Uncomfortable in a Casino

[ChristinaK]

I recently worked up the courage to go en femme to a casino in Vegas I have been to many times, several times with light makeup and women's androgynous clothing. Never a problem, but have had some strange looks.

This time I was complete, with wig, nice makeup, sweater and jeans with flats. I was very nervous as I got out of the elevator and walked down a long, crowded walkway to the main casino. MANY people stared. I was clocked wherever I went. I have been out in public shopping and nobody mostly noticed. Seems like in the casino people were looking about more. Really a disturbing feeling.

I sat at a bar and played video poker. The bartender was nice. He checked out my boobs too, probably wondering if they were real. Two women sitting perpendicular to me kept checking me out and talking. I just smiled. Then a middle aged, huge black man sat next to me. He knew the bartender and was a big gambler. He talked to me a lot and I tried hard not to engage much as I was scared to death he would eventually clock me, then assume I was flirting and just kill me on the spot.

Next I went to another bar and played next to two young women. They were nice even though I could tell they were kind of freaked out about me. When seated, nobody seemed to notice. When I went to the bathroom I got many looks on the way. In the bathroom, MANY women clocked me, but said nothing. Whew! Very uncomfortable. On the way in one time, a husky black woman my height, with another woman, looked me in the eye and said a friendly "hi". I think she may have been a fellow crossdresser. Made me feel good.

later on, I took a seat on Fremont street to watch the people and have a beer. Most did not notice, but every once in a while a woman would give me a serious check out. I spoke briefly with a woman next to me from Iowa who did not seem to notice, but her husband whispered in her ear and she stopped talking. They soon left and I went back to my room thoroughly disappointed.

On the way I got tangled up with a group of young gang types on the way to the elevator. They were drunk and loud and scary. I was alone with them in the hallway heading in the same direction. I saw another exit and quickly ducked outside until I knew they were gone up the elevator.

During most of my previous outings, people either did not notice or did not care, I'm not sure which. But, that night, it seemed like I had forgotten my wig or something. It really shook me up and for the first time I felt like a man in a dress instead of another woman in the world.

I haven't gone out again, but need to work up the courage. I wish so bad I had someone to go out with. I think it would help me blend since many women don't often go places alone. It will be like jumping off the high five for the first time again, but I will go, sometime.

Just wanted to share this unique experience with you all and welcome your always incredible insight.

[heatherdress]

Christina - You experienced a crossdressser's nightmare. I am so sorry for you. You must have felt miserable, even scared.

I have dressed in Las Vegas and never experienced what you did. I also don't bothered to notice if people noticed me.

You did a very courageous thing - going out by yourself - and can do it again - hopefully with much better results. I would encourage you to have faith, maybe find a CD sister to go out with, join a crossdressing group, or participate in group events until you get your confidence back.

[Michelle (Oz)]

You occasionally have those days where people seem to notice more than usual. The more self conscious you get the more that it seems people are staring.

Own the fact that you are a 'man in a dress' and nothing untoward happened. That is more empowering than blending and should give you greater confidence for your next outing.

Maybe have a think about any improvements you could make that would help you blend. Your walk? Your posture? Your (essential) smile? Your confidence?

Lastly, it seems that you had a very long day in a busy area. Another option would be to reduce the time out. Helps with the makeup too in a humid climate.

[Eryn]

Christina, as Heather said, there is safety in numbers. GGs seldom venture into such situations alone and doing so makes you stand out. Find yourself a winggirl and things will be much more calm.

[Marcelle]

Hi Christina,

I am so sorry to hear about your night . . . unfortunate. However, it does go with the territory and while we have many good days, we do have those bad ones as well. What I do find interesting is that you "assume" you were clocked in many case but you will never truly know if they were staring at you because you were a cross dresser or just staring at you. I find (personal experience) that once I feel I am clocked/read, I am hyper sensitive to everyone who stares at me as potentially talking about me, every giggle is directed at me. Were you read/clocked as often as you think? While we all never truly survive first contact, I think you will be surprised that you probably blended better than you think and with the exception of close up inspection/interaction most people probably did not notice. However, it does not negate your angst and I hope this will not detract you from future outings.

Hugs

Isha

[SonjaThompson]

I am sorry to hear about your experience Christina, but what you have described is pretty much how I feel EVERY time I go out dressed en femme. Admittedly I have only been out as Sonja a handful of times, and people were actually really nice, but I certainly felt extremely uncomfortable. For me, I don't think this is something I will ever be able to get over, as even as the male me I struggle to feel like one of the crowd.

Sonja

[Janet161]

So sorry about your experience Christina. I am glad that no one was openly hostile to you and no one was physically aggressive toward you. But I understand your discomfort and that you were hurt by the experience.

This is why I only go to TG friendly venues. I don't want to feel the way you were made to feel. I mean, I do this hoping to be happy, why would I do something that makes me feel bad. I guess though that by limiting my choice of places to go out I am not doing anything to advance the cause for acceptance, right?

If we all just hide in safe places we will never be accepted. I am not an activist though. This sounds kind of selfish. There are so many of us hiding in our figurative closets, if we all had the courage to do what you did and hang out like a normal person, eventually our presence would not be so shocking or odd or whatever negative thing one might think.

I just want to encourage to to get out there again. It's important for you I think. Please don't be discouraged.

[JayeLefaye]

Hi Christina,

First, let me congratulate you on building up the courage!! I don't know how to "cut & paste" relevant sections of a post, to I'll edit slightly and highlight my thoughts.

I recently worked up the courage to go en femme to a casino in Vegas I have been to many times, several times with light makeup and women's androgynous clothing. Never a problem, but have had some strange looks...It's a fine line between "strange" and curious:-)

...I have been out in public shopping and nobody mostly noticed...Consider the difference in venues between stores and places where alcohol is served.

I sat at a bar.... Bars are social places, and as others have pointed out, it's rare for a woman to go to one alone. Your're right, a wing-girl would have made the whole night more comfortable. But setting aside that it was a casino, with gambling, maybe sports on TV or a band playing, there are basically only two reasons a single person goes to a bar. One is to drink. The other is to meet another single person, hopefully of the opposite gender. No one goes to a bar with the intention of "Let's play spot the crossdresser". My suspicion is that the men were looking at you(at least at first glance) as feminine potential, and the women may have been looking at you as feminine compeitition.

...Next I went to another bar... ... Made me feel good.YAY! Whether she was a sister or not, YAY!!! You needed something good by that point[ and I'm glad you got it/B]

later on, I took a seat on Fremont street to watch the people and have a beer. Most did not notice, but every once in a while a woman would give me a serious check out..[B].Now, I would call that a thorough success! If anyone had to "seriously" check you out, then it means you were passing well beyond the "first glance" stage, and to THAT I can only say "Well done"!

I spoke briefly with a woman next to me from Iowa who did not seem to notice, but her husband whispered in her ear and she stopped talking. They soon left and I went back to my room thoroughly disappointed....Disappointed, why? Because of a silly old judgmental husband? C'mon now, you know better than to let one jerk ruin your day:-)

On the way I got tangled up with a group of young gang types on the way to the elevator. They were drunk and loud and scary. I was alone with them in the hallway heading in the same direction. I saw another exit and quickly ducked outside until I knew they were gone up the elevator...I'd have done the same thing even if I was dressed in lumberjack mode!!! Call it a gang. Call it a pack. Call it being outnumbered by drunks inn a herd mentality...Whatever they were at that moment, it was totally unrelated to your presentation.


During most of my previous outings, people either did not notice or did not care, I'm not sure which. But, that night, it seemed like I had forgotten my wig or something. It really shook me up and for the first time I felt like a man in a dress instead of another woman in the world...We can all totally understand this feeling. "Forgotten my wig or something"...What a perfect description!!!!

I haven't gone out again, but need to work up the courage......but I will go, sometime...Sounds like it's time to take a trip to a mall in daylight and do some therapy spending:-)

Just wanted to share this unique experience with you all and welcome your always incredible insight.

Thanks for sharing this!!! I wish I had some "incredible insight" to share back....But the bottom line? You met some nice people, wisely extricated yourself from unpleasant(potentially dangerous), situations, and made it back to your hotel room after a very, very long day! I call that a thorough success!!!!


Hoping your next outing leaves you feeling more positive, but I'm also hoping you can look back on this one and see the many bright spots:-)

Jaye

[kimdl93]

The interesting thing about nightmares....they occur in our minds, nowhere else. For whatever reason, you allowed your self consciousness, and then paranoia, take control.

Did people clock you? Of course. Did anything bad happen? Not in the least. But it seems you interpreted every glance as a judgement and every encounter as a potential threat. In reality many of these people didn't really even notice you, the few who did mostly didn't care, and a rare few were just momentarily curious.

The worst thing about it is that you allowed yourself to let your paranoia influence how you interacted with others and judged them in the process. Big black men are not necessarily threats, whispering spouses may be reminding of their early morning departure, and well, it seems the gang types weren't really intent on any harm either, were they?

[Rachel1225]

Wish I was in Vegas , I'd be your sis!

[flatlander_48]

Sometimes we can read more into a situation that is actually there. For example, the situation with the people from Iowa may not be what you think it is. Assuming the husband figured out your real identity and that's what he told his wife, perhaps she stopped talking because she really didn't know what to say. Rather than say something really silly or stupid, perhaps she chose to be quiet. Or, maybe she had never run across a crossdresser before and was just processing what that meant (they were from Iowa, after all!). So, after the husband spoke to the wife, what sort of reaction was there? What kind of looks did you get? When they left, was it in a hurry? Was there a sneer or a wince?

The same events, depending upon how they are nuanced, may lead to an entirely different conclusion...

DeeAnn

[I Am Paula]

To me it sounds like the worst that happened is you got clocked a lot. People tend to see a man in a dress, and think 'that's a man in a dress'. That doesn't imply any hatred, or bad intentions. If it was the worst that could happen, everything would be fine. Try again, next time nobody may give you a second look. It's the luck (or bad luck) of the draw.

[Jean 103]

Christina,
you were on Fremont Street and didn’t go to Don’t tell Mama a piano bar at 517 Fremont Street. Forget the pass don’t pass thing go here and tell Frank the piano player I sent you. I guaranty you will have a good time. When are we going? This is my favorite place on earth period. Come to DLV next year, PM me before and we can get together. I spent 8 days there dressed 24/7, most of the time I was by myself and had no problems. If someone has a problem with you as long as they are not threatening you it is their problem not yours. Still sorry you felt uncomfortable I have been there.
Take care
Love Jean

[CarlaWestin]

Sorry to hear about your experience. A lot could be contributed to your state of mind. Maybe a predisposed vulnerable feeling. Ehem, I spend many hours in the casino scene and I've noticed some truths about the guests. There's a lot to see in Las Vegas. It would take many visits to absorb all of the eye candy that's presented. Most people on vacation are continuously scanning for anything that is interesting to the senses. Vegas is all about sensory stimulation. "I saw a Coke bottle that was forty feet tall!" "I saw a dude dressed as a woman! Yeah! A woman!" This is why you won't get clocked at Walmart as opposed to being on the Strip or on Freemont.
But, don't worry, Hon. Most of the tourist centric areas are surveilled and monitored for bad behaviour. And, the industry has really stepped up to the respect level that is expected from every guest, regardless of presentation. At any time, if you felt threatened, you could have just aligned yourself with a security professional. So, next time, just calm down and have a good time.

[Sara Jessica]

There is little anyone can say here which will help you reflect better on the outing you described.

My perception as I read your words is that you seemed self-defeated as you left your hotel room. Your story comes across as if you were all-consumed by what everyone else might be thinking.

Thing is, you will never know what anyone else is actually thinking and as such, these outings get much easier when you accept a few things...


Passing as a concept means something totally different for those who are part-time in their female presentation.
Passing for part-timers is pretty much unattainable because you will never know if you are doing so.
Life is much easier when you stop caring what strangers might be thinking.
Outings are much more enjoyable when you accept the fact that some/many/most people will see you as a guy, whether at first, second or third glance or after a period of interaction.


Once you own who you are and the way you are presenting no matter where you chose to go in this wonderful world of ours, the Muggles can have nothing on you. It then becomes so easy to completely disarm them by engaging them first.

Vegas is an amazing place to be out & about, one of my personal favorites. I hope your experience doesn't sway you from trying it again with a little adjustment of your own point of view. I truly think you can have a blast.

[Alice Torn]

I can se myself in that situation, and not being totally outed, until i say something in my male voice. leaving no doubt. We are our own worst enemies, with out paranoia, though.

[CynthiaD]

I've been out enfemme in Las Vegas several times and had a wonderful time doing it. It sounds like you let yourself get freaked out, which made you view everything in the worst possible light. With the right attitude, you could go out, have exactly the same experiences, and have a wonderful time.

When you're in this type of situation, remind yourself that you have a right to be there! You have a right to dress however you please. If someone disapproves, you're probably never going to see them again anyway, so who cares?

[michelleddg]

What kimdl93 and Sara Jessica said. Seriously, you got so wound up your paranoia started running rampant and you got to where you thought you knew what everybody else was thinking. Do please reread their posts and take their advice to heart, you'll be glad you did! Hugs, Michelle

[Lorileah]

:eek: Why would you assume a big gambler who was talking with you would somehow lead to your demise? You say you were made many many times before that, don't you think this man knew already what you were doing?


I am all for being aware of your surroundings. I am all for making sure you are safe. But really? If you asked most of the people you saw going into the casino today if they remember seeing you last night....they won't. The bartender was just being a bartender. He wasn't thinking or questioning your cleavage. He will remember you if you tipped him and more so if you didn't. And are you sure they were gang members? Did they actually accost you in any manner? (remember there are very few places in a casino that doesn't have eyes on you the whole time).

Do you think maybe this was like a snowball rolling downhill in your mind?

[Sallee]

congrats on getting out I guess we all have days like that. I know there are days I am read by a blind man at night and other days where no one seems to be the wiser. I remember some occurrences when I was younger I would think guys were just checking me out be cause I was hot now I realize that they were checking me out but for other reasons. It was still fun.
I guess on the bad days just head home and forget about it and see if you can spot the reason in the mirror on the good days enjoy it
Mostly have fun

[flatlander_48]

(remember there are very few places in a casino that doesn't have eyes on you the whole time).

YES!!!

It is NOT helpful to their business if customers get mugged or hassled on their property. Casinos, hotels, etc. are at least as interested in your safety as you are.

DeeAnn

[Princess Chantal]

From reading your post, it sounds like the transphobia may be more internal than external. Eventhough I have much experience in going out in public settings and am comfortable in doing so in various forms of crossdressing, there is the rare instance when my internal transphobia does kick in. Try to recognize and calm it down before it downpours on your fun.

[Launa]

I will say the same thing that others have said here too. Once you have things start to go bad on an off night it can then spread like cancer before you know it. I had a day in Vegas similar to this a couple months ago. I was by myself walking through the casino floor and I was getting the usual stares as I'm 6'2" for starters even though I dress my age, usually appropriately .... Blah Blah.
Anyway I had a few people on the floor lock eyes with me with that look on their faces of "Hit the alarm there's a fag in the building." My problem is I tend not to look away very quickly when this happens and it has come close a few times to escalating into another level. So I left the hotel floor to go to the DIVAS show with Frank Marino and on the way in there at the casino was this guy that was my height but a real porker with his belly hanging out of his shirt yells to his friend, "hey Bill check this out as I walked by him." I kept walking with my head turned back the whole time and gave him the thousand yard stare. After the show I went out to Freemont Street and had no problems except for 2 older guys that were staring and talking derogatory about me. They then walked right by me staring eye to eye the whole time with hate and I didn't look away.
But I've had these times happen to me before so I knew to let the night play out which it was already 2 am. LOL
Funny thing was though in summarizing I always seem to find that the young gang types and the real tough guys I've encountered while being out have either said how's it going? Or they give me a WhooooHoooo with a whats happening!!! Its the middle aged hic men and women that seem to have the hard time with me....

Launa

[Adriana Moretti]

shame you had a bad experience...you mentioned you were there recently....did you know this past week and this weekend there are LOTS of gals from all over the U.S in Vegas this week for Wildside ? Vegas was pretty much invaded....too bad you diddnt see them...it looks like fun ....

[ChristinaK]

Wow, so many replies! Thank you all. From the theme here, it seems that I was reading into the situation more than reality. Well, in the past I have had really good luck with passing good enough to not cause problems like everyone staring at me. But, the venue was different and people do tend to check each other out in Vegas. It was really upsetting in the first few minutes walking down a long, wide walkway with so many people with nothing to look at but each other. That pretty much set me up and was surprised that so many clocked me. Again, maybe not as many as I thought, but it seemed so.

The big black man talking to me was very nice, but I really didn't want to be too friendly and then him figuring it out later and getting really mad. Seemed like a bad idea and I had never been in that situation. He very well may have known all along, but I had no way of telling. The bartender did check out my boobs, but who wouldn't, fake or not, be drawn to boobs in a tight sweater? It's natural and how we're made.

I did get a lot of looks in the ladies room each time and that has not happened before. I smiled and tried to look like I belonged, but thought, "what the h___ is going on tonight?" It worked out fine though, didn't it?

The gang in the hallway came up from behind me and so didn't see my face. They were a pretty rough looking bunch and I DID NOT want to stand in an isolated place and wait for an elevator with them. Maybe they would have been cool, maybe I would still be someones girlfriend somewhere :-)

The bottom line is, like several have said or eluded, I am a man dressed like a woman and so should expect such things to happen. Funny thing is, I just want to be another woman on the street. Too bad I'm 6'1", broad shoulders and 220lbs. I'm sure that as time goes on I will learn to look past the looks. Nothing bad happened, nobody made a scene and several people were very nice.

Adriana, what was the event? I was there the week before and would have been devastated to miss something like that. Great picture, and so many! Really awesome.

Thank you all. You keep me thinking and always contribute great insight and advice. I'm still learning.

[ChristinaK]

I was just reading a section on Adriana's blog about hiding wide shoulders. Part of my problem was probably due to the short sleeved, tight sweater with a wide neck line. It accentuated my shoulders and made me look like a linebacker. Great blog.

[Suzie Petersen]

Hi Christina,

It has pretty much all already been said but here's my $0.02 anyway :)

A lot of it is just in your head. You start noticing people noticing you and then you cant help yourself but have to continue checking. At the same time, when you start doing that, you seem nervous to others and that attract attention too.


Heaterdress: I have dressed in Las Vegas and never experienced what you did. I also don't bothered to notice if people noticed me.

Exactly! Dont look back to see if people are looking at you. Just get in the girl zone and do your thing.

Of course, you still have to be aware of your surroundings to stay safe. Good call on changing plans with the gang types around you. Smart and safe move. But there is a difference from being aware of people around you and then studying them, looking for negative reactions.

All of this is so much easier if you are not alone. You have someone to talk to, someone to share with and someone to have fun with.
The other effect of that is that a woman out and about on her own always attract more attention that 2 or more people together.

Hugs
Suzie

[Sandie70]

I love Vegas! Over many years I've gambled at so many different casinos I have a pile of players club cards that can choke a horse. And have I seen it all in Vegas!! From showgirls to CDs to people who might have flown in from Roswell - I know that this is the place I will finally do what you so bravely did. Trust me, I have no doubt you were right there with the "normal" crowd. Heck. Check out the strip on New Years or Halloween and you'll never feel odd again when you're dressed. And if anyone stares at you... blow them a kiss! And when I have my coming out party later this year in Vegas, anyone wants to hang out, this is your girl!

[Adriana Moretti]

no matter what you wear..confidence will always carry past !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..... .....confidence is KEY !!!!!!

[Sarah Doepner]

Christina,

It's like we are twins. I'm 6'1" and about 220 lbs as well and have been out in Las Vegas a number of times. Yep, you'll be read and it can change your level of confidence. It becomes a negative feedback loop and we find it easy to fall into flight mode as ever glance becomes an accusation. I've been there and the most important thing for me was to just bail out, return to my room and yell at the person in the mirror. It's tough to stay out and continue, but the desire is strong as well and I've done that as well.

The most important thing is nothing bad happened. You made reasonable choices and handled your experiences well. The second thing is you have learned more about yourself and how to improve your presentation. And third, you have weathered a storm and that will add to your experience the next time you venture out. My worst experiences were those where I let others determine how I was supposed to feel or I made assumptions about what they were thinking even though I didn't have a clue. My best times have been when I liked what I saw just before I left the room and didn't let anyone else really change my attitude. In time this last experience of yours will be filed away and you'll be out with a new level of confidence.

[ChristinaK]

Thank you Sarah, you are very sweet. You also look very feminine in your picture.

[Eryn]

no matter what you wear..confidence will always carry past

There is a lot of truth in that. Confidence includes not worrying about what people think.

Consider that there are a few women who didn't win the genetic lottery and ended up tall and with male-ish features. They have no problems at all passing because they know in their heart of hearts that they are women and project that confidence. If we can learn to do the same we do fine.

I was out today with Mimi. We had planned to just hit Panera for breakfast so I left my pink nail polish on since I wouldn't have to interact with anyone. I was wearing khaki Capris and a beige print T-shirt. I wasn't wearing forms or make-up.

After breakfast we decided to go to Kohl's to spend some Kohl's Cash that was about to expire. We bought a shirt. "Thank you ladies" the checker said. We walked over to Target to buy an SD card. The clerk said "Thank you ma'am." We drove down the hill and decided to pick up a few things in the supermarket. We selected a checker and, Murphy's law being operable, that checker's computer froze. I ended up passing all the items by hand (with pretty pink polish) over to the next checker. He said "Thank you Ma'am when we were done.

Yes, I had done a pretty good job of blending or passing that morning. Three for three recognitions of my female status despite having no forms or makeup. All it took was androgynous clothing, long hair, and pretty pink nails, presented with the attitude that I belonged in my role. Once you settle upon that attitude, the world opens up.

[AnnaMarie]

Sounds like you had a rough time but as others have said you are more hyper sensitive to things like this once you've been spotted once. It's an amazing thing you have done and something someday I aspire to be able to do, full credit that you've been out fully dressed and I'm sure the next experience will be a better one. The suport on here is amazing

[Kate T]

many women don't often go places alone.

Many?? Try most. A woman, alone, in a casino.

See if you can find a support group or something Christina otherwise you are going to get your confidence smashed by outings like this. If you can't find a friend or group to go out with then get some more confidence up with daytime mainstream outings like shopping malls, movies cinema's, museums, etc. It is sort of counter intuitive but the more people at the place generally the less conspicuous you are going to be as there will be a larger variety of individuals generally.