What do I want?

[Dani0948]

One of the brilliant gg's on the site (I think it was Reine - but I can't find the thread) said something about Knowing what I want (related to cding). It really got me to thinking. I'm in the closet with my wife - although I did tell her before we got married (30 years ago), but then told her I would not dress and the subject never came up again. I didn't dress again until our daughter went off to college (2007). I picked up a pair of pantyhose while my wife was out of town and little by little built up a small wardrobe including makeup, forms and wig. I'm still going back and forth about revealing, but have decided to wait (I know - I know - bad idea). But in my case I believe that the ramifications will be the same whether I reveal or get caught.

In any event -
I would like to be able to dress whenever I want
I would like to get my ears pierced
I would like to get a mani/pedi
I would like grow my hair long
- but until she knows, that's not going to happen.

It's just barely possible that she does know and is not saying anything. I've been shaving my legs, arms, chest and underarms for the last year and she either hasn't noticed or just hasn't said anything.

[Dana44]

It pretty normal for men to shave all of those parts. They show that on a lot of their shaving commercials. Now telling her is a big thing. My girlfriend likes long hair so I was growing it anyways when I revealed it to her. Now in revealing it to her. I discussed it with her before showing any of my clothes or heels. I did not show them to her until it sunk in. Now that may take time and it does give you enough time to get her response. Be sure that if you do tell her. make sure that you communicate your love for her and how beautiful she is to you. Always point that out. You are right none of those will happen unless you do tell her and she approves. That may take time. Mine does want me to get my ears pierced. My hair is long and growing longer. When I have it down, I do look pretty fem. I would bring that conversation up about you not dressing again and the fact that you kept your promise. Then go from there.

[cheryl reeves]

when i finally got the point across to my wife in 01 it was during a fight. i had a beard at the time and my wife said you like make up you wear it,i looked like the bearded lady,lol,standing 6'1" and weighing 285 at the time,it was a scary sight..next day i shaved and she made me up and i didnt recognize myself,she freaked also for i look natural..im saving money so we can go out of the house for a couple of days so i can stay in cheryk mode the whole 2 days..im blessed to have a supportive wife who is also wonderful at transformations..

[Teresa]

Dani,
My wife didn't notice my shaved legs but she picked up on my chest, she just asked if I was getting any worse , not sure what she meant by that !
I'm not too bothered about pierced ears, after seeing the problems my wife and daughter had with that ! Can't see the point of a pedi as I have arthritis in my toes and my nails are continually broken because of the help I'm giving my son with his house extension ! No chance of my hair growing out !
So what do I want to openly dress and finally end the hiding and secrecy, the family all know so I hope it's only a matter of time !

[kimdl93]

It's important to have a starting point for a discussion, whether it begins as part of a plan or an accidental discovery. What you want...as listed...is helpful, of course. It's also important to have...in your list of wants...statements that are truthful and reassuring. But most importantly, any such conversation needs to provide an opportunity to for her to express her fears, her concerns and her wants. You already know that, which is why you've hidden or abstained from dressing for so many years.

[Kate T]

Ok. If you think she hasn't noticed shaved chest and underarms then I'm afraid you are just fooling yourself. I'm glad that you've decided exactly what is good for you and what you want. What I'm pretty annoyed about and what I suspect your wife would be annoyed about is that you've taken it on yourself to decide for her what she should or shouldn't know or feel. That is unfair and basically just chauvanistic. If you love her then it is simple, you tell her. It is then HER choice what she does.

[Dani0948]

I've never had much body hair, so it's probable she just hasn't noticed. If my hair gets a bit long between haircuts, she notices right away and comments. So if she does know - why the silence?

As I look at things now, it would be pretty selfish to reveal as I would of course be hoping for some level of acceptance. If I were to benefit at her expense, I would not be happy. She is the love of my life and has had a lot of health and emotional issues for the last couple years and I just don't want to add anything else.

[Alice B]

Number one is between you and your wife. The rest are things you can do. All are common and not related to dressing. Many men have pierced ears (had mine for 12 years before starting to dress). I see many men getting mani's and pedi's simply as a way to relax and feel better about themself. Growing your hair is a matter of your personal comfort. On issue number one maybe it is time to sit down with your wife and discuss your being able to dress, maybe a little at a time at first till she becomes comfortable with the idea. You have had a long and suscessful marriage. Sounds like it is strong.

[kimdl93]

Not knowing the nature of the emotional issues, I might suggest treading lightly for a while yet. You have to judge for yourself if she is healthy enough, emotionally speaking, to handle what is an inevitably stressful situation.

[Dani0948]

This thread has now become obsolete as I've been caught - See my other thread about what My Wife Found in the Dryer

[Beverley Sims]

Dani,
It is a continuing story that is becoming more interesting with every post.

[Jaylyn]

I've always personally thought honesty is the best policy but always do it with a sincere heart and do it with her knowing it will not replace your love for her. Slowly and gradual is my best shot at anything I' ever wanted wether buying a new hunting rifle, fishing pole and reel to my guitar and musical collections. Mine knew I loved cross dressing shortly after we met, but as I said I really didn't press it till several years after we were married. I also kind of went into it then slowly. She has never objected if she remains the first item in my life. I love her so really no problem with that anyway. I think all the gals that have answered here have some very good advice, but you know your wife better than we do.