Discussion with the wife.

[Rhandi Spencer]

After joining this group I was given the advice to be honest with my wife about my desire to cross dress. I currently under dress and just occassionally. With Bruce Jenner being in the news so much I asked her what she thought of it. She was neutral which really surptised me. So I asked her what she thought about crossdressing. Her comment was she thought men crossdressed because they like the feel of the fabric. I told her I could not agree with her and the men more. And that I love the feel of the fabrics of her clothes, panties and all. It became quit the discussion all very good. I told her that if it didn't bother her I would love to wear soft womens panties. She did not object. We had a short discussion about bra's. Not to the extent of the panties. The door is open

[Marcelle]

Hi Randi,

I am glad you mentioned to open the door and discuss this with your wife. Now that it is open, you really need to keep the communication lines open. There was a thread on where to go past initial reveal which I posted and many jumped in with great advice. Give it a read to help you navigate forward if you are so inclined.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?226009-Communication-and-moving-forward-All-observations-welcomed-GGs-encouraged/page2

Hugs

Isha

[Rhandi Spencer]

Thanks Isha

[deebra]

Randi, here's what you should do today, go buy 3 or 4 pair of panties and a couple of bra's (Walmart, Target, Penney's) wear the panties and tonight tell her you really appreciate her being O.K. with you wearing fem undies and you are wearing the panties and they feel great and really turn you on. She'll want you to undress and model them, if her reaction is O.K. or she really likes it then ask her about adding a bra which you can go put on and model both pieces for her. Don't skemp, spend the money and buy something sexy and pretty. Wouldn't hurt to buy her something nice too to show how much her acceptance means to you.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Congrats Randi !!! The first step should always be honesty. Involve your partner, communicate with her and she will assuredly let you know her boundaries. Because if you hide from her or lie to her it will only make matters worse when she does find out and believe me. She will find out. Just read some of the posts on this site from many that tried to hide it. Your cross dressing is important to you, then be open about it and share with her.

Good luck Randi my only advise to you is to communicate with her and go slow. Answers her questions honestly and I am sure you will at least find out how far she will allow you to go.

@--}---
Michelle

[Jenniferathome]

Randi, you can't leak your information to your wife. It will cause her to think there is always "one more" thing coming. If all you want to do is wear women's underwear, fine, but if you are cross dressing fully or want to, get it all out one time.

I do not think we cross dress for the "feel of the fabrics." That's a classic cross dresser's excuse. Men have silk underwear. We have bikini style underwear, etc. No, it is clearly MORE than just the feel. If you allow your wife to believe that is it, it will be especially shocking when you go further. Take care,

[Isabella Ross]

I do believe that, for some, the "feel of the fabrics" is part of it. Certainly, tactility is part of the experience for me. I'm not referring to any type of sexual response to dressing, but more of the intensifying of the feeling of femininity that's a byproduct of the wonderful silkiness of stockings, the gentle caress of a slip under a skirt, or the swish of a chiffon dress as you walk...okay, lost my train of thought for a moment. Anyhow, the main point I wanted to make was that I agree with Jennifer...get it all out there. The slow reveal will only create mistrust. But I also realize you may be in the midst of peeling back the layers yourself, so it's possible that not even you know for sure, at this point, where you're going with everything.

[Rhandi Spencer]

Thanks ladies for the information and advice.
Randi Sue

[bridget thronton]

Pushing the envelope is common - it is often better to share the place you are at (once you are sure)

[Imalittlelost]

I agree with Jenniferathome! If she didn't freak out after watching the Bruce Jenner interview, then maybe now is the time for an honest conversation. Coming from the GG perspective, it won't be an easy conversation but it will open a dialog & talking openly and honesty about CDing is a good thing.

[cheryl reeves]

one piece of advice most cders do not take to heart,if you buy for your femme side,you spend the same amount on your so. most cders do not heed this advice and the marriage goes sour. when i buy for cheryl,i spend the same on my wife.

[reb.femme]

Randi, you can't leak your information to your wife. It will cause her to think there is always "one more" thing coming. If all you want to do is wear women's underwear, fine, but if you are cross dressing fully or want to, get it all out one time..

Hi Randi_Sue,

Jennifer's post is the way it happened for me. I let my wife in on half the secret when I got busted one day, but after a short while, decided that it was better to tell the whole truth. The full reveal and how it will go is a matter that only you can decide on, so there are many variables to consider too. Consider wisely and what would be the worst possible outcome as a result of the big reveal.

Rebecca

[Confucius]

Hi Randi,

Just more food for thought... Is it just enjoying the feel of the fabric, or is a feminine identity hardwired in our brains?

A European study was published earlier this year which used MRT to visualize the action of the brain in males and females and they found distinct differences between the genders. Then they looked as men and women who were transgendered, and found that their neural network was somehow between typical male and female images. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150107082133.htm

For reasons the researchers could only speculate, our brains are hardwired to be part male and part female. Somehow our brain are hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact with a female and when we crossdress we experience sensations of well-being, pleasure, comfort, sexual gratification and bonding affecting the reward centers of our brain. The "normal" population does not get it. So, in a sense our brains are special, part male and part female. I believe there is a wide spectrum here, and personally I view myself as at least 80% male. Everyone is unique. You just need to understand your own comfort zone.

[Beverley Sims]

As long as the discussion does not get too weird the door may be open for you.

Just don't push the issue or embellish it too much and acceptance may come quickly.

[Janet161]

Hi Randi,

Just more food for thought... Is it just enjoying the feel of the fabric, or is a feminine identity hardwired in our brains?

A European study was published earlier this year which used MRT to visualize the action of the brain in males and females and they found distinct differences between the genders. Then they looked as men and women who were transgendered, and found that their neural network was somehow between typical male and female images. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150107082133.htm

For reasons the researchers could only speculate, our brains are hardwired to be part male and part female. Somehow our brain are hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact with a female and when we crossdress we experience sensations of well-being, pleasure, comfort, sexual gratification and bonding affecting the reward centers of our brain. The "normal" population does not get it. So, in a sense our brains are special, part male and part female. I believe there is a wide spectrum here, and personally I view myself as at least 80% male. Everyone is unique. You just need to understand your own comfort zone.

Whoa, Confucious. Actual contact with a female? No, sorry. I am not my own girlfriend. That is not what that article said either. I am aware that there are some angry and judgmental people who make that claim. I am not aware of any science that supports it. It is demeaning.

[Confucius]

Whoa Janet161,

I did not intend to make a judgement. I am familiar with the autogynephilia theory, and I am not a fan either.

The "contact with a female" is my own expression for what I interpret is going on in our brains. It does not infer autogynephilia, but only our comfort in having a female identity.