Samantha Clark
05-05-2015, 10:57 AM
It’s difficult to sort out my thoughts and impressions, but here I’ll offer an update of sorts, from this world to that which is to come.
First, I’ve come late to this party. I’m certain that this desire has been part of me from the beginning, but repressed and not acted upon out of guilt and shame. Reaching maturity, I’ve become open to reaching an understanding, and acceptance, of myself. Oh, there’s still guilt and shame but I’m reaching beyond that to overcome it with love and acceptance.
Next, without the community here, I would not be able to recognize that I am not isolated or alone. I recognize that we are all unique, and that I am not a clone of anyone here, I still feel a kindred spirit of shared joys, pleasures, successes, fears and failures. Thank you all for sharing your stories, as they helped me become closer to myself.
Finally, without the love and acceptance of my wife, I could not possibly be in a place to be nearer to loving and accepting myself. It’s hard to imagine that more than a year ago neither my wife, nor myself, had a clue about this side of me. Like a dormant seed, it germinated and, around a year ago, I started by sharing a little with my wife. While not enthusiastic, she did not reject me. Her reaction was along the lines of, whatever makes you happy as long as you don’t wear a bra. She experienced and expressed the usual doubts and insecurities, and still continues to do so, particularly with news of the former Olympian. Continually I reassure here that I'm not going to become a woman and that there is a difference between CD and TS.
More recently, I’ve been more open with her about my desire to fully dress, bra, makeup, etc. After conversations over a considerable time, she is open to accepting this part of me. She does not understand it, and she still has periodic episodes of doubt and insecurity.
She is very concerned about public appearances, and does not want me to buy makeup or other items in person. So she has bought me makeup. She does not want to see me dressed, at least for the time being, so she has offered to take a trip away from time to time so that I have some opportunities to dress. She had a dinner engagement out of town a couple of months ago and suggested that that would give me an opportunity to try out the makeup she bought. Later, I was out of town and she again suggested that provided an opportunity to experiment.
We are close to the same size, and her clothes would fit me, but she does not want me to try on her clothes, which I understand completely. I’ve shared with her the types of clothes I like, and especially the styles of dresses I prefer. She suggested that I try clothes on because of the challenge fitting different dresses, particularly in the shoulders. We are going on a trip out of state soon, and she suggested trying on clothes during our out of town trip, since that would reduce the chance of encountering someone who knows me. With her blessing, I’ve made an appointment with a personal shopper at a national retailer for the end of this month. I’ll share my shopping experience with you all after I return.
Now, within the last several weeks she went through her things to donate items to Goodwill. She mentioned her plans to me and asked if I wanted to look over her “donate” selections and pick anything I wanted. It was hard to remain calm and not squeal out loud. Of course, I would be happy to do that!
So I went over her “donate” pile and selected two dresses, one top and two pairs of shoes, all of which are now on my side of the closet. I’ll post photos in the appropriate section here.
I feel like I’ve gone from zero to 60 in the last year, and am anticipating an exciting journey down the road. I’m still plagued from time to time by my own shame and insecurities, but I’m determined to overcome them and embrace the real me. While my wife is, as I said, not enthusiastic about this, at least she is open to letting me embrace this side of me.
First, I’ve come late to this party. I’m certain that this desire has been part of me from the beginning, but repressed and not acted upon out of guilt and shame. Reaching maturity, I’ve become open to reaching an understanding, and acceptance, of myself. Oh, there’s still guilt and shame but I’m reaching beyond that to overcome it with love and acceptance.
Next, without the community here, I would not be able to recognize that I am not isolated or alone. I recognize that we are all unique, and that I am not a clone of anyone here, I still feel a kindred spirit of shared joys, pleasures, successes, fears and failures. Thank you all for sharing your stories, as they helped me become closer to myself.
Finally, without the love and acceptance of my wife, I could not possibly be in a place to be nearer to loving and accepting myself. It’s hard to imagine that more than a year ago neither my wife, nor myself, had a clue about this side of me. Like a dormant seed, it germinated and, around a year ago, I started by sharing a little with my wife. While not enthusiastic, she did not reject me. Her reaction was along the lines of, whatever makes you happy as long as you don’t wear a bra. She experienced and expressed the usual doubts and insecurities, and still continues to do so, particularly with news of the former Olympian. Continually I reassure here that I'm not going to become a woman and that there is a difference between CD and TS.
More recently, I’ve been more open with her about my desire to fully dress, bra, makeup, etc. After conversations over a considerable time, she is open to accepting this part of me. She does not understand it, and she still has periodic episodes of doubt and insecurity.
She is very concerned about public appearances, and does not want me to buy makeup or other items in person. So she has bought me makeup. She does not want to see me dressed, at least for the time being, so she has offered to take a trip away from time to time so that I have some opportunities to dress. She had a dinner engagement out of town a couple of months ago and suggested that that would give me an opportunity to try out the makeup she bought. Later, I was out of town and she again suggested that provided an opportunity to experiment.
We are close to the same size, and her clothes would fit me, but she does not want me to try on her clothes, which I understand completely. I’ve shared with her the types of clothes I like, and especially the styles of dresses I prefer. She suggested that I try clothes on because of the challenge fitting different dresses, particularly in the shoulders. We are going on a trip out of state soon, and she suggested trying on clothes during our out of town trip, since that would reduce the chance of encountering someone who knows me. With her blessing, I’ve made an appointment with a personal shopper at a national retailer for the end of this month. I’ll share my shopping experience with you all after I return.
Now, within the last several weeks she went through her things to donate items to Goodwill. She mentioned her plans to me and asked if I wanted to look over her “donate” selections and pick anything I wanted. It was hard to remain calm and not squeal out loud. Of course, I would be happy to do that!
So I went over her “donate” pile and selected two dresses, one top and two pairs of shoes, all of which are now on my side of the closet. I’ll post photos in the appropriate section here.
I feel like I’ve gone from zero to 60 in the last year, and am anticipating an exciting journey down the road. I’m still plagued from time to time by my own shame and insecurities, but I’m determined to overcome them and embrace the real me. While my wife is, as I said, not enthusiastic about this, at least she is open to letting me embrace this side of me.