still scared dammit!

[allie45]

I am now in Provincetown Ma. It is supposed to be the place you can relax and be yourself, but I am still freaking out about getting dressed up and going out in the daylight!
I thought I would get here and the courage would just flood my body, and have me strutting up and down the street like nothing, but 2 days in and here I am deciding which t shirt and shorts I am going to wear out today!
I am very dissapointed with myself so far.
Is there a big sister program anywhere in Massachusetts? I need one like crazy!
Either that or I need someone to slap me and tell me to stop being such a Sissy! No pun intended!

[Michelle (Oz)]

Here's a proverbial slap ... just do it!! Seriously, very scary the first time but then you'll wonder what stopped you.

[mechamoose]

Being scared is 'normal', honey. P-Town is a wonderful place, and *nobody* is going to call you out there.

Go out for a walk, enjoy the (cold) morning air! Enjoy the sound of your heels on the sidewalk!

Remember to /swish!

<3

- MM

[Helen_Highwater]

Not knowing my US geography that well I needed to Google Map where Provincetown is. It seems you have a huge beach area on your door step so my advice is, use it!

There's another post running; http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?227521-took-a-stroll-on-the-beach and night time isn't the time to do it. I'll suggest to you that you at least consider what I suggest in post #21. If you can spend time dressed and out then mixing in with the crowd, shopping or dining becomes so much easier.

Don't beat yourself up over this. That first step is a biggie. So big you won't be able to climb back up it. Once stepped, you're there for life!

[Marcelle]

Hi Allie,

There is no race to present oneself publicly and you truly have to be ready and to some degree support a bit of thick skin. If you feel you are truly ready and just need that push to get out there, try going for a drive in your car . . . some say getting out the door is the hardest step and that is true to some degree. If you don't own a car, just try walking out your door and standing outside for a moment or two. Gradual steps can help make the final leap in some cases. I won't lie though, even though most of the time people won't notice or care you do have to prepare yourself for the odd look, giggle and guffaw as it goes with the territory but once you get out, you will find it is not that scary.

Hugs and good luck.

Isha

[Bobbi46]

Just go for it I went out of my front door to meet the post lady I had a skirt on and shirt even with the gate wide open she did not seem to notice or thought so what if he likes to be like that then who am I to complain, she was very pleasant.

[Laura912]

Since when does a lil' ole gal from the great state of Texas let them northeasterners scare them off? Go fer it! Besides Provincetown is the perfect place. For several years, there was a conference similar to Keystone held there.

[Jorja]

I understand, going out can be nerve wracking at first. Start by stepping out the door at night. Go a few steps and keep increasing the distance each time. Go out to a park or some other place that does not have a lot of people during the day. Just slowly get yourself used to being out dressed. Then stop by and pump gas or go through a fast food drive thru. Keep building confidence until one day, you are down town at lunch hour with thousands of people running about.

[audreyinalbany]

even though Isha says you need to prepare yourself for the odd look, giggle and guffaw…You really don't have to in Provincetown, especially since the tourist season really isn't in full swing yet. The natives there are SUPER accepting.

[rachael.davis]

Allie, you're in Provincetown for goodness sake.

if not today when, you're never going to be in a more supportive town.

[kimdl93]

Take it in small steps. My first outing was to go out in my front yard to move the sprinkler.

[Claire Cook]

I think it's a lot like swmming for the first time -- you don't know that you can do it until you do it. Lots of encouragement here. My only amendment to Jorga's post -- are there any of us who didn't have those first-time jitters? I'll bet we all did -- and we survived!

[Wendy me]

go do it shave pluck and get your girl on go do it .... Wendy dose cape cod just go ....

[I Am Paula]

I used to wait until after dark, then RUN to my car. It took a few trips to realize there are no villagers with torches, and pitchforks. By the forth, or fifth trip, I'd wave at the neighbors, and do a little spin.

[Sarah-RT]

Nothing like that fear Allie to make you feel alive. Had an exam this morning in college and afterwards I thought I'd pick myself up some clothing, I had the fear and uncomfort but thought to myself "no, I'm just going to go in, buy something that makes me happy and damn everyone else who gets in my way" I was halfway towards the shop door when a lady standing outside glanced up at me and I figured "she knows!!" So I wheeled about and headed home with my tail between my legs, I'll try again on Thursday when I have another exam, you stay at it too, as others have said, begin in the evening by walking around near where you are staying, each small step adds up

Sarah x

[Jean 103]

I still get a little fear now and then, and I’m like out there. It’s all about attitude, and a little or in my case a lot of makeup, LOL. Hold your head high and go about your business. I haven’t been there but I get the feeling it is an easy going area. The day time is better than the night for going out, shopping, coffee, or frozen yogurt, a girl has to watch her weight. Put the whole pass don’t pass thing out of your mind, just be yourself and let people see you for who you are. Be nice, polite, treat people with respect and for the most part they will do the same. Do things you like to do and do every day, don’t over think it, and above all else be safe. You can do this, they are not going to shoot you and even if they did at least the got out and experienced life. You’re a girl your going to attract attention, this is something that you just have to get use to. Again, you can do this and it does get easier.
Love Jean

[Katey888]

Allie, I'm not sure a good slapping is always a help, but here you go anyway...

:hwac:

Did that help? Thought not...

Alternatively, maybe just strutting your stuff is not going to be the best thing for you? It helped me first time out to have somewhere specific to go, and perhaps if you knew that place would be accepting that would help too? :hugs:

I'm guessing there would be a suitable 'T' or LGBT venue nearby? My advice: recce in drab; speak to the staff to introduce yourself; make an appointment with yourself to visit at a particular time... That gives you something specific and an objective to walk out the door for.

Good luck! :cheer:

Katey x

[Sarah Doepner]

Allie,

I can't count how many times I froze with my nicely manicured hand on the doorknob, purse over my shoulder and perfume wafting about my nose. I still get a little jolt when I'm about ready to leave the room all prettied up, but I like the feeling now because it means I'm going to have a good time.

If you do go out en drab, spend some of that time looking at how the women are dressed and how people are paying attention to their phones, feet, shop windows, birds, one-another, etc. Return to your room, find that outfit that works with the crowd you saw and remember once you make that first step outside each step after is a little easier. honest.

[Jenniferathome]

Allie, the greatest barrier to getting out the door is in your head, not outside. Cross dressing is not against the law. You have every right to be someplace as anyone else. Be conscious of the "dress code" where and when you are, and turn that door knob. It's more liberating than fearful.

I don't want want to be embarrassed when I am out but I want to be out moe than I am afraid of that embarrassment. By the way, it it has never happened. People can handle you.

Have fun

[BillieAnneJean]

Find a support group to help you get OUT enfemme. We do it all the time at The Grand Illusions.

[allie45]

Thanks everyone. I know it is still all in my head.
I have been out several times at home at night, this vacation is to try and get me out in the daylight.
It just seems like I am starting over again from scratch.
It took me a long time to get out at home I just don't want to waste this trip and not go out at all.
I think I will take Katies advice of drab reconnaissance, there are supposed to be freindly bars here.
I will start this afternoon and drink in them all, I should have Poe ty of courage by this evening! Haha

Thank you all girls. I love this site. You don't know me but are always there for me, I wish you were all here.

Next vacation will be Grand Rapids Billiejean I will be in touch!

[BillieAnneJean]

allie45,
WOW! Now THAT is a compliment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You won't be disappointed if you vacation here. Imagine four days of enfemme fun entirely OUT in the company of experienced gals. Well except when you crash at night.

We will be putting our 2016 Drab to Fab calendar on our website soon.

I hope you can come!

Isn't this forum grand?!?!! Where would we be without it?!!?

[Beverley Sims]

With all this encouragement.....


What are you waiting for? :)

[Dana44]

Ah there is no reason to be scared. One time I put my concealer on a little to much and it created a mask effect. Only thing happened there was in a foyer of a restaurant. A GG looked at my face and studied it. My SO said, that she thought her eyeballs were going to jump out. Nothing said. my face did look bad and she probably was thinking how I did that crazy makeup. I was decked out in a pencil skirt, really nice top and lot of bling, rings, watch, earrings and a nice necklace. I just looked at her and smiled. Everything else was great in that restaurant and the waiters were fantastic. I knew it was my fault and the light must have been just right to get that look. Nobody else in that foyer gave me a second look. So people are pretty tolerant. And this is in Texas. One of the places that is a bit harder for the LB-GT. So go for it.

[Bobbi46]

Please, please do not be dissapointed with yourself!. I am new to this forum and to the lovely world of cd but reading some threads and posting my thoughts I plucked up the courag to get a skirt and blouse and go out I did that and only got looked at hard by one couple. So don't worry go out ther and do it after the first time i feel that you will be ok.
Good luck

[Kristy 56]

Allie,certainly don't beat yourself up about it. When you're ready you'll do it. Being in P town,I doubt anyone is going to bother you about. Whatever decision you make,it'll be the right one. :)

[Lexi_83]

allie, a few years ago I found a sure-fire method to help with pre-outing jitters. Schnapps.

I would usually drink some as I was getting ready. This was after a number of times of getting dressed up, then freezing at the door or never getting out of my car. I don't drink much so this would get me relaxed (without having to pee!) but not be under the influence when it came to driving. Do your makeup forst, though....

It reminds me of the line from La Cage aux Folles,
"Would you like a drink?"
"I don't drink."
"It's a good time to start."

[LaurenNZ]

Hi Allie

By now you will probably have made a reconnaissance trip or perhaps even have taken those first tentative steps. Whatever path you have chosen, have fun and what you don't do today you can always do tomorrow.

Lauren

[bimini1]

It takes some time. No matter how prepared and confident you may feel you are going in to it. It can be a whole nother ball game when it's time to actually hit the door.

[DebbieL]

Provincetown is a great place to do an excursion like this. The point is to start small and build your confidence. Start with a walk around the block, the a walk to a convenience store, then a trip to a drug store or a grocery store. Then maybe to a gay club, and then to other places that meet your desires and needs.

When you are NOT dressed, be aware of what women your age and size are wearing and where. The miniskirt and 3 inch heels look really hot, but don't wear them to the grocery store. On a nice summer day, shorts and tennis shoes are a good start. By the time you have the confidence to go to a gay club, you will easily be comfortable and accepted.

I would be very careful about going to straight bars in Houston. There is an LGBT center in Houston, (https://www.google.com/maps/place/Gay+%26+Lesbian+Switchboard+Houston/@29.736536,-95.384816,15z/data=!4m3!3m2!1s0x0:0x294211e48ec873ec!4b1) and they can give you the names of LGBT friendly venues.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Yeah, what everyone else said. I wish I were there to help you. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

[Tracii G]

Suck it up and get dolled up as best you can and go for it.

[Bobbi46]

pluck the courage and go for it I did today some people just did not notice others did no big deal, you just need to say to yourself "I can do it"

Good luck and hugs
longlegs

[crystaltvco]

P'town is a great place to start your baby steps. Such a wonderfully gay place! Not saying you are gay hon. Just that it is a very open place. Just remember the great advice from above: Dress correctly for your age and time of day. Just like a GG. Do lots and lots of people watching.

I hope you can get out and have some fun. Do you have any friends there with you? Maybe hit some of the quieter bars/restaurants in town and make new ones?

Have fun hon!! You only live a few times said the Buddhist :)

[TrishaTX]

I had a group I=in Long island and I went out a few times. The first time , I sat fully dressed in the car right in front of the restaurant...so scared. I wen tit and realized noon cares...a drink or two helps...have confidence.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Alie

Think about this. Everyone in -town is one of LGBT. If you go out in drab as a straight guy, off season, then people will look at you.

[rachael.davis]

Allie
I'm going to repeat - You're in Provincetown, you're in the gay riviera
Avoid the bear bars, and probably the big muscle and leather bars (drat), and you'll do just fine
There isn't a more accepting place to be

[Adriana Moretti]

yea I gotta agree with Rachel...it does not get any easier than P-Town unless there was a gay planet somewhere in the universe...your mind is playing tricks on you. After that first step it will all be downhill...BUT you gotta TAKE that first step

[MsVal]

Some have advised going out for a casual walk. That's okay I guess but I found it easier to have an accepting destination as a reason for going out dressed. Eg: therapist, support group, GNO.

The first time out was a direct, non stop, door to door trip with a box of masculine clothes on the passenger seat.

As time went on and confidence built, I have become comfortable making other stops along the way.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Jorja]

Don't make me come all the way there and drag you out the door screaming and yelling, young lady!:)

[Bobbi46]

Do not dilly dally have courage sweety and get out there.

[Lexi_83]

Go out in the day! Best place for people watching, ever.

[allie45]

OK, Ok, Ok!
I just had my nails done and a wax.
Legs are shaved all my boy clothes are now dirty as I didn't bring many.
We are going to check out a bar for this evening or tomorrow.
Thanks girls for egging me on.
Jorja- You made me laugh out loud with that comment.

[Bobbi46]

go this evening don't wait for tomorrow go for it