in a bit of a dilema dont know how to move forward

[chloe_cd]

Im a 22 year old male, been corossdressing for a while on and off but not to a serious extent. however in recent years it has become more serious and more frequent , to the point where i stop because of guilt and then after a while have an overwhelming urge and so start up again and the cycle continues as you are all aware. During my time being enfemme i have often used my mums clothes which i know is not right but it was all i could get, due to the fact that my mum has a tight controll on my finances. This was fine until i got caught. my mum lets just say wasnt best pleased and had a talk with me asking if i was gay ect to which i said just because i crossdress doesnt make me gay anyway she told me not to do it anymore and everything died down however i couldnt stop and so have been caught several times since with her stuff. several times mum has said go see the doctor or you have to move out which i cant (long story ). anyway the time before last she said that it wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt her stuff so i bought my own. anyway got caught again and she wasnt as bad but chucked out all of my clothes i bought and said i had to find a place to go live. this didnt happen and its blown over, but somehow she has found her clothes that i crossdress in again and is not happy. because i live at home and cant move out its difficult as i still want to crossdress but im stuck i cant win anyway even if i do it the right way ie my own stuff. tbh i feel trapped and just wanted peoples advice on what i could do next. Sorry for the long post btw.
thanks in advance

chloe_cd

[cdterri]

Get your own place!

[Jason+]

Chloe,

Since moving out is not an option for you right away the only suggestion I could make would be a frank sit-down chat with your Mum. Granted you still live at her house but there needs to be some appropriate boundaries set on both sides. Her things are off limits. Get your own but you need the expectation that she will not remove or disturb your things either.

Is it an option to purchase a small storage locker or some secure place away from home to store your things?

[ReineD]

I agree with Jason.

Talk to your mom and explain this isn't going away, and throwing out your stuff will not MAKE it go away, it will only cause you to waste the little money that you do have.

There are resources for the parents of people who engage in cross-gender expression. Maybe you could ask your mom to read them. Read the websites first to make sure they fit you (you don't want to give your mom resources to read that don't fit), and you can also google other resources on your own.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/transsexual_control.htm

http://www.changelingaspects.com/Articles/A%20Parents%20Dilemma.htm

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539

[chloe_cd]

hi Jason,


thanks for replying.

Ive had a sit down with my mum but the reality is that she see it as wrong and will not tollerate it under her roof so to speak. I know her things are off limits not but its just so difficult hiding my stuff that i buy now without her knowing where i hide it as they are the places where ive been caught before. i have considered getting some storage but it would just show up on my finances which my mum has access to. its not an option to move out as im in university atm and need a garantor in order to get a flat which my parents wont be.I did live on my own at uni for a while and it was great for dressing but other factors went wrong including money which have left me at home now.

[Rachelakld]

If you can't crossdress, the next best temporary patch is a hobby/sport.
If mum is paying, maybe something expensive.
Maybe a RC aircraft will give you an excuse to disappear for a few hours, to enjoy whichever interest you have that day.

Otherwise maybe a part time job that mum doesn't control, so you can pay for clothes and storage

[chloe_cd]

ha thats ironic as i already have both of those rachel the later of which i have to pay for. its a difficult situation to be honest and it isnt helped by the fact that i have aspergers this has always meant that my mum has been more controlling than most to some extent but in this case where i want to do my own thing obv out of sight of the rest of the family i cant, even though im 22.

[Katey888]

Tough one Chloe.. :hugs:

Simple fact is that to some extent, parents are allowed to set rules on what happens in their homes - it would be good if your mum was more accepting (and you should keep trying to educate and inform her) but perhaps this is something that you would also benefit form some outside help with. Do you have a counsellor you can see via your GP? If you have been diagnosed as having Aspergers there could be other resources available to help you understand if this is something that needs some professional support or not...

In fairness to your mum, her higher involvement with you may well be because of the Aspergers - I have a nephew who has this and will definitely need more and longer parental support than usual - so give her the benefit of the doubt' she probably just cares about you... :D

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

As it is out in the open a good chat with your mum is a good start, also consider the possibilities of getting your own place.

I suggest you tell your mother that option is under consideration.

Your Aspergers may be a consideration also.

This sometimes changes attitudes.

[Angie G]

Jason is right talk to youe mom. And work on geting out of that house ASAP.:hugs:
Angie

[CONSUELO]

Chloe,

You need to talk this through with your Mother. If you can get access to a counsellor, include your Mother in some of the sessions. She does not understand what is happening to you and you need to help her understand for both your sakes. This has to be a priority.

You didn't mention why you cannot leave home but the other part of what needs to be done is to develop a plan for you to become financially independent finally able to leave home and buy your own feminine clothing and lead the lifestyle you desire.

My best wishes for you both as you work through this.

[MissTee]

My son has Aspergers too, Chloe, and I can only imagine the challenge you must face trying to express yourself. I can also imagine that trying to bottle it up must be tenfold the challenge we face. Counseling might help, but given that you are on the spectrum will certainly test everyone's resolve. I would still try that. Good luck to you!

[Rachelakld]

Hi Chloe, that's an interesting difference
I know nothing about Asperger, except what Google just told me
It mentions obsessive and I was wondering if you mum associated cross dressing with some aspect of your differences?
I know CDing is obsessive.
Perhaps you mum could learn from my web page or others, where we have normal lives as well as this other aspect, or if you and her could see a therapist specialising in gender issues, so you mum can disconnect the 2 issues she has running in her mind.

my heart goes out to you, best of luck.

[kimdl93]

While you are in her house, please leave her things alone. That has been said. Now, get your own things and, be kind but firm, in asking that your mother respect your privacy by leaving your things alone as well. You two may never agree on your need to CD, but you can agree to leave each others stuff alone.