Been out, again!

[Nadya]

Once again, it was time to go to the local Tri Ess meeting. I don't want to bore you with all the mundane details. We stayed in SLC again so it would be easier for to get dressed and go the meeting (my fiancé has been so supportive). It's been really great to go out with who I feel I am and don't have to worry about being judged. My trip from the hotel room to the parking garage was uneventful. Nobody was on the elevator to the lobby and an older couple didn't pay me any attention on the elevator ride to the parking level. So far so good.

After another interesting conversation at the meeting I returned to the hotel (I know, boring) I was surprised to see so many people outside the hotel. I began to feel anxiety with all the people. It looked like there was a gymnastics competition or something along those lines at the convention center right next to the hotel. There were tons of families walking around where I hoped would be mostly deserted. I pulled into the parking garage and had a weak moment. I was afraid to leave my car. I was afraid with all the young girls/families, I would be found out for sure so I sat in my car waiting for the dust to settle. This took a while and I tried to act like I was completely absorbed in my phone (a technique I found that helps me blend in I think as young woman with full social life). Once the parking garage settled, I took a breath and exited my car.

I rode the elevators to no real problems but I did ride with a woman and her daughter. I kept to my "I'm totally absorbed in my phone/social life" act but noticed as they got off before me, that the daughter was staring at me as they departed. I thought, "great, I don't blend in at all" but my fiancé pointed something out to me that I hadn't thought of. She may have been just checking out how I was dressed. If I dressed in jeans and shirt, people probably would think nothing of me. This made me feel better about possibly being clocked but I don't think I'll change. This style is me and I love it. If it attracts attention, so be it. It is me. My fiancé says I have a Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds type of look which I love. That style is something I want to emulate so much.

I'd like to ask the community a few questions. Do you think my fiancé is right in the way that my more flashy manner of dressing is what people are looking at or is it rather I'm actually getting clocked? Do you feel that these updates are helpful to the community or is it clogging up the servers with stuff that doesn't promote discussion? I'm interested to know. I feel that these types of things although may sound mundane or boring help me just by being able to express my experience. Thanks for reading. Pictures below. <3

Just as an aside, I did manage to redeem myself. My fiancé ordered pizza for us for a late dinner and instead of letting her answer the door (I was still dressed), I told to let me do it. The delivery guy didn't seem to take notice and it made me feel better for being scared before.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is probably both (and I don't mean that in any mean way.) Personally, I think you look fantastic, unfortunately the better you dress the more attention you draw. Especially the seamed hose, which I think are absolutely fabulous and wear myself, might draw attention, especially from young people who (usually) do not wear hosiery at all.

It can be so hard to pass, even for the absolute most passable among us, and even harder when we dress up to look our best. I would not be hard on yourself. As long as you had a good time I would not worry about it.

[Rachelakld]

A previous thread mentioned we have about a 0% rate of passing (I disagree and think we have a better chance of passing).
Maybe it's our nose, maybe we have bigger hands, maybe we "over girlie" our dressing when GG's are more casual dress.
So while a quick glance you would easily pass, a long slow scrutiny is different.
A recent University study in England, showed most people were to concerned about themselves to really notice others.
Others will accept the differing behaviour/dressing so as not to offend (it's not PC to offend people anymore).

So here is the thing for me, rather than pretend no one is looking at you or pretend your to busy to notice, just smile politely back at them and say hello if it's appropriate.
It will help break down the barriers between our groups.

While we may be males on the outside, it doesn't mean we must be males on the inside.

[Marcelle]

Hi Ryce,

Firstly . . . congrats on getting out there again . . . it only gets easier. WRT to your presentation, to be honest I doubt most people would give you a second look as you blend quite nicely. Like all of us, you do have some male characteristics to your face but they are subtle and I have seen some women with more masculine features just as I have seen some cis men with more feminine features. The thing to remember is that people are cognitive processors but we are not perfect in that function so we process the salient (what is obvious) and let our brain fill in the blanks. So if a person was to see you coming they would process long hair, make-up, female clothing and then their minds would process "woman/girl" and move on as they are probably absorbed in a myriad of other thoughts (our brains don't multi-task processing that well). Where "all bets are off" is if something seems out of the ordinary or draws ones attention which may cause a more detailed processing. Think about the last time you were in a crowded mall passing people by the dozens it is unlikely you would be able to remember much except perhaps gender and some aspect of clothing for the last person you saw. Now if you saw a woman in 4 inch stilettos, a lime dress, red hair with legs to die for . . . you would probably remember every detail of that woman (your cognitive processing is deeper because she stands out from everyone else). So the young girl in the elevator may have simply seen you dressed a bit more formal, may have like the polka dot dress, been fixated on the yellow belt or even liked the colour of your hair and was processing all that. This is not to say she did not clock you but again she may not have, and was only fixated on one or two things she liked (e.g., dress, hair).

Very few of us truly pass but I think many of us (more than some believe) can blend quite effectively. The key to remember is once you stop worrying about passing or blending, getting clocked is of little consequence because you are enjoying being you and that is all that will count.

BTW you look absolutely lovely and I do love your dress :).

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ryce, As was mentioned above, The little girl was probably enamored with those fantastic looking
back seamed hose, That really caught my eye.:daydreaming:

Your presentation looks so natural & feminine looking.:hugs:

[reb.femme]

Hi Ryce,

I'm following like a sheep here and going with the "we get clocked because we dress up" brigade :heehee:. You've dressed smartly and it does draw attention, but it's also nice to draw attention for your efforts too.

I had a middle-aged guy stare at me in the pub last night and I like to think it was because of my new top and not because I'm a guy in girls clothing. It was a lovely blue top though :devil:.

Rebecca

[Suzie Petersen]

The young girl probably thought you were in fact Penelope Garcia, you do have some of that look :)

I too think you look lovely in the pictures, but while your picture might "pass", a 3D presence close up is harder to pull off.

There is so much to say about this, and it has probably all been said before so I will limit to my own basic beliefs in this. "Passing" or "Blending" is a lot easier when you stop trying! So many people spend a lot of time checking other peoples reaction to them and then trying to interpret that reaction, just like you did in the elevator. Ask your self if it actually matter what the girl thought?
I know it is easier said than done, but if you just dont care what others think and just have a good time out, you will likely find that first of all you dont feel clocked nearly as much and you will probably actually "pass" better!
Everybody send out signals to others around us. If a person is nervous, for whatever reason, other people pick up on that instantly and they start paying attention to that person because they get concerned about what might be going on! Is the person up to something bad? Or maybe not feeling well and might need help? Bottom line is, you attract attention by seeming to be nervous or out of place.

The look is not everything either, it is the whole presentation. Female mannerisms and gestures are even more important than the outfit, makeup, hair etc. You can put a GG in male clothing, yet still have no doubt she is all girl. The clothing might make you/us feel good, but in 3D they are only a part of the picture.

Your other question about writing up and sharing such experiences: Well, I am here reading it, and now responding to it, so I for one is interested :) Same goes for the 5 others who responded since you posted just a few hours ago and the 179 who have visited the thread until now.
I think it is useful for both the one sharing the story and for those who are new to going out or might not have been out at all. It is good to hear about others experiences before trying something yourself and it can feel validating for the one sharing the story too.

Hugs
Suzie

[michelleddg]

I'd like to ask the community a few questions. Do you think my fiancé is right in the way that my more flashy manner of dressing is what people are looking at or is it rather I'm actually getting clocked?

Nice look and nice photos! Feeling eyes on you, eh? Could be any number of things:

o Look, dude in a dress!
o Look, hot babe!
o Look, way tall babe!
o Look, uber-made up and stylish babe!

Maybe you're passing through unnoticed, maybe they're all laughing behind your back. Only way to know for sure is to take off your wig Victor/Victoria style and conduct a post mortem on the spot. So, ultimately, you go with the flow and hope for serenity. Hugs, Michelle

[PretzelGirl]

Hi Ryce! I agree with Suzie on some of this. When you go out in the beginning, it is tough to not be nervous. But our behavior becomes somewhat evolutionary over time in that we relax and start engaging people more. Just the relaxing and the eye contact will help your interactions. Also, I think of the alpha vs submissive model. If you walk around with your head down, people tend to notice and will scrutinize you more, possibly uncovering male cues that aren't normally easy to notice. If you are heads up and making eye contact, people will look away quicker so that they won't be awkward and then they have less time to search out male clues. Plus people accept a friendlier person a lot easier.

If you ever want to take in dinner before a meeting, give me a yell and I would love to go with you and your fiancé.

[Natalie cupcake]

You look beautiful Ryce!! Love the dress!

[Barbara Black]

I don't see any reason why you would be 'clocked'. you look fine.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Ryce, I am so glad that your first adventures were with yiur Triess sisters. Enjoy them, learn from them & have fun being a girl in the outside world. Much much peace to you, mel

[Jenniferathome]

Ryce, yes, the little girl and mother noticed that you were 1) a man dressed as a woman or 2) used to be a man. Young kids stare and not at the fact that you were wearing a dress. Maybe if it were a ball gown, little girls and little cross dressers would stare for that. But you are in the heart of Morman country and dresses are quite common.

Your take away from this is that NO ONE cared. The little girl was confused. The Mom saw and didn't care. Life went on. Forget "passing" and "be" and you will have a good time every time.

[Beverley Sims]

I think your fiancee has had more experience dabbling in girl things than us mere mortals here.

We are open to conjecture and guesswork so I would put my faith in your better half.
SHE knows!

You are still self conscious so your imagination will run wild until you have had a few more outings.

Girls in dresses and dressed smartly do deserve a second look and I feel this is what you are experiencing.

Forget about the teeny boppers, as for the large crowds outside you would have been better walking through them as they would all have had their own agendas.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hi Ryce,
A lot of great advice here and as I've only been out and about a few times, I don't think I could really add anything useful to the conversation. Well maybe the little girl. you know kids will stare at the darnest things as their developing minds try too process the world around them. Could have been your height, hair color, or that you looked like someone she knew. When It comes to kids just as my normal self, I've had them for no apparent reason stare at me. they're kids that what they do. Smile and give them a little wave, they seem to like that. Like the others have mentioned I think we really get a lot more self-conscious when we are dressed up.
yes you almost do have that Penelope style going on, not quite as over the top, but your trending there. I think you look great. I love the dress and your makeup is very well done. I am so glad you got out and had a good time. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Julie Denier]

Nicely done! You look great and I love the outfit ;)

[rachellegsep]

Nice look and outfit. I think its the seamed stockings that made her look as seeeing them is not an everyday occurance.

[cooljamespa]

Hey Ryce your fiancé is right I can totally see the Penelope Garcia look. It looks good on you

[Nadya]

Thanks everyone for such kind words. The more I go out, the easier it should be. I'm just glad to have a wonderful community of support. <3