I Am Paula
05-04-2015, 07:29 AM
I have just copied this from my Facebook page, so those of you that follow that, sorry for the duplicate.
Thank you all for so many birthday wishes. Happy Star Wars Day to people who celebrate that. May 4th. has become the anniversary of something much bigger to me.
It was two years ago today that I decided I could not go on any longer, and had to ditch my old well worn male persona. It had served me well, and even fooled some people, but I was done with it.
Although I had been presenting female on occasion for many years, I was no longer able to be both.
For some time I had known that change had to come. Fear, and denial, kept me from making the leap. I had tried to hold on to both Paul, and Paula, mostly to please other people, but pleasing myself had to come first.
It all came boiling to the surface on my birthday. Another year older, and still living a lie. It was then, the proverbial moment of absolute clarity, I decided Paula had to be my only personality. The true one.
These have been the best two years of my life.
Thank you, all my friends, for sticking by me. I am truly blessed.
This part is not in my Facebook post, because business colleagues, and some other people don't really need to know- It's been a busy two years for me- I am still with my wife of 19 years. It took her a while to grasp this, but she finally calls me Paula, and her. She will not call ours a gay marriage, but is OK with same-sex marriage. Almost two years on estrogen, and cyproterone. Boob job, and a little facial work. New teeth all around. Coming out to everyone, even my uber redneck in-laws (who have reluctantly accepted). I live and work among totally accepting, loving folk (Believe it or not, one of my employers is the Catholic School board, who welcomed me back with open arms). My friends, every one, have stood by me.
I have had my ups, and downs, my weepy moments, my WTF moments, but other than a small surgical detail, I'm done. There's just Paula left, and she's the happiest woman in the world!
My birthday has been May 4th. for 57 years. My re-birthday is two years old today.
Thank you all for so many birthday wishes. Happy Star Wars Day to people who celebrate that. May 4th. has become the anniversary of something much bigger to me.
It was two years ago today that I decided I could not go on any longer, and had to ditch my old well worn male persona. It had served me well, and even fooled some people, but I was done with it.
Although I had been presenting female on occasion for many years, I was no longer able to be both.
For some time I had known that change had to come. Fear, and denial, kept me from making the leap. I had tried to hold on to both Paul, and Paula, mostly to please other people, but pleasing myself had to come first.
It all came boiling to the surface on my birthday. Another year older, and still living a lie. It was then, the proverbial moment of absolute clarity, I decided Paula had to be my only personality. The true one.
These have been the best two years of my life.
Thank you, all my friends, for sticking by me. I am truly blessed.
This part is not in my Facebook post, because business colleagues, and some other people don't really need to know- It's been a busy two years for me- I am still with my wife of 19 years. It took her a while to grasp this, but she finally calls me Paula, and her. She will not call ours a gay marriage, but is OK with same-sex marriage. Almost two years on estrogen, and cyproterone. Boob job, and a little facial work. New teeth all around. Coming out to everyone, even my uber redneck in-laws (who have reluctantly accepted). I live and work among totally accepting, loving folk (Believe it or not, one of my employers is the Catholic School board, who welcomed me back with open arms). My friends, every one, have stood by me.
I have had my ups, and downs, my weepy moments, my WTF moments, but other than a small surgical detail, I'm done. There's just Paula left, and she's the happiest woman in the world!
My birthday has been May 4th. for 57 years. My re-birthday is two years old today.