saved by ggs

[lynda]

hi girls , I am back and feel better,well here is my new adventure . when I started dressing again, one day I was wearing a nice knee length skirt , and blouse, flats , fully dressed,like a women of my age. so I went shopping , had a nice time. feeling good. then went to applebys and orderd an early dinner, I was sitting at a table by myself close to the bar, enjoying a glass of wine, when I noticed an older guy staring at me from the bar, and then he started in a loud voice, talking to nobody , but everybody ,pointing at me , if that guys likes to dress like women ,and all kind of rude remarks about me . so I don't what to do, and he keeps it up. when these two ggs sitting with there boyfriends ,start talking back to him. they start saying leave her alone , she is not bothering you, shut up then the one girl says to him .yyou must have small penis syndrome. aand they started laughing. and with that ,he got up and stomp out. so by now I am totally embaressed . so I thanked the two girls and for there stepping in and as I was leaving , a male employee,walked with me to my car , I thanked him and drove home, I have never had that kind of experience before, but it really shook me, but I learned there are all kinds out there, and I met so lovely people, and one real jerk,but he scared me, he had real hate in him. so I am still going to dress , but I am going to be even more careful were I go and I don't think ,iwill go were they serve drinks , by myself again.......love hugs lynda

[cheryl reeves]

had a similar exp yrs ago at a waffle house wme and my wife stopped into eat,the workers told them to leave us alone or they could leave. my wife kept watching our back when we left,i told her not to worry for those guys do not want a man in a dress to send em a message...my wife worries about me to much..

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Sometimes we get reminded how ugly the world can be and what jerks are out there. But what strikes me about your story Lynda is how nice the other folks were to you, the two GG's and the restaurant employee. The harsh reality is that the world is a big bad dangerous place but we can find comfort in the goodness of many of the people around us. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hugs,
Stephanie

[paulaprimo]

it's such a shame that there are still "jerks" out there in this day and age.
i enjoy going out, and its usually by myself. i tend to mind my own business, but am friendly and
respectful of others. i don't care if someone has a problem with me as long as they keep their
mouth shut and hands to themselves.
i'm sure many girls here have had a bad experience at one time or another.
about 3 years ago, my 2nd time out i had a really bad experience that got physical and ugly.
i never really talked about it until recently. i wasn't hurt and it kinda worked out better than i
thought it would. for only my 2nd time out i was already still nervous. the last thing i wan't to do
was create a "scene", but other than being embarrased i survived...
it didn't stop me from going out, but i am much more aware of my surroundings.

i'm so happy that the 2 GG's stood up for you and chased him out!
there is always a positive even in a negative situation.

[Marcelle]

Hi Lynda,

Firstly, sorry to hear about your bad experience and I hope it will not detract you from going out in the future.

Unfortunately it is true that the world can still be an ugly place when it comes to intolerance and every so often some D-Bag will step up to the plate and think the world will laugh along with him. What I normally fine is that when these D-Bags look around for mutual "high fives" they find very few people laughing and are more likely to get a dressing down by others. I recently had a very bad experience in the Vanilla world (physical) but rather than concentrate on the three jerks who attacked me I like to remember the three "men" who came to my rescue and even though they knew I was TG they treated me with respect and kindness. These two women are the focal point of your experience and the young man who walked you to your car . . . the world is full of D-Bags yes but I think there are more kind people out there.

Stay strong and stay positive.

Hugs

Isha

[LucyNewport]

Hi Lynda - I can (sadly) relate to this situation. In my case it was some drunk meathead in a bar who got aggressively nasty and physical. He got bounced by the female bartender who was maybe half his size. (I always tip her really well now!) I think that when we are out en femme we can get a small taste of the BS that women put up with all day, every day. These things can and do happen. The important thing is to not let it stop you from being you. You will meet way more kind, accepting people out there than you will bigots. Just think about how weak and pathetic he must feel to need to insult strangers like that. Be glad you are not him!

[Tina_gm]

Your story is sadly just one of several reasons why I dress privately. But it is a reminder to all that our western (and many eastern societies ) do not accept this very well. A reminder to all, that no matter how well many of the outings have been and will likely be, please be careful, and do not go out alone in such settings.

[Nadia916]

Your story reminds me there are lots of good people in the world! :) But at the same time, there are a lot of jerks too. :( When you go out by yourself, do you ever bring any protection? Like pepper spray? Just wondering.

Nadia

[Bria]

Lynda, I'm glad all ended well for you! I am reminded of the incident that Anne related some months ago when she was verbally assaulted by a D-bag and rescued by a gg total stranger. There are nice people out in the world and I believe that they vastly out number the D-bags, but since they don't make a lot of noise, we don't notice them. Fortunately I have not experienced anything like what you endured, I count myself lucky.

Hugs, Bria

[Kristy 56]

Lynda,I too am glad that it turned out ok for you. Had to be a terrible experience. I'm happy that people stood up for you,and that you made a positive out of a negative. :)

[lynda]

hi, girls just wanted to thank everyone for your support, you know for the first time, I think I felt like a gg feels, I am not going to lie , I was scared of this person, he was bigger then me and seemed to have people , who knew him there, I just wanted to leave safe, I am not big and since turnig veggi, I have lost 74 lbs. so if I am going to dress this way, I guess I should read some thing and learn how women protect themselves , and I know have pepper spray in my pocketbook, I was even afraid the police would be called and they would see the way I was dressed and blame me for it all. love hugs lynda

[ReineD]

I don't think ,iwill go were they serve drinks , by myself again.......love hugs

That's a very wise move.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. If I had been there, I would have spoken up too. No one should be mistreated like that in public. No one, no matter the issue.

:hugs:

[Tina_gm]

No they shouldn't, but yes they still often do. For anyone who fits any letter of LGBT, These issues still pose real emotional and physical threats to us. Two men or women just holding hands in the wrong place at the wrong time can bring physical danger, let alone a serious emotional public disturbance. Those who portray as the opposite sex yet are read can lead to the same. More good people that either could care less or will help defend and protect than bad, but it only takes a very few if not one of the bad to wind up in a very serious situation.

[Lorileah]

The main point I see is there was and inebriated person that the staff didn't handle. It wasn't anything you did. The whole situation rested on the bartender/management. Calling someone out for sexual size or whatever was a dangerous move but they probably felt their boyfriends would back them. Funny how they didn't back you like any adult gentleman would.

I wouldn't cancel going out to a bar or restaurant over this. However I would choose wisely and only go where the management or staff will have your back. In this case walking you to your car was the least they did, Most cities/states have laws against public intoxication. Here in Colorado the onus for any physical or property damage incurred by a patron who was obviously intoxicated falls on the server. I don't do bars alone. Didn't before transitioning. To me a bar is where you socialize. I do do restaurants though. You can get a nice glass of wine and something small to nosh if you wish. I also avoid ever sitting at a bar alone. It is like a beacon for attention especially for women.

You took it to start with. Correct move. I find that is usually where it ends. When he continued, you should have asked the bartender to step in. If he continued beyond that, he should have been 86'd. At that point the bar should (depending on staff) have made sure he left the premises or called police. You could have called police and asked them to escort you away also (assuming you weren't intoxicated). It never hurts to have the police fill out a contact card.

Know your surroundings, know the exits. Even better know the area where you are. Bad sections of town don't have exclusives on jerks, but those jerks tend to have a lot more to lose if the police become involved so they tend to let things go quicker.

What I am saying here is you cannot live in fear now. Don't let one person dictate how you live your life. Be safe but also be strong. Go, have a drink, but choose the venue wisely. A glass of wine might cost you a bit more in a hotel bar, but you are also paying for service.

[Tina_gm]

What Lori is saying rings true for pretty much all GG's as well as TS and CDers. I am not ever going to say a woman or TS or CDer who is out alone and dressed in a sexual manner is asking for it.... but unfortunately in our society, they are putting themselves in a dangerous predicament.Lori said it about bars, don't go alone. Know the establishment you are going to, make sure the management won't let belligerent people rule the bar or ruin your patronage.

[kimdl93]

I'd second Lori's advice. I don't find the world to be all that threatening. Of course, unless I'm going to known friendly territory, I avoid certain bars in certain parts of town. In five years of venturing regularly into the world, I have yet to experience such behavior.

[Jorja]

It happens. There are a few jerks and it sounds like this one missed his afternoon meds. Chalk it up to experience and move on. You will find more people like the two GGs than the jerk. Now that you know they are out there, you need to think about how you are going to handle the situation should something like it happen again. The two women are not always going to be around to save you.

[giuseppina]

I live in a redneck city; this is the kind of nonsense that says it isn't safe to go out alone. If something like this happens, I see that management is informed. If it isn't dealt with to my satisfaction, that is the last time I visit the business.

[donnalee]

I am sorry to hear you had a problem with someone, but also think there's a very positive aspect as shown by the people who spoke up for you and provided protection, as they would and should give to anyone minding their own business. If you count up the number of those who were with you (the 2 women, their 2 male companions [although they didn't speak up in your favor, neither did they try to quiet the women who did and if things had gotten physical, would have likely been on your side and certainly would have acted to protect the women], the employees [minimum 2, likely more than that]). In other words a minimum 6/1 ratio of good guys to jerk. That would win any poll or election in such a landslide that the losing candidate would be laughed out of town (as the jerk, figuratively, was).
I realize this was an isolated instance, different circumstances might be far less favorable and I would certainly not recommend you beard the jerk in his den, but in this case, there was a happy ending.

[Brandi01]

I'm glad to hear that everything turned out well. As I am just getting out and about, this is a situation I haven't had to deal with and hope I never have to. I'm so glad that you had other people support you. Hopefully this doesn't discourage you.

[KimBarely]

Wow Lynda! I'm most touched by how nice the GG girls were to you and being walked out. Thank goodness the world has some decency left in it. There are good souls out there.

[Angie G]

Well go's to show you there are all kinds of s*%#out there Lynda. Glad it came out good.:hugs:
Angie

[ChristinaK]

I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic and scary incident. Thank goodness for those women and their boyfriends.

Your situation is a real wake-up call that, although most people leave us alone, there are those bigoted people who would love to do us harm. For many, we are gay. They see no distinction and feel we are flaunting it in public. I have learned this by speaking to many people over the last 2 years. So, we are not only crossdressers but gay too; a double whammy in their book. Being a history buff, I look at what ordinary German people did to gays, mentally challenged, Jews, etc. when they were allowed to act out on their feelings of hostility and bigotry. People can be so vicious when their norms are threatened.

It is possible that as we get more attention via people like Bruce Jenner and the press, we may encounter more pushback from the bigots. That's not to say we should remain indoors. To change society we must continue, but as safe as possible. It seems that most of us go out alone and that makes us real targets. I need to buy some bear spray!

Some day, I hope, we are accepted by all, but I sincerely doubt it.

Good luck in the future Lynda and thank you for the post.

[heatherdress]

Lynda - I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience. You handled it as best you could. Thank you for sharing.

[DaniChan]

So sad we have to deal with this kind of people. :/
On the other hand seeing others step in brings some hope.
I'm glad it all ended well :)

[Sarah Doepner]

Thank you for sharing this story. I haven't been in this situation, but knowing your experience and reading the responses that followed your post will be great information for me should I ever find myself facing something like that.

[SharonDenise]

Christina Kay, thank you for your wonderful post. I thought it provided a good insight as to the "whys" of what happened.