I got my hand slap

[Jean 103]

Metaphorically Speaking, fallout from Sunday night. What I did and said is in my last post.

Tuesday night I went to the bar for a game of pool and a beer. I arrive just after midnight, new bartender, small crowd. She makes me wait while she talks to these guys at the end of the bar, like they aren’t going anywhere. She finally comes to the center of the bar to take my order and she cards me. Anyway she gets my beer, it’s like in the cooler between us, not like she has to even take a step. So I’m drinking my beer and the bar manager comes over and ask me to play a game of pool. She racks I break, so we are talking through the game, then we are standing next to the table and it develops into a more serious talk. I may have the topics out of order: she wants to make sure I have a good time, she has my back, I guess some people have been saying things/ making fun of me and she shut it down, she doesn’t want me disrespecting myself, I believe this is in reference to Sunday night, she asks if I am or was a cop , really, she said that someone said I was in the men’s bathroom, standing to ----, I stopped her and told her that I have never used the men’s bathroom here and only use the women’s, which is single occupant, this means someone is spreading lies about me, then she asks some personal questions about transitioning. When I am asked any question about this I’m completely honest.

I have been going over it in my head and I have come to the conclusion that I owe her an apology. I should and will in the future behave better, am I being held to a different standard? Probably. I’m not embarrassed by my behavior, just that in the future if I go out with someone from the bar, I won't broadcast it.

After leaving the bar I went to the casino. I played a machine for a few minutes, won a couple dollars, than went to the café for a meal on the casino. I got home at 4:30am. I have to be to work at 8am, so just a couple hours of sleep.
Just Jean

[mechamoose]

To me, it kind of sounds like she 'read' you and was trying to make sure that YOU were ok and that there were no other 'issues' to be concerned about. It sounds like the place you visited has some level of clue and is trying to make good on it.

Not a bad situation, if you ask me.

- MM

[natalie_cheryl]

I have to agree with moose she and add she is a small business owner, as she said she had defended you publicly and wanted you to know that her bar is a safe place for all. May even hope that you feel comfortable to bring more people with you in the future no matter their gender or sexual preference. Basically the power of spoken word and social media

[Beverley Sims]

Just someone who cares and was trying to protect you.

Just behave responsibly and life will be good.

[Rhonda Jean]

I read it differently. I think she's trying to politely tell her she'd rather her take her business elsewhere.

[paulaprimo]

i've owned a bar for a very long time. It's a "straight" pretty much red neck and blue collar bar.
i currently do have a t-girl who stops in from time to time. so far there has never been a problem,
but if there ever was and she wasn't the one to start the problem, i would certainly tell her the same
thing, that i have her back and probably throw the trouble maker out.
i really don't hold her or anybody else for that matter to a different set of standards. if they behave,
have respect for others and are not drunk, anybody is welcomed into my bar.
now, when i go out, i do try and have a higher set of standards for myself. i smile, am friendly and
over tip... a sure way to gain acceptance!!

[natalie_cheryl]

I read it differently. I think she's trying to politely tell her she'd rather her take her business elsewhere.

Really? please explain why you see it that way

[Jean 103]

There is a lot I left out of this post and for that matter all of my posts. This site is not about dating, or related issues. I had told the manager Miss M of my boyfriend that is how I found this bar to gauge her reaction. It was what I would expect from a GG or about anyone else. Non approving, she said, dose his wife know. That’s right I had an affair with a married man. No I didn’t know at first but I suspected. We talked about a lot more than my conduct. The reason I made this post was to say there are people standing up for you that you may not even know about. I have been to this bar many times, I have met all the bartenders and bouncers, I have been treated well, some of the patrons give me the cold shoulder while others buy me drinks. I don’t go to bars, I only go to this one because it is friendly. Finally some of her questioning comes from the paranoid, like druggies. I grew up in this town it is very clicky.

Just Jean

[Kate T]

Yeah, you needed your hand slapped. Sure it takes 2 to tango but what does it say about the respect you have for the wife of the man you slept with on Sunday night? Time to grow up and start respecting other people. I wonder if that is what the Bar manager might be trying to tell you hmm....

[kimdl93]

She seemed polite in voicing her questions and concerns. I don't see a problem with that. I do worry about the late nights

[Suzie Petersen]

You say the manager asked if you are, or used to be, a cop.
Did you consider that she may have been thinking you are at her bar working the role of a T prostitute, getting her customers in trouble!

Picking up a guy, taking him to you room and then be back again a little later to work the room again might not exactly be the typical dating pattern she is used to seeing.

- Suzie

[Jean 103]

Adina that was not my boyfriend. He was just some gay guy that picked me up. He is not married, was just passing through town. The first and only time that has happened... Your right about respecting others the same point Miss M made and I had broken it off with my boyfriend. I just can't do the other think she wanted and that is tell his wife.

Kim, this is a small town not the big city. The bar and motel are on the well-lit Main Drag about a block down from the police station. You won’t see any cars parked outside as everyone walks or takes a cab, the exception are the ones that work there. If you mean the non-sleep thing I can do it like twice a week, it takes me a couple days to recover.

Suzie, I haven’t considered that. I have gotten close to a few of the people there and I thought it may have something to do with that. I grew up in this town, we would not let outsiders in to our group that’s how we kept the cops out. We did not go to bars, in a bar anyone can walk in. It’s been more than thirty years since I left that life, if you leave they will not let you back in, besides that group is gone. I gave her some names, she will probably check some of them and it will come back to me. One more thing there is this other bar in town that was been there forever. They are on probation and could lose their license. I don’t know what they did but they just reopened.

[Suzie Petersen]

It just seems odd to me that she would directly ask if you are a cop.
- Suzie

[Jean 103]

Suzie
Like I said this is a small town, it's off the beaten path. Everyone knows you or you know someone they know. They are very guarded. I had one of the regulars approach me on like my second or third visit and wanted to know who I was. Once I told him everything was good, he says Hi every time I see him and has bought me drinks. It’s hard to get into their world if that’s what you are looking to do, like I said I this is my home town, that goes a long way.

[Tina_gm]

Jean I would say that your sexual identity is colliding with your gender identity. As for pure math, for CDers, there are a great many more males who are CD admirers/chasers than there are GG's who prefer a CDer. Even if it is only a few percentage points higher in total population, that still equates to hundreds more of possible sexual encounters in say a hundred mile radius of someone like yourself who is either gay or bi sexual with their sexual identity. Hetero CDers have it toughest in terms of math. Although with the GG's who do accept, they are likely the best candidates for a healthy long lasting relationship. The CD admirers and other people who have not accepted themselves can wreak havoc on those whom they are with, so please be careful.

[DonnaT]

She could have been concerned that your quick trip to the motel and back was due to prostitution, or being vice under cover. Not many bar owners like the idea of hookers hanging out. I reckon they will worry about vice too.

I reckon she has concern for her business, and for your well being also.

So, I agree. Tell her you're sorry if it appeared you were there just to pick up johns, or working vice.

[Jean 103]

Gendmutt
I'm finding that out I just broke up with one and I have another one chasing me. He or she is not married.

Donna
I'm working on a card for her. I want two get the words right. I also have these hand carved earring I will include with it. I got them in an estate sale with a bunch of fishing gear I bought. I think the guys dad carved them when he was fishing as they were mixed in, there is a pair of tomahawks and a pair of feathers, their carved from antler.there are also some key fobs. the way I look at it I got them for free and maybe she will like them.