and occasionally does, throw a wrench into the mix. As with most of my posts I'm looking for the coping skills that help someone stay relatively happy and keeps them from making poor decisions.

How much does social interaction with family and friends in guy mode help, if it does, curtail the negatives of not having a relationship in girl mode? Is it possible to compartmentalize your gender expression but integrate the benefits of your social world to keep you balanced and happy?

[Stephanie47]

You pose a very good question/issue. I am a retiree with a working wife. After years of trying to grab a little "Stephanie time" here and there I was presented with seven hours of time, Monday through Friday. I was like a kid in a candy shop. I spent too much time en femme in my home and backyard. Unless I could get things done en femme, nothing much was accomplished. After I got my fill of "Stephanie time" I resumed full activity attired s a man.

On days I have domestic chores to accomplish inside (washing clothes & linens, vacuuming, baking, etc) I am Stephanie. These days I spend too many days going to appointments. Also doing heavy duty yard work and landscaping. It cuts into fem time.

When our youngest child went to school and worked in the mid west my wife visited her for seven to ten days. That really was great. I did have more time to relax as Stephanie and venture out in the evening as Stephanie. I do miss those opportunities.

I do believe if you cannot find time to express yourself, your interaction with society may not be adequately fulfilled. How many times has there been postings as to whether a cross dresser should stay home and be en femme at the cost of missing a party or meeting old friends, etc? Too many.

[Kristy 56]

The simple answer in my case is hardly enough to enjoy good quality Kristy time :(

[suzzi]

I dress every chance I get, even if it's just bra and panties.

[shawnsheila]

I am half in and half out of the closet. All my friends and family who I came out to are 100% supportive... heck even my church pastors are supportive. The only one who I ever had a negative reaction from was my wife. We are making progress there but not there to the point where I can be fully out. That being said, I did everything alone for a long time and it was not fun... some alone time was good but after a while you feel lonely. Now that I have some friends and family I can hang out with as a girl, it is elevating my out of closet excursions to a wonderful time :) My dream scenario is to be out and about with my wife as gal pals...

[Dana44]

A really good question. I am retired and have a girlfriend that lives with me. We are always together. I came out and told her before I dressed. I showed her my clothes and went from there. I am never alone and she lets me dress and we even go out together. It is really nice to have an SO like that. So I'm happy in the company of two. My hair is so long now, I look pretty feminine in male clothes.

[Stephanie A]

Great topic! I am retired except for parttime job, and also my wife is home too. She does work partime too, so I am able to dress up a lot then. The problem is that I get so into being Stephanie that little else gets done, and so it is tough to balance the female time with the male responsibilities. So instead of the makeup and being dressed as much as possible, I try to wear panty and bra under the male to enjoy and allow the female to be. So not enough Stephanie time.:sad:

[Beverley Sims]

When younger I did feel alone and thought time was passing me by, then I met one of my future housemates at a party.

She dragged it out of me, I never looked back.

[StephanieJ]

Hey Sarah, I'm in Utah too!!! Only the Southern part. I'll have to PM you next time I come up that way.

I love your thoughtful post. I DO get lonely sometimes. I am a single father of three and although I have a lot of social interaction as a male, my alter-ego gets exceedingly lonely.

[Barbara Jo]

As I get older, more and more of my time is spent alone. Mostly because I don't go out as much. I'm saving more for retirement, knowing that in a very short time I will probably be on a fixed income. Several relatives and friends have died off, leaving fewer folks to visit. Others are becoming more and more involved in taking care of elderly relatives, negating their own social lives. Removing work from the equation; I spend about 95% of my time alone.

That is somewhat like my situation.

I am 67, retired, and due to many life events, including failed relationships, live alone.
I have no family in the area.
Just about all my friends have either died or move away and I find hard to make new friends these days.
So I do not have too many visitors any more....except for a few male friends who shall we say.. are well aware of my desires.

The good news is at home (I live in an apartment complex) I now dress and live as a woman almost full time but I rarely wear makeup.
Most of the rime I just wear a bra, panties, a full slip, etc and a vintage house-day dress/ housecoat... things a woman of my age/generation would wear.
If I have errands to do in the morning, I go to male mode (I always "under dress" of course) but, usually change back to female when I return home.
If someone does knock on my door, I can feign napping as older people often do or, can quickly change to to a t-shirt and jeans if needed.
Anyway, I'm usually in female mode by 4pm regardless of any daily activities

Also, my apt is decorated in mostly a feminine manor...with flowers, lace curtains, and other female finery.........things that a male would never like.
Particularly, my bedroom and bathroom is all overtly feminine.
I have been living here longer than my immediate (young) neighbors (across the hall) and the present management .
so, I gave them the impression that originally a lady lived with me here and she decorated it.:)

In any event, when you get older, most people just attribute any idiosyncrasies to your age.

Yes, I'm a bit lonely at times living most of my time as a woman in private but, I like being alone also.
It's funny but, when I was much younger, I sometimes fantasized about living alone so I could dress, etc daily and now I got my wish I guess
As they say....be careful about what you wish for.

[Sarah-RT]

Between work and college I have little time at home as it is, then my elderly grandmother lives here so we can look after her, my parents work mornings so they're here all evening and my sister and step sister frequently visit with their children so it's a bit of a mad house lately, so the few spare hours I get to myself I try to dress although if my friends are looking to hang out I'll go out and other times after work I'll be too tired to dress but the times that I do are all the better, looking forward to the summer when I'm finished college for a few months to lessen the busy period I'm in

[sarahcrossed]

I live with my SO and my brother sleeps on my couch till he can find a place. but surprisingly i have alot of time home alone. My job is one that im on call basicly but rarely get called in so im literally home all the time and every one else is at work. i did get lucky because i still collect a paycheck like i work 40hrs a week. i do dress up some, but usually with out a wig or make up. so there is alot of alone time with my dog Molly. which i do enjoy.