Told my best friend

[Sarah-RT]

Hey everybody

Got another thread of coming out

It was one of my good friends younger brothers birthday yesterday, he turned 18 so we brought him out to the pub(18 is the drinking age here in Ireland) my friend is gay who I've mentioned before in other threads and his brother happens to be as well.

They both have different attitudes towards it, his brother is more comfortable being gay which I assume is because of the acceptance building in the family because of my friend so we were all discussing the upcoming same sex marriage referendum that is taking place next week, so under the influence of alcohol I felt a bit jealous of the normality of it and the tolerance that is growing so I decided to tell my best friend, the atmosphere felt right and I suspected he knew to cut a long story short

It turned out he did know anyway but he said it makes no difference what so ever, that I was his "bro"

I had such reservations about saying it to him because I felt I had to act a certain way around him or risk losing the way things were or he might not want to be friends or he would act differently etc etc

So with much relief I am out to more and more people, but obviously only those who need to know. Whether he ever sees me dressed makes no difference, just the fact if a situation ever came up where he heard me talking about it with another friend, or saw me shopping that I wouldn't have to lie or make up an excuse, I can now just be me, which makes being me easier.

The W.H.O classes transgender as a mental health issue, obviously in a sense it is so being able to accept that about yourself is a huge step and the more people learn the easier it is for the next generation. So I hope ultimately that others reading this can take hope in being comfortable with themselves and can make efforts in having others accept them!

To quote the film man of steel, "they will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall but in time they will join you in the sun"

Sarah x

[reb.femme]

Hi Sarah,

It's really great that your friend has taken your revelation in his stride. At least now, you won't have to be cautious in anything you may say or do.
At this rate of coming out, you'll be taking out a large advertisement for your next declaration in the middle of Dublin to the effect of, "To whom it may concern...".

Rebecca

[kimdl93]

A mental issue, I agree, to the extent that one needs to come to grips with being transgendered in some manner if one is to live a complete and full life. Like those who are gay, we grow up knowing there's a difference, recognizing it in time and even now understanding that this particular difference is viewed unfavorably by part of society. That's a fair amount for any young person to wrap their mind around. It seems you're doing that. Good for your!

[Sarah-RT]

Rebecca you had me in stitches with that, that's put me in a good mood!

Yes Kim, I agree, it's important to come to grips with yourself so you can let others understand. I wouldn't wish how I've felt about myself in the past on anyone else, the self loathing, inner hate and sadness over being "weird" or different or whatever else.
It's tiring and exhausting fighting yourself, hiding, being secretive and paranoid. I just feel, for myself, I have had enough, I'm me, this is what I do, period.

If being open also improves the future for the next generation all the better.
The amount of "guests" who visit the forums who take a long time to register and join the community, I say speak up, be heard

[ChristinaK]

Sarah, that took a lot of b__ls to come out to your friend and I'm very happy for you. I am middle aged and wish I could come out to my lifelong friend, but we are of another generation. He is the brother I never had and don't want to damage our relationship. I have worried in the past that I might say something after a few drinks. It could go either way on the Oh S__t scale.

I too suffered the confusion and guilt when younger, but would never have wanted to be any other way. It's just too much enjoyment and part of who I am. If it's a mental health issue, I guess I'm in trouble and have been for the last 5 decades!

[LucyNewport]

Awesome, Sarah! I fully support you telling anyone and everyone if you trust them. As you say - it drops one thing that you would be ashamed or embarrassed about, while at the same time helping to normalize "the trans" for everyone else. Well done!

[Marcelle]

Hi Sarah,

Congrats on moving forward. I am glad to read it went well for you.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I'm so glad that another person understands and is on your side ! Your comment about the doubts you had about telling brings me back to my recent counselling .
I was going round in circles working on assumptions in the end it's better to work out how to break that cycle, just tell and ask people, the World doesn't end !

The other point is one I made recently about being out but to what extent ! People may know about your dressing but far fewer if any may have seen you ! Their vision or image of a CDer is probably way off what you actually look like ! Since I accept myself far more now, I've started to show more people a picture . Obviously I don't thrust it under their noses but make sure they won't be offended if I show them ! It makes people realise that your not fooling around with your dressing, it's fulfilling a need which they may not understand but it's something you have a genuine need for ! People are on the whole kind I've never had a negative reaction, at the same time I think you have to work on the basics and try and get an acceptable look !

[Sarah-RT]

Teresa, are you saying my look isnt acceptable?!? :eek:

Only joking, I understand what you mean, its very easy for people to think of trans people as ladyboys or the other worse names found throughtout the internet, the image of an over weight man in lingerie and unshaven is the first bad thought i can think of when I specifically just want to look generic as the next girl my age. I have quite a few photos on my phone, Ive only showed them to my two gay friends but the notion of having them to explain to others in the future is a nice thought

[Katey888]

Well done Sarah - self-acceptance and the acceptance of friends at any stage is a great thing to have - I'm pleased for you! :D

I am a bit staggered that WHO regard this as a mental health issue rather than something more benign, but I suppose they have to cater for those who suffer very severe GID and require serious counselling or medical intervention to assist in transitioning to a state where their internal gender is not at odds with one's physical gender.

Mind you, I've always felt like a bit of a loony, so it's probably not far from the truth for some of us... ;)

Katey x

[LexiMay]

Great news Sarah! 😃

[vanessalaw]

Congrats Sarah! A courageous step forward, I'm glad he was so accepting!

[AnnaMarie]

I've got to admit to being one of the lurkers on here and only now with seeing how accepted this is and how irrational my mind is about making up that people won't understand if I tell them, it's something day by day I'm now thinking I can do

[Nadya]

Thanks for sharing Sarah. It's really nice to hear how this works out as I'm planning on telling one of my friends very soon. My fiancé and my therapist are the only ones who know both sides of me. I'm hoping it goes just as well as your experience did. :)

[Pat]

I am a bit staggered that WHO regard this as a mental health issue rather than something more benign, but I suppose they have to cater for those who suffer very severe GID and require serious counselling or medical intervention to assist in transitioning to a state where their internal gender is not at odds with one's physical gender.


I'm not claiming to be up on WHO standards, but if they are similar to the DSM-5 standards, GID is not considered a mental illness but a condition that adversely affects the patient's happiness. It remains a diagnosis because if it was removed as one then people couldn't get medical insurance coverage for seeing counsellors etc. to find a way to cope.

[Sarah-RT]

Ryce I hope it goes well for you as well, it does lift a great weight off, regardless if the person who finds out ever gets involved. As I had said that I felt he knew, it turns out he had heard a rumor and said that whether the rumor was true or not it made no difference. Since we often go drinking together, or watch war films or watch a football match etc etc I felt he'd think I was a sissy or something but as I explained, Im still me, my interests remain the same, I just have some new ones too he didnt know about.

Anna Marie, I was like yourself, I joined the forums way back in my teens but only posted once or twice and then never returned for years while battling self acceptance and denial and everything else many of us have felt, but now that im back here its such a relief to be able to talk,share experiences and learn about things I had no clue about since Ive found that so many of us are so isolated due to no one wanting to be 'out'. There are probably many transgendered folk here in Ireland but since its all hidden away I only have these forums to share experiences with so I hope you can find the same freedom that posting here offers

Sarah x