Workplace Accomodation: Update 1

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Well it appears that the workplace accommodation will be granted (still a few admin hoops to jump). As such I have started the "education" piece beginning with my new staff. I discussed this with my new supervisor and we agreed that "informing" was a good option so last week, I gathered with all (some already knew) and let them know. We had an honest answer and question period and I educated them on what being TG means to me . . . before anyone asks/comments or hijacks . . . what it means to me to be TG not what TG means. The most interesting question that came up is "How do we refer to you at work when you are dressed like a woman?". My knee jerk reaction in open conversation with others and since I out rank most . . . Ma'am. If it is casual or we are of the same rank . . . to be honest I never thought of it as I have always gone by Isha . . . which surprisingly is not my real name ;). I am cognizant this could be awkward as most know me by my male name and will be referring to me as a guy four days out the week. Luckily my name works in both genders with a slight variation of spelling Marcelle vice Marcel . . . so problem solved.

As a follow-up to the education pieced, we agreed to go to lunch with me as Marcelle so the "shock and awe" factor would not just be dropped at work one day. We had lunch yesterday and it went quite well. There were a few awkward "Sir/Ma'am" moments so as this was a social setting I just had everyone go with Marcelle (never been a big rank conscious person as I came from the ranks). Some more questions, but it all settled into just polite lunch conversation and naturally . . . work conversation.

All in all a good first step. Just thought I would share.

Hugs

Isha

[Shaedow]

Isha,

It's wonderful that things are working out so well for u! I hope they continue to do so.

Shaedow

[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
Nice to read your updates.
I follow them with interest and without comment as I really have nothing constructive to add.
Times have changed in the services and it is so different from twenty years ago.

[Dianne S]

Congratulations, Isha. You are awesome.

[Jean 103]

Ishi, I am glad that things are going well for you. I did four years in the navy so know a little of your world. There was this hard nose chief that came into our unit, a little hard to get a long with, that is till one night we all went to the club (enlisted side). He didn't change but we got to know and understand him better.
Best Wishes
Jean

[Suzie Petersen]

I dont know how you do it Isha :) I dont think I could. I am 20 years Army, and some other things, so I know that environment reasonably well.

I have always had the opinion that some of this is easier for the TS women since they essentially move from one accepted "box" to another accepted "box". Sure, others might struggle with it a little, but at the end of the day, things are again "normal". The person truly transition and are now again in a socially acceptable status, Female or for the FTM's, Male.
But people get very confused when they dont know what box to place you in! Some times the person presents, and should be treated and addressed, as male, other times as female. "What day is it? Oh Thursday, right .. Good morning Ma'am!"

It will be really interesting to see how this goes for you and how your colleagues and superiors handle it long term. I wish we could hear their honest thoughts as well.

I could see it working out a lot easier if you had different roles and workplaces for the two presentations. One job as your male self and another as your female self. I think people would have an easier time knowing what to expect, every day, without first having to check your clothing, hairdo or nametag.

I commend you for subjecting yourself to this social experiment as it will, if you are successful, help broaden the understanding, or at least acceptance, of gender.

Hugs
Suzie

[NicoleScott]

It will be interesting to see how your subordinates will perceive your leadership, decision-making, etc. when you are in different modes, and I would guess that's a challenge for you to be very consistent. Otherwise, you may hear "I knew this was a bad idea..."

[Heidi Stevens]

I'm so happy that you and the Canadian Military are making progress! I imagine that the majority will mess up the first few weeks as far as titles and such until it becomes routine. Kind of like casual Friday, takes a while for something to become a norm.
I can't thank you enough as you help educate the general population. Hope things get worked out and start running smooth soon!

[Victoria Demeanor]

Isha,
You amaze me and I am so very, very happy for you. Thank you for keeping us all updated and I can not wait to hear about your first day at the office.
You're my hero.

[bridget thronton]

Well done

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I'm very happy for you Isha. It sound like your immediate staff will make the adjustment nicely.

Just for laughs: I think your story could be the basis for a great action movie blockbuster. Picture it. The protagonist is a veteran special forces type who has just come out as TG. Re-assigned to an out of the way intelligence office, she makes the adjustment to working as a woman amidst great skepticism and mild harassment. Suddenly the place is taken over by terrorist who kill all the men but keep the women hostage. Our heroine must lead the fight before the terrorist break into the computer servers to steal all the latest encryption codes. She escapes captivity and takes out the terrorists one by one, all the while keeping her make up in an impeccable state.

Seriously, though, you've done an amazing thing in helping people understand more about our special community. Kudos!

Bridget

[mechamoose]

I find it awesome that your HR department has your back this way.

How you work stuff out with your co-workers couldn't happen without it.

<3

- MM

[justmetoo]

Wow! I can't imagine doing what you're doing, Isha! (I'm too self-conscious, and don't feel a need to anyway) Sounds like people at your work are being really good about the whole thing. And you are doing a great job of enlightening them! Best wishes!

[Donnagirl]

You'd better be writing a book... It'll be a best seller!!!

[Julie Denier]

You are such a trailblazer! ;)

[paulaprimo]

congrats to you isha and the very best of luck.
so far sounds like a very smooth transition... ;)

[donnalee]

I have been following this with amazement at the support you have been getting; I never imagined this kind of thing happening in a military environment. During 'Nam (my era), US military service was viewed by a great many people as tantamount to a death sentence; tens of thousands of Americans fled from the draft to Canada, which had the good sense to ignore that foolishness. This is not in any way to demean the contribution and the memory of those who served back then.
To witness this kind of progress from a military organization is awe-inspiring and gives me great hope for the future of us all. Thank you so much, both for your service and for your inspiration.

[Genny B]

I still don't see this happening in the American military. Who knows, might be a bunch of Americans running to Canada again!?
Genny B

[Leah Lynn]

Girl, you are so awesome!

Hugs,

Leah

[Natalie cupcake]

You are such a trailblazer! ;)

Julie you said it all!!:)
Good luck Isha!!:battingeyelashes:

[Nadya]

That's so great, Isha! I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much for sharing and helping make it better for the rest of us. <3

[Jazzy Jaz]

Wow, I can't believe the support you're getting and the difference you're making, how inspiring!

[LeslieSD]

Hi Isha,

I want to thank you for doing what you are doing. You are so inspirational, and so encouraging. I have even told a good friend of mine (another story someday) of your coming out at your work place ... in military! Oh man, I know it is improper to say that, but you really have balls. :)

I wish I could have the courage to do that someday at my work. Hmmm ...

Leslie

[Teresa]

Isha,
Congratulations in your efforts to secure the rights of the TG community ! Do we still call you Isha or Ma'am ?

I have a question , it can't have gone 100% in your favour so what were the objections raised against the proposal and how did you deal with them ?
Also what has been the response from GGs in your unit ?

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks very much for all your kind comments. While things on the surface are going well, I have no doubt that I am not seeing or hearing everything. I think some people who say "Hey . . . no big deal and I support your right to be who you are", well . . . let's just say they are towing the politically correct line. Remember, this is the military, I am a senior officer and to be honest, nobody wants to jeopardize their career over something like this. But I am also a pragmatist of sorts in that I am sure those people are the minority vice majority and I will cross that bridge when I get to it. :) All this to say . . . it will not be all sunshine and lollipops for me and I am sure for some people in the section and in the building my ability to play my "man card" has ceased. Still, that is their baggage to port not mine. :battingeyelashes:


It will be interesting to see how your subordinates will perceive your leadership, decision-making, etc. when you are in different modes, and I would guess that's a challenge for you to be very consistent. Otherwise, you may hear "I knew this was a bad idea..."

I wonder about that as well Nicole. However, my last load station was far more Alpha Male oriented than my new load station and while those at my last job may not have seen me dressed at work (some have met me off hours though) they all knew and I am sure it was in the back of their minds while I was giving direction . . . Hmm, he dresses like a woman sometimes. I wonder what that looks like? :thinking: Even then, I did not detect much of a difference in reaction or ability to follow direction. But I guess wondering what that looks like vice actually seeing it . . . could evoke a different reaction, I suppose. Time will tell.


I find it awesome that your HR department has your back this way.

Hi MM,

Luckily we have policy in the CAF which protects the rights of TG to serve in uniform so policy wins out over personal belief. Are all those who have to enforce the policy in complete agreement with what I am doing? Probably not. But then again . . . their baggage not mine. So long as they do what the policy says they have to do I am happy with that.


... I have a question , it can't have gone 100% in your favour so what were the objections raised against the proposal and how did you deal with them ?
Also what has been the response from GGs in your unit ?

Hi Teresa,

Yup . . . there were some objections from various folks mainly cis women who were concerned about bathroom use. I met with all of them to address those concerns. I explained, in the Vanilla world when I am out and about, I use the bathroom of the gender I am presenting which was a bit disconcerting for some. Now I am cognizant of the fact this will be different than me in a crowded mall using the ladies room to do my business and carry on as I am one of many strangers all converging on the facilities. However, this is the workplace and as I am not transitioning (in the medical sense ;)) and will be presenting male four days of the week, I understand this could be awkward. Fortunately, there are single toilet restrooms on the lower floor which will be made available to me for those days I am dressed female. Now, I know some might think but you have the right to use the bathroom of the gender you are presenting and, you would be right. However, sometimes you have to pick the "hill you want to die on" and this is not one. Besides, it is the right/polite thing to do for now and it did alleviate any concern. For those who objected based on not agreeing with my chosen lifestyle, I went to each one and indicated you may not like it but it is my right so let's agree to work civilly and we don't have to go out for coffee any time soon :battingeyelashes:. May seem a bit harsh and in your face but to be honest, my lifestyle does no harm to them while their beliefs can do harm to my own sense of being.

Again thanks all and I will keep the updates coming as things progress. I am still between jobs and don't assume my new role until mid July at which time the workplace accommodation should be fully ensconced for my first Friday at work.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Isha, Your story is wonderful:daydreaming:, It sounds like you are living the dream.:hugs:

[Erika Lyne]

Isha,

What a wonderful advancement!

Hmmm... The whole title thing has me curious. I'm sure it isn't much of an issue to you, as you've stated that your view on rank isn't as structured as it could be. I know I switch pronouns quite readily and without construct, especially when presenting in fem. Could it help if you were to reference a few US TV shows? Recent ones such as NCIS and Castle have had their higher ranking officers referred to as "sir." Or an older series, many of the Star Trec off shoots referred to all of their commanders and captains as "sir." You could tell those that are having difficulty adjusting that it would be fine to use "sir" because it is also can be used as an acronym for S.enior I.n R.ank.

Either way, you are again amazing in your abilities to be who you feel to be. I am so jealous and proud of you at the same time.

Hugs,
-E

Online blog Reference:

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/121727/can-sir-be-used-to-address-female-officers

[Rhonda Darling]

Iesha:

Julie used just the right word: "Trailblazer". What you are doing is exactly what I dream of being able to do -- present both aspects of myself at work and still be respected whichever way I showed up. I do agree with Donna, this is book material. Rather than some fantasy book about going to work en femme -- usually forced -- your book of real life experiences, including how you felt, what you had to think about to keep everything flowing well, what others said and how they reacted, all of it, would make for a great story.

And most of all, Marcelle, thank you for sharing your real and your true femme name with us. That itself is an act that takes courage and trust.

Best regards and good luck. We expect frequent updates -- the good and the bad.

Rhonda

[phylis anne]

Isha congrats ,
on your progress thus far when you mentioned the issue as how to address you I got a chuckle when thinking back in my usaf days of how we would confuse 2nd lt's we would give the them a left hand salute and totally fluster them ! I have spent many years in and around cananda being alaskan it meant a lot of time in b/c -yukon and have always envied your country in many ways I am sure there will be hoops to ump but it looks like you have them covered I am curious as to how well a change like this in the us military would go ? when i was in many yrs ago it was alway dadt unless you were caught on post by the by did canada change it's abbreviations on service branch? when I was involved it was RCAF agin congrats and do keep us posted on your progress

[AnnieMac]

Ok, ok so let me get this correct, right hand salute means your are straight, and left hand salute means your gay, and all along I thought it was the earrings that were the indicator! No worries, you don't have to reply because well, ya know, DADT - :)

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Congratulations Isha and thanks for "blazing the trail" as it really benefits all of us no matter how far away. Gaining acceptance is a gradual process (unfortunately) and it sounds like you are making significant progress in your corner of the world.
Hugs,
Stephanie

[reb.femme]

Hi Isha,

Absolutely fantastic news that you're being able to be yourself both at home and work. One hell of a rate of progression, kudos to you in no small amount.
I only ever made the dizzy heights of Corporal, but so was Hitler. Oh, hang on...maybe that's not such a good comparison :heehee:.

Rebecca

[phylis anne]

@ annie mac ,
the only thing I could say is when we did give the l/h salute it was pretty entertaining :devil:
hugs phylis

[Lori Kurtz]

Your courage is impressive. Every movement needs some people like you who are willing to get out in front--you're a trailblazer for all of us.

[Michelle Deere]

Isha,

just want to add my congratulations and continued good luck with the education of the CAF and your work with the policy committee.

Even though I love to dress and I'm currently waiting for a reserve position to open up here, when I do eventually get a position, I don't think I'll plan on working enfem. I don't think, though I could be wrong, that our base is ready for something like this, although, one of our base churches was the first to hold a guy wedding so you never know.

Michelle

[Marcelle]

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for the congrats. I don't know . . . times are a changing in the CAF and while I am sure I will get a few snarls from some crusty old Chiefs I don't think much will be made of it. Guess we'll see.

Hugs

Isha