Do you get approached by the public and told how much they support you?

[Jean 103]

I have a question for those of you that go out like me if there are any. Do you get approached by the public and told how much they support you? This happened to me again last night and has happened a few times in the past. I don’t mean like hi I like you, but hugs and telling you about someone they know is like you or a gay person and all of that. Last night a few people did that to me. I have had it happen before just not so much at one place at basically the same time. DJ’s this bar I have been going to. Its thirty minutes from my house, so I stay at a motel close by. It’s cheaper than taking a cab. Yesterday they had a Cinco de Mayo celebration. The place was packed standing room only. I didn’t know anyone there except for the bartenders. Which was one good thing, I just had to wave hi and she knew what I wanted. Any way a few people told me that I looked beautiful they were being very kind, that they supported me and how brave I was for being out. I just feel like me, not brave, not making any statement, and not beautiful. I had fun met more people, got a few free drinks even one from the bartender, danced (I don’t dance) and stayed till closing. As for not being a gay bar. some more gays. One guy asked if he could ask me some questions, yes of course, one of the things he asked was about Bruce. After the band left and the jut box is now playing mariachi music, I see it flashing an add to down load an app to play songs. I down load this app, I do and start picking out songs. The place has thinned out I had just come out of the rest room and a Blondie song comes on, Katy from behind the bar looks to me and says you played this, I smile and say yes, one of my new gay friends who was there with his partner then says you’re the one, I love this song, like who doesn’t. Last, one of the regulars is this guy that I just can’t place but I know I know him. Last night it came to me, he lays tile and has done work for me, not a big thing I just don’t think I’m quite ready to be outed, I know it is going to happen. Just having to much fun Love Jean

I changed my avatar. that is what I was wearing

[Nadine Spirit]

In conversations with folks they are often quite nice and complementary. But I have never had someone come up and do what you are describing.

[Adriana Moretti]

I have been approached a few times by women ...most just come up compliment, and go on their way...I did meet one gal once who came up and said "I love what you do, and have the confidence to wear what you want"..I thought that was pretty cool..I kinda wanted to take her home she was cute LOL....another time when a bunch of us gals were out to dinner in the vanilla world..the waitress had said "I have got to say , you gals are the BEST table I ever had, and you gals are so much fun". ..actually..probably alot of times come to think of it, but its mostly just nice compliments. Guys in public either observe from the distance, or give a smirk, if they are CD admireres at a cd funtion they will usually hang around the bar area, wait for you to order a drink, then swoop in like vultures.

[LucyNewport]

Hi Jean - that sounds like a fun night out! I much prefer going to vanilla (non tg) events and spaces and unleashing my weirdness on an unsuspecting public. If I'm by myself, I get approached much more often. It doesn't happen so much when I am with other TG friends. A group of gender variant people together in a bar or on the street begins to seem like a gang or something. When I am by myself *en femme* I get asked for directions constantly, which may or may not be a pretext for starting up a conversion. (I'm actually terrible with directions so best of luck to all who ask!)

[Sarah-RT]

I havent gone out in public but at the end of the month here in Ireland there is a public vote to allow same sex marriages and ive noticed random people telling my gay friends that they will vote yes. The general public isnt entirely the monster we believe it to be, there are some fantastic folks out there

Sarah x

[Cheryl T]

I've never been approached in that way by anyone when out.
The few times I was approached it was by a woman who asked where I got a certain piece of my outfit or one time by an older lady who asked if I had crocheted the top I was wearing. In any event we always had a nice little conversation and then went about our day.

[Dianne S]

Preface: I'm transitioning and living full-time as a woman...

Never happened yet. Most of the time, people in public don't realize I'm trans and the few times they do, they tend to say nothing.

However, when I've had to disclose---for example, today I went for a blood test and I still haven't changed my name legally---the response has been uniformly supportive. I'm actually amazed at how cool everyone has been with this. From my kids' teachers to parents of their friends all the way to customers, vendors and colleagues, everyone has been super-nice.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Jean,
I've never had that type of experience. The few times I've been out and interacted with people
With those that I spoke with, it seemed like more of a natural thing. They just accepted me and didn't
make any reference at all about my CDing. I kind of prefer it that way though.
As far as you thinking your not ready to be outed... For as often as your going out, well... maybe you are?
If it does happen by a chance encounter like this guy at the bar, I'm sure you'll handle it, and be just fine.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Dana44]

Jean, I've been out with my SO on Dinners and Movies, also shopping during the day. I'm a foot taller that her and in heels about 6'4"
My SO says that I'm a formidable presence. LOL. Yet I have noticed a couple times, men looking at me. My tall legs, I guess any male would like or that I am some kind of kook. Nobody has ever approached us though. We do get called ladies at a restaurant.

[Kristy 56]

Only by the people that knew me when I would go to the salon, Dress Barn etc. They were very protective too. :)

[Michelle Crossfire]

No. This has never happened to me. I tend to keep out of the mainstream for now. I dont interact that much when dressed other than at a GNO, and i dont actively seek interaction when dressed. I have had some limited interaction, but nothing kikeyou describe. Would like to have someone to hang out with when dressed

[Allisa]

I have on a few occasions been asked if I was" trying to become a woman", and a few who have said " I think it's great that you can be yourself" so in a way that's support. I just think that they all think I'm just another gay guy and go on about there way. They all get a smile and an explanation if they want one if not so be it. Life goes on.

[Kate Simmons]

Not usually. They are usually too ga ga to say much.:battingeyelashes::)

[kimdl93]

If the subject comes up at all, folks generally offer similarly supportive comments.

[PaulaQ]

This happened to me sometimes early on. Once, I had a very nice older gay man tell me as he passed me at a restaurant that he respected the difficulty of what I was doing. I had another anonymous patron at the same place on another occasion buy my meal for me. (I'm taking that as a sign of support.) Last night I had a guy come up to me in the little gay burger joint I frequent, and put his arm around me. When I said hello, and asked why he was embracing me, he told me I just seemed so sweet. So I don't know if that one counts or not - I couldn't quite tell if that was supportive because he read me, or if he was just hitting on me. I've also had guys in the neighborhood drop by my table and lay a kiss on me. I guess that's supportive? Or maybe I was just being hit on in the last two examples - I sometimes get less ambiguous examples of that too.

[justmetoo]

Nothing like that
But like LucyNewport, I get asked for directions. And I get plenty of smiles from women, like just a friendly smile from across the way. And, of course, the usual friendly service from salespeople, waiters/waitresses, and the like.

[Jenn0714]

I wanted to ask about this from the other side. I am wondering aside from asking for fake directions what a good way might be to approach to let her know I am a supporter/friend. I am a GG and have seen CD/TG out and wanted to approach but have not for a variety of reasons. Mainly I myself am shy and don't do well approaching anyone for any reason. I also don't want to bring undue attention to someone who is just trying to blend in.

But this last Friday something happened where I am really regretting not having said something and I really wish I would have had the nerve to tell her how wonderful her smile was and how cute the top and matching skirt was that she had on was. As she was walking past me there was this big wonderful smile so full of confidence and I was a bit distracted by my son and I am slow to notice things immediately so by the time I thought to smile back it was too late and she had already walked past me. I then so regretted not smiling back because I worried she may have taken it personal. Its not that I think I am all that special im not. Its just that with so many that are rude or unaccepting I never want anyone to think that person is me when its quite the opposite. This is probably my imagination but after that it seems as though the body language changed and the beautiful smile was gone. Regardless I am still upset with myself and wished I would have had the courage to smile back or say something.

[DanaR]

I have been approached a few times by women ...most just come up compliment, and go on their way....................
This has been my experience as well. A few smiles and positive interactions. Nothing bad.

[Tracii G]

Mostly women commenting on an outfit,shoes or hair something like that.
I think its their way of saying "hey its OK".
Did have one gas station quickie mart clerk say "wow you are pretty' I was stunned actually and just said "thanks not bad yourself".
I walked out thinking oh crap I just sounded like an idiot.
As I got in my car he was watching so I just smiled,waved and he waved back.
I kind of wish guys were more open about this stuff but I'm glad some women are ok with it so I'm not complaining.

[Lorileah]

I get that sometimes and now I expect it will increase as the Jenner factor kicks in

[ReineD]

I've noticed that some younger people tend to be more open-minded than people our own age. And definitely women are friendlier than men. Also I think it makes a difference where we live. People in urban areas are exposed to more diversity than in small town America.

My SO and I have run the gamut of reactions, from people who thought that what my SO does is cool, to people who think it is funny, to people who don't care, to people who have judged us negatively. It's a varied world. Most people don't show how they feel though. I've held back sometimes to observe, when they don't know that I'm with my SO, and this is when I saw some of the reactions.

[Eryn]

It has happened to me a couple of times when I was in the company of other CDers. The encounters have always been pleasant and supportive.

I agree that Jenner will make us a bit more visible, but this too will pass.

[Beverley Sims]

When I was young and single I did get complimentary comments about myself.....

That is when they found out. :)

[Sarah Doepner]

I was with a group of 4 others at an upscale bar in Las Vegas back in March, and as a group that had been sitting near us left, one of the women dropped a note on our table. It basically told us she was glad we were out doing what we wanted and she thought we were beautiful. Earlier that evening a fellow wanted to have his photo taken with us but I don't think it was a measure of his support but one of his attraction. Every now and then I've been on the receiving end of supportive comments, but most often they come from sales people or waitstaff who like the large tips left on the table, so I don't know if those commercially enhanced comments are the same as one from a random stranger.

[AnntoAnn]

Not had someone approached me directly, but I have had complements when they realise I'm a CD (my voice usually gives me away) a few times I have been looking through the clothes racks when you get dragged into a conversation about what you/they are looking at. If and when they do realise I have had comments like "Oh, your a man! I would never have guessed. You do look wonderful" or "Are you a man?" "I think you're very brave....etc..." I have also had some pretty nasty comments "like Pervert and Pedo" but they are rare these days, in fact it has been some time since an encounter like that. People I find are getting more tolerant.

[justmetoo]

Jenn0714, if a GG approached me in a friendly manner and wanted to talk I would be open to it. I'm very shy myself, so I don't usually approach people. I guess it partially depends on how much time you have, for example if it's just in passing or if it's a situation where you can talk a little longer (and preferably not too loud or openly, for me). A quick compliment can be nice. An innocuous question like asking for directions can be a good opener; then maybe a sincere compliment; and if the person seems open, maybe take it a little further (without getting too "familiar"). Anyway, I think that's what would work with me, as a shy and generally private person, if approached by a GG. Others might be open to a more direct approach, or whatever. :)

[Stephanie_83]

Haha, I'm getting the urge to go out again... we'll see. The last time (the first time) I went for a walk, intending to go to the gay bar a few blocks up the street from my place, when I walked past a drunk homeless guy who decided to yell out "excuse me, sir!" a few times... :doh: Promptly walked around the block and home.

[suzanne]

Sort of. I'll tell this short anecdote and let you be the judge. I was out shopping last week in a very spring time outfit; a coral colored chiffon dress, a white sweater and 3 inch ankle strap sandals. A guy in a dress. No boobs or wig or makeup. I had just left a store and headed for my car. I got to the edge of the curb wnd stopped to wait for a truck to pass. The driver, a man in his sixties, honked his horn. I looked up and he gave me a thumbs up sign as he drove by. Not used to any kind of acknowledgement, I gave a small nod.
So,does that count as support? I hesitate to say, but it was from a man, which makes it a lot rarer than compliments and chitchat with women in a dress shop.

[justmetoo]

Sounds like a thumbs up to me, suzanne. :)

[jjjjohanne]

I go out as a man in a skirt/dress. No makeup, wig, etc. So, there is no need to pretend I am a girl. People do not hold back. I have had been told by one woman that she thought it was so great that I was able to be myself, or something like that. I've had a couple others, all salespeople, have to relate to me that they understand because they know someone and (etc.). Some of them go on to tell me how they support me. I find it a bit annoying. (The following is not a rant, just me droning on.) I'm not a cause that needs a hero. I am just wearing a skirt. People in their work shirts do not need to be supported for representing their business.

[Jean 103]

Thank you all for all your responses. For Me I’m not counting all the complements I get from SAs or waitresses, this started on the DLV trip. I was on my own at a piano bar a lady approached me and expressed how much she supported me, I don’t remember exactly what she said I was taken back by it. The next big one was a lesbian at this bar I have been going to now she said that if anybody bothered me or tried to attack me she would defend me, I told her that I can take care of myself but thank you. The last the same bar different day a gay guy same thing said he would standup and defend me. I did not make any assumptions here both of these people started off by saying they were gay. Both were very handsy with me, touching and hugging me. I had a long talks with both of them. Now I don’t go to bars, I have only just started going as Jean. This is why I ask the question.
Love Jean