unshaven in Chicago

[sarahcrossed]

I've been a member of this forum for a few years, allthough i do not post much. I live in chicago with my girlfriend, who i love dearly. She is my world. So im kinda in a catch 22 situation. She has known about my crossdressing sense the beginning, and puts up with it and has one a couple of occations done my make up and we have hung out while i was dressed up, but when i dress up even when she is not present she gets kinda upset. She has even given me some of her old clothes, and makeup,and gave me advice on what to buy on line. But she has made it very clear that even if i'm not dressed but have dressed and shaved on my own, she is not attracted to me. She prefers me with a beard and in manly form. which i am ok with. I like my male side as much as the other. I look good in a beard.

I've communicated to her my need for a sense of community, and that i wish to spend time with other crossdressers. I'm just kinda having a hard time, because i dont want to do anything to make her uncomfortable, and i want her to be attracted to me so my dressing is put on the back burner. Which i am ok with, i deal with it. But lately i've noticed that i've been more depressed than usual . I kinda feel alone and try to keep thoughts about dressing to my self. I do keep communication open by telling her before hand when i plan to dress up fully. She usually asks me not to shave. but on the plus side i dont end up using alot of make up so that doesnt wreak havoc on the budget.

I know patience is the key, and i wil continue to be patient.

i just needed to kinda spill my guts.

With much love,
Sarah

[Jenniferathome]

Sarah, this is a bit of a reach, but is it possible that your girlfriend wants the beard, in part, to keep you from cross dressing? It's sort of a barrier to going out for most cross dressers. In the end, you need to talk to her about this. Even show her your post and get "it" out in the open.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hi Sara,
Please go ahead and spill your guts all you want, we're all hear to listen.
One thing I noticed is that you used the term "which i am ok with" a couple of times and I guessing by the way you say it, you really are not ok with it. Like Jennifer I'm thinking that it is her way of keeping you in check. I also know the feeling of wanting to hang out with others in our mind set. I do love this forum,but I also do long to talk face to face with others.
My wife is my world and I know that feeling, the fact that you are self medicating tells me that this is really depressing you. Patience is important, but I really think you need to have a heartful talk with her about this, before it becomes a bigger problem.
Just my thoughts

[Sarah-RT]

Hi Sarah

I have to shave because of work, but I do like the idea of having a beard, which is completely counter productive to trying to be feminine. with that said she cant really force you to not shave either, you could always tell her you prefer being clean shaven whether thats true or not.
As for the loneliness, Ive had, and still have it. Its hard to express yourself when there isnt anyone else around, perhaps sitting down and having a talk about all your fears or worries might be a good idea, since she gives you tips and clothes she obviously isnt against it but as you say not totally for it.

Imagine yourself in her position, she obviously isnt a lesbian so wouldnt be attracted to women, likewise if I had a girlfriend tell me she wanted to cut her hair short and wear a fake beard I wouldnt be so hotly into her, then again, allowances can be made if its not a full time thing and you could try and learn to grow together

Keep us posted on what you decide on doing

Sarah x

[cheryl reeves]

sarah dont feel alone,my wife wants me to keep my mustache when im not dressing full mode,she says it helos keep balance between terry and cheryl. for without the mustache i look like a woman.

[carhill2mn]

I think that you are in a "catch-22" situation like many others here have been in. I get the feeling that your girlfriend is trying to control your CDing by urging you to keep your beard. Even though you say that you are "OK" with many of her "wants", the fact that you are feeing more depressed than usual suggests to me that you are not as "OK" as you say.

Many others have been faced with deciding if they can living without CDing in order to maintain a relationship. Unfortunately, this is usually a no-win situation unless the SO is able/willing to make some compromises. Even if you outwardly conform to her wants, the desire to CD will continue to be with you. Under this circumstance you will need to find ways to deal with your frustrations and maintain your mental health.

I wish you good luck.

[Beverley Sims]

I do feel for you here, it would be nice to shave.

Just try getting rid of the beard permanently without showing any advantage to your cross dressing.

[Dana44]

My So wants me to have a mustache when I'm not in femme. I did that for a while. Now I do not shave and have a beard to shave when I get to it otherwise I do look feminine.

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing, even picking things out of the catalog to buy.
However, the hair on my chest was "HERS" and she like to run her fingers through it.
So no shaving, Besides I would never pass just way to big of a guy.
Rader

[icantwait24]

My wife was OK with my dressing, even picking things out of the catalog to buy.
However, the hair on my chest was "HERS" and she like to run her fingers through it.
So no shaving, Besides I would never pass just way to big of a guy.
Rader

I have that same deal. My wife loves the hair on my chest. I can't stand it. I want it gone!! Although she did say tonight she is thinking about taking me to get it all waxed! I said baby if you want I will leave it. She says if I don't like it you have to let it grow back! Man I hope she loves it!!

[RADER]

Waxing??? I have herd that is a big Ouch!!!
I would use a hair clippers first, that an electric
Shaver. I guess I am a big Chicken.
Rader

[Dana44]

wow, we went from face hair to chest and other parts. My girl liked my chest hair. I shaved it anyways... and the hair on my back, I must get her help on some of that. It took a lot of communication. I do not like hair on anything but my head.