TinaMc
05-14-2015, 05:54 AM
So last night I actually went out for the first time! After feeling like I was stuck in a bit of a rut after my wife and I had our babies, I basically said to my wife that I really kind of need to dress, and it's just not practical at home so I was considering going to the support group in Manchester, Concord. I also told her I wanted to give myself a bit of a push as well in terms of self acceptance and that kind of thing. She said that's fine, as long as I stay safe and don't give her loads to worry about. That was about 6 months ago.
Anyway I finally set a date, got in touch with the group to make sure I couldn't give myself an easy way out. And then bit the bullet and went. I went in drab as they have changing facilities at the venue, so I went in and had a bit of a chat to the lady who runs Concord. Eventually got to the change rooms, chatted to people in the change rooms as we got ready. Next thing, after a looooong time getting ready, I was fully dressed. To be fair, thank God I gave myself few options, I wouldn't have made it out of the dressing room if I'd brought anything else. Anyway, in the function room I had a few drinks with the girls, chatted more, everyone was really nice, got some compliments about how I looked which felt great.
After a while the crowd thinned out to just a handful of people, so one of the girls offered to take me to another bar in the Village for a drink. So I went for a bit of a mooch outside, had a cheeky pint ;) in the other bar, and then that was pretty much time up for Tina. Had to make my way back to the Concord to get changed back to drab and head home on the late bus.
Like a lot of other people report, I felt strangely at ease among the other girls. Realistically, we were for the most part a bunch of guys having a few drinks, but there just wasn't the same *&^% swinging/pissing contest stuff going on that seems to define "blokey" social situations. Everyone was very respectful and very inclusive. I'm super shy and will not go up and initiate conversations with people, but I felt so different in this situation, I was quite happy to talk to people I didn't know, was quite open and "let them in". People were looking at me very differently. I was holding eye contact with people and smiling at them (not like a gormless idiot, but you know what I mean). I just felt confident, and not the usual slightly paranoid.
When I read this back it sounds boring as, and I guess it was, but at the same time it was one of the most important things I've ever done and I'll definitely remember it fondly.
I'll also definitely be back in a few weeks time.
Edit: And interestingly, I noticed that it was almost 5 years exactly to the day I joined this forum (12 May 2010, 13 May 2015).
Anyway I finally set a date, got in touch with the group to make sure I couldn't give myself an easy way out. And then bit the bullet and went. I went in drab as they have changing facilities at the venue, so I went in and had a bit of a chat to the lady who runs Concord. Eventually got to the change rooms, chatted to people in the change rooms as we got ready. Next thing, after a looooong time getting ready, I was fully dressed. To be fair, thank God I gave myself few options, I wouldn't have made it out of the dressing room if I'd brought anything else. Anyway, in the function room I had a few drinks with the girls, chatted more, everyone was really nice, got some compliments about how I looked which felt great.
After a while the crowd thinned out to just a handful of people, so one of the girls offered to take me to another bar in the Village for a drink. So I went for a bit of a mooch outside, had a cheeky pint ;) in the other bar, and then that was pretty much time up for Tina. Had to make my way back to the Concord to get changed back to drab and head home on the late bus.
Like a lot of other people report, I felt strangely at ease among the other girls. Realistically, we were for the most part a bunch of guys having a few drinks, but there just wasn't the same *&^% swinging/pissing contest stuff going on that seems to define "blokey" social situations. Everyone was very respectful and very inclusive. I'm super shy and will not go up and initiate conversations with people, but I felt so different in this situation, I was quite happy to talk to people I didn't know, was quite open and "let them in". People were looking at me very differently. I was holding eye contact with people and smiling at them (not like a gormless idiot, but you know what I mean). I just felt confident, and not the usual slightly paranoid.
When I read this back it sounds boring as, and I guess it was, but at the same time it was one of the most important things I've ever done and I'll definitely remember it fondly.
I'll also definitely be back in a few weeks time.
Edit: And interestingly, I noticed that it was almost 5 years exactly to the day I joined this forum (12 May 2010, 13 May 2015).