Not sure how to approach this

[Jazzy Jaz]

I came out to my gf about 3 weeks ago about my cding. So far she has been very supportive and 2 weekends ago had me bring over my wardrobe and dress for her. It went well and she even talked about us going shopping together. Tonight we were visiting in town before she went to work and she gave me an old purse of hers that i like but she said she had gone shopping and there was some other stuff inside it for me. I looked when i got home and there were 8 pairs of earrings and a dress and some other jewelery. The problem is i dont really like much of the stuff as its totally not my style.

I VERY much appreciate that she accepts this part of me and i recognize that this is her way of expressing her acceptance of me. I dont want to lie to her and pretend to like i like the stuff when i dont, plus i dont want to not enjoy what im wearing when im dressed up. On the other hand she is very much a feelings person and i really dont want to hurt her feelings and i dont want to reject her first purchases for me. I would prefer for us to initially go shopping together so that we can both enjoy what we buy. Advise anyone?

[amy101]

Count your blessings and don't look a gift horse in the mouth

[Marcelle]

Hi Jasmine,

I think you can see this as a first gesture of support on your GF's part and to be honest you do need to approach it gently IMHO. I am not saying you should pretend to like what she bought you if it is not your style but do acknowledge the kindness of the gesture. Did you like the jewelry? If so, let her know this was great. If you did not like anything, have a talk with her and explain that you are truly amazed, overjoyed, happy about her support and that the gifts were a thoughtful gesture but, in the end they are not your style then suggest perhaps you could both go shopping together and she could help you update your wardrobe. I think she wants to be involved and could see this as a return gesture on your part. IMO you are right in that pretending to like it and wearing it once or twice to appease her and never again will most likely get discovered.

Hugs

Isha

[Claire Cook]

Hi Jasmine,

It is wonderful that your GF has taken things this way. I can't add to the excellent advice that Isha gave except maybe that this is really new for both of you, and that you are just learning what works for you and she can help. She might appreciate your wearing the earrings and some of the jewelry -- you could ask her what she thinks?

Hugs,

Claire

[Rachelakld]

Be honest
Alternatively, let her check out your wardrobe so she can see your style, wear her stuff once or twice when at home, maybe mention it's "not quite you".

[EllenJo]

If my wife made such a gesture, I would wear them for her and tell her how much the gift is appreciated. As time goes by she will get to know your style, right now she is guessing, but trying to deal with it which is very sweet.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Dana3]

I should have such problems!

[alwayshave]

Jasmine, you tell her that you love them and otherwise keep your mouth shut. My ex-wife never bought me a present that I liked in 15 years of marriage, she bought me what she liked, not what I liked. I just always said thank you and otherwise kept my mouth shut. Later on, months, years, you can nudge her in the right direction regarding your style.

[NicoleScott]

My wife was (still is) supportive when I came out to her, and she offered me a few pieces of jewelery and bought me a top. I thought it best to be honest about it right up front, so I thanked her and told her which things I liked and which things didn't suit me. She now understands that I want to choose things I wear. She still offers to me some jewelery she no longer wants, and I can accept or not without any hurt feelings.
It's hard to explain what I like and what I don't. Jewelery is easier: I like silver, not gold, and I like them big and glittery. Clothing, shoes, and wigs aren't as easy. They simply must pass the eye test (my eyes).
I would think that women would understand that tastes are personal, as most all of them have at some time received something they didn't like, but still appreciated the intent.
So just tell her, but be diplomatic.

[AbigailJordan]

You have two choices.. one is the "Thank you for the earrings and I totally love that you went and shopped for me.. but they're not really the sort of thing I'd wear".. which should be followed up quickly by "let me show you which ones I liked more so that you get an idea of the kind of thing I like".. This approach is the gentle honesty.. which may or may not hurt her feelings or alternatively help her understand a little more..

The second and much MUCH safer option.. is to thank her for them.. and then look at each pair and try to put together a "new look" with some of them.. firstly.. this gives her the chance to see you wearing at least SOME of the things she bought for you.; but it also gives you practice at trying a different look.. and every girl needs to have more than one look in her wardrobe.. you never know.. you might suddenly find a style that you love.. and all because your loving girlfriend bought you some earrings.. win win situation Jasmine x x

[SheriM]

I think that you are focusing on the negative when it should be the positive. My guess is that you are absolutely thrilled that she gave you some fem items and that she is participating. Thank her for that. Wear some of the stuff once in a while and tell her how much you appreciate her. Treat it like any other gift that is not your favorite - you have no obligation to make a gift giver feel bad. Many of us here would be overjoyed to have a partner willing to embrace our cd feelings.
Now go shopping with her.
SheriM

[Chris_Cross]

It's heartening to hear about early disclosures and accepting SOs. If I were in your shoes, my first reaction would be to reward her for what she did by sucking it up and considering myself lucky. Still, you could gently hint that yourr unsure of how you look in them, or that they feel weird on your male body. Whatever you do, be sensitive. I can imagine she could resent directly telling her you don't like the gift. And maybe she likes the stuff on you!

[Sarah-RT]

You could possibly buy her a gift in return and then explain what styles you are into. It's awkward to critisize a gift but the purchaser would prefer you like it I'm sure.
Keep us posted on what route you take

[JasmeVee]

I think after just a few weeks of your telling her about your cd'ing, her effort of gifting is a huge bonus. In due time she will know what you like and hopefully gifts will conform to that vision you have. A couple things though. I wear nail polish (colors) 24/7 and used to prefer darker colours like deep reds purples etc, a friend got me some lightish blue polish (which I usually don't gravitate to) and after wearing it for a few days, she said that it works better for my skin and she of course was right so now i have many different blues to wear. 2nd, pretend you're the hottest runway model around, models have to wear stuff they hate or wouldn't wear normally, but always make it look awesome.
If you want, go have a shop for clothes for her, i was married once and trust me, i never got it right. I personally wouldn't bring it up.....hug her and thank her for the gifts, and smile, you are lucky

[Katey888]

I'm afraid I'm in the Great Pretender category for gifts... I do think you should make a little effort in displaying them for her before broaching the subject of "actually, I don't really like these.." I'd give it a go and maybe gently ease her into the understanding that they don't really suit me, or I'd prefer something a little different... and then, by all means go shopping together! :)

It's great that you have such a participative and accepting GF - this is still something you'll have to work on sharing as your relationship develops around what all this may mean to both of you...

Good luck with it all... :D

Katey x

[Pat]

I don't know if you've been there yet, but many men have sad stories about buying something for their girlfriends that they (the girlfriends) never wear. It's a pretty predictable refrain. Usually the girlfriends, if confronted, say they appreciate the gesture but don't like the items. The boyfriends are hurt and carry it for life. Now you're the "girlfriend." What are you going to do?

I mean, OK, the dress might be a horror. You might want to just wear once when you're staying in but earrings? Really? All of them are so horrible you can't wear them even to please this gift of a girlfriend you have? Your call, but this is potentially really thin ice you're on.

[Imalittlelost]

This happened to me once and my CDer was brutally honest with me and it really hurt my feelings. It was like she was insulting my womanhood. I would say thank you and accept it as what it is...a peace offering. This will make her feel more involved in the CDing process and hopefully lead to a shopping trip. Be honest and open, tell her that you love that she is thinking of you.

Jenn

[Nadya]

That's a difficult situation. I understand why you don't want to hurt her feelings especially since she seems to be so accepting of you. I'm not sure how to approach it although honesty is always positive for relationships. My fiancé and I have very different tastes when it comes to clothing and I usually give her my honest opinions which she values but she doesn't have to listen. :) In you situation, I'd be very grateful. If what she bought you doesn't make you happy, you could either try telling her the truth (being sure to say how much the gesture meant to you) or you could hide it in your closet to be forgotten but I think she'll get the point when she doesn't ever see you wear it. One thing that's always good advice though, honesty in a relationship is a very important quality to have.

[Tina_gm]

How would you approach any situation where someone went to great lengths to get you something but in reality, it wasn't something you really wanted or needed? How many of us will use something or wear something someone gave us around the person who did as a show of appreciation of their huge effort to do something for us. THAT is what is most important is the effort. You have totally hit the lottery on this, and if you in any way take it for granted, it will be your biggest regret. In time, your GF will see YOUR style and will likely fit any gifts that will somewhat mirror that. AND besides.... as a woman, she may be on to something.... It may not be YOUR style, but it may indeed actually lok quite decent to a great many people. My wife has given me certain suggestions and tips on male clothing that I was not wearing prior and have been complimented on. Because I have skinny legs, I wouldn't have thought slimmer pants nd jeans would look good on me. But they do. So, who knows, as being a GG, she may actually be picking out some decent stuff.

[Tracii G]

Look at it like this she is reaching out and accepting, what CD'er wouldn't love to be in your shoes?
Don't tell her you don't like gifts ever, that is rude and insulting.
You never know the earrings just might go with and outfit you get in the future.
Its like the young girl that asks her rich Daddy to buy her a BMW then has a fit when Daddy brings it home and its the wrong color.
It looks ungrateful and petty.

https://youtu.be/-JvtlB_NzI8

[DonnaT]

Yes, thank her, but don't tell her you love them.

Wear them, for her. It's not like y'all are going out on the town.

Who knows, you may grow to like them.

If y'all are out sometime, and she stops to look at more jewelry, just steer her to "something different this time."

[Debra Russell]

.....ditto - what Donna said................................Debra

[Brandy Mathews]

I think that you are VERY lucky Jasmine. Just take it slow and don't hurt her feelings. I miss having a GG in my life. Was so happy when I did have one in my life. Was on top of the world then.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[Bria]

Listen to Isha and Imalittlelost, they have much good advice. I would wear the gifts and let your gf see how they look on you and talk about how you see that they do or don't suit your body shape/coloring, other items of clothing. You may well pick up some good tips on what accessories work well for you.

I know that I don't always know what will look right on me and my wife's comments are very helpful.

Give the gf a big hug and make sure that she know that you value her support!

Hugs, Bria

[Jazzy Jaz]

Thanks to everyone who offered advise, I truly appreciate it. My gf has expressed that honesty is very important to her and especially since these new dynamics have emerged in our relationship so I decided to tell her the truth. We went to a movie tonight and then we sat in her car and had pizza. I started by really thanking her for taking the time to shop for me and being so accepting and supportive. I acknowledged that it was her way of showing me that and expressed how greatful i am. I did like a few of the necklaces that she bought so I shared with her how much I loved those and the purse. I gently let her know that some of the stuff wasn't really my style and then continued emphasizing how much I appreciated her effort. She kept the reciepts in case I wanted to exchange anything so I suggested that we could have fun shopping and picking things out together. It went really well and she seemed totally ok with that. I think she was more or less shooting in the dark and was really just trying to express her acceptance of me so I made sure to let her know how deeply appreciative I am. It could have gone either way though and I'm greatful for everyones words of wisdom.

[Samantha_Smile]

Be honest with her, but not brutal.

Something to the effect of "I really, truly appreciate you buying things for me, you acceptance means the world. However, while I like the things you have bought for me, they're not really my style"

Allow her then to ask, "Well what is your style?"

Then just show her in catalogues, magazines and online.

Give her a feel for things you want so that she might actually buy something you will love.
No point lying now, she sounds like a gem!

[Maria 60]

This goes back to my favourite statement, we are never happy in life. If she wasn't so accepting and gave you that dress, it would have been gold, now that the accepting part didn't piss her off lets piss her off with something else. Well unfortunately in life that's how the wheel spins, thank GOD my wife is accepting and sometimes she does come home with a gift that maybe isn't to my liking, but I wear it even if for one time. For me it isn't the gift, it's that she thought about me while she was out.

[Beverley Sims]

Thank your lucky stars, lie your head off and show appreciation.
Then refer to Amy's reply in post #2.
If you don't understand, read line one again and take the suggestion in post #2. :)

Cheesh!

[DanaR]

The interesting thing about gifts is that someone else picked them out. My tastes are different than my wives, as are hers. She buys me things all of the time, and I'll wear them because she gave them to me. I'm more into long dangle earrings, and my wife isn't. Some of the stuff that I buy for myself I don't like that well after I get it home, oh well.

[Tracii G]

Glad things turned out ok.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Thanks Tracii G!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jasmine, Anything that I get from my:love:wife I always treasure.

[justmetoo]

You handled it well, Jasmine. Kudos to you and to her!

[JennykBailey]

I would accept her lovely gesture. If you do get to go shopping together that is the time to give her ideas about what styles you like or not. My wife and I have great fun picking stuff out, only for each of us to quite openly say we wouldn't wear it. Also it's all new to your gf so it might take a while for her to understand you have your own taste in female attire.

[VirtuaGrl]

Just throwing my two cents worth in (not really necessary because you appear to have handled it the best way possible for your relationship).

In a similar situation, I would be certain to thank my wife (I am married so it is wife not gf) for the thoughtful gifts. I would tell her how much I loved the pieces I honestly loved. As for the pieces that are not really your style, consider this, it may not be your style, but unless your gf is a fashion nightmare, she has years of successful experience in picking out flattering styles of women's clothing that you don't have. My wife, then gf, slowly replaced my guy wardrobe with clothing that fit me better and wasn't awful. She still gets me things she thinks would look good on me. My only rule, no horizontal stripes. Everything else, I am willing to try on for her and then we decide together if it stays or gets returned. I would have recommended that you at least try on the items you didn't feel were your style for your girlfriend and let her see if it enhanced your style, looked good on you, or was just horrible and needed to be returned. Let her make the call. The things you didn't care for, you can wear only occasionally and at her request.

[Nyla F]

What a great success story. You handled that very well.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Thank you for the input and support!

[Elisa Lace]

It's great to read a thread with questions and then actually reading what happened in the end lol. I'm soooo jealous of you and I'm very happy at the same time. Your story really brought me a smile and relief once I read that everything turned out okay! :D

[ReineD]

You should wear the stuff she bought you when you're home alone with her dressed. You don't need to wear them when you're out.

When my oldest son was 6 years old, for Christmas he (with his dad's help) bought me the biggest, gaudiest, sparkliest, most colorful brooch with red, green, yellow, blue, orange and purple stones. And I didn't even wear brooches. When he saw me open the box he dropped all his toys, came rushing over with pride and he said, "Look mom, look at all the bright diamonds!". Well, I put that pin on my winter coat and there it stayed for the rest of the season. I wore it every day.

Your gf will get to know your style better, the more the two of you go out and do things while dressed.