Need my Sisters Ideas plz!!!

[HaleyPink2000]

Our local TriEss meeting is next Saturday, in a town about two hours away. It starts at 7pm at one of the Hotels of the area. I did get reservations for the night so that I could go, and not have to drive home at midnight.

My Wife had plans that night with the nephew “ age 10 ”. He was to staying over at our house. So She was not going with me. Also I don’t dress around the kids BTW. Now that She has found out that He’s not coming, She wants to go with me. Oh, I was so happy till She said “ But I am not going to your meeting. Nor, am I going to have anything to do with your girl stuff that night”.
My heart fell on the floor and it was if she stepped on it!

My question is should I ask her not to go since? She won’t be able to do anything at the Hotel other than stay in the room, or go out shopping in the city by Herself. She won’t like it, me being dressed, and it will be confrontational most likely. Or should I just let Her go with me, and let it just happen?
I dress some at home and she says little to me when I do. I am ignored when I dress. Like I’m not in the house “Invisible”! She has said “ I kind of understand you dressing when you go to bed. But I don’t like it when you dress other wise. Lipstick, wig and all that stuff. Don’t you realize what will happen if you get caught by someone we know? I tell you, I will act like I never knew”. My Wife said this almost word for word. If She is not going to the meeting, why should I take Her with me?

I need Ideas from My Sisters on this!

Thanks!
Haley:(

[Paula Rae]

To keep peace and harmony in your family.

Ricki B

[HaleyPink2000]

Should I leave her home?

Haley:)

[Lucy Jayne GG]

In the nicest way possible,I would ask her not to come along.
Its not meant to hurt or exclude her from anything,if you know full well its going to end up in an arguement,I would try and reason with her.
Tell her that,You arent doing this to be away from her,or to go behind her back,just that you would rather save both your feelings from getting hurt.
And if she's just looking to do something that night,tell her to go out with some girlfriends,and have some fun.
Also,how long ago did she find out about your CD'ing?Is it news to her?If it is she may not be ready to accept it,And her behaviour would be understandable,so I would keep that in mind.
So,if that is the case I would either bring her along so she can try and understand,or scrap the whole trip to have "couples time",so maybe you could discuss it,there are many good books and references about this certain subject,Hell this website alone would help anyone to understand CD's better...Just some ideas to throw out there.


Hope to have helped,
Lucy J

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Haley

If you dont take your wife with you. How will she feel lonley, deserted, upset and possibly mistrusting.
The fact that the original plan was for her to be with the nephew is irrevelant. Its now you have to deal with.
If she goes with you it is possible that she may just change her mind. The curiousity may mean she want to see what happens at these meetings, or it may be she may thinking its a opportunity to meet other wives in the same situation. However she may be nervous about voicing this option to you, and she can choose go at the last minute if she so desires.

It maybe she just want to be with her husband at night

Sometimes the simple solutions are correct.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[livy_m_b]

Personally, I think you should take her - even if she's adverse at the moment, and she sounds like she is, it will give her the chance of seeing how not alone you are in your interests. In the hotel, there will be other spouses, some pro, some neutral, some reluctantly there - seeing how they handle it might be useful. Are there any functions for gg-so's at the meeting? Do you have to make arrangements in advance for her participation - if so, do it and let her decide whatever she wants. It sounds like it's "what others might think" that's bothering her at the moment - give her an opportunity to see how others are handling similar situations even if at a distance.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Haley

Tough situation! Personally, I'd take her with and see what happens. Ask her to try going to the meeting with you, maybe she will, you never know.

GypsyKaren

[paulaN]

The best way to keep peace is to let her come along. My first reaction is to leave her home but like one of the other girls said she might learn something and that could only help you in the long run. my wife feels the same as yous what if somebody finds out. who cares I'm getting to old to hide any more. take her and make the best of it. And when you get back from your meeting and she is in bed, tell her what a great time you had with everyone and how much fun it was ect. ect. then she might feel as if she missed something. might help next time.

[Jenny Beth]

Leaving her at home isn't a good idea, she will likely just get angrier about the whole thing and build up even more objections to it. Remember, she has no one to talk to about this and your going alone might have her reach the boiling point and feel very hurt. It may not be a pleasant trip having her with you but at least she will know that this side of you still cares for and loves her. Make something else out of this trip other than something just for you, a romantic dinner comes to mind. Hope it all goes well.

[TGMarla]

I have to agree with Karen. Your wife know the reason you're going out of town, right? And she still wants to go with you? You should take her, but perhaps you should talk about a few things first. She knows there will be a Tri-Ess meeting, and that you are going to attend. She has to know that you will be changing in the hotel room. You have a right to not have to take any crap for doing that, since it is your reason for going there in the first place. However, in exchange for her support/silence/cooperation there, perhaps you should make sure to do something nice together, like dinner or a show. But then there's the time factor.

What are her motives for wanting to go with you? Maybe there's a way to make it good for both of you?

[Raychel]

Maybe you should go to the meeting in drab, and take her along with you. If she meets other people and finds out that they are not as bad as she is thinking. She may just enjoy it.

[Sarahgurl371]

Haley, I would take her along. Like others have said, maybe its a way to keep the peace. I totally understand your situation. You have made plans and are looking forward so much to some support from people who share a common interest. Maybe she would gain some insight into the whole thing. Maybe she does want to go with you, and just can't bring herself to ask yet.

If it were me, I would ask if my going en drab would help her to want to go with me to the meeting. Even though I haven't dressed in a month now, I would relish the opportunity to take my SO along with me, in order that she may see this isn't what she thinks it is. But I am basically to the point where I would do whatever possible to help her to understand this side of me.

Even if it became a "husband and wife" weekend, and I lost all opportunity to dress. I would do it at this point, just to show her that I am trying to make every effort at fixing this thing.

Just my 2 cents, and in my experience.

[BethCD]

Haley, Myself, I would take her. It's a great opportunity for her to even accidentally see that you are not the only CD on earth. She is bound to see some cds in the hotel, and if you can get her to go to the meeting, she will have the opportunity to taalk with other SO's . Currently she has no one to share her "grief" with. Just don't push het too hard. And as someone else mentioned, if time allows, do something nice..just the two of you. Dinner, shopping,etc.
Good luck. Let us know how things went.

Beth:bs: 0.02

[Marla GG]

Hi Haley,

I understand your dilemma. If you take her, she is going to have to be in the room with you when you get ready, and when you get back from the meeting (obviously dressed), and if she is not thrilled about your dressing that could be awkward. She will have ample opportunities to voice her disapproval and you are right, it could be confrontational, especially if she has to stay in the room alone feeling sorry for herself while you are out enjoying the evening.

BUT, having said all that, I think you need to take her if she wants to go. I hope this doesn't offend you, because I know from your posts how devoted you are to your wife, but the main reason I can think of for her request to go is that she feels a little insecure and wants to keep an eye on you and make sure that your Tri-Ess meetings are just Tri-Ess meetings and nothing else. I am not saying that she doesn't trust you, but it is possible that the idea of you spending the night in a hotel room away from her, doing "girl stuff," is making her nervous.

It could also be that she does wish on some level that she could be included, but hasn't yet reached the point where she feels comfortable participating. So as others have said, this trip could make it all seem a bit less threatening. There is a chance she will see something that changes her mind, and there may also be opportunities for the two of you to talk to one another during the times you are alone together. Try not to let it spoil your enjoyment -- some good could come of it, and at the very least your wife will probably feel better about you going to future meetings.

Hugs,
Marla

[Glenda]

Be happy that she is going with you but don't change your plans for attending the meeting en femme. She knows that is the reason you are going. She shouldn't want to change that. It will give you time to be together in an environment away from your home. Maybe she really wants to be more accepting and understanding. Don't pressure her to attend the meeting but you should not discourage her from doing so either. She may decide to at a later time. If she really wants to change your plans, perhaps you can agree to go out of town in drab on another weekend?

I am curious why you think she wouldn't have anything to do but stay in the room by herself. Maybe she has her own plans as well. After all, freedom is a two way street. You need to be trusting as well as trustworthy.

[uknowhoo]

So sorry Haley to hear of your dilemma. I think you've gotten some excellent feedback here. Most of the advice i had to offer has already been stated. I would add one thing though. Before making your final decision, ask your wife about why it is that she wants to go. This will open up a discussion of some of the concerns you may have, and also underscore the fact that her wishes and desires are also important to you. Communication is a good thing (even though sometimes it doesn't work out that way in the short run). Good luck, sweetie. Big hugs, Tammi

[Tina Dixon]

Well the hard part is over she knows you dress, but don't like is the other part, honey why don't you just stay home, im leaving dressed and going to be dressed all the time and may have a cocktale with the girls after, see you when I get home.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I can't add much more without being repetitive, so I'll just say that I agree with those who have said to take her along.

[Dana]

Hi Haley,

I understand your dilemma. If you take her, she is going to have to be in the room with you when you get ready, and when you get back from the meeting (obviously dressed), and if she is not thrilled about your dressing that could be awkward. She will have ample opportunities to voice her disapproval and you are right, it could be confrontational, especially if she has to stay in the room alone feeling sorry for herself while you are out enjoying the evening.

BUT, having said all that, I think you need to take her if she wants to go. I hope this doesn't offend you, because I know from your posts how devoted you are to your wife, but the main reason I can think of for her request to go is that she feels a little insecure and wants to keep an eye on you and make sure that your Tri-Ess meetings are just Tri-Ess meetings and nothing else. I am not saying that she doesn't trust you, but it is possible that the idea of you spending the night in a hotel room away from her, doing "girl stuff," is making her nervous.

It could also be that she does wish on some level that she could be included, but hasn't yet reached the point where she feels comfortable participating. So as others have said, this trip could make it all seem a bit less threatening. There is a chance she will see something that changes her mind, and there may also be opportunities for the two of you to talk to one another during the times you are alone together. Try not to let it spoil your enjoyment -- some good could come of it, and at the very least your wife will probably feel better about you going to future meetings.

Hugs,
Marla


:iagree:

[Kimberley]

Haley, perhaps I am wrong here but doesnt Tri-Ess have an excellent support system for SO's? Marla would probably have more info on that. Maybe your wife would benefit from meeting some of the GG's both here and from Tri-Ess. Of course it would be a delicate subject to broach but maybe worthwhile.

I agree with Marla on this one. Keep your wife in the loop. At least she is still there with you and not left so you have a huge support whether you recognize it or not. It may not feel like it but it is there. If it wasnt she wouldnt express her concerns about your being discovered. Some of those concerns are for her personal comfort too. Remember the bias society has against us and remember she is feeling some of that for sure. She is probably very conflicted.

I think you should take her with you, treat her like the woman she is, make sure she knows you love her and always remember why she fell in love with you. Those attributes are still there or she would have gone long ago. Go to the meeting but dont forget to take her to dinner and shopping too. She is there for many reasons, trust, love you name it, but remember she is still there with you. Be there with her, for her, and I think it can be a fabulous weekend.

[Shannon S.]

There could definately be a few reasons why she may want to go.

• She wants to make sure there's no "extra activities" going on outside of your known plans.

• She doesn't want to be alone.

• She wants to go on a trip even if she'll be by herself for the most part and see you in full girly gear.

• She wants to take a closer look at you and your crossdressing hobby. She might be opening up to a bit of understanding and could be taking baby steps towards a higher acceptance.

• Maybe she has wants to test the waters and think about going to the meeting.

• Maybe she has a fun night planned for you on your return from the meeting.

Whatever it may truly be... who knows? I'd let her go just to show her your appreciation for letting you continue your hobby and throw any doubts out that she might be keeping towards you. It also shows your still thinking and caring about her. :)

Good luck and have fun!:bs:

:<3:Shannon S.:<3:

[Genifer Teal]

I think you have to take her if she wants to go.
It could also be that she does wish on some level that she could be included, but hasn't yet reached the point where she feels comfortable participating.

I agree with Marla on both counts above. The fact that she is wants to come along is a sign of progress. This is an improvement from wanting nothing to do with your dressing, regardless of her motive.

While on your trip, follow her lead. Your dressing and going to the meeting will already be the focus of the evening. Don't add to it by talking about it the whole time. Be glad she chose to come. This is a huge step for her. Don't make it any bigger. Baby steps will get you alot further in the long run.

Afterwards, remember to thank her for coming along. Then you might ask her what she thought. You could casually mention other wives were there and when she is ready, they would be willing to chat with her if she wants to understand this more. Don't push her to come to this meeting. save that for another time.

Best of luck!

Hugs - Genifer

[HaleyPink2000]

I want to foremost , thank you all for the help.

It's simply that She does know about my dressing as I have dressed at home for years. Just usually under clothes and nightgowns. Now She worries when I'm fully dressed, lipstick, nails, dress, heels etc. Then going to CD meetings at some support group. We did go the TriEss Halloween party where She sat outside while everyone else did go inside for the formal meeting. I did go in for just a minute to tell everyone we had to leave. When I came out She stated that She could not stand it anymore. Said She was freaked out by everyone. So we did leave early and drove home. I was understanding and tried to only answer what questions that came up, in a nice way. That was on the drive home. It seemed that She was more freaked by others dressed than me being dressed. Never did She say it, but I could tell by what She was saying and Her actions.

So now all of a sudden She wants to go to this one with me but not go to the meeting. Just to as She says " get away". She's putting off some of the others in my family just to go as of today. She told my Granddaughter we had plans this coming weekend. WOW that’s new , HUH?

I'm in my 50's and so is She. Been married 25 years. I don't hide anything from her. Nothing at all, no matter how bad it is. !!!!

So As you all Have said I prolly should take Her. I'm just worried of many things. She's a professional type business woman, loving Grandmother, devote Christian, thinks we are all going to hell for this. She's just a great Gal.

So do I take Her with? I dono. Help ! Gawd help!

Oh, and I have to press my skirt and suit top for the meeting before hand. Wow do I do it or do I aks her to help. Since I don't iron very well???LOL

[Mitzi]

It strikes me, as others have said, that she wants to make sure nothing more happens than the TriEss meeting, and she wants a mini vacation away from everyday humdrum. From your last post, she definitely isn't interested in enlightment.

To not take her would be very bad. She would be suspicious and angry. Given her discomfort with your dressing, maybe the best thing to do on this trip is to attend the meeting en drab... Then she'll be reassured that you're going for the stated reason, support, and not for "prancing around" as my wife puts it. Or if you absolutely need to dress, do so at the meeting locale.

Not very satisfactory alternatives, but...

And extend the trip a day or so and spend some quality time with her.

Mitzi

[S. Lisa Smith]

I had great hopes that this would be an enlightening experence for her. With the additonal information I'm not as optimistic as I was. Mitzi is right, go en drab and also do something special for her in additon.

[Wendy me]

ok my thoughts are this tell her she could come along if she wants but you are going to your meeting and she would not have much to do if she did not join you there .. and offer her a weekend for just the two of you at a latter date were you bouth could enjoy time together....

[Janelle Marshall]

Haley, I definatley feel you should take her along. If she won't go to the meeting with you initially, offer to scope it out and come back to the room to let her know who is there, as in 4 SOs and 8 CDers. Remember, she may be feeling that this would be a "coming out" for her. My wife has said she would not be comfortable at a meeting because she would be the only one "not in disguise". Your wife might be having some similar feelings. If she is there with you the opportunity may arise for her to meet another SO outside of the meeting in a one on one situation. That might be less intimidating for her. There are plenty of good things that could only come from her being there. give her a chance, she may change her mind about not participating after she sees how non threatening the environment is. Good luck. I just went to my first Tri-ess meeting last month(without my wife). I hope to get her to come in the future. Please let us know how it goes!
Janelle

[HaleyPink2000]

I talked to my TriEss Local Rep. She said to come in drab I would not fit into this meeting and might call attention to us because of it. She stated that I should go dressed and that my Wife knows the score already. She knows I'm a CD and knows this is a CD meeting. So again what to do??? I'm pulled several ways. Like not going at all would make it that She wins and I don't go to my suport group meetings anymore. She thinks that they are dragging me into hell with them as she has said in other words.

I so just want to go and have fun and no problems. I don't want her mad either.

Also this is a meeting based on us becoming a full TriEss group with all the backing from TriEss and all. There is suposed to be forms to join and then they will have a national known Rep come to talk to us all.

Haley:) Help plz

[S. Lisa Smith]

She thinks that they are dragging me into hell with them as she has said in other words.

Haley:) Help plz
I am not an expert. I obviously don't know her or you. So take this with a grain of salt. I think this puts a whole new spin on things. I think this is more than the "normal" unaccepting wife situation and you really need to call in the professionals. If you can find a marriage therapist who is well versed with gender matters, it is my suggestion that you meet with him/her. (Ironically Triess may be able to help with names. I think the reaction of the group leader as you related it was unhelpful and perhaps unrealistic. "Come dressed, she knows the score." is not the answer IMHO)

This is not going to help the immediate problem of the Saturday meeting. I have changed my mind on my advise given above. Don't bring her, in fact, I'd consider passing on the meeting. You need to regroup and plan.

[Phoebe Reece]

Haley,

Lots of good advice has been given already. For what it's worth, here's mine.
I suggest you welcome your wife along on the trip. Be sure to pack your femme things. When you get checked in to the hotel ask her if she would be willing to go to the meeting with you if you are in drab. If the answer is yes, by all means take her along with you in drab. If the answer is no, go ahead and get dressed and attend the meeting by yourself enfemme. That way you give her all the choices. Graciously accept whatever choice she makes and it will be a positive step. You might also give a suggestion that the two of you go sightseeing or shopping or something interesting the next day (with you drab, of course).

Best of luck, whatever happens.

[HaleyPink2000]

As I did get out my laundry of girl things, Also got out my new Roamans two piece suit, so that I could iron it for this Saturday. As I did go into the bathroom where the ironing board is setup. My wife came in and set up the iron for me, and even got out the water for the iron. A little later She was helping me with my lingerie in the laundry also. It was kind of a turn around from what She has been like. It's scary actually. She has always been against me dressing, but to help me with my ironing, that I am to wear this weekend is quite diffrent. Later I got out the other dresses. I am going to wear shopping during the Day Saturday, and going out to eat that evening to a very nice place. Black tie and all I believe. So I have my long black dress in hand ready to iron it also.

Wow! What do you all think??? Isn't this a bit off track from what She's been doing? Or am I just in the lul of the storm? I mean like please clue me in to what to expect next, HUH? I'm like lost now. I thought I had Her figured out.

I mean it's one way yesterday and then today a complete turn around.
Haley:)

[insearchofme]

You actually said you thought you had her figured out. Come on, deep down inside you know that you can't figure women out. If you ever do then write a book and you'll be super rich!

Love women, love dressing like one, but will never figure them out.

[HaleyPink2000]

Yeah I did say that, didn't I?

Wow never will I figure them out. I actually told her tonight I was going to go shopping for a camisal top and half slip tomorrow night after She asked what I was going to do tomorrow night. So now I know She has plans with a student tomorrow night that She is teaching. I'm going to try to make this a fun weekend for us both. I'm going to take Her along and I plan to leave home dressed. Not to return till Sunday afternoon. I so hope She figures out that no one is out to get Her and that we are not going to hell over this. Guess if there are no storms She won't think lightning is going to hit us. LOL:) Sorry just a bit of bad humor.

Thank you all so much for the help. I'll let you know what does happen.

Haley:)

[uknowhoo]

WOW Haley, helping with the ironing!!! That's certainly encouraging. If she's anything like my wife, she may change her mind/mood about it 20 more times between now and then. At least you've received some postive and accepting feedback, that's wonderful. Good luck, sweetie. We'll all keep our fingers crossed for you this weekend. I hope you both have a wonderful time. Take care. Hugs, Tammi

[HaleyPink2000]

Yeah Tammi, it's way wild the way it's going!

I did go out tonight shopping at the mall and then to walmart for some cami's and some valentines undies to wear this weekend. Girl stuff. I bought 4 diffrent color cammisals, 3 pushup bras, 5 pair of valentines day undies for the price of 3, a nice black top with a sagging collar in the front with 3/4 length sleeves and a nice blue jean chain belt for my jean skirts.

Well, as the story goes I came home with everything and not a word about my spending. She took my white top and girlie clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer for me while I was gone shopping. She knew why I was going and what I was looking for in the way of clothing. She's been real tied up on the PC tonight doing some free work for a local orginazation we belong to. She's just now gone to bed. It's 11:34 pm here in Illinois.

I So afraid still this will be a big disaster. But I'm going to take Her along with me. As many of you have said to do. I'm a gona listen to ya's. LOL:)

Wait till Saturday when I go shopping dressed. It's going to be so cool. We'll se if She goes with me during this.

Love to you all!
Haley:)

[uknowhoo]

Haley, sweetie, you obviously didn't read the disclaimer...
you can't pin this one on us! :cheeky:

Seriously, have a great time. We'll be eagerly awaiting your reconnaisance (sp.) report.

xxoo

T

[HaleyPink2000]

Well, lets see, Saturday and Yesterday TriEss meeting. It was a bad snowy day to drive anyplace. Cars in ditches and several 10 to 20 plus car pile ups. Trucks over in the ditches and flat 4 wheelers. As I was told by my Wife, “ We always go places in bad weather”. That said the trip got better about an hour from home. Drove out of the snow belt, and the sun was shining and everything. Just turned out to be a beautiful winter day.

The meeting was held in a Motel about 2 hours from my home. Had special rates for us and for the meeting, $59 for the room, and $50 for the meeting room. They even would have cookies, and coffee for us. Before arriving at the Motel we found a nice restaurant to have lunch. It was a wonderful place with a nice atmosphere. She seemed to enjoy lunch out. Said “ It’s nice not to have to cook”.

At the Motel, we found the accommodations very nice. A wonderful room with 2 queen size beds. Also, a computer setup for my Wife’s laptop, she loved that right off. In searching out the meeting room. I found that a party was planned in their main room. With white linen table napkins, like it might be set for a wedding. There was a dance floor, and a sound man setting up the sound system. The Sound Man “DJ” said to me “ Don’t I know you from”? Yes, I told him and we talked about music, and many other things for a while. When I got back to the room, my Wife was way into her PC, and doing some work on it.
She said to me “We’d best not go out shopping today, but wait till tomorrow as there is only 3 hours till your meeting”. I was ok with that also I thought it might take that long to get ready.

Taking a shower, washing my hair and all, took up about a half hour. I love doing long showers at Hotels! All the hot water you would ever need. Next was the under clothes, makeup, jewelry, half slip, skirt, camisole, matching suit top, garter belt, nylons with a line, with matching shoes. The suit was wonderful it has small ruffles around the end of the sleeves, that match the ones on the bottom of the skirt. Then I put on my new Paula Young wig, what a transformation. Looking back at me was a beautiful woman around maybe 45. That was the most fun dressing I had for a long time.

As I did go out of the bathroom, my Wife looked at me and said nothing. Just did go back to her work. She’s not look me in the face. Nor would She get up and walk around the room, as that might cause her to look at me. Out of my normal vision I could catch glimpses of her looking at me. But, again She said nothing about me being dressed. Held Her Cool, and was a lady about the complete thing. I sat there on the edge of the bed wondering if I should leave for the meeting yet. It was 6:00pm and the meeting was to start at 7pm. I told her that I was going to the meeting early, and would be back later. She said “ have fun”. Still typing on her laptop pc. So, out the door and down the hall.

I was Haley again, free to be the image of my female self. Part way down the hall I met Tammy. A beautiful 6 foot plus girl, with a wonderful smile. She was maybe 30ish, and had an evening dress on that was just gorgeous. We met and talked walking down the hall. In came our local Facilitator, from the other end of the hall. “ I have to deliver a couple things” She told us. Also for us to go wait in the meeting room. So we did walk to the meeting room to find it locked. OK, it was locked and we are standing in a isle of the Hotel, with people walking in and out the front door. No one ever made us or even cared about us standing there. I was lucky I did not have heels on though, just red angle pumps. After about 5 min they did show up and unlock the door. Not a big deal.

Sitting in the room was quite interesting. The help came in with trays of food, and coffee in large dispensers. Never once were they disrespectful to us. Always a nice smile and a may I help you Ma’am. The meeting was just 3 members of our local group and 2 TriEss people from Chicago. They were nice and gave us an idea of the background of TriEss. With all the answers you would need. Had a power point presentation, also a couple short movies. One clip was from a national program of a couple from my home town. He’s a CD at home and a Man at work. From what I did see, the presentation was based on showing us the structure of TriEss. OK, then came the paperwork to join TriEss, and the costs involved. Hmmm, I’d better take this home and read this better.

After the meeting, back to my room with one of the wives. She did not want to wait in the meeting room for Her husband to finish talking. She is very anti husband dressing. BTW She had dressed for the meeting in our room earlier. So Her and my Wife had time to talk before, and after the TriEss meeting. I guess that did open the door for lots to be said. My wife and I don’t have secrets. I was told everything that did happen later on. Anyway, the TriEss people called the room I was in. Wanting to know if I wanted to share in a pizza. Looking around the room, the girls wanted nothing to do with it. So I told them no on the phone. I changed clothes, got all my makeup and nail polish off. Then did go down the hall to another room were they had all gathered. It was nice, just the four of us. I wore camo sweats. The two TriEss people from Chicago, and one of the locals. Lots of meeting after the meeting things were discussed. But I was still holding back feelings, Feelings that had been put into me by my Wife. Like it’s family resources, time away from each other, I married a Man, Your all going to Hell, and when are you going to snap and want to be with another Man etc. That said I was listening to these people talk about setting up a charter in Central Illinois. Seems easy enough. But still in my mind, the courts out on this one for a while. Well the local guys wife did knock on the door, and the meeting after the meeting was over.

Getting back to my room, that was a trip. Walked in the door and my Wife started in on me! You know about those two don’t you. “No” I said. Well She started in on this and that. Not going to mention all of what my Wife had to say. But nothing was good. Then She told me, “ Your all going to Hell in a basket”. I was ducking and dodging word attacks, in one form or another. Not a good time. It’s like why did I even bother to bring her? It was bad enough before. But now, Gawd. It would have been better to keep the two women apart really. Would have it of been better if She came to the meeting? NO!
One of the Wives that came to the meeting, blew up at Her Husband in the meeting. Which I’m sure they talked about later.
That changed the complete coarse of the meeting for a while.

Am I glad I went to this. No! I think knowing about others, and how bad they have it worries me big time. I can say I suffer some but not like others. I love my Wife with all my soul, and I feel She loves me as much in return. This evening She said little things like “ I did not have to cook”, or “ I got to stay in a Hotel for the weekend”. Would it of been better to just go to a nice hotel with a pool just the two of us for a weekend. Yeah!

The next day, Sunday. We did go shopping at a big Mall, She had never been to. Got Her two pair of jeans, and some jewelry. Had Starbucks coffee. All and all a nice time. Drove home with most of the snow gone off the roads. A beautiful winter day. We talked some about the time. But I wanted to try to steer away from certain issues, like one of the wives that were there at the meeting. That was a subject for later when I was not driving. I was still hurting from my heart operation though. Even today hardly can breathe from it. Hurts quite badly.

That was my weekend. Hope this was not to long. But it took this much to tell you the details. Any of my friends want to know more Yahoo me!

Haley:(

[uknowhoo]

No sweetie, it wasn't too long (just too bad :o ).

I'm so sorry your weekend didn't go as planned. It was an unfortunate dilemma to begin with. As for a silver lining... you still do have each other, and love each other with all your souls. It sounds like your love and marriage will survive this. Unfortunately, that's more than alot of our sisters can say.:(

Good luck, and take care.

Sincerely,

Tammi

[TracyDeluxe]

Maybe you should go to the meeting in drab, and take her along with you. If she meets other people and finds out that they are not as bad as she is thinking. She may just enjoy it.

Although I haven't been in your situation in years, this does sound like good advice. Yes, you will be sacrificing in the short run, but it may bring rewards in the future. Or maybe not, but at least you will have tried your best.

edit: Aw, drats. Sorry I didn't scroll down to the end before I posted, I just was so eager to give advice and support. Sorry.

[HaleyPink2000]

I am glad you thought enough about me to post your thoughts.
Now I am hoping that you will help me to anticipate what will
possibly happen next. She held me last evening on the couch
most all evening. As I have had a 101 plus temp for two days.
She’s defiantly got issues with me dressing. Her worst being
the religious angle. I really need help in figuring this out. I have
had thoughts of trying to stop, as She calls this an illness. That
She was not divorcing me because I’m sick. I was glad to
hear the no divorce thing. But in retrospect, I so wish I had
not let the two wives get together.

Tracy also the rest of my Sisters on here. Rally your thoughts
and let me know them please. I’m not crazy, I know when to
ask for help. I need your help in this. Dealing with a religious
wife, also that loves me with all her heart.


Haley

[Jenny Beth]

Haley since your wife is very religious this goes against all her convictions. However there is hope in the fact she still loves you and is not about to call it quits. If she truly believes in the phrase "In sickness and in health" you need to find a way that she sees this as a health issue since it actually is in terms of gender identity and not one of sickness. I haven't a clue how you'd do that with her strong opposition but my guess is in time your wife will realize this won't just go away. Hope you feel better soon, with a temp of 101 I'd be in bed.

[TracyDeluxe]

I don't know, Haley. Coming from where I come from (I had 3 LTR's with women who knew, but did not approve, and eventually it became the CD'ing or them, and I literally could not stop, so they left me) any advice I give would be highly suspect and biased.

So I'll just wish you luck. Being in your (and my former) place is truly being between a rock and a hard place.

[HaleyPink2000]

One might be for me to work on the Healthy issue. Any Ideas from anyone would be great!

The next is working on the idea of the religious issue. Thats the tough nut to crack.

Sisters, it's your ideas that might get me through this. Please please keep trying for me. Any thoughts no matter if they are from 2 in the morning please let me know and I will keep you posted.

Haley:)



Haley since your wife is very religious this goes against all her convictions. However there is hope in the fact she still loves you and is not about to call it quits. If she truly believes in the phrase "In sickness and in health" you need to find a way that she sees this as a health issue since it actually is in terms of gender identity and not one of sickness. I haven't a clue how you'd do that with her strong opposition but my guess is in time your wife will realize this won't just go away. Hope you feel better soon, with a temp of 101 I'd be in bed.

[Julia Cross]

On another note, have either of you gone to outside help to assist in understanding the crossdressing. Maybe she feels so alone and like she's hiding a shameful secret.

You say she has known for along time about the dressing as you don't hide it at home. If it bothers her so much, how does she manage to tolerate it at home? How do you?

Sorry to hear that things have been so volatile.

Julia

[Annaliese]

Tell her what you plans are for the night that you are going to get dress and go to the meeting, and if she has no interest in that, that you will find out what there is for her to do near the Hotel (shopping,Show) that you love her verry much.

Tell her just like she need a night out with the girl (how under stand her) that you need the same thing.

Love and good luck.

P.S. let us know how it gose.

[Kimberley]

Hi Haley,
Religious values go right to the core. That is a tough one. All you can do is be yourself and hopefully your wife will come to realize in time that this is not an illness but a gift. A gift she hasnt seen yet.

Big HUGS

Kimberley.

[HaleyPink2000]

It's nice to have freinds. I will be taking it slow and easy not pushing anything. I am sure that some time down the road things will come together in some fashion. I would just like to Help make it as positive for the both of us as possible. Thats why I feel being on this forum is the place for me. With my peers.

Haley:)